Infidelity and abuse aren't the only things that can ruin a marriage. Other behaviors can creep into your marriage and harm it.

25 Common Marriage Blunders

1. Selfishness: You act like a two-year old when you can't have your way --throwing adult-size tantrums, giving your spouse the silent treatment, or trying to manipulate him/her to get your way. Unlucky you, when your spouse tires of this childish, selfish behavior and leaves.

2. Diarrhea of the Mouth: You invite everyone into your marriage by telling everyone everything about your marriage - even the intimate details. You bad-mouth your spouse to family, friends and co-workers. When rough times hit, you don't talk to your spouse or seek counseling -- instead you air your dirty laundry to outsiders. In time, your running mouth may run your spouse right out of the marriage.

3. Being Unappreciative: You don't appreciate anything your spouse does. You take them for granted. You have a warped sense of entitlement. You make your spouse feel as if they should be grateful that you married them. If you like to be appreciated -- what of your spouse?

4. Being Greedy/Materialistic: You weighed the gold in your spouse's pocket after the first "Hello" and gleefully imagined that mansion on the hill, beautifully furnished, a fancy car to drive, sparkling jewels, vacations abroad, kiddos in private boarding schools and an envied position on the social ladder -- all of which you gained after the "I Dos" -- but at what cost? Imagine yourself and your kiddos eating dinner alone, while your poor, stressed-out, overworked spouse is working his fingers to the bone to keep you in the style you demand. Are you prepared for the day when he'll throw in the towel and leave, or worse, keel over and die from a stress-related heart attack, leaving you a widow and your children fatherless? Then what?

5. Neglecting Your Spouse: You spend as much time as you can away from your spouse, spending all of your free time with friends and family. You only spend time with your spouse on special occasions such as anniversaries, birthdays and holidays. That’s a great way to push your spouse to seek attention from someone else. Think about it.

6. He's Not Your Number One: Did you marry him to be a wife or mother? Generally speaking, women marry out of love, want to have legitimate children and receive financial support for themselves and those children. Men marry because they are in love and genuinely want to be married and to have families. However, after the "I Dos", some women forget the vows they took to forever cherish, love, and honor their husbands. They make children their #1 Priority -- with their poor husbands relegated to the back seat of the marriage -- neglected and generally ignored. Is it any wonder that sometimes the neglected husband seeks attention outside the marriage? Could years of neglect from the wife be the reason some husbands file for divorce, after the children are grown and gone? Why stay? they reason. The children were the only thing holding the marriage together. What's the point of staying married?

7. She's Not Your Number One: You put everything and everyone before your wife -- your job -- your friends -- your needs. But what of hers? Did you forget the vows you took to forever cherish, love, and honor your wife? What happened to the man you were, before you married -- the man who made her heart flutter -- the man who put a smile on her face -- the man who put her first -- the man who couldn't wait to see her -- the man who just called to say "Hi!" -- the man who bought little gifts for her for no reason -- the man who never forgot a birthday -- the man who made her the envy of her friends. Infidelity and abuse are not the only reasons why more women than men file for divorce. Take note.

8. Being Disrespectful: You feel free to say anything to your spouse. You talk to him/her like a child, never thinking before you speak. You dress him/her down inside the home in front of the children and clown him/her in front of friends, family and in public. You just say what comes to mind. You never ask your spouse their opinion -- you just make decisions without them. You even curse out your spouse -- calling them nasty names. Surely he/she will never get tired of that. Apologies and remorse aren't your cup of tea. It should be. What if the shoe was on the other foot? How would you feel?

9. Using Intimacy As A Weapon: You 'punish' your spouse by cutting off the 'good stuff' because you're angry at him/her, he/she cheated, you didn't get your way or for some other reasons. This is where communication and attentive listening is the key. Talk it out - not hold out. Such behavior is quite damaging to a marriage and totally unnecessary. Keep it up and you may drive your spouse out the door and into the arms of someone else.

