Empiree: Your help needed please. This is real story and i need sincere admonition on this. Everyone is welcome to contribute pls, including usermane guy, my friend. Religious point of view is mostly appreciated. Secular point is welcome too.

A friend of mine, 50 yrs old. Pls dont think im in my 50s though. He's just a very close friend and older. I have to come out publicly bcus it has got to unbearable point that im afraid of losing him. His father passed. He has mother, sisters. His sisters all married. He's the only one staying with their mother. His mom is in her 70s.

Case Study:

His character: awkward, quiet, can be agitated sometimes, doesnt mingle (no social life)
Religion: none
Believe in God: Yes
Generosity: stingy..gives only to mom....barely spend on himself. Others maybe
Self determination: a confused man, lacks focus

I dont know exactly how long he and his mom have being living together but pretty long enough. He takes care of his mom's needs including but not limited to medicals, appointments, financials, well beings, comforts, errands etc.

I am basically his only friend outside his job. We keep company. He's 50 and unmarried. Not sure if he's virgin . He has being recounting his domestic grievances with his mother to me but I usually ignore bcuz i detest involving in family affairs until yesterday after Eld. He simply said to me that he feels like committing suicide. I understand 100%. The man is fed up with his mom. His mother doesn't wants him marry according to him. She never asked him about wife. Children ke. He did try one day to discuss the issue but they always argue. She told him one day that "you are old and you dont need children anymore". She's simply saying it's too late for that, according to my friend.

He once told me about his affairs with a mother of a grown boy. They dated for a while. But his attitude like i said is kind of sucks when it comes to women. He is sincere in his heart to get serious with her but he's not practical. They just go out, talk a few and parted. One day, he saw the woman with another man who is actually coworker. He was upset when he heard the woman said "what's wrong if i have boyfriend". He had no idea what the conversation was about. He quickly vex-de-cool (lol). Whining like a baby. In short he lost the woman. He dated a Puerto Rican lady. They were "together" for long really. They've gone on vacation etc. Again his mind is pure but seems he doesn't know how to express himself to women. Women always thought he's not serious despite spending on them. It's after he 'lost' them he would call me asking what can he do?. They slept in hotel but different beds. No affections(not that i encourage zina). So he lost the lady as well.

Bear in mind that anytime he's not home his mom calls him every minute. "Where are you". I attest to that myself. She calls him like countless times. She does same thing when he's with intended women. She wants to see him in sight (if possible 24/7). I'd told him before to discuss the situation with her preferably midnight when she's cool off. He did that actually but things gone out of hand. Heated argument ensued in the house on marriage issue and other things. The man is not happy but he does everything for her regardless. It has gone to the point that he traveled to Trini last month, she followed him. And she made sure he returned to US before her.

I am really fed up too bcuz this man would call me in the middle of the night and pretty much everyday. It's always about what can i do or other silly stuff one should hear from baby. I get tired sometimes and refuse to answer my phone. Now i am afraid he may be reported dead by suicide if he has no comfort and I am getting sick of this. If i alert authority for his suicide statement he will be picked up and put on suicide watch. Something i think he wont appreciate.

A fifty yr old man, skinny, short and sad but rich. I am out of options. I knew that when he called me yesterday with gloomy voice they must have rumbled (verbally). I just said to him to seek Imam or Pastor whichever he feels to seek religious guidance if possible on situation like this. He's yet to respond to do that. I think any secular contribution on this issue needs critical review. Why?

A while back on Judge Judy, similar situation was presented to her that plaintiff's mother prevented him from marrying. Mrs Judy simply said "move out and move on (with your life)". Here we talking about mother. Thanks

next time leave out anything that resembles my user name.

