I am married to a Yoruba man from Nigeria  for the past four years. I am a Welsh woman from Wales and I am 23 years old. My husband is 6 years older than me. We got married in Lagos in 2004. We have one son who will be 4 soon. In the past few months my husband has changed, he wants to go back to Nigeria in 2 years time but without me. So he has started seeing a woman , a yoruba woman. He said because I am white I can never live in Nigeria and that really hurts me. I live for my husband and my son. I would do  anything for my husband , but he says because  I am white I can never be a Yoruba woman. But he has only known this woman for 5 Months and I am worried about him. I may be a white woman , not Yoruba, but I love my husband and I would literally do anything for him. Does race really matter that my husband has dumped my son and I for someone he barely knows. Is it really that important? I have been to Nigeria twice and I love it. My in laws call me all the time to tell me that I am the only wife they recognize and that they love me. Please I need some advice from Nigerians' because I just don't understand.

you married a selfish idiot.

Hmmmmmmm, In my opinion the best thing you could do is to file for divorce and move on.
He already started seeing another woman and he`s taking an advantage of you. He obviously does not love nor respect you.
You don`t deserved to be treated like that. I
seriously wonder why this guy moved abroad and married & had a child with a foreigner ( perhaps for papers )

Good luck!

divorce him before he begins his own mess. don't forget to make sure you get everything you can (finance for your kid)
don't weep over a sour milk. keep your head up some men are like that.

Almost the same had happened with me
I am black, in my case the point is I am not Igbo   I am Brazilian and the family didnt accept me.
Nigerian women are better than us because N reasons in their parents mind.
Give up !
This culture is too strong and you cant broken the rules, we will never will behave as nigerian women behave.
I just dont understand why he got married and make a son with you. Are you american ? if you say yes, I ll guess is because greencard.

No I am Welsh, But I just can't eat, sleep, anything. His family still supports me especially his brother(a born again christian) I said to my husband tonight if he needs anything just call me. I am trying to be civil, but he just hung up on  me. I am dying here. I just want to waste into nothing. Please whats going on?? I want my husband back! I don't want anyone else.

I don't understand his level of selfishness, but I hope he comes to his senses soon. If your story is true then you and your son certainly don't deserve this. Thank God for your in laws, atleast they are on your side. Whether you want to move on or stick by him is a choice only you can make but he doesn't seem to really love the two of you, so please don't wait in vain.

Please whats going on?? I want my husband back! I don't want anyone else.

Aww. So nice. Yeah, you married a selfish asshole. What a pity. What a great pity.

sister move on .

@POSTER

there's no smoke without fire,u'v told us the version of ur tale,now tell us his,what did u do or have u done that made him go mad,i understand that this guy is mad,am sure there's a reason 4 his action.have you's been having problem?

euromilion:

@POSTER

there's no smoke without fire,u'v told us the version of ur tale,now tell us his,what did u do or have u done that made him go mad,i understand that this guy is mad,am sure there's a reason 4 his action.have you's been having problem?

maybe he want more kids nigerian men are not ok with one .

.

Let me ask a few questions please;

Have you bothered to learn his language?

Do you cook his meals?

Is the home one that invites him in or is there arguing and fighting?

I know this is a few of the pet peeves my neighbor has had with his wife.

sistawoman:

Let me ask a few questions please;

Have you bothered to learn his language?

Do you cook his meals?

Is the home one that invites him in or is there arguing and fighting?

I know this is a few of the pet peeves my neighbor has had with his wife.

they should have hashed this out before marriage. dude is just looking for a cop out

ah ha, this is how the cookie crumbles. its gonna happen to me too. The difference is I am well prepared for it. I reckon he was engaged to this lady all along and was using you for papers. Thats the sad reality.

they always have to go home and find one of their own that will slave away for them and work all the hours god sent.

another ugly nigerian giving us all a bad name

funny how the good women always end up with idiots. too bad.
How many men would give an arm and a leg for a woman who will still stand up and love them despite their many foibles.

tara, better pick up the pieces and move on.

Sorry poster

.

The people to talk to are your in-laws since according to you 'you are the only wife they recognise'. They might be able to get through to your husband and make him see reason.

