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Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Man Seeks Divorce Because Wife Ran Mad After Extra-marital Affair / What Is The Biggest Source Of Conflict In Your Relationship / Marital Agreement / Contract (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by onome710(m): 6:44am On Sep 07, 2014
They need Jesus Christ in their hearts. #finito
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by AdeniyiA(m): 6:44am On Sep 07, 2014
That's why i tell people to balance the use of their hearts and brains while dating/courting, never allow love to blind you. You fell in love with personality but now had to live with character, no matter how small it's, he/she must have displayed such character(bad ones) while dating but you were blinded by love hoping he/she would change, rather it grew worse. some people however, stand for nothing so they fall for anything. They've got no single knowledge about marriage and their own responsibilities before entering into it due to pressure or others are doing it so let me join.
Whenever i hear or read about divorce, fighting, bullying, irreconcilable differences among couples, i do ask myself , Where's the first love which covers multitude of sins, that love that was blind to all shortcomings, has it expired? that love that made you had sleepless nights, that love of without you i can't breathe, i can't eat etc? undecided that love that possessed you. unfortunately many confuse infatuation nd lust(which expire) with real love(expires not).
I like one advice;, "marry your friend"

1 Like

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by newguy1(m): 6:48am On Sep 07, 2014
They need to see a marriage chancellor i mean a shrink not a church shrink(someone with a view different from what d bible says), also dey need time apart to think about what dey still wants individual, it seems dir is still a little light in dir relationship which if they but want, can develop to what dey had b4.wish dem luck, hate to see another marriage crumble base on ego n inpatience.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by kilokeys(m): 6:48am On Sep 07, 2014
as i would always say.. VERBAL ABUSE should be taken as seriously as PHYSICAL ABUSE.
it would only be fair if Men could get their wives arrested for running their mouths.. double standards..
mtcheew
weaker containers with poisonous contents.
Men strength lies in thier fist.. they rnt wired to throw words..

so u talk too much.. or nag incessantly. u get what u deserve.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Nobody: 7:08am On Sep 07, 2014
Divorce! Simple! Or else, blood go flow
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Acidosis(m): 7:09am On Sep 07, 2014
Interesting topic here.

First, God is the originator of marriage.

Secondly, He gave us a manual which is the Holy Book.

Can you purchase a new machinery, ignore the manual and expect the machine to function properly?

Be ye not be unequally yoke with unbelievers. That's the 1st rule cheesy So all these talks about seeing a counselor, bla bla is a right step in the wrong direction.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by njuwo(m): 7:09am On Sep 07, 2014
ignis: I wish I could contribute.
You've just contributed.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by spyder880(m): 7:18am On Sep 07, 2014
Women, be submissive to your husband.

1 Like

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by sCross: 7:23am On Sep 07, 2014
knowledge and application of that knowledge is the key

cedarlives.org is one place to learn
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Nobody: 7:26am On Sep 07, 2014
Humans are d most subject that can be managed for if only they av d fear of God that would av settled d fight but been what or who we are, we should learn how to disagree to agree and for that inorder for him to find love or respect from his wife he should stop hitting her and learn to control his madness thank u

