@nwababy the beauty of this tread is that this has been one of the most honest and open threads on NL.
No one is perfect . .and we cant be right all the time. We all make mistajes. They say when 2 people enter a room and come out smiling they havent told each other the truth. This is one of those cases. You may not like what people have said, but the truth is never palatable for most of us to bear. . .but its still the truth all the same.

Personaly i will say pick between the lines of what people have said. Some people are better at lacing words than others; and pick the main gist from people have said. Most are effectively telling you the same thing in different ways. We all cant not understand you and have only responded to what you have written

We are all each others sisters in this marriage and parenting journey and should be able to support one another for good.

breadplanets:
Pls my online family im back again. My question is what happens after marriage? I ask this cos i get scared sometimes about getting married. I love my fiance so much but i wonder after marriage will we get so used to each other that the spark dies or what. My parents had an unhappy marriage so it seems impossible to me for the love we share now to continue after marriage. Thank God my fiance's parents had a wonderful marriage so atleast one of us believes in love after marriage. Right now i should be happy and walking on the clouds cos i couldnt have chosen a better man and his family nko? They love me to bits i guess the fact that most of them have known me for ages helps as well. But i just cant relax mehn! I always think about what it would be like some yrs down the line.. If we will still love each other so? Chai i guess this is where faith comes in. Abeg make una no vex i just needed to rant jare. But for the married peeps in the house how do you keep the fire burning ehh!?

Truthfully in marriage there will be good days and not so good days
Every marriage goes through humps and bumps.
What you need to do is to make sure that the ups overwhelm the downs, because you will need to draw on the ups during the down periods
Read Madam Hispis last post again. I understood it perfectly. Like many of us, she has an inperfect husband who sometimes does perfect things for us, and so she is able to pull from that strength and overlook his imperfections; which is the is the way it should be.

So my little advise, make sure you work towards keeping that marriage alive as much as possible and so on the tired days, what you have both sowed during the happy days will tide you over. Also be realistic, and understand that the man who you are gushing over now will from time to time do things that you will wonder that is this man from this planet. I am not saying always prepate for the worst. No! I am saying that when he does things, be prepared to forgive him.

My larger overall advise to you is to be very very careful of what you say. Words re like eggs and once dropped, thats it. Many a time when you see couples at war and they tell you the problem, you think why are they fighting over this small issue?. The truth is that Its not actualy the issue, its what they have said to each other. Words kill or build a marriage. Please always think before you speak even when you are angry.

Also enjoy your marriage.. . . . . Play well well, talk, gist, laugh at each other, joke together, go out together, do things together, pray together, eat together, do silly things together, bath together sef & let each other into your private space. . .. the more you are together, the more you bond. Small time sef you will start looking alike

Another thing that always work is to appreciate your man. The more you appreciate him the more he will want to do more. Especually if you are the type that is always complaining, make sure that you balance things out by appreciating him when he does get it right.

Happy married life in advance

One thing I like about this thread is that is not about argument or name calling. At the start of the thread I read one account of in-law hubby wahala and I wanted to cuss out the DH of that lady, but others quickly pointed out that cussing or heaping blame is not the goal of the thread. I took note and has quietly been reading comments.
.
@Nwababy, you can sieve the responses others gave.
Peace.

madampinkolo .

@zemaye and chaircover im grateful for your reply. Ive made up my mind to enjoy my marriage and it would be a successful one by the grace of God.

breadplanets:
@zemaye and chaircover im grateful for your reply. Ive made up my mind to enjoy my marriage and it would be a successful one by the grace of God.

Amen and amen..

@beeevan abeg no vex dat im dragging u out. Pls u talked about where u got ur wedding ring in Ariaria if i remember correctly on phema's wedding thread. But that information has been swallowed by the nairaland tsunami. Pls can u tell me where u got it and how much? And also is it good? Thank you. Sorry for the bother. Sorry thread!

breadplanets:
@beeevan abeg no vex dat im dragging u out. Pls u talked about where u got ur wedding ring in Ariaria if i remember correctly on phema's wedding thread. But that information has been swallowed by the nairaland tsunami. Pls can u tell me where u got it and how much? And also is it good? Thank you. Sorry for the bother. Sorry thread!