Sad story, I feel for the guy and mother. I think he might need to see a shrink, experts in relationship, maybe he should find a way of hosting children events in his home so his mother might get used to the idea of him having a life, him and his mother would have to talk thïngs out, I think her underlying fear could be abandonment. First thing encourage him to see psychiaristrist.

vedaxcool: On the moon issue, I will go with mac on this, it doesn't just make sense that muslims would have sat down and sunken so low to the extent of farbricating citing the moon, I don't blame the sultan for any of this, he just worked with the information at his disposal. I expected oloyede should have handled the matter better rather than in such a brazen and rude manner, we find ourselves in situations that requires tack and wisdom, he should have applied both.

Did 12 mid night existed in the prophet pbuh? use to think lunar calender, evrry new day starts at night - dark- hence the dark only finishes when the dawn breaks not at 12 mid night?

12 mid night existed, but was not known as 12 mid night lol, i have forgotten the arabic word used for different parts of the night, i learnt it a very long time ago...and yes, the night comes before the day, so until fajr, night it is (generally speaking).

REPORTED SIGHTINGS OF THE MOON AND ASTRONOMICAL MODELS
One might be tempted to say that if the moon sighting is reported by trustworthy and adil (just) witnesses even though the astronomical models show it to be impossible, that should call into question the validity of those models rather than
result in the discounting of the witnesses’ testimony.

To understand why that is not necessarily the case, it is important to understand that it is entirely possible and even common for people to think they have seen the moon when in reality they have not. Clouds, dust, pollution, and other natural factors can sometimes be confused for the young crescent. And of course, today there are many manmade objects in the sky as well that can confuse even an experienced
observer, including aircraft and satellites of various types. This type of confusion even existed in the era of the Imams of the ahl al-bayt (as), as evidenced by this hadith from Imam Jafar Sadiq (as), in which he was asked how many witnesses are sufficient in sighting the crescent.

The Imam replied:
"Verily, the month of Ramadan is one of the Divine obligations, so don’t base it on conjecture. And sighting the crescent is not for a group to go out, and
then one says, “I have seen it,” while the others say “We didn’t see it.” If one sees it, a hundred see it, and if a hundred see it, a thousand see it. And in sighting the moon, the testimony of less than fifty is not sufficient if there is no obstacle in the sky; and if there is an obstacle, the testimony of two men who enter and leave a city is acceptable."

In sha Allah, soon I will open a thread on "Islamic rulings on moonsighting" as explained with differences by various muslim's scholars of various schools.

Still on research...the above is part in sha Allah.

sino:

12 mid night existed, but was not known as 12 mid night lol, i have forgotten the arabic word used for different parts of the night, i learnt it a very long time ago...and yes, the night comes before the day, so until fajr, night it is (generally speaking).

Oh, I see, permit me to ask if the moon was seen after 12 would it still be accepted as being an indication of when to start or stop fasting?

vedaxcool:

Oh, I see, permit me to ask if the moon was seen after 12 would it still be accepted as being an indication of when to start or stop fasting?

10.5 Question: How much time is required for the 1st hilal to remain in the sky after sunset for visibility according to your findings? Why it is invisible if it remains above the horizon for more than 40 minutes after sun set? (Jan 20, 1999)

Answer: Time varies for locations and months. On one particular evening a crescent may be thinnest in Japan but the same crescent will be 15 hours to 18 hours thicker in USA, and would remain in the sky above horizon at different latitudes for different duration.

Sometimes the crescent may remain above horizon for more than 1 hour but it may not be seen, because it does not have any light of its own; it merely reflects sunlight, which it can only reflect if moon is at least a certain angle from the sun. Even when it meets minimum angle requirement, in some cases, the crescent is invisible because of being too low on the horizon, such that the background light of the setting sun on the horizon is brighter than the crescent.

