If you have any opinion or insight about this topic,please reply with solutions ,advise and ways we can prevent the killings of our sisters in the land they sojourn for greener pastures.I will surely appreciates it  as it will help in  the discussion of the problem at the Nigerian nurses associations new york, chicago and various organizations of Nigerian associations in USA.I write because no child deserves to see her or his mother or father in handcuffs or mourn the death of one parent by the hands of of the other.I write because i am aware that several women are at  breaking points and a lots of men are at loosing it.We are in our 20s,30s,40, and 50s,highly educated,work laboriously to meet the needs of our families and  yet very much afraid to speak of the unjust treatment of our spouses.In the past 3 years over a dozen of our Nigerian women who were nurses were brutally murdered by their spouses,some in the presence of their beloved children.some cases have been ruled on others are pending in various courts across the nation. I begin to wonder what are the justification to murder another if we truly profess love.

bintab:

If you have any opinion or insight about this topic,please reply with solutions ,advise and ways we can prevent the killings of our sisters in the land they sojourn for greener pastures.I will surely appreciates it  as it will help in  the discussion of the problem at the Nigerian nurses associations new york, chicago and various organizations of Nigerian associations in USA.I write because no child deserves to see her or his mother or father in handcuffs or mourn the death of one parent by the hands of of the other.I write because i am aware that several women are at  breaking points and a lots of men are at loosing it.We are in our 20s,30s,40, and 50s,highly educated,work laboriously to meet the needs of our families and  yet very much afraid to speak of the unjust treatment of our spouses.In the past 3 years over a dozen of our Nigerian women who were nurses were brutally murdered by their spouses,some in the presence of their beloved children.some cases have been ruled on others are pending in various courts across the nation. I begin to wonder what are the justification to murder another if we truly profess love.

I quite agree, the rate of divorce amongst Nigerian couples (nurses included) is high. Most men treat their women like a "property" forgetting that yankee is not naija where you expect a woman to obey your every whim with robotic dedication. This new found yankee "independence" takes most men unaware and the not-so-strong can react like a cornered animal. Suddenly, the woman becomes the main bread winner of the house (like in most cases). The man becomes a baby sitter and cook. A stupid woman at this point begins to resent the man. The man becomes suspicious of the late hours - the genesis of the problem. All these are no justification for domestic violence or worse still murder but a lot many people crack under these type of conditions.

@ibexy. thanx i will note suspiciousness as root of development of this issue.

Well, this is a serious one. Both parties are to blame , really.

While it is true that most women are treated as properties in Nigeria and things change when you get to the western world, let us not forget that both the man and woman grew up in Nigeria so adapting to that kinda change is not easy especially for the man. We are not computers where you can just remove the drives and processors and eaily replace with a new one.

I blame the women who were brought to this country by their husbands, sent to nursing school while the same husband was taking care of the house. Then this woman starts making money and all hell breaks loose - finally decides to have a separate bank account, no more respect for the man and his position in the house, decides to start going to parties alone. You forget to think that ur current job as a nurse would not have been possible if the husband behaved the same way you're behaving now , or if he'd left you back in Nigeria and married someone else here.

You need to see how some women behave to thier husbands just because theyre making more money. Some of these women have filed for divorce while also ensuring that the men do not leave the marriage with a single penny! they also make sure you do not see your kids forever, after all this is America wherre the woman is king. This is what is happening here and it is real.

I blame the man just because of lack of self control. I know it is not easy (I am a husband myself) but I'd rather stay away from that kind of woman forever rather than see someone's blood on my hands. I know a real man will always wants to be a man - except ur a wimp. But please support your wives in making your lives better.

I know several Nigerian women making more money than their husbands and there's still love, peace and harmony in their homes. Why, because these women know their current positions and status could not have been made possible without their supporting husbands in the very first place.

My mother made more money than my dad back in the 80s and even we the kids did not know - and this was in Nigeria by the way.

Life will always be better for you if you respect your spouse (husband or wife) regardless of either's financial status. Show your spouse love and respect and you will get it back, in most cases.

There is no reason good enough to kill! well, except ur defending urself

Kokoye I have to dissagree with you. No woman in america can stop a man from seeing his child unless a court says so. Let us be real. Is it true that the courts might look at a woman as the nurturing one of the two by default, yes most times the courts will but that does not mean that a man that has always provided for his children and does nto have a criminal past will be stopped from seeing his children. That is simply not true.

In most of these cases, the men had a history of very violent behavior. No judge in their right mind will give a child to such a person. Even more, most of the men had multiple DUI's on their record. These men were simply bad. Obasanjo's daughter lost custody of her son to her husband here in the states and she kidnapped him and snuck him out of the country. A judge felt that she did not deserve full custody because that man was the one that took careof that child while she was busy doing her politics in Nigeria. There is a warrant for her arrest now. Another good one recently was Sharon stone losing custody of her son to her ex husband because she was just not mother material. The courts ruled in his favor and the courts are usually right in most of these cases.