Hello dear, the rings are serving satisfactorily. The friends I have directed there have no complaints too. I bought the 3piece set Gold rings for 28, 500. I don't remove it even while using bleach n others n its still as new.

byvan:





Hello dear, the rings are serving satisfactorily. The friends I have directed there have no complaints too. I bought the 3piece set Gold rings for 28, 500. I don't remove it even while using bleach n others n its still as new.

Nne Chukwu gozie gi doo.

byvan:





Hello dear, the rings are serving satisfactorily. The friends I have directed there have no complaints too. I bought the 3piece set Gold rings for 28, 500. I don't remove it even while using bleach n others n its still as new.

ebe ka I gara? M Na acho gi since.

alutacontinua:
@Godmystrength, how are you?
@phema, been a while
Are we there yet?

I am doing fine. Really fine

double post

WARNING MIL rant coming...

Okayyy so today DH spoke to MIL and half way between the calls she started you didn't send money last month,you didn't send money this month..
GOSH!!!! If i could i'd stuff her mouth with a sock and staple it shut!!!! WTF is wrong with this woman?
Ofcourse we send money every month but i am extremely irritated at the demanding for money as if it's a right..I HATE IT!!!

This woman knows that DH & I spent 460k and about 250k on our exams respectively recently..so why can she never be reasonable?
I find her attitude disgusting...Never ever satisfied and very insatiable.Even if we didn't deposit money (we did but they haven't gotten it yet) wouldn't a sensible person realize that we may be cash strapped at the moment?Add 2 & 2 together as my parents did and encourage us?? I'm so repulsed.
My parents comport themselves with such dignity and always tell me don't give us money,save for rainy days your family is still young.
Yet DH side are bloody vampires..
MIL will visit,go through my things ,ask me for some and take some without my knowledge.There's a particular outfit i love,she took it.I was searching soooo hard for it,even asked her if she'd seen it.She said NO but i knew she was with it..I saw it in her box.I just ignored her but was very put off.
Even if we are skint,this woman never cares,always demanding then guilting her children with the you are my mother,my father,my life bullshait.

I thought the role of parents is to support their children and not feel entitled to their income?? It is a horrendous attitude.Why want to live like a king when you are not?You see my bags,you are fixated on it cos you want to impress your friends..I just had to buy one for her to get her the hell off my back.Just concerned about appearing to be what you are not instead of living within your means!!
I can remember when i hadn't started work and she was saying I need to work so that DH will bring $$ and i will also bring,that it's the way her other son and wife do it.|Instead of praying for job so I can invest in a better future for my child,you are telling me to give money to you.I no dey say anything.DH and I give money as a unit,we don't separate it.

FYI she works but husband retired..Same as my parents but mine are prolly higher up the $$ ladder but by no means Dangote.
My folks are still maintaining my other siblings so it should be them needing money more but you'll never hear pim from them.We give them and they return to us and tell us to save.Anytime i thank my parents for all they've done for me andd try to spoil them,they say who else would have done it?You are my child and it's my job to ensure you get the best.Build your family..That's the gift you can give us.When they talk like this,i'm gingered to work harder,get comfy and do them proud!! That's how a parent should spur their child on NOT by feeling entitled to all my $$ because you raised me.Attitude matters and goes a long way to helping me decide whether you deserve more $$.

I married DH when he didn't have a dime to his name,not even 1 kobo to call savings.I hustled beside him and still hustling as a team to build up our small unit.Personally,i'm not materialistic so I'm able to live within my means,save a bit and splurge when the urge hits.But i'm careful with money.Trying to even build up something for my child..so at least i try to save up 30k a month for the kid.Hopefully with the new set of qualifications,muuuch more quid at our disposal.

So,i don't get how a mother could be sooo unfeeling and greedy. She's well known by all the other SILs for this attitude and i hate it.I friggin HATE IT!!! Thank God for my parents o jare..I'd be mortified if they were the Oliver Twists of my family..Very very shameful behaviour.