If you understand that moon does not have its own light, then its presence on the sky does not mean it is visible. You should realize that on 28th or 29th evening of a lunar month the moon disappears from sight; this is mainly for the same reason that it is not at sufficient angle to reflect sunlight.

http://www.moonsighting.com/faq_ms.html#Criteria

I think from the above, it can be deduced that it is impossible to see a new moon after 12 midnight, even the time limit for visibility is very short, i could remember one sighting that was reported at my mosque, people were gathered and looking, but i was focused on going into the mosque for prayers cos the prayer had started, on finishing my prayer and azkar, i now wanted to view the new moon, alas! it was nowhere to be found! mind you, this was not in the month of Ramadan. So such sighting at 12 midnight is definitely not the moon.

vedaxcool:

I think he might need to see a shrink, experts in relationship, First thing encourage him to see psychiaristrist.

will tell him

Bolivia declared Israel a terrorist state due to its aggression against palestine.

Chile, Brazil, Ecuardor & Peru had all re-called their Ambassador from the Israeli regime due to its aggression against Gaza.

But Israeli Ambassadors still remain in Egypt, Jordan & Turkey under heavy security.

Who is fooling who?? John Kerry is flying the world over asking for cease-fire and an end to the war in the middle-east, yet we all know the Us is d one supplying weapons to the Israelites, this war has been on since the 8th of July. Now Israel comes out to ask for more weapons and ammunitions, only for
reports to come out today, the Us actually supplied the weapons on the 20th July. They have also come out to say they intend to increase funding to the Israeli military by $600million in 2015. The whole world is really messed up, no truth anywhere again

they are nasty. and when i said that isis was zionist creation i was tagged conspiracy theorist. Ever wonder y this bogus caliphate mute on this?. only flexes muscles on innocent muslims. as for those arab and muslim nations, won ti je dodo enu won kole so ododo. God go personally punish dem with severe possible punishment

Empiree.

I saw your post. That's a very sad story.

I understand the mother trying cling on to the child but seriously that is selfishness.

She has enjoyed and lived her own life, why hold the son down?

Why stop the guy from living his own life?

The guy holds the ace to everything here. I understand he may be concerned about her health issues but he can always arrange for a private nanny or care giver to be with his mum always. All he has to do is to make regular calls and visits. I understand the difference in location and cultural status . But he needs to break the circle. The mother would be hurt initially but she would heal with time. All he needs do is to explain his feelings. He needs to change environment and mentality.

What would have the mother done if she had no kid? Won't she live her life? This ain't about being cruel or lacking feelings but about common sense.


Wait didn't he go to school or college? What happened when he was there?

onegig

Thanks a lot. I actually thought about nursing home or have her register for Home care service. But that was brushed aside. You know i just avoid saying things sometimes. I put blame on him. Regardless, he should stand up for himself and do what is right bcuz at some point his mother wouldn't be able to make decisions. Just dont understand him sometimes. I think your suggestion about caregiver is still the way to go. They kind of stubborn in my view.

Thanks for your contribution

Empiree: onegig

Thanks a lot. I actually thought about nursing home or have her register for Home care service. But that was brushed aside. You know i just avoid saying things sometimes. I put blame on him. Regardless, he should stand up for himself and do what is right bcuz at some point his mother wouldn't be able to make decisions. Just dont understand him sometimes. I think your suggestion about caregiver is still the way to go. They kind of stubborn in my view.

Thanks for your contribution

Does your friend actually understand "The goal of life?"

'The world stands disgraced' - Israeli shelling of school kills at least 15
www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jul/30/world-disgrace-gaza-un-shelter-school-israel


A Palestinian collects body parts in a classroom at the Abu Hussein UN school. Photograph: Lefteris Pitarakis/AP


A damaged Classroom of the school

"Washington is restocking Israel's dwindling supplies of ammunitions."
-The Telegraph.

Those who condemned Israeli infanticide &
genocide in Gaza should also condemn those who supply the arms & ammunitions to that murderous regime.

The legendary Iranian Commander of the elite AlQuds Brigades, Qassem Sulaimani, wrote a letter to Palestine, he invoked the curse of Allah upon the following:

"May God curse those who have & are oppressing you...."

