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He Does Not Want To Grow Up: - Family - Nairaland

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He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 1:18pm On Sep 23, 2008
I'm beginning to think my 13month old son has started having regrets about walking!

When he was crawling, he only had to go a few meters before he'll be picked up and carried thru the end of his journey, and he never really wanted to be carried then. But now, he feels he's being ignored cos he can walk , so now he wants to be carried ALL the time. Unfortunately we live in a society where getting a permanent babysitter for him at home will require us getting additonal jobs.

His cries are deafening so we eventually end up giving in so some neighbour wont dial 911.

How do i deal with this , send him back to Oshogbo?

1 Like

Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by opuro(m): 1:22pm On Sep 23, 2008
if you like send him to ogbomosho
na your toro
when you are not ready to have kid, who send you?
oya now, send him to motherless babies home
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by English1(f): 1:27pm On Sep 23, 2008
lol. Some babies are just lazy like that. In a year's time you'll wish he'd stop running around, sit down, and give you some peace! grin
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 1:57pm On Sep 23, 2008
Yup, he's already started running around and causing trouble , only at times it shows on his face that maybe walking aint such a good thing afterall. I know he'll get over it, whenever.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by KarmaMod(f): 2:06pm On Sep 23, 2008
Give him a pacifer.

also interchange between carrying and letting him walk himself. Carry abit and they move far away from him and encourage him to walk/run towards you, keep doing this frequently and lessening the time you carry him.


If you were in the UK, you acn do what the Nigerians there do. Carry their kids in strollers/carriages til they're 15 years old grin
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by rubi(f): 2:21pm On Sep 23, 2008
Kids are like that just be patient with the baby but don't give in to carrying him since he can has started walking especially around the house but when going outside use stroller babies can manipulate their parents and you are not going to be with him 24/7 so the earlier he gets use to being on his own a little bit the better for him the babysitter might have the same patient you have for your baby. Concerning his cries don't worry too much about that one. A crying child is a healthy child
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 4:17pm On Sep 23, 2008
We're trying to stop the almighty pacifier so he doesnt keep sucking on it till he's 15yrs old lol

, funny about the 15yr old / stoller issue in the U.K , I hope ur joking right? cos that is child abuse o , plus tacky too.

Believe me, I dont worry about his cries, I only get headaches , cos those screams cant bring down the wall of Jericho!
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by plappville(f): 5:03pm On Sep 23, 2008
Is he ur first child? bear it in mind that bringing up a child is one of the hardest job so far, That is why baby sitting a job.
Caring for a child is hard and one need to be tolerant . I can understand how u feel but i advice u to be patient, u can let him cry for about 10-15mins after then u pick him up and let him know why u cannot carry him all the time, kids are very brany they understand when mum is not happy with them. I don't advice u for a percifer because it will be an other problem to stop it in the future, good luck!!)
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by mohawkchic(f): 7:39pm On Sep 23, 2008
~You  only have to watch "Nanny 991","The Nanny" to see the true extent our kids get their way IF we encourage it!!

~As long as you know nuffin is wrong w/ your son,My best advise will be try to reassure him instead of picking up everytime he cries and doesnt want to walk,it will be disstressing to watch him cry,wail  . . . but if you keep up w/ that routine,you'll see the difference . . . for every time you reassure him to walk towards you for instant when he doesnt want to walk,you're breakinig out o f his way of getting you to carry him!!You have to be persistent but its usually understandable if you give in!!

~Try a new strategy every week to see what helps . . . examples will be

*Giving more attention to your child
*Quality time and engaging activities
*Reward his efforts with Praises



~Have you spoken to your health visitor about this?
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by sistawoman: 8:28pm On Sep 23, 2008
Let him cry. Crying is his way to get u to cater to him.

Trust me the training has started the question that remains to be answered is who is being trained, you or him.

I dont care who the neighbors call when they come they will find a well fed baby that is taken care of but wants his way.

Put on some headphones, turn up the music, walk away (just be sure he cant hurt himself). When he gets done crying he will fall asleep. When he wakes he will cry again and go back to sleep. At some point he will notice that his cries do nothing and that he should stop making himself sleepy.

Let me tell you i raised 3 children this way and i have the most respectful children in the world.

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Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by ikamefa(f): 9:48pm On Sep 23, 2008
sistawoman:

Let him cry. Crying is his way to get u to cater to him.

Trust me the training has started the question that remains to be answered is who is being trained, you or him.

I don't care who the neighbors call when they come they will find a well fed baby that is taken care of but wants his way.

Put on some headphones, turn up the music, walk away (just be sure he can't hurt himself). When he gets done crying he will fall asleep. When he wakes he will cry again and go back to sleep. At some point he will notice that his cries do nothing and that he should stop making himself sleepy.


gbam! cheesy
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by KarmaMod(f): 9:57pm On Sep 23, 2008
kokoye:

funny about the 15yr old / stoller issue in the UK , I hope ur joking right? because that is child abuse o , plus tacky too.

unfortunately it's not a joke undecided
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by sistawoman: 10:12pm On Sep 23, 2008
plappville:

u can let him cry for about 10-15mins after then u pick him up and let him know why u cannot carry him all the time,

Picking him up after 10-15 mins just says that all he has to do is get on mommies nerves for 15 mins and she will give him what he wants.

