yes beauty isn't everything but for goodness sake dont waste your life away over some loser

So what do I do about my things that I'm yet to get for me to move on? and he would not release them yet.

Desire,

that is what we have the police for here in the States. Just call them and have them meet you at his house to get your things.

assure him that getting your things from his place doesn't mean that you will be dumping him. If you can convince him enough then there won't be any trouble. It's a game and if you play along, you will definitely get what you want back from him.


i don't really agree with calling the police. it's not a rape case or something.


just my opinion

the police wont arrest him or nothing. they will just make him open the door and stay while she gathers her things.

I agree with  U k1banty, calling the police is out of it especially for some1 i ove or loved i meant  

@ sistawoman

Ill just leave that out cos i want to leave the relationship humbly n still hold my head high without a 3rd party.

Also pls dont forget to add me on ur yim.

i know it's a tough decision to make when it involve someone you love.


but

are you sure he loves you the way you do.

if yes then do what you think is the best for you.

i know you love him so it's out of it if you end the relationship w/o getting your things back.

Desiree1:

@ sistawoman

Ill just leave that out because i want to leave the relationship humbly n still hold my head high without a 3rd party.

Also please don't forget to add me on your yim.

I will as soon as i get home. We will talk about other ways to get your things back w/o a third party.

@ k1banty

u r right, i guess ill just leave that to time U know. yeah he does love me but im yet to know why all these happened.

@Poster please leave this guy he has humiliated you enough

@ rubi

sigh, humiliation would even be an understatement

Desiree1:

@ rubi

sigh, humiliation would even be an understatement

Anyman who knew your friends and still went ahead to date her is nothing to write home about his excuses will never end he only comes to you when he can't find his way If I were you I will forget him after I must have packed my thing and it depends on the value of your things that are in his house. If it is something you can let go just let it go going there he might manipulate and win you back still continue to give you emotional trauma

Few things:
You are 21.
This is your first relationship.
The question is, even if he's sure about you (which for all you've said, he isnt), are you? (sure about him i mean).
Follow up to the question above: How can you be sure if this is your first serious relationship?
If he is 35 (let me spell this again THIRTY FIVE!) and is still acting like a guy in his 20's (financially and emotionally unstable) then you need to face the pain n spare urself anymore trouble and move on. Because all that i see on this road with this chap is trouble and more pain.
Rule of thumb, find someone in your age range (same age or max 3 years older).
You're 21 and attractive, this should not be a problem. There are plenty respectable guys out there, you should be the one pickin n chosen, not this loser dude.

hope this helps.

Find the courage to follow your heart. Make him understand how u feel. Quite sure he 'll apologiz for mking u feel the way u do. But if he doesn't, ? However, love is all abt happiness. if u ain't happy being with him anymore, pls do no deceive urself, walk.

Basically, i don't advice pple to walk out of their rlationship at the slightest , ? cos if u cultivate the habit of walking all the time without learning to 4give, u end up dating so many within a very short time without even knowing it. Women are builders, hence should learn to mk amend till the rlationship is roofed.

Stay and support the one u love.

@Poster

You are still quite young.i would advise you to move on,i know it's not going to be an easy for you to.This guy seems very unserious,he just wants to eat his cake and have it thats why his holding on to your things.Try to hang out with friends to get your mind off him,pls remember there are many fishes in the atlantic ocean!!!!

@ kenayi

i love ur answer but the more u tend to forgive, more u r taken 4 granted. Why is that we know that love us are those we tend to hurt to the most. i am happy with him but im not happy with what has happened.

@ bettes

yeah i meet a lot of people i mean guys but this thing we call the heart.hmm, is really tough. ill just leave everything to time.

Thank y'all for 4 ur love n support, i really appreciate it. this really showed how hurt i was that i decided to come online for help. 1 luv.

my dear girl,u are too beautiful to be treated this way by that so called man who thiks he is getting any younger.listen he will not change,so i advise you to move on with with your life.it wont be easy,but you have to try very hard.he dosnt deserve you.his age dosnt count because maturity is a thing of the mind,and that he dosent have.you will get your own man at the right time.dont join forces with the other girl.she can go for her revenge alone.

Babe,move on with ur life. Heartbreak don't last forever. Try to do things that would make u 4get about that loser. I know he's going to come back begging. It might not be now,it could be a year from now. But don't do the mistake of letting him in again.it could be bad news. Even if he makes empty threats. I tell ya, some guys are mad when it comes to that. Forget about the fact that he was the one who defiled u,break that bond.

