I Nid Urgent Answers - Family - Nairaland
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| I Nid Urgent Answers by apunku: 9:45am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Pls I am in a huge delimna and I seriously nid your advise, NO INSULTS pls..... I met my husband in 2008 during my NYSC and we got married dat same year (by den I was already pregnant for my first child). I av spent 3yrs in d marriage and I av 3 children 2 account for it! Last year (2010) I began to notice strange tyns about my husband... He started visiting one baba and dis baba duped him of al d money he had and his business crumbled... Such dat he sold al his lands and shops. my mother inlaw lives wit us and most times my husband does not consult me as his wife on major decisions in d house rada he prefers to ask his mother because according to him I am young! Wen my husband bcame broke he join a cult and he was asked to bring me bt he cud not (I did not knw dis @ dat time bt he went a bit mad and had 2 go 2 ma parents house 2 stay a while and I was told dat he confessed to this 2 der hearing of everyone wen a pastor came to pray for him)... My parents after hearing dis asked me to return home to giv birth (den I was pregnant for my last child (2012)) unknown to me dey ad decided dat I wud not return 2 my husband after I gev birth..I cudnt return to my husband (although by dis time he was maltritin me and asking me to go, dat i am a witch)... I left my 2yrs old daughter wit my mother-in-law and took her broda (1yr old) because I cud not tk d 2 of dem wit me for 2 reasons: 1 I was heavily pregnant and 2 I did not knw dat I wnt b returning 2 my husband. Its 2yrs now since I left him bt from d time of my pregnancy til I gave birth my husband has not called to ask for the whereabout of his children talk more of sending money for their upkeep! I had 2 struggle to kip ma children in skul and cater for their needs... Recently his family members called and said that I shud continue training their children dat dey wud com in 15yrs time to collect them by den dey wud b big... I am in a delimna nw should I return my boys to their father? Or should I kip dem? Bt I dnt want to kip dem for the following reasons; 1 dey are boys and I knw dat der fada wil com 2 collect dem sooner or later. 2 I want to move on wit my life bcoz my husband dat I knw wil NEVER com 4 me and as I am stil young I wud like to re-marry. 3 my mother who helps me 2 take care of my boys, while I go 2 work, has health issues coupled wit the fact dat my parents are managin and don't nid extra mouths 2 fid. 4 I am not financially stable to kip dem But I stil have the instincts of a mother and I don't want to giv up my sons jux like dat bcause I might neva see them agen jux like I have not seen their sister now for 2yrs+........ Pls wat do I do? I nid urgent answers! |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Godson201333(m): 9:49am On Jun 30, 2014 |
I have to read several times before understanding the scenario here...okay well lets just wait for the elderly people in the house? Bt as a woman and a mother,dont you think its gonna be difficult giving up your kids and also knowing ya not gonna be able to see them again? |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by BTT(m): 9:50am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Hold on briefly. Nairalanders will soon be here. |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Nobody: 10:03am On Jun 30, 2014 |
It seems your inlaws probably didn't approve of your marriage to their son. Where you properly wedded? And what kind of a wedding did you do? Because in this case,you need a strong backup and since you are not so finacially bouyant,you might not be able to go far as not to give up your children. But nontheless,don't give up yet and also pray to God to help you. |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Abrilla(f): 10:06am On Jun 30, 2014 |
I cannot allow my underaged kids live with someone else while am fit and healthy 4 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by remecy(f): 10:20am On Jun 30, 2014 |
My dear, pls keep ur boys with you no matter what it takes. inasmuch as you are in a dilema, your kids are in worse conditions right now. pls get a loan from your office and put your new house together again. you can make if you put your heart to bringing up your kids under same roof. i know is not esay but u must try to make your kids happy even if you are not. As per getting married again, Your kids are not stopping you from finding new love, put make sure you tell your new partner abt your kids and you both plan from there. ALL THE BEST. 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Nobody: 10:40am On Jun 30, 2014 |
Wow!! what a story. No matter what happens, never give up your sons to them. A man that had the mind of wanting to use you for rituals, what kind of fatherly love will he have for his children? God forbid for me to leave my children with such a man. These are times we wished our family laws are properly implemented in the best interest of children. I am absolutely sure the kids would decide same when they grow older. For now, get a good job to care for them. If only children were not brought into the mix. SMH. 3 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Nobody: 10:52am On Jun 30, 2014 |