I don't have an issue with giving parents money,but i HATE it when it's a demand intertwined with greed and not considering the issues on ground.Also coupled with the fact that she keeps on alluding to the fact that it's not enough,yet you are receiving from the other kids ooo.

What have you ever given my kid?Nothing!! All you want to do is bankrupt us..Gave me forking cowrie necklace and earrings that even evil spirits would see and reject. Of course as a master pretender,i gushed my thanks but in my mind i'm like wtf is this thing!! This is a woman known for having fine stuff,adorning herself in gold but gave me bottom of the barrel shit.
Now,i'm grateful for everything i receive.Even if it's a pin but that necklace was utter trash and DH was even embarrassed but she would even take my finest in the guise that i'll buy new ones and replace.It's better not to give at all than to give something everyone knows should be binned!!

I just cannot understand the take take take mentality.It makes me sick to my stomach!!

God help me to NEVER place such a burden on my children.

RANT OVER!!! >:


** Omo i thank God for being anonymous ooo,see anger!!

Madampinkolo:
WARNING MIL rant coming...
Okayyy so today DH spoke to MIL and half way between the calls she started you didn't send money last month,you didn't send money this month..
GOSH!!!! If i could i'd stuff her mouth with a sock and staple it shut!!!! WTF is wrong with this woman?
Ofcourse we send money every month but i am extremely irritated at the demanding for money as if it's a right..I HATE IT!!!
This woman knows that DH & I spent 460k and about 250k on our exams respectively recently..so why can she never be reasonable?
I find her attitude disgusting...Never ever satisfied and very insatiable.Even if we didn't deposit money (we did but they haven't gotten it yet) wouldn't a sensible person realize that we may be cash strapped at the moment?Add 2 & 2 together as my parents did and encourage us?? I'm so repulsed.
My parents comport themselves with such dignity and always tell me don't give us money,save for rainy days your family is still young.
Yet DH side are bloody vampires..
MIL will visit,go through my things ,ask me for some and take some without my knowledge.There's a particular outfit i love,she took it.I was searching soooo hard for it,even asked her if she'd seen it.She said NO but i knew she was with it..I saw it in her box.I just ignored her but was very put off.
Even if we are skint,this woman never cares,always demanding then guilting her children with the you are my mother,my father,my life bullshait.
I thought the role of parents is to support their children and not feel entitled to their income?? It is a horrendous attitude.Why want to live like a king when you are not?You see my bags,you are fixated on it cos you want to impress your friends..I just had to buy one for her to get her the hell off my back.Just concerned about appearing to be what you are not instead of living within your means!!
I can remember when i hadn't started work and she was saying I need to work so that DH will bring $$ and i will also bring,that it's the way her other son and wife do it.|Instead of praying for job so I can invest in a better future for my child,you are telling me to give money to you.I no dey say anything.DH and I give money as a unit,we don't separate it.
FYI she works but husband retired..Same as my parents but mine are prolly higher up the $$ ladder but by no means Dangote.
My folks are still maintaining my other siblings so it should be them needing money more but you'll never hear pim from them.We give them and they return to us and tell us to save.Anytime i thank my parents for all they've done for me andd try to spoil them,they say who else would have done it?You are my child and it's my job to ensure you get the best.Build your family..That's the gift you can give us.When they talk like this,i'm gingered to work harder,get comfy and do them proud!! That's how a parent should spur their child on NOT by feeling entitled to all my $$ because you raised me.Attitude matters and goes a long way to helping me decide whether you deserve more $$.
I married DH when he didn't have a dime to his name,not even 1 kobo to call savings.I hustled beside him and still hustling as a team to build up our small unit.Personally,i'm not materialistic so I'm able to live within my means,save a bit and splurge when the urge hits.But i'm careful with money.Trying to even build up something for my child..so at least i try to save up 30k a month for the kid.Hopefully with the new set of qualifications,muuuch more quid at our disposal.
So,i don't get how a mother could be sooo unfeeling and greedy. She's well known by all the other SILs for this attitude and i hate it.I friggin HATE IT!!! Thank God for my parents o jare..I'd be mortified if they were the Oliver Twists of my family..Very very shameful behaviour.
I don't have an issue with giving parents money,but i HATE it when it's a demand intertwined with greed and not considering the issues on ground.Also coupled with the fact that she keeps on alluding to the fact that it's not enough,yet you are receiving from the other kids ooo.
What have you ever given my kid?Nothing!! All you want to do is bankrupt us..Gave me forking cowrie necklace and earrings that even evil spirits would see and reject. Of course as a master pretender,i gushed my thanks but in my mind i'm like wtf is this thing!! This is a woman known for having fine stuff,adorning herself in gold but gave me bottom of the barrel shit.
Now,i'm grateful for everything i receive.Even if it's a pin but that necklace was utter trash and DH was even embarrassed but she would even take my finest in the guise that i'll buy new ones and replace.It's better not to give at all than to give something everyone knows should be binned!!
I just cannot understand the take take take mentality.It makes me sick to my stomach!!
God help me to NEVER place such a burden on my children.
RANT OVER!!! >:
** Omo i thank God for being anonymous ooo,see anger!!