So please. These were just extremely bitter men. If a woman is working all the time and does not see the children, trust me the man can even use it to make his case. The fact that it still did not work in their favor means that there was more going on. The judge just did not feel that the children would be safe with these men.

The problems in a marriage can never all be one person's fault so I know without a doubt that these men did not cause all the wahala in the marriage but they had serious issues. Issues that drove them on their own to take a life. They deserve to suffer for that.

Hello Bintab.
Trust this meets you well. I observed from your profile that you're practicing Nursing in the US.
I currently hold a Bachelors in another discipline but would like to transition into Nursing profession.
Kindly grant me access to reach you via email pls.
I currently live in Lagos Nigeria, but making moves along this path.

Thanks in advance, for your help.

bintab:
@ibexy. thanx i will note suspiciousness suspicion as root of development of this issue.

Can't speak much on that but I've heard cases like that and I think the factors are varied

1. If the woman due to her job as a nurse keeps late night due to shift, the man who might be insecure to begin with will become unnecessarily jealous.

2. If the man loses his job or earns way less than his highly paid nurse wife, either the woman starts to show bossy and wayward tendencies or he imagines it.

3. The woman may decide to divorce the man and sue him for half or most of what he's got. We know American law favors women in this regards. The man may feel enraged seeing all he's worked for going down the drain.

I'm sure there are other reasons.

As to the solution? Maybe have a free counselling unit set up for all black couples or at least Nigerian couples where they share their problems like AA meetings.

This gives them a chance to blow hot air in a safe environment.

Get elderly Nigerian couples whose marriages have survived the thick and thin and let their presence rub off on the younger couples.

The elderly couples can also provide solid mentorship for young couples.

Isn't that how we do it back home in motherland Nigeria?

els0nm0rali:


Can't speak much on that but I've heard cases like that and I think the factors are varied

1. If the woman due to her job as a nurse keeps late night due to shift, the man who might be insecure to begin with will become unnecessarily jealous.

2. If the man loses his job or earns way less than his highly paid nurse wife, either the woman starts to show bossy and wayward tendencies or he imagines it.

3. The woman may decide to divorce the man and sue him for half or most of what he's got. We know American law favors women in this regards. The man may feel enraged seeing all he's worked for going down the drain.

I'm sure there are other reasons.

As to the solution? Maybe have a free counselling unit set up for all black couples or at least Nigerian couples where they share their problems like AA meetings.

This gives them a chance to blow hot air in a safe environment.

Get elderly Nigerian couples whose marriages have survived the thick and thin and let their presence rub off on the younger couples.

The elderly couples can also provide solid mentorship for young couples.

Isn't that how we do it back home in motherland Nigeria?

And what about the women folk more equal before the law than men ? Should that not be reviewed as well

Is it no longer a free country as claimed

IBEXY:


I quite agree, the rate of divorce amongst Nigerian couples (nurses included) is high. Most men treat their women like a "property" forgetting that yankee is not naija where you expect a woman to obey your every whim with robotic dedication. This new found yankee "independence" takes most men unaware and the not-so-strong can react like a cornered animal. Suddenly, the woman becomes the main bread winner of the house (like in most cases). The man becomes a baby sitter and cook. A stupid woman at this point begins to resent the man. The man becomes suspicious of the late hours - the genesis of the problem. All these are no justification for domestic violence or worse still murder but a lot many people crack under these type of conditions.

U have a POINT though, but most MEN who visit NIGERIA to get married also experience this.
Especially when the LADIES join them over there.
Sometimes, most things are made worse when MOTHER IN-laws join their daughters there too

bintab:
If you have any opinion or insight about this topic,please reply with solutions ,advise and ways we can prevent the killings of our sist pastures.I will surely appreciates it  as it will help in  the discussion of the problem at the Nigerian nurses associations new york, chicago and various organizations of Nigerian associations in USA.I write because no child deserves to see her or his mother or father in handcuffs or mourn the death of one parent by the hands of of the other.I write because i am aware that several women are at  breaking points and a lots of men are at loosing it.We are in our 20s,30s,40, and 50s,highly educated,work laboriously to meet the needs of our families and  yet very much afraid to speak of the unjust treatment of our spouses.In the past 3 years over a dozen of our Nigerian women who were nurses were brutally murdered by their spouses,some in the presence of their beloved children.some cases have been ruled on others are pending in various courts across the nation. I begin to wonder what are the justification to murder another if we truly profess love.

The TRUTH is that such incidents are commoner when the MAN visits Nigeria, seeking for bride.
Most even settle for a “low class” lady, so to speak, in order to get a SUBMISSIVE LADY.

The Best gift any married lady can offer her hubby is SUBMISSION and this goes a long way to keeping the man glued to you even when he thinks of misbehaving.

So when these set of ladies get to the US, they assume “TOUGH”, becoming difficult to submit to some decisions since they get initiated into women liberation meetings and also knowing that LADIES are more powerful and less likely to be jailed there, since the laws favor them.