You have to be focused and build yourself career wise whatever you choose to do. You need the money to take care of yourself and your kids i sense your desperation and fears concerning the situation but if you give up those kids to their father it may become a life long regret so calm down, focus and begin to plan how to be financially stable. You are still young while building yourself a man who will accept you with your kids will show up but do not take those kids to their father 15 years is a long time anything can happen and even if your husband's people are planning to come back in 15 years time do you think your children will just abandon you and go with people they don't know? Remember you rushed into your first marriage don't rush again do not let your fear of being single for the rest of your life drive you to making wrong decisions. Your children need you be strong for them focus and rebuild your life. 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Mamaflex(f): 11:16am On Jun 30, 2014 |
My dear, if you can go and get the other girl(ur daughter) pls do. Cos u can imagin wht she's gonna go through an being a girl child. Take her wit u. She need u and her brothers. God wil keep u guys. This is the area of His speciaties. Stop havin the mind that u cant do it. Stop thinkin abt gettin married for now. Leave that completly for God. He wil send help/deliverer to u. I trust God for that. Seek him first in evertin and He wil amaze u. Go get ur daughter if u can. Cheers! 3 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by apunku: 3:36pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
@ sophyrocks u dnt understand my husabnd won't use his children 4 rituals coz dey r his blood! Accroding to him I am nt his blood... He had his old mother livin wit us den and he dint use her... |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by feminineA: 3:48pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
My dear please and please can you take your last daughter to live with you??No one can take care of your kids the way you would do. Also, who told him the kids that suffered with you will just follow him few years from now?? even if they do, you would have left an indelible mark in their lives. In all please be very prayerful. God will see you through and provide for your needs 2 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Nobody: 4:24pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
I wonder why you are already thinking about re marrying, what is it about marriage that you are so dependent on? Concentrate on raising your kids, they ll know who was there for them. Mind you that their father can't forcefully take them anymore in the next 15yrs. If you marry another, what exactly will you gain? Breeding more kids is certain, how are we sure their won't be stories that touch afterwards. Start making plans of how to get your little girl, i ll shift the thought of marriage far behind if I were you. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by shizzle11(m): 4:44pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
byvan: I wonder why you are already thinking about re marrying, what is it about marriage that you are so dependent on? Concentrate on raising your kids, they ll know who was there for them. Mind you that their father can't forcefully take them anymore in the next 15yrs. If you marry another, what exactly will you gain? Breeding more kids is certain, how are we sure their won't be stories that touch afterwards.Nothing wrong if she wishes to remarry especially when she is still young, she clearly stated that the burden of raising the kids alone will be too much on her, in order words she is still largely dependent which i believe accounts for her decision and from the look of things, she doesn't have family members who will help reduce the burden. If she can find a man who is willing to accept her and love her, why not?, or is it better she remains single and looking for d1ck(s) to be servicing her? 3 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by bebe2(f): 5:22pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
Dnt know wat to say. so ur baby daughter is with ur in laws?? in this day and age wen we know the many evils dat can befall a girl child. *Smh* u better go get ur daughter. u will manage, many women do. Nothing is worth u sacrificing ur daughter for. the day they will ask for a female child in dat cult, guess who he is going to use. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by bennyrazz: 5:27pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
This one pass me abeg  |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by dahmie2013: 8:25pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
Mamaflex: My dear, if you can go and get the other girl(ur daughter) pls do. Cos u can imagin wht she's gonna go through an being a girl child. Take her wit u. She need u and her brothers. God wil keep u guys. This is the area of His speciaties. Stop havin the mind that u cant do it. Stop thinkin abt gettin married for now. Leave that completly for God. He wil send help/deliverer to u. I trust God for that. Seek him first in evertin and He wil amaze u. Go get ur daughter if u can. Cheers! |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by touchmeder: 12:13pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
Get your daughter, get your daughter that's all I can say. While u are it, keep your sons. Get a better job or a business. God will help you. Pray, God will give you the desires of your heart. You don't need to dump your children before you will get a new man to marry you. All d best 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by cococandy(f): 12:17pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
