Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, but when chronic,
explosive anger spirals out of control, it can have
serious consequences for your relationships, your
health, and your state of mind. With insight about the
real reasons for your anger and these anger management tools, you can learn to keep your temper from hijacking your life.
UNDERSTANDING ANGER:
The emotion of anger is neither good nor bad. It's perfectly healthy and normal to feel angry when you've been mistreated or wronged. The feeling isn't the problem—it's what you do with it that makes a difference. Anger becomes a problem when
it harms you or others.
If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it's out of your hands and there's little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think. You can learn to express your emotions without hurting others—and when you do, you'll not only feel better, you'll also be more
likely to get your needs met. Mastering the art of anger management takes work, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. And the payoff can be huge. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately can help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.

Myths and Facts about Anger
Myth: I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger. It’s healthy to vent and let it out.
Fact: While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no better. Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up. In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your anger problem.
Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want.
Fact: True power doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints.
Others will be more willing to listen to you and
accommodate your needs if you communicate in a
respectful way.
Myth: I can’t help myself. Anger isn’t something you can
control.
Fact: You can’t always control the situation you’re in or how it makes you feel, but you can control how you express
your anger. And you can express your anger without being verbally or physically abusive. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice about how to respond.
Myth: Anger management is about learning to suppress your anger.
Fact: Never getting angry is not a good goal. Anger is
normal, and it will come out regardless of how hard you try. to suppress it. Anger management is all about becoming aware of your underlying feelings and needs and developing healthier ways to manage upset. Rather than trying to
suppress your anger, the goal is to express it in
constructive ways.

WHAT'S BEHIND YOUR ANGER?
If you’re struggling with out-of-control anger, you may be
wondering why your fuse is so short. Anger problems often
stem from what you’ve learned as a child. If you watched
others in your family scream, hit each other, or throw things,
you might think this is how anger is supposed to be expressed.
Traumatic events and high levels of stress can make you more
susceptible to anger as well.
Anger is often a cover-up for other feelings
In order to get your needs met and express your anger in
appropriate ways, you need to be in touch with what you are
really feeling. Are you truly angry? Or is your anger masking
other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame,
or vulnerability?
If your knee-jerk response in many situations is anger, it is very
likely that your temper is covering up your true feelings and
needs. This is especially likely if you grew up in a family where
expressing feelings was strongly discouraged. As an adult, you
may have a hard time acknowledging feelings other than anger.
Clues that there’s something more to your anger
You have a hard time compromising. Is it hard for you to
understand other people’s points of view, and even harder
to concede a point? If you grew up in a family where
anger was out of control, you may remember how the
angry person got his or her way by being the loudest and
most demanding. Compromising might bring up scary
feelings of failure and vulnerability.
You have trouble expressing emotions other than anger.
Do you pride yourself on being tough and in control, never
letting your guard down? Do you feel that emotions like
fear, guilt, or shame don’t apply to you? Everyone has
those emotions, and if you think you don’t, you may be
using anger as a cover for them.
You view different opinions and viewpoints as a personal
challenge to you. Do you believe that your way is always
right and get angry when others disagree? If you have a
strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may
interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your
authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at
things.
If you are uncomfortable with many emotions, disconnected, or
stuck on an angry one-note response to everything, it might do
you some good to get back in touch with your feelings.
Emotional awareness is the key to self-understanding and
success in life. Without the ability to recognize, manage, and
deal with the full range of human emotions, you’ll inevitably
spin into confusion, isolation, and self-doubt.

oWARNING SIGNS AND TRIGGERS:
While you might feel that you just explode into anger without
warning, there are, in fact, physical warning signs in your body.
Anger is a normal physical response. It fuels the "fight or flight"
system of the body, and the angrier you get, the more your
body goes into overdrive. Becoming aware of your own personal
signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take
steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control.
Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body
Knots in your stomach
Clenching your hands or jaw
Feeling clammy or flushed
Breathing faster
Headaches
Pacing or needing to walk around
"Seeing red"
Having trouble concentrating
Pounding heart
Tensing your shoulders
Identify the negative thought patterns that trigger your
temper
You may think that external things—the insensitive actions of
other people, for example, or frustrating situations— are what
cause your anger. But anger problems have less to do with
what happens to you than how you interpret and think about
what happened. Common negative thinking patterns that
trigger and fuel anger include:
Overgeneralizing. For example, "You always interrupt me.
You NEVER consider my needs. EVERYONE disrespects me. I NEVER get the credit I deserve."
Obsessing on "shoulds" and "musts." Having a rigid view of the way things should or must be and getting angry
when reality doesn’t line up with this vision.
Mind reading and jumping to conclusions . Assuming you
"know" what someone else is thinking or feeling—that he or she intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or
disrespected you.
Collecting straws. Looking for things to get upset about,
usually while overlooking or blowing past anything
positive. Letting these small irritations build and build
until you reach the "final straw" and explode, often over
something relatively minor.
Blaming. When anything bad happens or something goes
wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You blame others for the things that happen to you rather than taking responsibility for your own life.
Avoid people, places, and situations that bring out your worst. Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings. Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks with a certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute drives you crazy. Then think about ways to avoid these triggers or view the situation differently so it doesn’t make your blood boil.

.