With the arrival of their MOTHERS from Nigeria, matters are made worse especially when the lady’s family realizes how financially buoyant she may be at that time.

Putting up this attitude, the man groans in AGONY, knowing how he spent MONEY, TIME and LOVE bringing her up there.
Because RIFLES are made ubiquitous, murder and suicide become an option.
Mind u, most of these ISSUES are peculiar to the black Americans or Africans residing there.

My ADVICE is that, our NIGERIAN MEN who already know the culture and way of life of the WHITES and are interested in marriage, should stick to the WHITES and settle down, must not necessarily be a NIGERIAN.
Good African Americans can also be considered, because this will give you an ample time to DATE this lady over there.

The best gift any FAMILY can get is PEACE and PROGRESS.

Fundamentalist:


And what about the women folk more equal before the law than men ? Should that not be reviewed as well

Is it no longer a free country as claimed

Really? Is that what this post is about?

You haven't reviewed the laws in your own country you are going to America to review their laws.

If you aren't comfortable with their laws, its better you go to a country where you agree with their laws to avoid stories that touch.

bintab:
If you have any opinion or insight about this topic,please reply with solutions ,advise and ways we can prevent the killings of our sisters in the land they sojourn for greener pastures.I will surely appreciates it  as it will help in  the discussion of the problem at the Nigerian nurses associations new york, chicago and various organizations of Nigerian associations in USA.I write because no child deserves to see her or his mother or father in handcuffs or mourn the death of one parent by the hands of of the other.I write because i am aware that several women are at  breaking points and a lots of men are at loosing it.We are in our 20s,30s,40, and 50s,highly educated,work laboriously to meet the needs of our families and  yet very much afraid to speak of the unjust treatment of our spouses.In the past 3 years over a dozen of our Nigerian women who were nurses were brutally murdered by their spouses,some in the presence of their beloved children.some cases have been ruled on others are pending in various courts across the nation. I begin to wonder what are the justification to murder another if we truly profess love.

Insecurity from the men side

Oh boy, here we go again

bintab:
We are in our 20s,30s,40, and 50s,highly educated,work laboriously to meet the needs of our families and  yet very much afraid to speak of the unjust treatment of our spouses.In the past 3 years over a dozen of our Nigerian women who were nurses were brutally murdered by their spouses,some in the presence of their beloved children.some cases have been ruled on others are pending in various courts across the nation. I begin to wonder what are the justification to murder another if we truly profess love.

Why are they not killing the nurses in the UK? Why only America?

NothingDoMe:
Why are they not killing the nurses in the UK? Why only America?

Do these men in the UK head back to Nigeria to marry these low-class women for the same reasons that the Nigerian men in the US do?

Nigerian man leaves the US to pick a Nigerian wife and bring her back with him to the US. Feeds her, supports her, trains her through nursing school.

Nigerian woman graduates and starts working. Nurse pay starts rolling in and most times dwarfs Husband's pay. Nigerian woman doesn't need to depend on Nigerian man for any financial support. Wow. Such freedom! She can do what she wants with her money now. She starts doing stuff in Nigeria without informing hubby after all it is her money. She becomes fully involved with the Nigerian American elites. Slowly she enters the world of feminism and starts looking down on hubby. Hubby tries to caution her thinking its still Nigeria. Nurse resists and says they are equals now.

One day fight breaks out and Nurse calls 911 to report abuse. Hubby goes to the station for the night. Nurse is encouraged by her divorced associates to file restraining order and kick the man out of her life. America is not Nigeria. Women are free here.

Nurse keeps house and kids. Hubby ends up the loser. Hubby takes matters into own hands like a typical gun wielding American and kills Nurse, damning the consequences. He is satisfied that both of them are the losers now.

NothingDoMe:
Nurse keeps house and kids. Hubby ends up the loser. Hubby takes matters into own hands like a typical gun wielding American and kills Nurse, damning the consequences. He is satisfied that both of them are the losers now.

You forgot to mention the children... they also end up the worst lovers since they loose both parents all thanks to their father, the murderer.

Kobojunkie:
You forgot to mention the children... they also end up the worst lovers since they loose both parents all thanks to their father, the murderer.

American govt will sort the children issue out.

2Radii:
American govt will sort the children issue out.

So, the children should rejoice that their own father deprived them of both parents then in order to appease his ego?

Kobojunkie:
So, the children should rejoice that their own father deprived them of both parents then in order to appease his ego?

Either they morn it or rejoice it is their wahala, they are just the victims of parent senselessness and nothing more.

Wife drained the husband emotionally, financially, even shelterly using the power of the law, the horseband in return killed the bitch like a one legged fowl and dump her into the dustbin., The court got involved and sentenced the man(case closed)


So the children should open their own chapter, if they like the girls among should tow the pat of her ungrateful mother and the boy should tow the path of his animalistic father...they also will meet their Waterloo in the near future, na so life be