MissMeiya:

You have a problem.

Who is this idiot? Get lost!!!

Ishilove: Op, I don't know what you're talking about. One of my closest friends is a guy who I've known for 15yrs now( since secondary school). He lectures in Canada now, but not once has there ever been any awkwardness between us. There is almost nothing we can't tell each other, and never once have we ever had the issues you mentioned. He's a friend and a brother, and our friendship waxes stronger.

hmmm nice one

seunfly: well it depends on how close you are and the kind of person the girl is, personaly i have some childhood female friends that can do anything 4 me just like my male friends, some times female friends are more considrate and reliable than guys cos of their emotion and soft heart. Though there will always be a time when you will be tempted to take it further especially when guys starts to knock at d door of her heart, but maturity is the key.

I concur

Caracta: It's working for me. I must be lucky.

To each his own. I take people as individuals, I don't judge them based on what a theory says about a particular gender.

me too

chuxyz: Who is this idiot? Get lost!!!

No. It's irresponsible to let madmen run around unchecked.

Its just funny how our girls reason. Yes I believe there can be cross gender friendship but it has gotta be a two way things - that's basically what friendship if for. Girls around these parts however have the mentality that giving is a crime. Even on birthdays, they'll call you and all asking for where the party's et al but during theirs, they make all sorts of funny requests. So recently I've been talking to one chick, ofcourse she claims to have a boo, but we've been out a couple of times and I've done stuff for her that I won't just have done for a 'regular' friend, plus I've told her I caught feelings for her. She won't budge and my persona doesn't really allow me to struggle with girls so my expectations on her are were really low cos I didn't want to get hurt... So I just asked her recently what exactly we've been doing all the while... LOL well she said we've been friends. If that's the definition of friendship, Nah! I prefer to be friends with guys only cos it was disproportionately unbalanced. Friendships should always be a two way thing.

RedClay:

You are Alive!!

Come Here
#Hugs Her...

Hey!
I've been off, and apparently missed out on a blackout O.o

Very good to see you

Smh!!! Friendship can develope into love!

Or love can develope into friendship!

And the basics of friendship are interests and confidence...not gender!!

Mynd_44:

Which needs to be corrected. It is weird when women call guys selfish and unreasonable when it was a woman who made the man that

Nice write up.I read most of your post and thread and it seems u are a guru in women psycology.Am one of your fan. can I pm you.

JeffreyJamez: I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!

They will be "brother-zoning" "friendzoning" and "twinny-zoning"..... But guys who they consider sharp guys would be breaking their hearts and they will come running back to us.... Mcheeew...

Anyhoo...... Cross-gender friendships can work if the" giving and taking" is equal, but if it's one-sided, that's just plain evil!!!!

even father zoning sef

JeffreyJamez: I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!

They will be "brother-zoning" "friendzoning" and "twinny-zoning"..... But guys who they consider sharp guys would be breaking their hearts and they will come running back to us.... Mcheeew...

Anyhoo...... Cross-gender friendships can work if the" giving and taking" is equal, but if it's one-sided, that's just plain evil!!!!

even father zoning sef

Mynd_44:
You are missing the point here. This is not about relationships. This is about friendships. No strings attached

Exactly!! Such tot should never even creep into ur mind,cos ‎u now see her as a sister.My best friend in d university was a girl and I never tot of any stuff intimate with her even though I was running wild with girls on campus

Lacombre: A very poor attempt at trying to paint most male folks as the victims.
The male friend gives his physical support,the female her emotional support. But here it is obviously downgraded.
This is a one-sided biased myopic article.
Have you not read abt so many cases where the lady gets used as a friend with benefits?
So many cases where males take female friends for granted have been ignored. So many cases where a good healthy friendship gets tainted by unhealthy urges and selfish desires of the male folks hv been conviniently placed in the background.
You are in every friendship for the sole purpose of benefits,tell yourself the truth.
Cross-gender friendship works. I have been in a good one before. It is all abt the indidvidual and how the male potrays himself. Do you show off as a man's man? Do you want to take over control of all situations or u believe in sharing? If u want to take charge,the lady wld feel relaxed and become passive to the act of giving.
Look within,stop pointing fingers and expecting miracles.
Yes some ladies are leeches,but some men regard a leech-like behaviour as ''sexy'' and a stroke of the ego..

This is not one sided because he made it clear that he is talking from a guys perspective.

niceeric: girls would never b truthful wen it comes to matters like this,be friend zoning guys for selfish benefits,my advice to my guys though,dont b a nice guy,youll end up being a friend.....a comfort pillow for her wen d bad guy screws up and wen u think u av her to ur self, she makes up with d bad guy and you're bk to d zone after spending time and money on a lost cause.....stay sharp,no friends

Girls always wanna friendzone guys for heroes and of course wanna use you....what kinda advice or help can a girl offer rather than them seeking for ya help...Thank God i know how to turn girls wanting friendship down!

yoyonne:

please help me I don't understand the site could u please help me you can start by teaching me how to reply quotes

Yoyonne, to reply quotes, just chck the terminal part of the message you want to quote and click on it. it will them take you to the message board and you can place your cursor at the last line or at the beginning. Then write what you want to write and submit.