1 Like

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by gabbytabby: 7:43am On Sep 07, 2014
How do you change habit of 16 years verbal abuse, it takes God.
while physically abuse is a no no for me and personally I agree that a woman needed to call the police to make clear how serious it is, if the man fully understands the seriousness and is committed to never letting it happen again then there is hope for a reconciliation.
They really need to work on mutual respect for each other and by 16 years be able to know each other sufficiently that all the verbal abuse need not be in their marriage save that there is no love or their is infidelity and even then the woman in particular needs to make her home a place of rest especially for your children who have no choice.
It is well.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by HoneySwag(f): 7:45am On Sep 07, 2014
The woman should learn to control her mouth whenever her husband is talkin nt to use abusive words on him. The man should control his anger in order not to hit her again. But if they can't control themselves then they should go their separate ways (divorce).... Well I feel for the kids cos they won't have the upbringin of both parents
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by sarutobie(m): 8:03am On Sep 07, 2014
HoneySwag: The woman should learn to control her mouth whenever her husband is talkin nt to use abusive words on him. The man should control his anger in order not to hit her again. But if they can't control themselves then they should go their separate ways (divorce).... Well I feel for the kids cos they won't have the upbringin of both parents
so if the woman cant control her mouth they should " go their separate ways"?.....I see.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Ekundayo7: 8:16am On Sep 07, 2014
BrotherJohn: Jocelyn and Wilson have been married for 16 years, in that time Wilson feels that Jocelyn has always been verbally abusive to him. It is as if she has verbal diarrhoea anytime there is an argument.

Anything and everything has been said to hurt him. Jocelyn on the other hand feels that it is her husband who is the bully and aggressor and she is always first to apologises every time they fight. She feels he is not the very forgiving type.

One day during an argument, Wilson hits back at her with a slap. Jocelyn was so taken aback and in that instant she remembers that her dad told her that she should never stay with any man who hits her because his own sister was killed by a violent husband. Jocelyn proceeds to call the police who immediately ordered Wilson to leave the house. It is now 2 months since Wilson left the house insisting that the embarrassment was too much and he doesn’t think there is a future for them.

Jocelyn misses him but she is afraid that once is more than enough, he could likely do it again. The family and church have tried to help them work it out but nothing seems to be working. There is a stalemate which means Jocelyn is left with responsibility of looking after 2 children. The first one seems to side with dad and is being rude to her, the younger child though largely confused seems to be on her side.

Is Jocelyn right?

What is the solution, divorce or reconcilliation?
No right or wrong here on the part of Jocelyn, fact remains, you raise a hand to strike a woman, you are an animal, and animals that aren't civilized don't live in homes with the mother of their children. They remain outside the home until they can learn to grow up and get a handle on their violent temper and act like a mature adult.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by slap1(m): 8:26am On Sep 07, 2014
Sorry, but this is not up to the level of what I consider a marital conflict. It's more like a lovers' quarrel. They should reconcile and move on. Marriage ain't tea party.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by slap1(m): 8:26am On Sep 07, 2014
Double post.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by fckmn24seg(m): 9:34am On Sep 07, 2014
BrotherJohn: sorry - i may not be available to post remarks or respond because I am quite a busy man.but will try to read all the remarks and suggestions.

Meaning?? So other nairalanders are jobless
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Toks2008(m): 10:37am On Sep 07, 2014
You can be together and grow old together if both of you are willing to work it out.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they call at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens) and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment just to start that same circle all again and later realize the former partner was way better than the present one and then some people opt out once more to start that same circle all over with another new person and at this point the world starts looking at you as a clueless no good person who can never be happy with anyone.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

Did you read that last paragraph?please get this once more;

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

Loving someone is not by accident,its not a feeling,its a conscious decision by the people involved to be together and weather the storms together and not looking for an easy way out. The storms of lack,incompatibility childlessness, family scuffle,infidelity,bitterness,and many more.

Until both of you are willing to make it work,only then will GOD come in to make it happen. Because two people can never work together except they agree.

Hope this helps.

https://www.facebook.com/kadiri.o.olatokunbo/posts/765811303455982:6

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by AdeniyiA(m): 10:50am On Sep 07, 2014
ignis: I wish I could contribute.
...then i hope you're learning.
yours must work fine wink
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Enasco1(m): 11:03am On Sep 07, 2014
If u can be patient wit ur phone when eva it hangs witout hittin against d wall, adopt dat same rule 4 a woman. Neva shud a man raise his hands 2 hit a woman cos d power of a woman x in her mouth, but she shud b mindful of what comes out of it.

