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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work (28750 Views)
The One Word That Kills Adult Friendships / Friendships With Opposite Sex In Marriage / (ladies) Why Are Most Female Friendships Short Lived? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by chuxyz(m): 11:02pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
MissMeiya:Who is this idiot? Get lost!!! |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 11:09pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
Ishilove: Op, I don't know what you're talking about. One of my closest friends is a guy who I've known for 15yrs now( since secondary school). He lectures in Canada now, but not once has there ever been any awkwardness between us. There is almost nothing we can't tell each other, and never once have we ever had the issues you mentioned. He's a friend and a brother, and our friendship waxes stronger.hmmm nice one |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 11:09pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
seunfly: well it depends on how close you are and the kind of person the girl is, personaly i have some childhood female friends that can do anything 4 me just like my male friends, some times female friends are more considrate and reliable than guys cos of their emotion and soft heart. Though there will always be a time when you will be tempted to take it further especially when guys starts to knock at d door of her heart, but maturity is the key.I concur 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 11:09pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
Caracta: It's working for me. I must be lucky.me too 2 Likes |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 11:11pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
chuxyz: Who is this idiot? Get lost!!! No. It's irresponsible to let madmen run around unchecked. 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Bamz(m): 11:28pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
Its just funny how our girls reason. Yes I believe there can be cross gender friendship but it has gotta be a two way things - that's basically what friendship if for. Girls around these parts however have the mentality that giving is a crime. Even on birthdays, they'll call you and all asking for where the party's et al but during theirs, they make all sorts of funny requests. So recently I've been talking to one chick, ofcourse she claims to have a boo, but we've been out a couple of times and I've done stuff for her that I won't just have done for a 'regular' friend, plus I've told her I caught feelings for her. She won't budge and my persona doesn't really allow me to struggle with girls so my expectations on her are were really low cos I didn't want to get hurt... So I just asked her recently what exactly we've been doing all the while... LOL well she said we've been friends. If that's the definition of friendship, Nah! I prefer to be friends with guys only cos it was disproportionately unbalanced. Friendships should always be a two way thing. |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 11:49pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
RedClay: Hey! I've been off, and apparently missed out on a blackout O.o Very good to see you 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by valkaka(m): 1:46am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Smh!!! Friendship can develope into love! Or love can develope into friendship! |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by valkaka(m): 1:53am On Jun 30, 2014 |
And the basics of friendship are interests and confidence...not gender!! 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by l3st3r: 7:16am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Mynd_44:Nice write up.I read most of your post and thread and it seems u are a guru in women psycology.Am one of your fan. can I pm you. |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 7:31am On Jun 30, 2014 |
JeffreyJamez: I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!even father zoning sef JeffreyJamez: I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!even father zoning sef |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by fyneboi79(m): 7:38am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Mynd_44:Exactly!! Such tot should never even creep into ur mind,cos u now see her as a sister.My best friend in d university was a girl and I never tot of any stuff intimate with her even though I was running wild with girls on campus |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Shinery0123(m): 8:02am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Lacombre: A very poor attempt at trying to paint most male folks as the victims. This is not one sided because he made it clear that he is talking from a guys perspective. |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 8:52am On Jun 30, 2014 |
1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Godson201333(m): 9:21am On Jun 30, 2014 |
niceeric: girls would never b truthful wen it comes to matters like this,be friend zoning guys for selfish benefits,my advice to my guys though,dont b a nice guy,youll end up being a friend.....a comfort pillow for her wen d bad guy screws up and wen u think u av her to ur self, she makes up with d bad guy and you're bk to d zone after spending time and money on a lost cause.....stay sharp,no friends Girls always wanna friendzone guys for heroes and of course wanna use you....what kinda advice or help can a girl offer rather than them seeking for ya help...Thank God i know how to turn girls wanting friendship down! 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by softandsweet(f): 9:30am On Jun 30, 2014 |
yoyonne: Yoyonne, to reply quotes, just chck the terminal part of the message you want to quote and click on it. it will them take you to the message board and you can place your cursor at the last line or at the beginning. Then write what you want to write and submit. |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by ihedinobi2: 9:39am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Nonso23: The answer to this question is already in the O.P. THIS ....with some reservations tho |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by MrRenaissance: 10:05am On Jun 30, 2014 |
