I know this goes in the family section but not alot of folks visit there so i posted in Romance and will put in culture as well.

I am just curious as to how multi-wife families operate.

Does the sr. wife pick the jr wife/wives?
How does the Sr. wife act toward the Jr. wife?
What if the Jr. wife is younger more beautiful?
Who sleeps with the husband?
What are the pros and cons of such an arrangement?
What are the job descriptions/duties for each wife?
What is the husband expected to do?

Do you know anyone or are you I a multi-wife marriage?
How is life with two women living in the same household?


Anything else you think to add that I have not asked.

Multi wife family is common in Nigeria. Muslims are allowed to marry up to four wives, while some christians tend to marry more than one wife too. Though a man who claim to be a christian cant definitely do a church wedding with them all (his wives), but they may opt for a traditional marriage. In some cases, there is fierce rivalry among the wives and they tend to do whatever it takes to get the favour of their husband and also be in his good books. It is expected that the younger wives gives the senior wife her due respect. In some cases too, the senior wife will even be the one to pick a younger wife for the husband. Well, i guess it suit some while it doesnt suit others. Some men also tend to impregnate a mistress and she might end up being one of his wives. It happens in other partS of Africa too, but i dont definitely support it.

darkgoddes:

Multi wife family is common in Nigeria. Muslims are allowed to marry up to four wives, while some christians tend to marry more than one wife too. Though a man who claim to be a christian can't definitely do a church wedding with them all (his wives), but they may opt for a traditional marriage. In some cases, there is fierce rivalry among the wives and they tend to do whatever it takes to get the favour of their husband and also be in his good books. It is expected that the younger wives gives the senior wife her due respect. In some cases too, the senior wife will even be the one to pick a younger wife for the husband. Well, i guess it suit some while it doesnt suit others. Some men also tend to impregnate a mistress and she might end up being one of his wives. It happens in other partS of Africa too, but i don't definitely support it.

Thanks for answering me, I have a few follow up questions:

gives the senior wife her due respect

What really does that mean?


Who sleeps with the husband?


Is it common practice for the husband to just bring home the jr. wife and introduce her to the sr. wife with no notice?


When the husband dies does the wife he is legally married to get his inhearitance or does it pass to the sr. wife even if they are longer legally married.

Polygamy should be made illegal in Nigeria, I swear to God. I hate that shit.

Giving the senior wife her due respect simply means respecting her cos she happens to be the senior wife or because she is older than the other wives. It is common practise for these men (husband) to go for a younger woman as a second, third or fourth wife.

All the wives sleeps with the husband, but they tend to do it in turns. Like a kind of rota basis. BULLSHIT!

Some men will let his family members knows that he had impregnated his mistress/girlfriend, and if he intends to marry her, he will plead with his family or with a respectable man in his family to break the news to his wife, and the fools too will now call the woman (wife) to a meeting. They could start by praising and praying for her b4 dropping the bombshell. They will then plead with her to forgive her hubby. To them, it is expected that the wife can get angry, show her frustration and annoyance, scream and tear at the husband but to finally accept the situation all in the name of respecting the family head or whoever broke the news to her. In some cases too, the man will just let the wife know he intends to marry another woman just like that ( how callous). Also, it could even be the senior wife that will tell the husband that he saw a well mannered lady whom she will want the husband to marry (she is just trying to choose someone that will be a second wife to her husband and who will also respect her too. ANOTHER BULLSHIT!

To your final question, when the husband dies, all the wives, and kids including family members will start fighting over his properties. Some will even go as far as attacking each other spiritually (voodoo).

Multi- wife? wdf?

AS a traditional man and some one who studied well my culture, the issue of multi-wife came to existence this way.
We say in the olden days when male child is valued more than a female (i.e. if a woman bears 10 female children without a male issue) the family will summoned the couples to rethink over their family continuation, ten the idea of getting another wife to produce male child will come in. Men who have love(fake love) over their wife will ask the first wife to introduce her friend or sister for marriage.
Another occasion is if the man is a chief or king he will be forced even out of his will to take a second, third, fourth, even more wives to crown his throne. My grandfather was a warrant chief during colonial masters regime, So he moves with 7wives and 6 mistress which bears children for him, that's why my father never gotten much out of his will.