You've not seen your daughter for the past 2yrs?   Do you communicate with your MIL? If you do,does she give you every detail about the girl's welfare? She should be 4yrs old now. Has she started school? Are you sure no one is touching her in the wrong places? Is your MIL capable of giving her the love and attention a little girl needs to grow up safely? It is a dangeruos world for women. Especially young ones. At that age your daughter NEEDS you and no one else. You're alive and healthy. She should be with you. Try and get her. Do your best to get her. Learn a skill or start a small business to augment the income from your job(it won't be easy at all) But you gotta try. Y'all don't have to live in luxury. As long as you can afford the basics you'll be fine in the long run. Don't marry again because you need someone to help you financially. Marry when you're convinced in your heart that you've met the right person. I must say I'm very surprised you've done nothing to get your daughter for 2yrs now. And you saying that you're thinking of giving your kids up because you'd like to remarry just shows that you've not learned your lessons. I've some divorced friends and what I always tell them is,any man that can't love you with your kids isn't worth it. Can you honestly for the sake of marriage leave your kids in the care of people you can't trust? 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Nobody: 12:26pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
shizzle11: Nothing wrong if she wishes to remarry especially when she is still young, she clearly stated that the burden of raising the kids alone will be too much on her, in order words she is still largely dependent which i believe accounts for her decision and from the look of things, she doesn't have family members who will help reduce the burden. If she can find a man who is willing to accept her and love her, why not?, or is it better she remains single and looking for d1ck(s) to be servicing her?So, will she marrying because she loves him back or because he's a means to an end. May nobody I know ever fall victim to such a scam. She should buckle up and train up her kids. Life isn't a walk in the park. Byvan has told her what to do. 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by baby124: 12:46pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
Go and get your daughter even if you have to steal her. If I have a daughter somewhere and I don't know anything about her, I won't be able to sleep till she is with me. It's better your kids grow up together. If your MIL wants company, she should get a nanny. Have patience and stay in your parents house for now. You already have a lot of family support and help which you need. Try to take your mum to a Good Dr. Maybe at a teaching hospital. It may be that what she needs is just the right drugs. Work hard and build yourself to be able to take care of your 3 kids. It is not an impossible task. You just have to be determined and constantly thinking. A new husband right now should not be your priority. The right man will come when he will. Enjoy your youth and use this time to work hard for yourself and your kids. What is the guarantee that this new man will want to see your boys or even take care of them. What is the guarantee that this new man you are chasing will not just get you pregnant and run away. Leaving you with even more trouble. Just close your legs for now and focus on your future. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by pickabeau1: 1:11pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
Tragic story Working hard is not always tantamount to financial success Have u considering giving up the children for adoption.. 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by shizzle11(m): 2:06pm On Jul 04, 2014 |
fresh_dude: So, will she marrying because she loves him back or because he's a means to an end. May nobody I know ever fall victim to such a scam. She should buckle up and train up her kids. Life isn't a walk in the park. Byvan has told her what to do.-she is still young (well within marriage age from her explanation) -she is willing to re-marry as far as she can find a suitor meaning her heart is still open to love and she can actually love again -she works but she is concerned her earning is not much hence the burden of taking care of her kids will overwhelm her And what makes you think she can find love again? Apart from child bearing, people marry for companionship and bonding, or you think its easy for a young lady to remain for the rest of her life without the kind of companionship only the opposite sexxxx can provide? . All i can say as to what byvan suggested she does is that it is easier said than done, and you cannot assume that her reason to remarry is for financial gain, this is a flawed opinion and i strongly disagree, and insist that if she wishes to remarry, she should go ahead as far as she is convinced its the best decision for her with good reason too. 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by apunku: 8:52pm On Jul 05, 2014 |
baby_123: Go and get your daughter even if you have to steal her. If I have a daughter somewhere and I don't know anything about her, I won't be able to sleep till she is with me. It's better your kids grow up together. If your MIL wants company, she should get a nanny.. D fact dat I said I wud like to marry agen dnt mk me 1 who 'opens my legs' easily k? So pls watch ur words... I am stil young and nt up 2 30 yet and u want me 2 liv d rest of my life as a single mother? Put ursef in my position: wer ur salary dnt mk ends mit and u want d best 4 ur kids bt can't provide 4 dem? Do u tink I fil hapy tinking abt givin up my boys? Everybody has bin commenting on get a gud job work hard etc but let's face facts, we al knw d Nigerian situation... Hw difficult it is 2 secure a job despite one's gud grade (I av a gud grade frm one of d best universities in Nigeria). Stil d fact dat I have a gud grade hasn't bin able 2 secure me dat we'll paying