I feel you. Its sad when parents have the mentality that they must chop every kobo they can sniff on their kids.

.

aisha2:


I feel you. Its sad when parents have the mentality that they must chop every kobo they can sniff on their kids.

Very very sad..No child should be put under that sort of pressure


@DIDIVA

Did you say 3/4 of your earnings??!!!!!!!
Are you able to save anything at all after that?I try to save something oo no matter how little.For us,then baby and make sure we live on the rest.My Dad keeps hammering on saving!!!
Gosh!!! you are sooo right on the trying to set up some sort of competition within the daughters in law as per who buys her this or that.She likes to say so so has never bought me anything etc. She failed woefully in that area cos i shut her down sharpish whenever she comes up with such ridiculous things.I'm not in any competition with anyone and i REFUSE to be put into that sort of situation.
One of my BIL unfortunately isn't very financially stable,that one ehhhh he calls and demands but then he has children to look after so i understand a bit.I just don't appreciate his manner of approach.MIL border line maltreats he and his wife.Sisters in Law too give them stuff so they order them about.

The manipulation no get part 2 esp the crocodile tears and then the kids can't say no.Thank God my eyes have cleared.Once what i'm waiting for goes through,my parents will instantly join the every month gravy train whether they need it or not.
Year 1 of marriage,MIL was constantly badgering for money and he kept giving without even remembering my parents for one second.Come see para!! I caused a sh it storm that reset his brain.I think he felt they don't need it or something..How e take know?Luckily my parents believe a couple should spend time and $$ building up their new home before any other thing.

MIL came visiting at a time when things were particularly hard for BIL and Dh and I wasn't around but she shopped soo much and rendered them broke!!!!
Explain to her that you don't have nawww them no fit cos of the you are my life anthem..my friends will say i visited my children and didn't come back with designer etc.

Thank God for sensible parents.
At least i'm learning what to do and not do..

Did i forget to mention that my FIL is semi neglected as in hardly has a say in anything but is close to the BIL who is broke.That's FIL favourite son who sees through MIL.I keep asking Dh to keep in touch with his father,how would he feel if his child acted same way towards him.
But then,I really don't know how their marriage was.For someone to turn and invest her whole being into her kids,maybe it was pretty unfulfilling.My FIL is generally easy going but unambitious while MIL is waka waka wearing the best lace and living above her means & mingling with creme de la creme so i believe their personalities don't match.I can't imagine how they were when younger.MIL can leave the man for months on end and won't want to return home and he no send sef.Give him a bottle of beer and he's happy.Very very simple man.
Maybe she suffered and now believes that all their money belongs to her?

This living for children thing is dangerous,see the result!!