Nonso23: The answer to this question is already in the O.P.

Women are selfish. (not the derogatory selfish)
Only a selfish woman can make a good mother because that quality is all that is required to care for your home like it's your own body.
The problem is: Overtime, a lot of women don't realize when they begin to spill this healthy selfishness into their interpersonal relationships. Then it becomes unhealthy.
Guys on the other hand have a team spirit. Their relationship with one another is built upon the 'take hits for me, i got your back' principle. They give one another not because they expect anything in return (although 100% of the time they get something back ) but because it's a way of life amongst them. Key phrase: Way of Life.

When a girl is friends with a guy. She wants a person who can make changes in his plans just for her, someone who can make her laugh and give her gifts and attention and space too (when she starts dating) whilst not being romantically interested in her.
For guys who are friends with them. It becomes weird when the friendship becomes this one sided. He is not used to asking for petty acts of favor to show him you are important to him. He doesn't do that with his friends yet he knows they'll willingly take a dagger in their arm for him. With this woman friend, it becomes really confusing, he does everything, she does nothing. He tries to pull away and suddenly she'll start being a better 'friend' and when he begins to think she's catching on she starts being the 'selfish' friend again. Loop!

He feels used and eventually goes on his way and the girl will keep believing it was because he wanted something more. Fail! He mightn't have wanted anything more than a smooth friendship in many cases he is not even sexually attracted to you. He just wants you to put in just as much effort as he has been pumping into the friendship to keep it afloat. That's all.

Women should search deep within themselves.
How many favours have you done your guy friend, save for the usual entertaining him in your home (that doesn't count, you do that to even your enemies when they come visiting).
How many times have you unconsciously grouped your male friends according to what help they can give to you just as soon as you ask. I.e
John can give me money whenever i ask, Chinedu will give me attention if Ayo breaks my heart. Jide takes me shopping when he returns from travel. Stephen brings me foodstuff every month E.t.c
What if guys start to classify their girl-friends. Trust me most lists will look like this:
Amaka: nothing, Ebere: nothing, yetunde: nothing, Aishat: Good at helping out with workload once in a while.
Joyce: takes me on a treat once in a while.
Felicia: nothing Etc. Truth?.
Guys generally give without expecting anything in return until it becomes very obvious they are with a 'user'.
What is wrong with women giving and not expecting things in return.
What use are you to a guy if all he does is care for you and all you do is recieve all the care with smiles
NONE! If he leaves it's your fault.

This is for guys that have genuine interest in being friends with a girl not the friendzoned guys. That case is completely different

THIS















....with some reservations tho

ihedinobi2:

I wonder at your terming a desire to date a lady an ulterior motive. Should one date a total stranger? What exactly is wrong with deliberately becoming besties with a girl because you already like her and would like to date her? I don't personally roll like that because once I already am romantically attracted to a girl I have no relationship with, I stay away from her. It's a discipline I built into myself to manage my sexuality properly.

Having said that, you remained good friends with her and apparently close friends too but you don't plan to date her, right? Ok, here's why I don't believe that you both have no romantic interest in her and also trust her with your deepest secrets: you don't talk to her about your wife. Or do you? I'll bet you're not married yet. The kind of friendship that has romance naturally woven into is the one where you can get emotionally and intellectually naked with someone - you can trust them with anything. It is impossible to give that kind of frienship and not get tangled up emotionally.

The problem with today's generation is the misplacement of priorities. We think that raging hormones is the first indication of romantic love. That is such a mistake. Once you are entirely naked psychologically with someone, getting naked with them physically will work beyond your expectation even though it would never be your first thought. I've seen it before. One day you have zero sexxual interest in somebody, the next you can't get enough of them.

@embolden, you clearly got me wrong. What I mean ulterior motive, I mean one having the mind of dating a girl from the onset but agreed to remained besties with no romantic attachment (that's both parties agreeing to be just friends and nothing else). Being friends with a girl with the intention of dating her is my preferred way of wooing a girl. But if I'm to be a 'bestie' with a girl (mind you, being besties takes a long time, it's not like a month wooing), I'll clearly ask myself if I want to date her. If yes,

1. I will clearly tell her about my feelings (and I won't take years to do that), not like the group described by the OP which keeps hoping the girl will develop the same feelings they've developed for her. And if she doesn't, they ditch the relationship or even never let out their feelings.

2. If I had no intention of dating but fell for her along the way, I'll either open up to her, or quench the romantic feeling if I see she'll never date me.