Please, these are the children you see in the store having a fit cuz mommy wont buy them a toy. Makes me wanna slap the mommy for not training that child right from infency.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by Outstrip(f): 2:50am On Sep 24, 2008
If your child wants to be held then hold him. He is a baby for Christ's sake. In NIgeria, you see women carry their babies on their back all day long. While they cook, pound yam, clean the house and those children are well adjusted. Research has shown that if you ignore them they will end up being more emotionally needy. This is just normal. Hold that child. If he was sixteen years old I would say slap his head but this is a baby we are talking about.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by Nobody: 2:57am On Sep 24, 2008
i agreed with sistawoman for once! grin
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by Nobody: 3:02am On Sep 24, 2008
*modified
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by dyabman(m): 4:07am On Sep 24, 2008
some babies are just wack and born to punish their parents?

wetin u do ur mama sef when u dey small?
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by ifyalways(f): 4:22am On Sep 24, 2008
Outstrip:

If your child wants to be held then hold him. He is a baby for Christ's sake. In NIgeria, you see women carry their babies on their back all day long. While they cook, pound yam, clean the house and those children are well adjusted. Research has shown that if you ignore them they will end up being more emotionally needy. This is just normal. Hold that child. If he was sixteen years old I would say slap his head but this is a baby we are talking about.
kiss kiss
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by rubi(f): 3:10pm On Sep 24, 2008
Outstrip:

If your child wants to be held then hold him. He is a baby for Christ's sake. In NIgeria, you see women carry their babies on their back all day long. While they cook, pound yam, clean the house and those children are well adjusted. Research has shown that if you ignore them they will end up being more emotionally needy. This is just normal. Hold that child. If he was sixteen years old I would say slap his head but this is a baby we are talking about.

I gatt what you are trying to explain but you see in America it does not work like that. In Nigeria most families have maid and neighbors that helps them out in house chores so there is more time to spend on the baby but here no maid, no family member, no neighbor to ask you may I help you? I don't think it is the intension of any parents/mum to ignore the child to cry like that a woman is trying to catch up with sleep go to work take care of the baby before dropping the baby at the day care center or before the babysitter comes you see if it becomes a habit the parents is going to be frustrated at the end of the day. In a nutshell if a baby is conditioned in a certain way that is the way that child will follow.

@Poster you can buy rocking bouncer that has music and put him/her there this one will help too before you know it the child is asleep
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by rampagain: 3:12pm On Sep 24, 2008
sm kids r just naturally lazy grin grin grin grin grin
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 4:29pm On Sep 24, 2008
well, thanks for all your comments,

he is beyond the rocking chair stage now, he'll get out of it in a heartbeat. , there was a time i used to put him in his car seat and place him on a running washer and he'll fall asleep that way, too grown for all that now.

he also does not like feeling restricted so you cannot 'back' him like we do in naija, he's going to 15months anyway, and pretty strong too.

Yea, we ignore his cries as long as weve made sure all else is well,

I think it's just a phase, he cries for a while if he does not have his way then stops crying once he sees a distraction , or when i place him in front of a mirror!! (i guess he cant stand to see his own crying face, lol) , or I play him fresh prince's theme song, then he stops crying and starts dancing! , so yea, there are ways you notice to deal with them.

I'm sure he'll grow out of it , as long as we do not encourage it , those legs are for walking!!

thanks again for all ur comments.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by KarmaMod(f): 4:58pm On Sep 24, 2008
or when i place him in front of a mirror!! (i guess he can't stand to see his own crying face, lol)

That's hilarious grin

Wanna commend you on helping your wife out, kola cos you know some people believe it's just the mother's job.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 5:22pm On Sep 24, 2008
well, he's my child too you know, and I love him dearly. , even noticed he can be too strong for his mother to handle at times.

Come to think of it, we had some visitors from naija a few months back and the guy could not believe I was giving my son a bath - he looked at me like 'you're not supposed to be doing that!' I knew what he was thinking and told him this aint naija we're you have 3 housemaids - one to carry bags, another to wait after the wife, and the last to take care of the child. Then he said that was the main reason he could not leave outside of Nigeria, spoilt brats!

If you cant take care of ur own child, I wonder who will, , then we complain about the child not caring for us when we grew up, forgetting we handed over our responsibilites to the maids years ago.

I understand Nigeria is a crazy place (the man is out of the house almost all day looking for money) but we should use every available opportunity to show our children love. , so they can grow up in love.

1 Like

Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by mohawkchic(f): 6:03pm On Sep 24, 2008
we should use every available opportunity to show our children love. , so they can grow up in love.