10. Not Enough Alone Time: You come home tired and worn-out -- only to find family members or mutual friends making merry -- again. Of course you love them -- love their company -- but everyday? Is there anyday you can come home and spend some quality time with your spouse and children, without meeting company? Don't these people have homes? Constant company can put a strain on a marriage, especially young marriages. Couples need alone time -- time to bond. To avoid conflict, they need to establish clear boundaries about when family and friends can visit and when they should leave and communicate these boundaries to their respective family and friends -- lovingly and respectfully.

11. Wife Is "Married" To The Church: You love the Lord, attend church regularly as a family and look forward to Bible study on Tuesdays but, your wife is taking her love for the Lord to a whole new level. Some women become so religious and obsessed with the church, they cater more to the church than their husband and children. They neglect the personal needs of their husbands and the maternal needs of their children. Some unhappy husbands feel as if their wives are "married" to the church instead of them, because they spend most of their time there. Little do these wives know that their constant attention to church matters could lead to a breakdown in their marriages. Such religious zeal can also lead to infidelity which could lead to divorce. Loving God is a good thing but so is loving your family and spending quality time with them, outside the church. Good churches should stress to wives and husbands that their families should come first before the church. They should not only encourage couples to participate more in the ministry but ensure that they keep their families together.

12. Spending Too Much Time Together: You feel smothered by your spouse. He/she seems to be attached to your hip. It's becoming annoying and you are beginning to hate coming home. You wish your spouse would give you a little breathing room -- become more independent and less dependent on you. Their clingy and needy behavior is working your last nerve. This is the time to sit your spouse down and firmly and lovingly explain that spending time apart, pursuing his/her interests, hobbies and friendships will not only make them happy, it will make you happy and make your marriage happier.

25 Common Marriage Blunders - Part 2

13. Arguing Over Money: You find your spouse has been using money from your joint savings account to send money home to your in-laws -- without your knowledge. When you confront him/her -- they blow up and point out that some of that money is theirs too. True. But why not consult with you first, since some of that money is yours too? Solution: Three bank accounts -- his -- hers -- household. What percentage to be deposited in each account should be agreed upon by both spouses.

14. Being Critical: You consider it constructive criticism -- loving concern but your spouse considers it a personal attack, when you criticize their appearance, the way they dress, how they're not being a good wife/husband, or worse, criticize their performance in bed. Not good. What of you? Do you need “step up and do better” more often? Why not take a good look at yourself and what you could do to improve yourself and the marriage? The only way you can point the finger of criticism at your spouse is if you are as flawless and perfect as "The One Who Walked On Water".

15. Not Having Fun Together: You're amazed at how much fun some elderly couples seem to have, even when one is leaning on a walker or sitting in a wheelchair. Why not you and your spouse? Sure you have your separate sets of friends but what of mutual friends? What of date nights? Do you do anything fun as a couple or family? When you are out on a date as a couple, is your ear glued to the phone or are your fingers madly texting? Of course face-to-face communication with your spouse will only make the marriage bond stronger. But you can't be bothered with that can you?

16. Fighting Dirty: You know you're wrong but pride won't allow you to admit it. So you come out swinging. You bring up things that have nothing to do with the disagreement or rehash old issues from the past that have been long resolved. You must win at all costs, even if it means saying things that hurt and wound deeply. That's low down and dirty. What if your spouse gets down like that one day, in the midst of a disagreement? It can happen.

17. No Communication: You have to talk to each other about how you feel, what your opinions are, your likes, dislikes, fears, and dreams. In order to get along well and know each other as intimately as a married couple should, you have to talk openly and honestly.

18. Holding Grudges: Your spouse hurt you. He/she has apologized but you just can't let go of the hurt. Hurt can quickly turn to anger, and anger can turn to bitterness just as fast. Work through the hurt and anger and forgive them. Being angry under the surface will only hurt you more in the end. Talk to your spouse and work to resolve the issue. Letting go of the offense will keep your relationship close and more enjoyable.

19. No Compromising: You want something -- your spouse wants something else. What to do? Compromise. Marriage is all about give and take. Making "deals" with your spouse should be a regular thing. Each of you should feel free to express what you want and you should take turns on who gets it their way "this time." Also, with some decisions you can opt for something that you both can agree on, or work things out so that both of you get your way.