"May God curse every oppressor who defended this criminal regime & support it, the global tyranny, America..."

"May God curse whoever blocked the ways of delivering aid & helping to you & participation in the Zionist crimes...."

"May God curse anyone who sees your sorrow & bitterness & with cowardly silence gives Zionist permission of killing innocent people..."

God curse & destroy them all!

#GazaUnderAttack

AlBaqir:

Does your friend actually understand "The goal of life?"

Na him really sabi. Someone was just talking to him 3days ago (informal rehab) as someone suggested earlier. I guess God Almighty created us differently. But isnt this too complicated.

Then i doubt he is ready for any solution. If he wouldn't listen to an advice, then why did he ask for it in the first place?

Even if he manages to get married under that roof. The mum's daily interferance would be the killer of that relationship. Or how do you expect to focus on building his home when his mother is always in the picture 247 and needing his attention always?

The only other option that might work is he transferring the care to one of his sisters. At least they are also kids of this same woman and have a responsibility of caring for her also not withstanding their marital status. If he's not open to any of this, then he should stop complaining and keep it up. He is a mummy's boy at over 50 and i don't think that would change any soon.

It is that simple.

Albaqir.. The israeli government officials are physco patients. Can you imagine the comment by one of their MPs?

”NATO bombed 5,000 civilians in
Kosovo just because it was
insulted; 27,000 Iraqi civilians
were bombed during the
American invasion because they
posed a danger to the US; there
is not a country in the world that
can talk to us about morality.” -
Israeli MP
http://jpupdates.com/2014/07/29/european-countries-fail-protect-jews-state-israel-will/

So i can also just go on and kill 11 million people tomorrow and no one has a moral ground to criticise me just because Hitler did the same thing. Can you imagine these beasts and murderers?

onegig: Then i doubt he is ready for any solution. If he wouldn't listen to an advice, then why did he ask for it in the first place?

Even if he manages to get married under that roof. The mum's daily interference would be the killer of that relationship. Or how do you expect to focus on building his home when his mother is always in the picture 247 and needing his attention always?

[b]The only other option that might work is he transferring the care to one of his sisters. [/b]At least they are also kids of this same woman and have a responsibility of caring for her also not withstanding their marital status. If he's not open to any of this, then he should stop complaining and keep it up. He is a mummy's boy at over 50 and i don't think that would change any soon.

It is that simple.

The last time I checked, they avoided the madness too. He's going to have to deal with it so long as he doesnt call me in the middle of the night. Actually, at 50, nothing much to do to rescue him. The ball is in his court.

He can still marry at 50 if he wants to.

He just needs to get his mum a companion or have her live with him if that's workable.

He's even rich- why exactly can't he get a wife?


And if he has problems approaching women, has he considered arranged marriage or asking his mum to help him find someone herself?

It was narrated from Sa’d that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

“Verbally abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (disobedience) and fighting him is Kufr.”



Grade : Sahih (Darussalam)

Sunan Ibn Majah
English reference : Vol. 1, Book 36, Hadith 3941
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 4076

tbaba1234: It was narrated from Sa’d that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

“Verbally abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (disobedience) and fighting him is Kufr.”



Grade : Sahih (Darussalam)

Sunan Ibn Majah
English reference : Vol. 1, Book 36, Hadith 3941
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 4076

Kindly explain the hadith bro.
Sharh sunan Ibn Majah will be more appreciated.

AlBaqir:

Kindly explain the hadith bro.
Sharh sunan Ibn Majah will be more appreciated.

I am not qualified to explain the hadith, I take from it what is apparent.

And Allah knows best.

bro, stop all this kufr thing, of all the problems in nigeria and facing nigerians today, i think kufr should be the least of your worries.

when you first joined nairaland, you started out in the christian section (preaching), and nobody disturbed you or called you kufr there.
In fact, you spent more time in christian section then than you did in Muslim section.