1 Like

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by nannymcphee(f): 11:25am On Sep 07, 2014
BrotherJohn: Jocelyn and Wilson have been married for 16 years, in that time Wilson feels that Jocelyn has always been verbally abusive to him. It is as if she has verbal diarrhoea anytime there is an argument.

Anything and everything has been said to hurt him. Jocelyn on the other hand feels that it is her husband who is the bully and aggressor and she is always first to apologises every time they fight. She feels he is not the very forgiving type.

One day during an argument, Wilson hits back at her with a slap. Jocelyn was so taken aback and in that instant she remembers that her dad told her that she should never stay with any man who hits her because his own sister was killed by a violent husband. Jocelyn proceeds to call the police who immediately ordered Wilson to leave the house. It is now 2 months since Wilson left the house insisting that the embarrassment was too much and he doesn’t think there is a future for them.

Jocelyn misses him but she is afraid that once is more than enough, he could likely do it again. The family and church have tried to help them work it out but nothing seems to be working. There is a stalemate which means Jocelyn is left with responsibility of looking after 2 children. The first one seems to side with dad and is being rude to her, the younger child though largely confused seems to be on her side.

Is Jocelyn right?

What is the solution, divorce or reconcilliation?

16yrs just one slap & all these fuss!! our mothers took way more than this & they turned out well(I also know of some tragic/fatal cases)


Reconciliation is the way forward, she should take anti-purge pills whenever her verbal onslaught diahorrea wants to start, maybe that will calm the man & situation
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by kandiikane(m): 11:39am On Sep 07, 2014
nannymcphee:
16yrs just one slap & all these fuss!! our mothers took way more than this & they turned out well(I also know of some tragic/fatal cases)
Reconciliation is the way forward, she should take anti-purge pills whenever her verbal onslaught diahorrea wants to start, maybe that will calm the man & situation

Madam one slap should cause such fuss because that one slap opens the floodgates to many more slaps and batterings. Your mothers may have turned about well in your eyes because that was the image they wanted to portray.


Both of them should sit down and discuss their issues. Their dislikes and try to work out solution. They need to meet each other halfway. The man seem to have alot of pride and ego and he needs to bring it down a notch, that is his wife and not his mates in the streets. The woman needs to find her inner calm when she feels she is about to get angry and the man should stop provoking his wife.
If with all these years they cannot sit and reach such compromise then I guess they are just done with the marriage. Every woman is different, just because you can endure physical violence in your relationship doesn't mean another can.

1 Like

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by nannymcphee(f): 11:50am On Sep 07, 2014
kandiikane:

Madam one slap should cause such fuss because that one slap opens the floodgates to many more slaps and batterings. Your mothers may have turned about well in your eyes because that was the image they wanted to portray.


Both of them should sit down and discuss their issues. Their dislikes and try to work out solution. They need to meet each other halfway. The man seem to have alot of pride and ego and he needs to bring it down a notch, that is his wife and not his mates in the streets. The woman needs to find her inner calm when she feels she is about to get angry and the man should stop provoking his wife.
If with all these years they cannot sit and reach such compromise then I guess they are just done with the marriage. Every woman is different, just because you can endure physical violence in your relationship doesn't mean another can.

I'm not a proponent for assault/battery but common, based on the piece, this is the first time in 16yrs, thats things turned physical, meanwhile it is the lady that has been verbally abusive. So give the guy some credit, just one slap & it didn't degenerate to a beating.

She called the cops so who is at the receiving end now, is it the man or the woman? Everybody is so focused on the slap & nobody is talking about the verbal abuse the man has been enduring, of which I'm sure those verbal torrents of insults are usually the triggering factor of their fights

1 Like

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by kandiikane(m): 12:04pm On Sep 07, 2014
nannymcphee:

I'm not a proponent for assault/battery but common, based on the piece, this is the first time in 16yrs, thats things turned physical, meanwhile it is the lady that has been verbally abusive. So give the guy some credit, just one slap & it didn't degenerate to a beating.