Hello fam! My fiance and his people would be coming to our villa next week for 'iku aka' *introduction. Nothing formal just to see my father and tell him their intentions.Im igbo, dont have a sister older or younger. My mum wont be coming back this xmas as she would be saving her trip for the wedding proper so im all alone. I dont have the slightest idea on what to do on that day. Im i supposed to cook for them? If yes what can i prepare. Or im i supposed to ask them what they will eat? *sounds silly* im totally lost cos im not an outgoing sort of person so ive not ever attended anything like this before. Please any ideas? I want my mummy!!!!! *crying*

breadplanets:
Hello fam! My fiance and his people would be coming to our villa next week for 'iku aka' *introduction. Nothing formal just to see my father and tell him their intentions.Im igbo, dont have a sister older or younger. My mum wont be coming back this xmas as she would be saving her trip for the wedding proper so im all alone. I dont have the slightest idea on what to do on that day. Im i supposed to cook for them? If yes what can i prepare. Or im i supposed to ask them what they will eat? *sounds silly* im totally lost cos im not an outgoing sort of person so ive not ever attended anything like this before. Please any ideas? I want my mummy!!!!! *crying*

Goodluck and congrats breadplanets..
I hope people who know what to do will come and tell you what's expected.
Cheers!!

**
I just asked someone(Igbo),she said you are expected to entertain..
Dunno where you are from but she said breadfruit,bitter leaf soup & pounded yam,kola,anyara&peanut butter and maybe some sort of rice.
Palmwine and hot drinks just to have as options.If the family is spiritual then no hot drinks,just soda and juice.

I heard they'll call you out so you have to appear in a gorgeous native attire

All the best!!

breadplanets:
Hello fam! My fiance and his people would be coming to our villa next week for 'iku aka' *introduction. Nothing formal just to see my father and tell him their intentions.Im igbo, dont have a sister older or younger. My mum wont be coming back this xmas as she would be saving her trip for the wedding proper so im all alone. I dont have the slightest idea on what to do on that day. Im i supposed to cook for them? If yes what can i prepare. Or im i supposed to ask them what they will eat? *sounds silly* im totally lost cos im not an outgoing sort of person so ive not ever attended anything like this before. Please any ideas? I want my mummy!!!!! *crying*

Congrats the Lord is your strength. Yes you will cook for them.The quantity depends on how many people you are expecting while what to cook depends on what you prefer. Mostly rice and soup if you want. There is nothing much there, before you know it the day will come and pass.I am not married yet but I have an elder sister and two sisters-in-law. So I have witnessed introduction plenty plenty.

Madampinkolo:



Goodluck and congrats breadplanets..
I hope people who know what to do will come and tell you what's expected.
Cheers!!

**
I just asked someone(Igbo),she said you are expected to entertain..
Dunno where you are from but she said breadfruit,bitter leaf soup & pounded yam,kola,anyara&peanut butter and maybe some sort of rice.
Palmwine and hot drinks just to have as options.If the family is spiritual then no hot drinks,just soda and juice.

I heard they'll call you out so you have to appear in a gorgeous native attire

All the best!!

Oh boy! I don enter. Thank you very much for taking out time to ask for me. I'll just tell oga to come with only 2 people that that is what we do in my place. To reduce the stress. Hehehehehe..... Whn mumsie comes back he can now come with his whole villa *wicked grin*

christabeli:
Congrats the Lord is your strength. Yes you will cook for them.The quantity depends on how many people you are expecting while what to cook depends on what you prefer. Mostly rice and soup if you want. There is nothing much there, before you know it the day will come and pass.I am not married yet but I have an elder sister and two sisters-in-law. So I have witnessed introduction plenty plenty.

Thanks babe.... Cant wait for the day to come and pass jare. Its amazing how one dreams of this day while growing up but when it becomes a reality u cant wait for it to come and pass! Atleast for me sha.

breadplanets:
Hello fam! My fiance and his people would be coming to our villa next week for 'iku aka' *introduction. Nothing formal just to see my father and tell him their intentions.Im igbo, dont have a sister older or younger. My mum wont be coming back this xmas as she would be saving her trip for the wedding proper so im all alone. I dont have the slightest idea on what to do on that day. Im i supposed to cook for them? If yes what can i prepare. Or im i supposed to ask them what they will eat? *sounds silly* im totally lost cos im not an outgoing sort of person so ive not ever attended anything like this before. Please any ideas? I want my mummy!!!!! *crying*

Don't know your part of Igbo land. Iku Aka is the first visit. I believe your dad will present Afufa, Orji Igbo and drinks which should be okay. If you guys ( I mean your family) is actually feeling them, you can cook soup or rice.
But you are not even required to be present. Maybe after the men have finished talking and they about leaving, then you can just go and greet them.

eagleeye2:

Don't know your part of Igbo land. Iku Aka is the first visit. I believe your dad will present Afufa, Orji Igbo and drinks which should be okay. If you guys ( I mean your family) is actually feeling them, you can cook soup or rice.
But you are not even required to be present. Maybe after the men have finished talking and they about leaving, then you can just go and greet them.