ihedinobi2: @embolden, you clearly got me wrong. What I mean ulterior motive, I mean one having the mind of dating a girl from the onset but agreed to remained besties with no romantic attachment (that's both parties agreeing to be just friends and nothing else). Being friends with a girl with the intention of dating her is my preferred way of wooing a girl. But if I'm to be a 'bestie' with a girl (mind you, being besties takes a long time, it's not like a month wooing), I'll clearly ask myself if I want to date her. If yes, 1. I will clearly tell her about my feelings (and I won't take years to do that), not like the group described by the OP which keeps hoping the girl will develop the same feelings they've developed for her. And if she doesn't, they ditch the relationship or even never let out their feelings. 2. If I had no intention of dating but fell for her along the way, I'll either open up to her, or quench the romantic feeling if I see she'll never date me. But most importantly, never walk away because you felt hurt the girl turned you down after thinking being best friends with her means you are the one she'll date. All I'm trying to say, always define your friendships, know what you want. Don't make conclusions. Now on second paragraph, no I'm not married, I'm far from being married for now, and I think you didn't read my earlier post on this thread. I made it very clear that I was never attracted to her, but if she was attracted to me, I can't tell because she never told me nor show it. So I only spoke for myself as others have done. I'm not God, so I can't speak for her, I can only speak for myself. There are girls that can nakéd before me and no hairs in body will stand up. I'm not bragging, it's just me. They are also millions of girls that won't even nakéd themselves to have my emotions boiling over. 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 10:10am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Mynd_44 after i sent u recharge u never spoke to me again. What kind of a friend are u? |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Mynd44: 10:14am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Mondisweets: Mynd_44 after i sent u recharge u never spoke to me again. What kind of a friend are u?I am a user 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 10:20am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Mynd_44:okay can i use u too small small |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Mynd44: 10:24am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Mondisweets: okay can i use u too small smallNo 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Nobody: 10:25am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Mynd_44:but u cant say no |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Tboss100(m): 1:45pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
yoyonne: Hi whoever that is reading this should help me am new to nairaland and I don't know where to start Same here |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by AK481(m): 2:36pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
Ishilove: but are u demanding for money from him? if no then you are saying a different thing entirely. demand and see if he will stay. |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by ogocology: 3:11pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
I think the issue of guys asking for physical gratification is folly on the part of the guys. Girls are supposed to enjoy sex too. So why would you consider it a plus if you sleep with her when, actually, you're furthering her cause of exploitation(if you already think your relationship with her is exploitative to your disadvantage). If you're not OK with running errands for her without getting laid, move along now. No one can use you without your consent. 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by GodsFavourite1(f): 3:35pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
Well, I think in my own opinion, girls tend to be just friends with a guy with no strings attached. A girl can control her self sexually, but a guy cannot. Some guys most times don't take No for an answer, for instance, when they ask a girl out and she bluntly refuse, the guy will be like okay I don't mind been your friend maybe as time goes on, something might come up. So you gonna blame the girl if she uses the guy? No!!!. You can be friends with opposite sex if both of you contribute to each other's life in all ramification without any strings attached. I for once stopped keeping male friends as close friends cos I discovered @ one point, they became sexually attracted to me. The most important thing is to keep distance. Well, as for sharing secrets, its not advisable cos one day that your friend might use it against you. Talking from experience.There are guys who thinks the moment you become their friend you are their girlfriend. The whole thing most times is complicated. Also remember,familiarity breeds contempt. We may have become so close that if you ask me for a date, it will never work cos the interest nor desire is not there. That's my opinion and from experience. Best thing, keep them are a distance. Also to me, the only person who can be your best friend or close friend is either your bf or gf or your husband. Cos I believe friendship is also built in relationship. |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Ishilove: 4:05pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
AK 48:Why on earthe will I demand money from him? 1 Like |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by GSKing: 8:01pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
masonkz: MOST guys would want something in return, which most times would translate into something intimate. That is the plain truth. Nwannem nwoke! America bugging Angela Merkel's phone has nothing on nairaland earth quake. I'm alive again!!! Whoo-hoo!!! @post, it doesn't apply to all girls. I'd rather spend and take care of a guy with no strings attached than to receive care from someone fantasizing about me giving a him a hot bj... so guys... make me your friend |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by davidif: 11:06pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
I don't agree with this post. Ladies and gents Hear me when I say this: NOT EVERYBODY YOU MEET IS FOR DATING. No matter how attractive they are. @OP I agree that humans can be self centered (what can I benefit from this person) but true relationships should be about what you can give to this person rather than what you can get. It's about service and putting them first and that includes sacrificing your convinience at times (trust me, I am sometimes struggle in this area too). Remember that God always looks into your heart at your motives and he would judge you based on them, that's why your motives always has to be pure. some people can be very needy and they would try to use your attraction for them you to get what they want but you have got to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and not stoop low to meet them at their level. Do things out of a pure heart and constantly check your heart to see if you have the right motives. 4 Likes |
Re: Why Cross-Gender Friendships Don't Work by Sirchucks(m): 4:47am On Jul 01, 2014 |
JeffreyJamez: I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!on point |
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