A professor drove into a petrol station in his sleek
state of the art range rover sports to buy fuel.
.
Professor: Guy abeg, give me full tank.
.
Fuel Attendant: Sir, I don’t speak pidgin. I only
speak English.
.
Professor: Ok! Good morning. I currently feel a
profound desire to replenish the propelling of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.
.
Fuel Attendant: Oga abeg na how
much fuel you wan buy?

I need 2GB etisalat data, will contact u on whatsapp

EnterPRO:

sorry bro. pls use whatsapp next time. its faster.
this is our priority list :
1. resellers
2. whatsapp
3. bbm
4. email
5. SMS
6. phone calls

Must I use Whatsapp? I don't think its proper to relegate the standard means of text messaging (SMS) to the background

EnterPRO:
Dygeasy, congrats!

Thanks!

Dygeasy:
Thanks!

Bro!
How far na?

Share me small

Kashif:


Must I use Whatsapp? I don't think its proper to relegate the standard means of text messaging (SMS) to the background

no vex abeg.

oroagba:
I need 2GB etisalat data, will contact u on whatsapp

thanks

BlackChampion, congrats again!

Pastor Akpors was preaching in the
church one day, when he
remembered that one of the c'o'cks he was rearing in the church premises had gone missing, so he asked the congregation;

"Who has a c'o'ck?"

...All the men got up...

'No i mean who has seen a c'o'ck?'

...All the women got up...

'No no who has seen a c'o'ck that isn't theirs?'

...Half of the women in the church got up...

'Oh! For goodness sake, who has seen my
c'o'ck?'

...All the choir girls got up...
Akpors' wife fainted....

LogoDWhiz:


Bro!
How far na?

Share me small

lol! I no fit share na. Except say I go tell EnterPro make he send the one wey I win give you.

Dygeasy:
lol! I no fit share na. Except say I go tell EnterPro make he send the one wey I win give you.

Lol.
Okay

That one to make sense sha

hope your day is going on good?

An Edo Man invited his friends for his
mother's
burial. After lowering the coffin, the family
put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in
line with
tradition.
A Hausa Man asked why? The Edo man
smiled and said, "According to our
tradition, the dead go on a long journey
and need all the food items they can get".
The Hausa man dropped N100,000 inside
and said, "When the food finish, buy
more".
The Yoruba man dropped N50,000 and
said, "Add this incase it's not enough."
The Igbo man smiled and brought out his
cheque book and wrote a cheque of
N200,000, dropped it in the coffin and
took the N150,000 notes as change, then
said "Nwanne, withdraw it when you reach
dia oooo!!.. It is going to be a dangerous
journey we don't know how many robbers
are out there and afterall we are in a
cashless economy. Travel well oooo!

Kalex01:
EnterPro, pls tell me about the reseller package and how I can get it.

pls contact me on whatsapp.

thanks

LogoDWhiz:


Lol.
Okay

That one to make sense sha

hope your day is going on good?

So far so good

Yours?

Eppysold, congrats!

Akpos and Eazy entered a
chocolate store. As the storekeeper was busy looking around, Eazy quickly stole 3 chocolate bars.

After leaving the store, Eazy said to Akpos:

"Man I'm the best thief in the world, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, Can you beat that?".

Akpos smiled and then replied:

"What have you done sef? Ok, if you want to see something better, lets go back to the store and I'll show you real stealing."

So they went to the counter and Akpos said to the Shop keeper:

"Do you want to see magic?"

Storekeeper replied:

"Yes."

Akpos said:
"Give me one chocolate bar."

The storekeeper gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for the second,
and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one
too, while Eazy looks on in amazement.

The shop keeper asked: "But where's the magic?"

Akpos replied:

"Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find the chocolates I just ate there."

ohn: bby am gonna tell u a story
with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts
Grace: alryt love
John: okay am gonna start wth part 1.
There was a husband n a wife, they
were driving to a camp site wen they
came upon a split road. The husband
says "lets take the left one. The wife
say i thnk we shuld take the right
road." The husband slaps the wife
across the face "whose driving me or
u?" and they took the left path.
Grace: hahahahaha..
John: now am gonna tell u part 2.
Once they got to the camp the
husband goes fishing so his wife can
cook dinner. He comes back and the
wife says "good now i can cook fish
soup for us to eat." The husband says
"but i wanna eat fried fish." The wife
slaps the husband n says "who is
cooking me or u?" and the ended up
drinking fish soup.
Grace: oh crap! Hahaha
John: now am gonna tell u part 4.
Grace: wat abt part 3?
John: (landed grace a hot slap on the
face) who is telling the story me or
u?

POLICE:whatever you say will be held against you...
AKPORS:Big BOOBS!
happy sunday to y'all!

eppysold:
POLICE:whatever you say will be held against you...
AKPORS:Big BOOBS!
happy sunday to y'all!

Oga Eazy: I'm not pre-emptying your judgement o, but this joke should have a bonus irrespective of its share tally maybe for being "The shortest JOKE"!

English Made In Naija1.
If I hear pim.
2. You go hear ween.
3. Have they brought light?
4. The film is sweet.
5. Mummy have come.
6. Have you paid your school fees money?
7. Put the bread inside lylon
8. Oya come and be going.
9. I kukuma no get your time.
10. I go break ur head
11. Take this money hold body
12. Una dey fall my hand
13. Omo, i don hammer
14. You too dey Bleep up
15. Na dis man get mouth pass
16. Yawa don burst
17. Garri sweet die
18. See as hin just dey form like ajebutter
19. Nepa don bring light.
20. Where em 4 make mistake.
21. Y u dey lie for me head.
21. D light full
22. Water don pass garri
23. Abeg make una like n share this post oooh.
Happy Sunday

A boss said to his secretary I want to have xx with you I will make it
very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to
pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her
boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it
but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even
have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour
goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what
happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking
and he is still.....