Thank you!

eagleeye2:

Don't know your part of Igbo land. Iku Aka is the first visit. I believe your dad will present Afufa, Orji Igbo and drinks which should be okay. If you guys ( I mean your family) is actually feeling them, you can cook soup or rice.
But you are not even required to be present. Maybe after the men have finished talking and they about leaving, then you can just go and greet them.

she is required to be present . Because they will call her to ask her if she permits them to accept the wine brought by the in-laws as a symbol that she accepts the marriage proposal.
If she's not there,they won't accept it without her permission. That's how we did mine. That's how Igbo ppl do it.

Breadplanets cook simple jollof rice and egusi soup with ukazi or bitterleaf. You can't go wrong with that.
Fufu or garri if that is what they prefer.
Ugba is necessary too. Garden egg and kolanut you can't do without.

Drinks will be according to what they prefer.

Congratulations

cococandy:
she is required to be present . Because they will call her to ask her if she permits them to accept the wine brought by the in-laws as a symbol that she accepts the marriage proposal.
If she's not there,they won't accept it without her permission. That's how we did mine. That's how Igbo ppl do it.

Breadplanets cook simple jollof rice and egusi soup with ukazi or bitterleaf. You can't go wrong with that.
Fufu or garri if that is what they prefer.
Ugba is necessary too. Garden egg and kolanut you can't do without.

Drinks will be according to what they prefer.

Congratulations

Chai coco enyelam assignment now. Chineke mekwaram ebere. Thank you.

breadplanets:
Chai coco enyelam assignment now. Chineke mekwaram ebere. Thank you.

it won't be that hard I promise. Get an aunt or 2 of your girlfriends to help you out.

cococandy:
it won't be that hard I promise. Get an aunt or 2 of your girlfriends to help you out.

I'll do just that. Thank you

cococandy:
she is required to be present . Because they will call her to ask her if she permits them to accept the wine brought by the in-laws as a symbol that she accepts the marriage proposal.
If she's not there,they won't accept it without her permission. That's how we did mine. That's how Igbo ppl do it.

Breadplanets cook simple jollof rice and egusi soup with ukazi or bitterleaf. You can't go wrong with that.
Fufu or garri if that is what they prefer.
Ugba is necessary too. Garden egg and kolanut you can't do without.

Drinks will be according to what they prefer.

Congratulations

That is why I said it depends on her part of Igbo land. When I went to marry my wife, the Iku Aka visit was attended by her two brothers, and her father. Later their ADA and mother was invited.
I presented Wine and some money to their father, which was accepted by their second son, and I also presented Wine and some money to their mother which was accepted by their Ada.
Her parents then informed us to go, that they will discuss with their daughter. That I will get a feedback soon, and then I will be told when to come and collect list.
It was on our way out that my wife came to greet my people.
I got married this year. 2014.

eagleeye2:

That is why I said it depends on her part of Igbo land. When I went to marry my wife, the Iku Aka visit was attended by her two brothers, and her father. Later their ADA and mother was invited.
I presented Wine and some money to their father, which was accepted by their second son, and I also presented Wine and some money to their mother which was accepted by their Ada.
Her parents then informed us to go, that they will discuss with their daughter. That I will get a feedback soon, and then I will be told when to come and collect list.
It was on our way out that my wife came to greet my people.
I got married this year. 2014.

ok. Congrats to you too .

breadplanets:
I'll do just that. Thank you

There won't be anything wrong in asking your dad or uncle how it is done in your side and what is expected of you.

eagleeye2:

There won't be anything wrong in asking your dad or uncle how it is done in your side and what is expected of you.

I'll do that too. Thank you.