But most importantly, never walk away because you felt hurt the girl turned you down after thinking being best friends with her means you are the one she'll date. All I'm trying to say, always define your friendships, know what you want. Don't make conclusions.

Now on second paragraph, no I'm not married, I'm far from being married for now, and I think you didn't read my earlier post on this thread. I made it very clear that I was never attracted to her, but if she was attracted to me, I can't tell because she never told me nor show it. So I only spoke for myself as others have done. I'm not God, so I can't speak for her, I can only speak for myself. There are girls that can nakéd before me and no hairs in body will stand up. I'm not bragging, it's just me. They are also millions of girls that won't even nakéd
themselves to have my emotions boiling over.

Mynd_44 after i sent u recharge u never spoke to me again. What kind of a friend are u?

Mondisweets: Mynd_44 after i sent u recharge u never spoke to me again. What kind of a friend are u?

I am a user

Mynd_44:
I am a user

okay can i use u too small small

Mondisweets: okay can i use u too small small

No

Mynd_44:
No

but u cant say no

yoyonne: Hi whoever that is reading this should help me am new to nairaland and I don't know where to start
I want to create topic but I don't know how and many more someone pls help me

Same here

Ishilove:
You might be right, but funny enough we have no familial ties. I have tried to imagine what a relationship with him will be like, but it ended feeling very...odd. We hung out a lot, visited each other in our houses, sometimes went for events together. When I'm with him, its like I'm with a girlfriend. :-

The truth is that it is very possible to be friends with members of the opposite sex without it turning to something else.

but are u demanding for money from him? if no then you are saying a different thing entirely.

demand and see if he will stay.

I think the issue of guys asking for physical gratification is folly on the part of the guys. Girls are supposed to enjoy sex too. So why would you consider it a plus if you sleep with her when, actually, you're furthering her cause of exploitation(if you already think your relationship with her is exploitative to your disadvantage).
If you're not OK with running errands for her without getting laid, move along now.
No one can use you without your consent.

Well, I think in my own opinion, girls tend to be just friends with a guy with no strings attached. A girl can control her self sexually, but a guy cannot. Some guys most times don't take No for an answer, for instance, when they ask a girl out and she bluntly refuse, the guy will be like okay I don't mind been your friend maybe as time goes on, something might come up. So you gonna blame the girl if she uses the guy? No!!!. You can be friends with opposite sex if both of you contribute to each other's life in all ramification without any strings attached. I for once stopped keeping male friends as close friends cos I discovered @ one point, they became sexually attracted to me. The most important thing is to keep distance. Well, as for sharing secrets, its not advisable cos one day that your friend might use it against you. Talking from experience.There are guys who thinks the moment you become their friend you are their girlfriend. The whole thing most times is complicated. Also remember,familiarity breeds contempt. We may have become so close that if you ask me for a date, it will never work cos the interest nor desire is not there. That's my opinion and from experience. Best thing, keep them are a distance. Also to me, the only person who can be your best friend or close friend is either your bf or gf or your husband. Cos I believe friendship is also built in relationship.

AK 48:

but are u demanding for money from him? if no then you are saying a different thing entirely.

demand and see if he will stay.

Why on earthe will I demand money from him?

masonkz: MOST guys would want something in return, which most times would translate into something intimate. That is the plain truth.

When a guy is really interested in being close friends with a particular girl without actually nursing any feeling of having anything intimate with her, the guy may be gay. This doesn't apply to all cases so I wouldn't generalise.


It's the plain truth.



So girls, make us your friends and worry not.

Nwannem nwoke! America bugging Angela Merkel's phone has nothing on nairaland earth quake.

I'm alive again!!! Whoo-hoo!!!

@post, it doesn't apply to all girls. I'd rather spend and take care of a guy with no strings attached than to receive care from someone fantasizing about me giving a him a hot bj...

so guys... make me your friend

I don't agree with this post. Ladies and gents
Hear me when I say this: NOT EVERYBODY YOU MEET IS FOR DATING. No matter how attractive they are.

@OP
I agree that humans can be self centered (what can I benefit from this person) but true relationships should be about what you can give to this person rather than what you can get. It's about service and putting them first and that includes sacrificing your convinience at times (trust me, I am sometimes struggle in this area too).

Remember that God always looks into your heart at your motives and he would judge you based on them, that's why your motives always has to be pure.

some people can be very needy and they would try to use your attraction for them you to get what they want but you have got to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and not stoop low to meet them at their level. Do things out of a pure heart and constantly check your heart to see if you have the right motives.

JeffreyJamez: I can relate to this post.... And dude..... It's Spot on !!!!!

They will be "brother-zoning" "friendzoning" and "twinny-zoning"..... But guys who they consider sharp guys would be breaking their hearts and they will come running back to us.... Mcheeew...

Anyhoo...... Cross-gender friendships can work if the" giving and taking" is equal, but if it's one-sided, that's just plain evil!!!!

on point