bukatyne:


What is worse in a marriage than cheating and abuse?

Sagamite:


How many men do the average woman plan to and want to sleep with?

How many does the average man?

DIDIVA:

I don't quite understand your argument Sagamite, but pls any man who is not ready to give up on his dreams of bedding ten thousand women in his lifetime, should NEVER mention the word marriage; ever!

Marriage is sacred & an entirely different ball game, so you don't play hide & seek in it. Neither can you eat your cake & have it.
The levels of commitment that come with marriage are fully & clearly spelt out. So why would anyone accept to go into it only to ridicule himself by saying commitment to his/her spouse is not the spouse's entitlement!!! o gah o! O di kwa egwu!

Infact na by force o ! Especially when I dey my own, you fyn me come say na marriage you want. You don't toy with peoples emotions like that now.
The only case this doesn't apply is if the wife was the one who married the husband or forced him into marriage. Simple!

carefreewannabe:


We were not talking about feelings. We were talking about expectations.
And of course you cannot force anyone to fulfill your expectations and that is why it is better to stay away from morally crooked people who will expect someone to give them this or that but will not do the same even though they pretend to.

And when the truth reveals itself some day, they will give their partners all sort of excuses they were giving themselves when deceiving their partners.

Extremely selfish and unfair.

chaircover:


My dear there are a lot of things that can make a marriage terrible. . . .a lot
We hear a lot about breasst cancer and lung cancer, but all the other cancers can kill too if left untreated.

If you ask warring couples, abuse and infidelity is not always the root cause of their issues.

A man who gambles all the family funds or a man who refuses to work but sit at home for years waiting for his big break, while his kids are being chased out of school for lack of school fees is a man who will give his wife sleepless nights

A man who is always at logger heads with landlords and employers leading to the family being constantly being evicted and the man is always being sacked is a headache to the wife.

Sexual incompatibility nko? another cause of strife and sleepless nights. The guy wants it 2 times and the wife wants it 4 times? or the husband wants her to wear red in bed and she wants to wear blue

A man who nags nags nags and can never see anything good in his wife too is a headache. I have a collegue, always complaining about how her husband is always embarassing her with his lewd and vulger language outside.

This afternoon I was in a self service restaurant and there was this man, partner and their kid in the queue in front of me. The server was serving another customer in front of us all. I guess it was taking too much time (which it wasnt) and this man just suddenly slammed his tray down and angrily walked off. The son was shouting dad dad and running after him. The woman just stood there with her hands to her face before eventually walking away.

A lot of things can go wrong and make life unbearable in the marriage for both parties. ive seen and heard a lot of stories. . . . A lot of things are happening my sister, May God help us all.

chaircover:


My dear there are a lot of things that can make a marriage terrible. . . .a lot
We hear a lot about breasst cancer and lung cancer, but all the other cancers can kill too if left untreated.

If you ask warring couples, abuse and infidelity is not always the root cause of their issues.

A man who gambles all the family funds or a man who refuses to work but sit at home for years waiting for his big break, while his kids are being chased out of school for lack of school fees is a man who will give his wife sleepless nights

A man who is always at logger heads with landlords and employers leading to the family being constantly being evicted and the man is always being sacked is a headache to the wife.

Sexual incompatibility nko? another cause of strife and sleepless nights. The guy wants it 2 times and the wife wants it 4 times? or the husband wants her to wear red in bed and she wants to wear blue

A man who nags nags nags and can never see anything good in his wife too is a headache. I have a collegue, always complaining about how her husband is always embarassing her with his lewd and vulger language outside.

This afternoon I was in a self service restaurant and there was this man, partner and their kid in the queue in front of me. The server was serving another customer in front of us all. I guess it was taking too much time (which it wasnt) and this man just suddenly slammed his tray down and angrily walked off. The son was shouting dad dad and running after him. The woman just stood there with her hands to her face before eventually walking away.

A lot of things can go wrong and make life unbearable in the marriage for both parties. ive seen and heard a lot of stories. . . . A lot of things are happening my sister, May God help us all.

imurboss:
What's going on here, I think this thread is getting boring from how it was when it started. So many arguments & digressions

Sagamite:


Having a baby seem like a honourable reason for you both to continue the relationship.

It is in the best interest of the baby but based on the other parts of your statement, it might not be in both of you's best interest.



Okay. I guess on this we can only go by what he told you and what you experienced. Fair enough.



To be frank, this does not sound sufficient enough for the needs of an average man. It really sounds like what women tend to think men "should" want in a relationship. Secondly, some of these might be claimed (and believed) but that might not be the view of the guy.