job, and years is rolling buy.. D kids are growing and so is der nids! Others have said I shud look 4 a business 2 support my job 4 now, but wer do I get d capital from? Wit d job I have now I have 2 support not jux my kids bt my parents 2 who r both retired! I am not saying I want 2 marry 2day or 2moro... Infact I haven't even met a decent man yet... Al am saying is if given a chance 2 date agen I wnt want 2 throw it away... I tink of my old age, d boys wud grow and liv home somday and I'd b alone? Besides as am nt yet up 2 30 hw do I stay single 4 d rest of my life? How many Nigerian men wud likely look my way knowing I av 3kids? Even if dey did hw many wud b willingly 2 take me and my kids in on event of re-marriage? Dis is Nigerian and I knw hw dey operate! Besides my kids fada like I said wil NEVER use his kids 4 rituals... He was given a choice btwn me and his mother and he chose 2 use me bcoz accroding 2 him am nt his blood dat is his mentality! Yet I knw dat if my children r 2 av a better life 4 nw dey av 2 go 2 him... Going 2 him is not a forever tin.. I cud always monitor der progress somhw, I dnt knw hw 4 now 2 b honest... But.... 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by cococandy(f): 9:23pm On Jul 05, 2014 |
[b]apunku:[/b]How many Nigerian men wud likely look my way knowing I av 3kids? Even if dey did hw many wud b willingly 2 take me and my kids in on event of re-marriage? Dis is Nigerian and I knw hw dey operate! You want to give up 3 children so that another man can find you lovable? Smh. Anyman who can't love you with your kids isn't worth you. What do you intend to do? Lie about your state of motherhood? Deny your kids? You were in a bad marriage,it wasn't your fault.but that's your life now and you've to be proud of your kids and make them a part of your life. Don't throw away a part of your life that you created because you want new love. How do you know he'll be worth giving your kids up for? Have you thought about how your kids will fare without you? Learn a skill. Something like catering that you can do weekends while working weekdays. You don't need big capital to learn or start it. But you make good profit from it. You're even talking about which man will want you do you think they'll want you without you being improved financially? 5 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Agybabe(f): 10:48pm On Jul 05, 2014 |
My dear, it's well with you. Take it to the Lord in prayers. 15years is still a long time. Don't fight your in-laws when they come for the boys. By then, they should be old enough to like mama or papa. If they go back to papa, I'm sure visitation once in a while won't be an ish. It might not be easy but don't give in to sentiments. Because when in-laws are involved, one needs to be cautious and thread with wisdom. *in J. Martins' voice* Life na jeje, so just try to take am soffrey... If you believe, you go defeat... Re-marry if you want to someone who would be an help meet to you and your kids so as to reduce the burden. Pray for your daughter always. Pray for God's intervention and look up to God, the author and finisher of your faith. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! Shalom! |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by queen47: 11:53pm On Jul 05, 2014 |
While thinking of how to sort out all of these, please go get your daughter. She's still too young to be without her mum and the father you described can't be trusted with a child 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by baby124: 1:47am On Jul 06, 2014 |
apunku: . D fact dat I said I wud like to marry agen dnt mk me 1 who 'opens my legs' easily k? So pls watch ur words... I am stil young and nt up 2 30 yet and u want me 2 liv d rest of my life as a single mother? Put ursef in my position: wer ur salary dnt mk ends mit and u want d best 4 ur kids bt can't provide 4 dem? Do u tink I fil hapy tinking abt givin up my boys? Everybody has bin commenting on get a gud job work hard etc but let's face facts, we al knw d Nigerian situation... Hw difficult it is 2 secure a job despite one's gud grade (I av a gud grade frm one of d best universities in Nigeria). Stil d fact dat I have a gud grade hasn't bin able 2 secure me dat we'll paying job, and years is rolling buy.. D kids are growing and so is der nids! Others have said I shud look 4 a business 2 support my job 4 now, but wer do I get d capital from? Wit d job I have now I have 2 support not jux my kids bt my parents 2 who r both retired! I am not saying I want 2 marry 2day or 2moro... Infact I haven't even met a decent man yet... Al am saying is if given a chance 2 date agen I wnt want 2 throw it away... I tink of my old age, d boys wud grow and liv home somday and I'd b alone? Besides as am nt yet up 2 30 hw do I stay single 4 d rest of my life? How many Nigerian men wud likely look my way knowing I av 3kids? Even if dey did hw many wud b willingly 2 take me and my kids in on event of re-marriage? Dis is Nigerian and I knw hw dey operate! Besides my kids fada like I said wil NEVER use his kids 4 rituals... He was given a choice btwn me and his mother and he chose 2 use me bcoz accroding 2 him am nt his blood dat is his mentality! Yet I knw dat if my children r 2 av a better life 4 nw dey av 2 go 2 him... Going 2 him is not a forever tin.. I cud always monitor der progress somhw, I dnt knw hw 4 now 2 b honest... But....I really don't know what you are looking for. And so what about being 30? What is it about 30 you are afraid of. Yes I said close your legs for now. You have 3kids you can't take care of. Forget about man. The right man you are looking for won't even look at you if you have not built yourself. Except you want to end up in a polygamous home. And please don't tell me to watch my mouth you rude thing. Like you have not learnt from your first marriage. You want to find another 'rich' man to take care of you after escaping being cooked by ritualists. One will think you would have learnt by now. Smh 3 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by apunku: 7:37pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