Thirdly, if a man is a warrior, wrestler, or a wealthy businessman(Farmer). In the cases of wrestlers and warriors they're been compersate with a young beautiful lady anytime they defeated there opponent in a foreign land without in regard that he's married before. Sometimes women ran to them for sexual satisfaction which leads sometimes to pregnancy them marriage.

Lastly, the most stupid and selfish among are the businessmen and farmers who for their selfish interest is to intimidate others. Nowadays richmen used cars villas mansions factories and travelling to show how wealthy they're but before they stupidly show it off by marrying so many wives.
Today the amount as I see it has reduced to 60%

In sleeping with the wives they have roll calls. which being manipulated by the young and most beautiful or even the one who know how to play love in bed get most of the time to spend with him than others. 40% that do practice it are mostly Muslims and some well conservative men in the village including chiefs and kings.

In respect The first still have the most respect and no 2 ways about it because when the man is not around she serves as the head.

Living together, Israelis and Alsatians are living more peacefully.


I can't write much am working now.

Thanks so much for all the answers, but still i have more questions and hope to God i am not pissing anyone off.

In respect The first still have the most respect and no 2 ways about it because when the man is not around she serves as the head.

Does this mean she gets to boss the jr wife?

What exactly are the roles of the wives? For instance I read someplace that the jr wife cooks and cleans and the sr wife works, whereas someplace else i read the reverse.

I would love to hear from a woman in a marriage like this or a man in one as well.

How does the man view the different wives?

What if the jr wife never bears any children for the husband? Do they dismiss her? Does she not have any rights?

In Nigeria can a man send his wife packing for no reason at all?

Can the Sr. wife send the jr. wife packing?

Is there abuse among the women in these types of marriages?

Once the man takes a second wife how soon before he takes a third? or fourth?

Who monitors that he can provide for all of his wives?

Can the sr. wife object to the husband taking a jr wife or is she stuck with the decison?

Does this mean she gets to boss the jr wife?

Yes she do give other and direct things how it'll be sometimes the husband seeks more advices from ad she always bear the king's wife Tittle (LOLO in Igboland)

What exactly are the roles of the wives?  For instance I read someplace that the jr wife cooks and cleans and the sr wife works, whereas someplace else i read the reverse.

Cooking is done individually they don't eat together, only they create timetable for who to cook and sleep with the husband.

I would love to hear from a woman in a marriage like this or a man in one as well.

I'm afraid you won't find any here, cause in this modern age and 90% of Nairaland member are still under40yrs. this happens from 40 and above.

How does the man view the different wives?

question not cleared.

What if the jr wife never bears any children for the husband?  Do they dismiss her?  Does she not have any rights? 

She has a limited right and faces humiliation.

In Nigeria can a man send his wife packing for no reason at all?

It happens till tomorrow.

Can the Sr. wife send the jr. wife packing?

Yes with a good reason and the more old she becomes in the family the more power she acquire too.

Is there abuse among the women in these types of marriages?

what abuse? sexual or physical? sexually no but in the contrary they seem to flirt more.

Once the man takes a second wife how soon before he takes a third? or fourth?

As soon as another one shows up.

Who monitors that he can provide for all of his wives?

Only God and himself.

Can the sr. wife object to the husband taking a jr wife or is she stuck with the decision?

She do object but her objection seems to be considered as either being jealousy or stupid even might cause her her matrimonial rights.

what abuse? sexual or physical? sexually no but in the contrary they seem to flirt more

what about physical abuse from the sr wife to the jr wife or reverse? and who do they flirt with?

Cooking is done individually they don't eat together, only they create timetable for who to cook and sleep with the husband.

Who sets the timetable for sleeping with and cooking for the husband? Is this done by the husband or the sr. wife?


What happens if the husband comes home to find them fighting and it is the sr. wife jumping on the jr. wife out of jealousy? will the sr. wife be reprimanded or sent packing? How are disputes handled?

Is there alot of jealousy or does the sr. wife and jr. wife understand their roles?

And if i understand this correctly the jr. wife really has no say so in the marriage or what happens to her, she answers to both the husband and the sr. wife?

what about physical abuse from the sr wife to the jr wife or reverse? and who do they flirt with?