If at his age,he is still misbehaving. Hmm,i wonder what he would do if u ever accept his proposal.
Above all,Use ur head and save ur heart!

my dear,they've said it all, if only u will move on wit ur life and get engaged wit things that makes u happy,wen u start meeting people u find out that u've been with the wrong person.life doesnot have duplicate o!.

life is more fun when u have God in ur life.He will always be there to direct u thru the right way.


i was once in this mess, but now am happier.

U r right guys just that it's hard but yeah i know time would heal this and God isn't asleep.

God has already answered ur prayers, he provided me u will be consoled and i will get u back on ur feet.

Desiree1:

You r right guys just that it's hard but yeah i know time would heal this and God isn't asleep.

as for ur things, please and please, dont go to his place alone, he may rape u, and considering the high violence in alot of nigerian relationships in the usa, a 911 call is of great necessity. call the cops, let them exhort u his place, pick your things (by the way, what are these ur things that are so precious to u? how much r they worth? ) and they will safely take u back to ur place.

i am still shocked to sky heavens to hear that an idiot of a guy will treat a beauty like u this way, wow we guys need deliverance ooooo. no wonder most nairaland girls hate naija bois so much, i was wondering what their problem was anywhoo, guys hearts have been broken many times by naija girls, so has the girls heart be broken by naija bois but the great lesson here is, dont wait for him to do it twice. he fooled u once, shame on him, if he fools u twice, it is be shame on u.

wanted to do it in a humble and more matured way so that the guilt would kill him more, well ive got some documents, jackets u know during the winter, n 2 boxes with ma clothes so it's hard to let go but ive decided not to call him, if he thinks he still has me by holding on to my things well, i dont even know.

lmao, how would u get me back on my feet?

the only thing important so far are the documents. so what kinda documents are we talkin about? hope they are not ur papers (visa and all) if this is true, go call the cops ASAP!

Desiree1:

wanted to do it in a humble and more matured way so that the guilt would kill him more, well ive got some documents, jackets u know during the winter, n 2 boxes with ma clothes so it's hard to let go but ive decided not to call him, if he thinks he still has me by holding on to my things well, i don't even know.

as for me getting u back on ur feet, that is my secret weapon, i will tell u later off this board so that other guys wont have it to use it on other girls

Desiree1:


lmao, how would u get me back on my feet?

i just think the best thing is to sit back n wait, when he is ready he would or after sometime maybe close 2 winter then ill just take the next step.

ya think? procastination is thief of time remember that.

Desiree1:

i just think the best thing is to sit back n wait, when he is ready he would or after sometime maybe close 2 winter then ill just take the next step.

What's up desiree1? I have read through your issue and the responses you got. Your issue is not a big deal. My conclusion is that you haven't felt dumped before and love is dragging you back meaning that you are slow to act. You have to learn to act fast, I am sure you are a strong lady is just that love is giving you a sour medication. You must learn that because you are a lady some guys will think that you are weak and by you dragging your self back proves that.

There are some ladies who will immediately call the cops and pick up all their things that belong to them from his house. If you are breaking up with him going their alone or waiting for him to respond is dumb. Police are there to do their job, and the service is free paid by tax payers. Unless you borrowed those things then you don't need it back. But if you bought it with your own money, you have not right to just sit back and let him leave in peace. I hope you are not the kind of person that expect people to do things for you. You have to wake up and know this is your world and you have to make things happen and not wait for some one to act before you act.

That lady you called your friend, the one that told you about your ex. that lady is not your friend. You need to end your relationship with her. She may have been the one that put you in this situation, actually you put yourself in your state. I noticed that some single ladies are always snatching other ladies men, normally the so called friend. You need to be a strong Black lady which I know you are. Put your mind on something, watch movies, read a new novel, do something but end any emotional, thoughts, contact with your ex. there are guys out there that will treat you like a queen. Leave mr. nobody alone.

Peace.

@Desiree 1
cud u pls kindly ans dis quests, i got them all from ur story:
why shud u liv wit a man for 6monts?
As soon as u left, he changed & when u cam bak he reconcilled w / o any reason?
After a while things b / cm nomal but begin to distance himself from u yet w / o any reason?
d girl & ha stories hw they had sex?
u cal & told him but he defended himself, if man shud do such, do u expect him to disclose (note i didn't say he did) esp. 2d d person he claims to love?
whose affection is much more yours or his?
u also said u are so hurt yet u love & pity him?
he hurts u doesn't care yet u care for him?
pls don't be ofended wit all thes quests, i just want to know so as to know what to advis u to do.

@outlaws
thats what i would do though it would be hard, as 4 my so called friend, she thinks she is one though she helped in disclosing what i didn't know of, she also helped in destroying her friendship with me.