baby124: u simply dnt understand and and i guess u never will coz ur not in ma shoes, my husband wen i marryd him was nt rich it was in d bid 2 b rich dat he went to the cult..... so dnt tink its d money am after k? the problem wit we Nigerians is tha weneva its anoda person s corpse its nt as painful as if it wer urs.... its so easy 4 u 2 met out advise bt if it wer u in my shoes wat wil u do? answer the question logically witout a biased mind and stop throwing insults k? 1 Like |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by kreamidiva(f): 8:06pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
It may seem very difficult now but you'll get by in no time with determination,hardwork and zeal. You'll reap in the end. Biko nne ,#bringbackyourdaughter# I'll NEVER leave my daughter for anyone in this world no matter the circumstance. My boys can stay with my parents or my sibs but my daughter goes with me to anywhere! Until i'm able to stand on my feet. 3 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by EfemenaXY: 11:48pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
apunku: . D fact dat I said I wud like to marry agen dnt mk me 1 who 'opens my legs' easily k? So pls watch ur words... I am stil young and nt up 2 30 yet and u want me 2 liv d rest of my life as a single mother? Put ursef in my position: wer ur salary dnt mk ends mit and u want d best 4 ur kids bt can't provide 4 dem? Do u tink I fil hapy tinking abt givin up my boys? Everybody has bin commenting on get a gud job work hard etc but let's face facts, we al knw d Nigerian situation... Hw difficult it is 2 secure a job despite one's gud grade (I av a gud grade frm one of d best universities in Nigeria). Stil d fact dat I have a gud grade hasn't bin able 2 secure me dat we'll paying job, and years is rolling buy.. D kids are growing and so is der nids! Others have said I shud look 4 a business 2 support my job 4 now, but wer do I get d capital from? Wit d job I have now I have 2 support not jux my kids bt my parents 2 who r both retired! I am not saying I want 2 marry 2day or 2moro... Infact I haven't even met a decent man yet... Al am saying is if given a chance 2 date agen I wnt want 2 throw it away... I tink of my old age, d boys wud grow and liv home somday and I'd b alone? Besides as am nt yet up 2 30 hw do I stay single 4 d rest of my life? How many Nigerian men wud likely look my way knowing I av 3kids? Even if dey did hw many wud b willingly 2 take me and my kids in on event of re-marriage? Dis is Nigerian and I knw hw dey operate! Besides my kids fada like I said wil NEVER use his kids 4 rituals... He was given a choice btwn me and his mother and he chose 2 use me bcoz accroding 2 him am nt his blood dat is his mentality! Yet I knw dat if my children r 2 av a better life 4 nw dey av 2 go 2 him... Going 2 him is not a forever tin.. I cud always monitor der progress somhw, I dnt knw hw 4 now 2 b honest... But.... Na wa o! What sort of "mother" are you?  If you were my sister, I most certainly would have given you two very hot slaps to reset your thinking! In all your posts, I see not a single line of empathy towards your vulnerable daughter! You're only (slightly) interested in your sons and more interested in roping in another man. All that negative energy you're using in fighting baby124 and people on a faceless forum - use that inner will power and force to go get your daughter, woman! How can you sleep at night??!! Don't you get nightmares of your baby girl crying out for her mother? Do you even know if that child is alive and well? I definitely support the notion that you should close those legs of yours tight and focus on building a home for your three children. Yes, Nigeria is hard but it's still way better than many other war-torn countries out there, where women dare not walk alone un-chaperoned! Yes, it's tough but there are many others in worse situation than yours, less healthy than you, but are still making something of their lives. If you're really focused on what your priorities should be, i.e: your kids, you wouldn't have the time for yourself, much less entertaining thoughts of a man. When you go out actively searching for a man, they'll smell your desperation from a mile off and keep clear of you. If on the the other hand you come across as a determined chic only interested in building her empire for her kids and giving them the very best of life, you'll be surprised at the number of men queuing up to date you / ask your hand in marriage. No man wants a liability and right now, that's exactly what you are. Infact, you're no better than your husband who wanted to get rich quick via babalawo - and that's the person you've comfortably left your girl child with?? SMH (Scratching My Head) at you! You sound ready to be someone's 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th wife with the lame excuses you've been coming up with!4 Likes |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by shizzle11(m): 12:29am On Jul 14, 2014 |
.... |
| Re: I Nid Urgent Answers by Abrilla(f): 12:31am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apunku how far have you gone with your daughter now? Do you ever want to bring her back? You get heart sha 3 Likes |
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