25 Common Marriage Blunders - Part 3

20. Displaying Jealousy: You feel that everyone wants your spouse or that your spouse wants everyone else. Think again. They married you. Your confidence in yourself and your expressed trust in your spouse will make you more attractive to them. Always give them the benefit of doubt unless there is reasonable suspicion. The fact that you don't think you're good enough probably isn't a reasonable suspicion.

21. Flirting, Lustful Staring And Talking About The Attractiveness Of Other People: Most husbands wouldn't appreciate their wives pointing out how handsome other men are yet some husbands are absolutely shameless in this area, giving little thought to their wives' feelings. One day the worm may turn and you will get a taste of your own medicine. Can you handle it?

22. Married But Living Single: You're no longer single. ME is now US and WE. Being part of an intimate, committed relationship includes consulting with your spouse, whenever you’re faced with an important decision. Big decisions impact both of you, so it only makes sense to talk to your spouse, regarding any potentially important decision. Making decisions as if you were single is guaranteed to alienate your spouse and you may find yourself single again, answerable only to your lonely self.

23. Bait & Switch: You wake up one day, look over at your spouse and realize he/she is not the same person you dated and later married. Welcome to the World of Bait & Switch. Before marriage, some potential spouses intentionally promise things, directly or indirectly they aren't capable of giving. Or, they promise not to behave in certain ways. This is the bait. After the marriage, they think you will forget about the promises, so they don't keep those promises. The end justifies the means. This is the switch. "Bait & Switch" is not the same as a person changing their mind. When a person changes his/her mind, the original promises were sincere. Specific circumstances sometimes force people to change their minds based on unforeseen realities.

24. Threatening Divorce: You've been at loggerheads with your spouse for weeks. Simple requests turn into all out battles. Out of frustration, you shout "I want a divorce!" -- when in reality you really don't -- the words just popped out. That's a no-no. Threatening to divorce, suggesting divorce as an option, or accusing your spouse of destroying the marriage will lead to just that. A divorce is a very serious decision, and using it as a weapon or method of control creates anxiety and despair. It's not conducive for effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving, or intimacy.

25. B(ut) -- A(lways) -- N(ever) these three words from all marriage talk.

In the marriage guide, "Love and Respect in the Christian Marriage", Dr. Ben Duii identifies three powerful words that are capable of causing irreparable damage to a marriage.

"(B)ut." "But" implies a sense of manipulation and a lack of integrity. When you use "but," you negate whatever was said before. It invalidates your message and turns a positive statement into a negative one. It's a conjunction that does not lend itself to building trust, credibility and intimacy. Similar words to avoid include "however" and "although."

"(A)lways." "Always" implies a sense of rigidity and righteousness. When you use "always," you're telling your spouse that they are wrong, you are right, and that there's nothing that can be done about it. It's also an all-or-nothing phrase, and it does not lend itself to understanding, learning, or healing.

"(N)ever." "Never" implies a sense of hopelessness and finality. When you use "never," you're telling your spouse that they are no good, will never be any good and that there's no hope for change. It's an all-or-nothing phrase that does not lend itself to listening, compromising and creating good will.

Dr. Duii also urges couples to think about the impact their words have on their spouses. What outcome are you expecting? Are the words you speak coming from a place of love or...are they meant to hurt, control, scare or push away the person you love? Find words that are conducive to creating intimacy.

These might include phrases like --

"I notice that when I [blank], you react by [blank]."
"When you do [blank], I feel [blank]."
"It would mean a lot to me if you would [blank], because when you do, I feel [blank]."
And: "I want our marriage to feel good to both of us. How can we approach things in a way that makes us both feel heard, appreciated, accepted, and loved?"

Marriages are like snowflakes -- no two are the same. Things that harm one marriage may not affect someone else’s. It takes spouses working together to make a marriage survive and keep it strong.

I dey come

Interesting

I didn't read 'em, just the title/sub-topics .
Thanks sha

Very interesting, thank you.

Wow! I like this!
Nice write-up.

Hmmmm!!!!!