If kufr was that important to you, then you would not have been so comfortable chatting with christians in christian section.

Just saying, I dont know what brought about your kufr comment, but its getting a bit too much here- this is the third time i'm seeing someone refer to kufr in less than a month.


lets caution ourselves, nobody knows the mind of God.

if i am reading you wrong, then ignore my post.

tbaba1234:

I am not qualified to explain the hadith, I take from it what is apparent.

And Allah knows best.

That's why I said "sharh (commentary) sunan Ibn Majah will be appreciated".

I do not want to quote several ayah of the glorious Quran or several other hadith that contradict the hadith perhaps I misinterpret the "reported saying" of the prophet (saws); hence, my asking of the sharh.

And the above hadith is in reference to?

Empiree: And the above hadith is in reference to?

No one, I saw it and what came to mind was the chaos in the muslim world.

tpia1: bro, stop all this kufr thing, of all the problems in nigeria and facing nigerians today, i think kufr should be the least of your worries.

.

Calm down, no need to get upset or worked up.

No one is accusing anyone of Kufr.

AlBaqir:

That's why I said "sharh (commentary) sunan Ibn Majah will be appreciated".

Ok, if I do find any useful commentary, I will post.

tpia1: He can still marry at 50 if he wants to.

He just needs to get his mum a companion or have her live with him if that's workable.

He's even rich- why exactly can't he get a wife?


And if he has problems approaching women, has he considered arranged marriage or asking his mum to help him find someone herself?

Sure he can. If you read my first post, it says he and his mom always argue when it comes to marriage. She usually ignore when he talks about it. Then they started arguing according according to him. You know it's similar to narrative by Mr. Nouman Ali Khan where a mother wants to be around her son even while married. Her son is like her retirement funds or Social Security check. She thinks that when her son is married he would have less time for her. This is just what i think is going on. But in this case it's too far.

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

“The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.”


Grade : Sahih (Darussalam)

Ibn Majah
English reference : Vol. 1, Book 36, Hadith 4032
Arabic reference : Book 36, Hadith 4168

tbaba1234:

No one, I saw it and what came to mind was the chaos in the muslim world.

Yes, never mind bro. The hadith is correct. Have heard about it. It's famous hadith anyway. And since this is just general qoute, aint see any problem in that. It's indeed what we need to ponder over. Argument and fighting is not the way to go. Sometimes, we need to ignore trouble markers for the sake of unity.

Salam Alaikum
I talked wit a muslimah concerning my
intentns abt her but unfortunately she's
engaged.Bt later I noticed I also hv clear
intentn to a frnd of hers whc I let her aware
concerning my mind status for easy ride BUT
later on told me she has a follower also.
QUESTION--------Is it Islamically ideal to
walk down to her(i.e d new muslimah)&
explain my thoughts or forget abt it ? I just
hope d Former muslimah woudnt bin gazing
at me like a womanizer.....only Allah judge by
intentns.
JAZAKUMULAHU KHAIRAN

yetunsbay:
QUESTION--------Is it Islamically ideal to
walk down to her(i.e d new muslimah)&
explain my thoughts or forget abt it ?

What makes Islam unique is the fact that there are steps and guide (divine) for every aspect of human life.

In Islam, you don't just walk up to a woman and disclose your intention. Islam value and protect woman more than you can ever imagine.

In Islam you need approval from her wali (parents or guardian). In turn they will talk to their daughter and allow you guys to talk.

Unfortunately, no one cares about this Islamic moral standard anymore. We simply follow animalistic 'western civilization' where you can approach woman anyhow.

yetunsbay:
I just
hope d Former muslimah woudnt bin gazing
at me like a womanizer.....only Allah judge by
intentns.
JAZAKUMULAHU KHAIRAN

'Morally' speaking (as per the norms of this society)she might be thinking like that. But Islamically there's absolutely nothing wrong in that.

He knows best.