They normally fights, they flirt with young boys in the town who takes the advantages of the man's unable to service the wives engine regularly.

What happens if the husband comes home to find them fighting and it is the sr. wife jumping on the jr. wife out of jealousy? will the sr. wife be reprimanded or sent packing? How are disputes handled?

Under no circumstance cause the society will plead for her forgiveness and on a rear occasion does she engage in a fight cause some jr once do give her some respect and she knows her roles as the second in comand.

Is there alot of jealousy or does the sr. wife and jr. wife understand their roles?

There are roles but sometimes being manipulated by the most sexy and fraudlent wife among them, sometimes the sr. will not get her turn to sleep with the husband since her engine is considered old and worn-out. so she tend to compasate with her authority in the family.

And if i understand this correctly the jr. wife really has no say so in the marriage or what happens to her, she answers to both the husband and the sr. wife?

If she's unable to use her sexual powers and gossipping to win her husband 's heart, she's gone. and in that case she needs only endurance and tolerant to keep life going.

Are you planning to marry as a second wife? Why not get yourself a plane ticket to Nigeria and spend 2 weeks with a polygamous family or is it multi-wife family for the lectures?

Sistawoman, I am scared for you. I can't speak as knowledgeably as I would like to, because I have never witnessed the situation firsthand, and everything I know about this situation, I learned from Nigerian movies . I will say, PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL. I wish we could chat outside of this site. If you are considering this, I think you should visit Nigeria with the man and see how his behavior is. I am visiting Nigeria in June myself for business. I just feel when people are on their home turf, factors beyond our control influence their actions (family, friends, religious beliefs, customs, etc.). You are asking the right questions, so I know you are thinking about the pros and cons. Good luck, sis.

In the old days, with unmechanized farming being the main occupation, a larger family was desirable as it equated to larger labor force. Thus men married more wives, so as to have more sons who could work on the farm. As a consequence, the size of ones family was seen as a measure of wealth, and thus even people who were not primarily into farming (royalty, hunters, warlords etc) acquired wives to the extent they felt befitted their status. The often overlooked aspect of this arrangement was that it hid, and possibly encouraged, the promiscuous desire of men.

The family would live in the same compound/house, with the man and each wive (and their kids) having a separate sleeping quarters. The setup for feeding is often ad hoc, with the wives taking turns in cooking for the man, and often each wife cooks for her own children, but in certain cases you can have communal feeding. Sex is often on rotational basis, with the existence of wild card days, the man have veto powers.

The choice of who to marry rested solely with the man, though, depending on his relationship with his first wife, he could solicit her opinion on it. Most often the first wife is the closest to the man in matters confidence as she has the longest history with man (often knowing details of his small beginnings). The youngest wife is usually the choice wife, as she is often younger and more active sexually. Unfortunately her authority is only slightly above that of a mistress, unless she enacts them via the man.

The hierarchy in authority of  the wives is similar to what you would have between student of different years in high school, with the authority not being premised on year of entry into the school. In the absence of the man or any of the wives, the oldest wife present assumes full authority.

At death, the responsibility of the man falls on his first son, and if he is too young, on a senior member of his extended family. In the latter case, the wives are often ceremonially remarried to his sibling, so as to have some be responsible for their needs.

Coming to present times in Nigeria, multi-wives arrangement are more commonly a result of greed or poor judgment on the part of the man. Islam formally accepts polygamy, while quite a number of christian denominations (like the Anglican church) are passively complicit.

To manage the conflicts that often arise from the arrangement, the women are usually habituated in different locations (though I think cohabitation is still prevalent among the Muslims).

At death, the man hopefully has a legal will that can be upheld, otherwise a variation of the earlier stated arrangement would apply. Nevertheless, the situation will often degenerate into intense struggles like a pack of hyena fighting over a carcass.

As time progressed, the cons of a polygamous arrangement have come to outweigh the pros heavily. In the blue corner, outside of satisfying the sexual curiosity of the man, and the possible resolution of lack of children of a specific gender, there is little one can say in favor of the arrangement.  On the other side, in the red corner, one has the numerous problem that arise from the jealousy and competition for limited resource.