That said, the needs of different men can be different. I would leave you to judge whether what you pride yourself as giving him is what he wants. You are the one that knows your man.

Give and want can have a deep disconnect. For example, if someone asks me what I bring to the relationship for my woman and I say, I spend a lot of time with her watching football. That might be nice for me, she might even enjoy it moderately but her needs might be extremely different and more complex than that and that is not a typical high-level need of a woman. Of course, I would probably think she "should" like that and not think of what she "would" like and "how" she would like it.



Most women tend to want emotional, financial and physical security as a fundamental need.

Most men tend to want sex, financial success, social position/power, an aesthetically beautiful trophy partner, someone they are sexually attracted to, good conversation, limited/no arguments and little domestic work as a fundamental need.

You have to figure out which of these you provide him with (or support him in getting or not hinder him in getting) so well from your view of making him very happy.

Each gender wants more than those, those are just the fundamentals.

As for you being the love of his life, that might be very true but I also know many men say such rubbish because they think that is what they are suppose to say or that is what a woman wants to here otherwise there would be snide trouble.

I have the philosophy that there are multiple choices for everyone. If a girl is not with me, she would be with someone else and be equally happy. I am a core realist.



If I may ask, why didn't you say "No, lets wait a bit till we get married"? Because he asked and want to is not sufficient reason to do it now if he is sure that is what he wants now.

Okay.

Sagamite:


Having a baby seem like a honourable reason for you both to continue the relationship.

It is in the best interest of the baby but based on the other parts of your statement, it might not be in both of you's best interest.



Okay. I guess on this we can only go by what he told you and what you experienced. Fair enough.



To be frank, this does not sound sufficient enough for the needs of an average man. It really sounds like what women tend to think men "should" want in a relationship. Secondly, some of these might be claimed (and believed) but that might not be the view of the guy.

That said, the needs of different men can be different. I would leave you to judge whether what you pride yourself as giving him is what he wants. You are the one that knows your man.

Give and want can have a deep disconnect. For example, if someone asks me what I bring to the relationship for my woman and I say, I spend a lot of time with her watching football. That might be nice for me, she might even enjoy it moderately but her needs might be extremely different and more complex than that and that is not a typical high-level need of a woman. Of course, I would probably think she "should" like that and not think of what she "would" like and "how" she would like it.



Most women tend to want emotional, financial and physical security as a fundamental need.

Most men tend to want sex, financial success, social position/power, an aesthetically beautiful trophy partner, someone they are sexually attracted to, good conversation, limited/no arguments and little domestic work as a fundamental need.

You have to figure out which of these you provide him with (or support him in getting or not hinder him in getting) so well from your view of making him very happy.

Each gender wants more than those, those are just the fundamentals.

As for you being the love of his life, that might be very true but I also know many men say such rubbish because they think that is what they are suppose to say or that is what a woman wants to here otherwise there would be snide trouble.

I have the philosophy that there are multiple choices for everyone. If a girl is not with me, she would be with someone else and be equally happy. I am a core realist.



If I may ask, why didn't you say "No, lets wait a bit till we get married"? Because he asked and want to is not sufficient reason to do it now if he is sure that is what he wants now.

Okay.

imurboss:
What's going on here, I think this thread is getting boring from how it was when it started. So many arguments & digressions

Givemejoy:
it is needed once in a while.

Givemejoy:
it is needed once in a while.

snazzylove:
@ Ilovenigeria, my dear am by d sideline watching
The issue of cheating in marriage is something I avoid discussing, reason is because, its really hard for me to say what my reaction will be if am faced with the situation. Its so complicated. A lot of pple may not understand this, its easier to rant about what you will or will not do, cause you are not wearing the shoe yet, in reality a 'Margaret Thatcher' or 'James Bond' may suddenly turn to Mother Theresa and vice versa.
Sisi Chaircover made valid points that I quite appreciate, she really understands the intricacies of r/ship in marriage.
@Meddler, I'll advice you take it easy on urself, its not your fault that hussy cheated. HE WANTED TO CHEAT, and he has no excuse for it. Forgive him, try to 4get. This is the most difficult part. I don't know if I can forgive if I find myself in your shoes, even if I do I can never forget, just like madampinkolo said, the thot of them together and stuffs will continue to linger in my memory, and this will always aggravate and wake up anger in me anytime am with him, meaning dat it will be very difficult for me to let go.
Since you have decided to hold on and make it work, I pray for strength from above to keep you goin. Its really a trying time for you but God will see you thru. Its well.