@Poster:

When being in love means being in pain, then you are loving TOO much. When you find yourself having conversations with friends or strangers (Nairalanders) about him, his problems and nearly all your sentences start with 'he', you are loving way too much. When you are excusing his behavior and tolarate his selfishness, that is loving too much. Mosty, when the relationship jeopardizes your emotional well being, you are most defenately loving too much. I think you have become too obsessed with this loser that you are barely ableto function, hence you googled 'Nigerian men and marriages' which led you to Nairaland.

This man has made it clear that he wants you no more. Dont be afraid to de-aggregate from this unhealthy relationship.  Stop loving too much because, he will not change.

Questions:

Do you come from a dysfunctional family (Single parenthood, parents displayed no affection, etc)?
Are you terrified to be without a man?
Do you find yourself having to go an extra mile to please him?

Leilah:

ah ha, this is how the cookie crumbles. its going to happen to me too. The difference is I am well prepared for it. I reckon he was engaged to this lady all along and was using you for papers. Thats the sad reality.

I thot it already did

@ Post

What more can I say Its sooooooo pathetic.

This Leilah character sef.

@Poster, e pele o.

It is embarrassing, the things some Nigerian men do (80% atleast)

Gosh she married young and see wahala already

Cant do this inter-racial thingy, it dosnt seem to work

@ Sisterwoman,
I like you oh and I'm happy you found your right Naija man but I beg you, please cease and desist with all this talk about learning his language and cooking for him. Abi is slaving away over a hot stove going to make her less White and more Nigerian?


Was having a brain freeze when they were dating, got married and had a child? He just suddenly woke and found out she's not a Nigerian Yoruba woman? Are you kidding me??!!

@ Topic
Everyone has their own breaking point. Personally, I'll be long gone by now,

nawa 4 pple sometimes,because dis involve african and european,is there no european and european or white and white as u may call it, going through divorce,abeggy make una go sit don 4 dirty jare.some of all this woman do come in here acting like angels,if my guy tell una wettin him eye's see una go bow.i am a man and married to european aswell,in a million yrs i can't just standup and walk out of my family witout good reason,especially when a child is involve.

so am not saying anything until we heard from both parties,if u like tell us if u like dont tell us.every marriage has their up's and down's.we are all human,am sure b/4 a man could walkout of his family he must be really hurt.


i am not mean oo, darling i feel ur pain ,but i am seeing it on a male point of view

@sisikill

if u know what makes ur man happy then do it,same applies to the male.if cooking 4 ur man makes him happy why not do it and everybody'll be happy.learning d language is 4 her own benefit,if u dont learn my lang fine but dont tell me not to speak it if the need arise .


i knew leilah will alway's appear 2 issue's like this. :oif u re expecting it on urs, why waste ur time?,u better move on .only a tree 'll know that it's going be kill and stil stay

Oh I have something up my slieve euromillion. 

Another year and I'll be qualified as a solicitor. 

Then, he can go and find a slave (I'll even help him find one with all those gladic qualities)

Cooking will never solve the problems I cook all the nigerian meals and so phokn waht?
According to my husband he has no problems with me at all! Yeah! bet ya won't find me here in three years time! I'll be history, jus too many horror stories goin around about naija men and white women!

When they chite hits the fan it will be necessary to look for one of his own. I'm not a slave and I don't let him go away on 'vacations' and I don't act and speak like his own women, I am not an igbo lady and never will be. My dream to is stay with him forever. Doubt that dream is possible as I can never be as good as a naija lady. This is not according to him its according to my own reason.

leilah

if he said there's noone else but u, why not trust ur man and believe him,4get about wat u hear or see and work on ur marriege am sure it'll be fine.fair play 2 u on ur legal career am doing d same here in dublin,i could be going 2 the black hall in 2yrs.

Yeah thanks euromillion! yeah I got the first four in blackhall: prop, contract, crim and equity. In griffith at the moment for the last four!

Did my degree at DIT.

I can work up to 80/90hr weeks and I am afraid maybe that had something to do with it. When he came back from work, iwas going to work, but what option did I have. I couldn't let us starve and have no roof over our heads. We have a big mortgage to pay. His new woman dosen't work, she's an asylum seeker(so he told me). So she probably has all the time in the world to be on his beck and call. He told me to do extra hours at work for us to be a bit comfartable, now look where that has left us, another woman taking my place! I just don't know. Life is too tough! His mother told me that he complains that he never sees me because of my workload but I'm doing it for our family's future. Is that an abomonation in Nigeria?