EnterPRO:

@BlackChampion : congrats

EnterPRO:
BlackChampion, congrats again!

Thanks Pro

Dygeasy:
So far so good

Yours?

Cool
Awsomely well

Dygeasy : 250mb
Eppysold : N100 discount

congrats!

EnterPRO:
Dygeasy : 250mb
Eppysold : N100 discount

congrats!

THANK YOU ENTERPRO!


GGMUB!!!

got my happy hour data

A teacher was teaching her students about government,
so for homework that day, she told her students to ask their
parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that
day, he went up to his dad and ask what the government was. His
dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the
president, your mom is Congress, our maid is the work force, you are
the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it"
responded Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe
you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night"
said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little
Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his
baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap
in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.
When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole
to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his
mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the
maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he
saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised,
but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I
understand the government! The President is screwing the work force,
Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future
is full of shi.t!"

-------------------------------------------—---------------
I Neva knew Akpos was dis stupid, ...he was yelling into the mailbox. We ask him whats hez was doing and he said, he was sending a voice-mail!

Teacher: can u see God?
AKPOS: No
Teacher: can u touch God?
AKPOS: No
Teacher: then u should
simply know dat there is no
God in heaven. stop
deceiving urself.
.
.
.
AKPOS: (clears throat) ma
can u see ur brain?
Teacher: no
AKPOS: ma can u touch ur
brain?
Teacher: no
AKPOS: then that means u
have no brain in ur head stop deceiving urself

25 Rules of driving in Lagos
1. When in doubt, accelerate!
2. Be prepared to ram into anything
stopping you that is wearing uniform in
Lagos (police,traffic warden, FRSC, Kai
brigade, fire brigade, VIO, LASTMA,
LAMATA, LASWA)
3.If you get caught by any chance, do not
allow them to enter your car, if they
happen to get in do not drive from that
spot (veer off traffic & settle promply), and
if they don’t agree, pretend that you are
calling your uncle who is in the army
(believe me it always works), never follow
them to any sort of office except you are
ready to pay ten times more than what was
demanded.
4. Never give police or VIO your original
particulars (whether expired or up to date).
5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal.
Never yield to the temptation to teach them
otherwise.
6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide,
avoid them like a plaque.
7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications,
they have no brakes.
8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always
have the right of way, all of them have
been driving in Lagos for 25 years.
9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless
he flings himself under the wheels of your
car.
10. The first parking space you see will be
the last parking space you see. Grab it.
Survival of the fittest you may say!
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos,
potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are
put in key locations to test drivers’
reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one
man fishing in one of the potholes last
week).
12. There is no such thing as “one-way”
in Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction
at all times. The okada riders are the
experts in this area.
13. Never get in the way of a car that
needs extensive bodywork, except you
want to spend your whole Saturday at the
panel beater’s place.
14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to
Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction
first).
15. There is no such thing as a short-cut
during rush-hour traffic in Lagos.
Everybody might be inclined to take that
’short-cut’.
16. When asking for directions, always ask
at least three people. Lagosians always
claim to know every inch of the city – even
areas they’ve never been to.
17. Use extreme caution when pulling into
service lanes. Service lanes are not for
breaking down the traffic, but for
speeding, especially during rush hour.
18. Never use directional signals, since
they only confound and distract other
Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.
19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand
signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such
courtesies, will think you are making
obscene gestures to them. This could be
very bad for you in Lagos.
20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double
pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed)
used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning
to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver,
he’s headed ’straight’ and as such, will
not stop under any circumstance. Take him
extremely seriously especially if he backs
it up with a continuous blast from his
“horn”.
21. At any given time, do not stand on the
zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to
you, or else you will have to explain to the
on coming traffic whether you look like a
zebra.
22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures
posted only to make you feel guilty.
23. Remember that the goal of every driver
is to get there first by whatever means
necessary.
24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus
stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is
in their constitution.
25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a
flat tyre!!!
HORNING IN LAGOS
Horn’ when someone executes a
dangerous maneouvre.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.
‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake
you.
‘Horn’ when turning into a road.
‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.
‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you.
It’s considered good etiquette.
‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the
‘horning’ is about.
‘Horn’ when you’re happy.
‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing
music in your car.

I just stumbled on this thread. please I need GLO 1000mb. How much u go sell for me? I need it today

Samchuky:
I just stumbled on this thread. please I need GLO 1000mb. How much u go sell for me? I need it today

welcome sir.

N1500 GTBank or N2000 card for glo 1gb.

more info on first page of this thread.

you can contact us on whatsapp.

thanks

Last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me, my
parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work, even my
colleagues didn't wish me.
As I entered my cabin my secretary said,"Happy Birthday
Boss!". I felt so special, she asked me out to lunch. After
lunch, she invitedme to her apartment and we went there.
She said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a
minute?"
"Okay", I said
She came out 5 minutes later with a cake, my wife, my
parents, my kids, my friends and my colleagues all
screaming, "SURPRISE!!!"
.
.
.
.
.
.
and I was waiting on the sofa. NAK.ED!
This one na Gobe in 3D.