snazzylove:
@ Ilovenigeria, my dear am by d sideline watching
The issue of cheating in marriage is something I avoid discussing, reason is because, its really hard for me to say what my reaction will be if am faced with the situation. Its so complicated. A lot of pple may not understand this, its easier to rant about what you will or will not do, cause you are not wearing the shoe yet, in reality a 'Margaret Thatcher' or 'James Bond' may suddenly turn to Mother Theresa and vice versa.
Sisi Chaircover made valid points that I quite appreciate, she really understands the intricacies of r/ship in marriage.
@Meddler, I'll advice you take it easy on urself, its not your fault that hussy cheated. HE WANTED TO CHEAT, and he has no excuse for it. Forgive him, try to 4get. This is the most difficult part. I don't know if I can forgive if I find myself in your shoes, even if I do I can never forget, just like madampinkolo said, the thot of them together and stuffs will continue to linger in my memory, and this will always aggravate and wake up anger in me anytime am with him, meaning dat it will be very difficult for me to let go.
Since you have decided to hold on and make it work, I pray for strength from above to keep you goin. Its really a trying time for you but God will see you thru. Its well.

Ilovenigeria:

I miss you jooor

You, madampinkolo, Aishia and madam CC are always on point. You correct and give advice with love, jokes and examples.

Thank you once again.

lertee:
So the reality has finally dawned on me that i'm going into matrimony in 5days time,i have read so much moved with a few with good and bad experiences,i've been scared and wished silently that the day doesn't come fast but well,once there's life and good health,time will always fly faster than you expect.

I have a few fear about marriage,from finance to child bearing to infidelity,losing freedom and in-law issues,with a few things i've read on this thread so far,i come to realise some of these issues are almost unavoidable.

Is this fear normal for every intending bride to be or is it just me?

lertee:
So the reality has finally dawned on me that i'm going into matrimony in 5days,i have read so much moved with a few with good and bad experiences,i've been scared and wished silently that the day doesn't come fast but well,once there's life and good health,time will always fly faster than you expect.

I have a few fear about marriage,from finance to child bearing to infidelity,losing freedom and in-law issues,with a few things i've read on this thread so far,i come to realise some of these issues are almost unavoidable.

Is this fear normal for every intending bride to be or is it just me?

lertee:
So the reality has finally dawned on me that i'm going into matrimony in 5days,i have read so much moved with a few with good and bad experiences,i've been scared and wished silently that the day doesn't come fast but well,once there's life and good health,time will always fly faster than you expect.

I have a few fear about marriage,from finance to child bearing to infidelity,losing freedom and in-law issues,with a few things i've read on this thread so far,i come to realise some of these issues are almost unavoidable.

Is this fear normal for every intending bride to be or is it just me?

lertee:
So the reality has finally dawned on me that i'm going into matrimony in 5days,i have read so much moved with a few with good and bad experiences,i've been scared and wished silently that the day doesn't come fast but well,once there's life and good health,time will always fly faster than you expect.

I have a few fear about marriage,from finance to child bearing to infidelity,losing freedom and in-law issues,with a few things i've read on this thread so far,i come to realise some of these issues are almost unavoidable.

Is this fear normal for every intending bride to be or is it just me?

Givemejoy:
Yes, it is normal.

ayaomoade:

It's normal to be fearful because it's a journey of the unknown. Be sure to go into it with an open mind. Do not let other people's experience shape your home.
God is the author of marriage, do not leave him out of your home. Wishing you a blessed and peaceful home.

alutacontinua:


where is Phema?
Na so so she dey ask question this time last year too?
Go marry Mr. Lertee jor

LyndaRoyce:

Its normal.... U'll get over it as soon as the contract is sealed. #smiles.
Phobia for childbearing is quite inevitable and often become worse when u're still carrying ur 1st baby; but its nothing, it'll come out the way it went in.
What u must do is, walk into it(marriage) with an open mind, no pretense; give in your best and hope for the best. Fears are often illusions giving one the very wrong impression about the unknown/unseen..
God who endorsed marriage won't fold His hands when things are moving in the opposite direction.
All the best!

lertee:


They said it's normal


@bold words,if I believe this,i will believe anything .
I know it's not easy but one will only need to endure the pain.
Thanks for the wishes.

lertee:
So the reality has finally dawned on me that i'm going into matrimony in 5days,i have read so much moved with a few with good and bad experiences,i've been scared and wished silently that the day doesn't come fast but well,once there's life and good health,time will always fly faster than you expect.

I have a few fear about marriage,from finance to child bearing to infidelity,losing freedom and in-law issues,with a few things i've read on this thread so far,i come to realise some of these issues are almost unavoidable.

Is this fear normal for every intending bride to be or is it just me?

luv2talk:

Happy Married Life In Advance

From Abdul

lertee:

Wow,thanks.
Change your profile pix from that bike to the new toy .