~I Agree Wholeheartedly!!~
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by rampagain: 10:46pm On Sep 24, 2008
kokoye:


I think it's just a phase, he cries for a while if he does not have his way then stops crying once he sees a distraction , or when i place him in front of a mirror!! (i guess he can't stand to see his own crying face, lol) , or I play him fresh prince's theme song, then he stops crying and starts dancing! , so yea, there are ways you notice to deal with them.






my gawddddd poster,u child is a case grin grin grin

very funny baby
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by Outstrip(f): 2:56am On Sep 25, 2008
Rubi I know it's not easy to raise children in the US. I am not saying she should carry him all the time with her. I know of a lady who carries her child in a carrier all day that the carrier has left permanent embeded marks on her shoulders and this child is three. Nobody wants that situation. I am actually encouraging the poster who I am sure is a good mother to try to understand that children are parasites (my mother actually said this to me LOL). At thirteen months if oga wants to be carried, carry him. Trust me, I will not encourage any mother to let her child drive her crazy. I feel her pain but she should just indulge him for now.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by Nobody: 4:24am On Sep 25, 2008
wow, this is tough.
Baby feel ignored easily.
When am working, if my baby cousin thinks he's being ignored, he comes to me and tap me. If no response, he does something troublesome that'll get him attention.
What I usually do is use my index and middle finger together to spank his hand and point to what he did wrong. Then I tell him, no no. Basically, babies want to see reactions. They want to differentiate reactions: mad, happy,etc
If he cries, I pet him and gives him a peck on his cheeks, that keeps him quiet for a while. That little action lets him know that you care and you love him. He feels less ignored.

I don't know if this will work for your baby, but usually, I sing to my cuzin. I think, it creates bonding connection. He'll feel less ignored.

I'm not sure if this will work, but try taking him to the park or somewhere he has to walk. Let him run around and play.
Does he have a walking chair with toys on it that the boy can play with?
That's what we used. My cousin lovesssss walking, he started walking before the regular age.
When you walk around the house, acknowledge your baby. Let him know you know he's there. Kiss his hand, hug him, say something, smile at him, anything1 Anything that lets him know you didn't forget about him. Babies need and want attention. Eventually, he'll start imitating you. If you walk around the house more often, he'll learn to do the same.

A happy baby is such a wonderful thing. Of course, they're grouchy and tends to cry a lot.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 1:35pm On Sep 25, 2008
@ Outstrip.

The poster is a man o. , but thinking I'm a woman in this kinda situation is a compliment, , thanks! wink
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 1:47pm On Sep 25, 2008
Ruby_Pearl:


I'm not sure if this will work, but try taking him to the park or somewhere he has to walk. Let him run around and play.
Does he have a walking chair with toys on it that the boy can play with?


Well, I cannot afford to let him run around outdoors just yet, because he's not gotten that complete balance (or he's always in such a hurry he trips a lot) , when my son sees me with a cup o' juice, he comes running and has to stop right in front of me, he does that chief eleyinmi move(in village headmaster) where he tries to catch his balance by reversing a li'l bit and then falls (always soooo funny to watch). So yea, he can't run around in a park just yet.

, and he's the first grandchild on both sides so yea, he has all the toys in the world, but he ignores those toys and only wants to play with the things we the parents really use (real cellphones, remote controls, ).

I recently caught him stirring the water in the toilet bowl with one of the remote controls  , I wanted to get real mad but then i remembered I must have done worse things when i was his age.

, the joys of parenthood.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by kokoye(m): 1:54pm On Sep 25, 2008
dyabman:

some babies are just wack and born to punish their parents?

wetin You do ur mama sef when You dey small?

My guy I try no be small.

  I remember locking myself up in the room when i was 2yrs old, plugged a ring boiler and watched the thing turn red till it started burning the curtains, then there was this other time I went to the trash bin and swallowed some expired Vitamin C pills (remember those sweet orange pills from way back?)

, to mention just a few. abi?

that's why I look at my son now at times and just smile.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by shezy(f): 3:39pm On Sep 25, 2008
with dis discussions,i feel like having a baby.
Re: He Does Not Want To Grow Up: by sistawoman: 3:57pm On Sep 25, 2008
kokoye:

the joys of parenthood.


I could not agree more. Children are Gods greatest gift to us and are the absolute best. No matter what they do you cant really stay mad at them.

Despite all the crying, begging, pleading, yelling and fussing we do with/for our children I would not trade not one single moment.

Wait until the fruits of your labor start to pay off.

I have been walking around for the past two days with my chest stuck all the way out and my heart swollen with pride. I attended back to school night for my eldest son and all 6 of his teachers had nothing but praises for him. he is the most respectful child, brilliant, funny, pleasant dispostion on and on and on. My hard work, discipline and long nights on my knees in prayer are paying off.

Words cant describe how proud I am that he is my son.

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