She called the cops so who is at the receiving end now, is it the man or the woman? Everybody is so focused on the slap & nobody is talking about the verbal abuse the man has been enduring, of which I'm sure those verbal torrents of insults are usually the triggering factor of their fights



There is always a first time for everything my dear. There is no one to give credit here because if you had read carefully, it also states the husband is a bully and aggressor. I could also say the bullying may be the reason why she becomes verbal. I mean, if you are ok with receiving slaps since your mothers have received worst then that's you but whether it's a slap or knock, it should not be accepted. If you are raised to not condone violence in relationships then that one slap can be a deal breaker. Her sister had died from such abuse therefore it is reasonable for her to not be ok with it and I am very certain her sister's physical abuse started with just one slap.

1 Like

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Yemlizzy(f): 12:31pm On Sep 07, 2014
Eeyah...how pathetic,the man was pushed to the wall and he reacted. For peace to reign,they should let bygones be bygones.

They have kids,its best they settle their differences amicably and move on.

2 Likes

Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by ezearichard(m): 12:38pm On Sep 07, 2014
BrotherJohn: sorry - i may not be available to post remarks or respond because I am quite a busy man.but will try to read all the remarks and suggestions.
Lol grin jonny
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Isk(f): 1:32pm On Sep 07, 2014
I believe their problems are: communication and the ability to compromise. It's never really about who is right or wrong but more about respect and trust. The marriage is salvageable if they are willing to respect each other's feelings. Each of them, realising what they do that hurts the other must make a conscious effort to avoid that no matter the provocation. Pride is the virus of any relationship and theirs is loaded with it.
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Nobody: 1:54pm On Sep 07, 2014
Different choices for different folks, while some would go for divorce other would rather be reconciled. But I don't think one slap is enough to get a divorce. The slap was probably a sudden reflex at the hearing of a hurtful word/statement. We all scream when the lady gets slapped for something done wrong, all in the name of it not being 'gentlemanly'. It is a load of crap if you ask me. Don't act in a way that'd make him have the impulse to hit you, so when he does, you would have a very good excuse to sue his a55 for all he is worth. IMO#
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Nobody: 2:04pm On Sep 07, 2014
emmyskies:

Inasmuch as I will agree with your post to some extent, let me point it out that divorce is not an option. Marriage is a life-time thing. Both of them must come back together. See, it is high time christians stop doing what they feel is right thing to do. It is high time they seek the mind of GOD in every decision they want to make. It is time they learn to please GOD and not themselves

so what if they comeback together nd d next strike ends her life then whose fault will it be?


#saynotodomesticviolence#
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by kilokeys(m): 2:04pm On Sep 07, 2014
Ekundayo7:
No right or wrong here on the part of Jocelyn, fact remains, you raise a hand to strike a woman, you are an animal, and animals that aren't civilized don't live in homes with the mother of their children. They remain outside the home until they can learn to grow up and get a handle on their violent temper and act like a mature adult.

ode... is a parrot not animal? if she talks like a parrot he should beat her like a mad dog
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Nobody: 2:06pm On Sep 07, 2014
[quote author=iyabodeh]Different choices for different folks, while some would go for divorce other would rather be reconciled. But I don't think one slap is enough to get a divorce. The slap was probably a sudden reflex at the hearing of a hurtful word/statement. We all scream when the lady gets slapped for something done wrong, all in the name of it not being 'gentlemanly'. It is a load of crap if you ask me. Don't act in a way that'd make him have the impulse to hit you, so when he does, you would have a very good excuse to sue his a55 for all he is worth. IMO#[/quote



pray u dnt meet a devil as a hubby.that one slap can take u 6feet below.

#shundomesticviolence#
Re: Marital Conflict - What Do You Suggest? by Nobody: 2:10pm On Sep 07, 2014
[quote author=nannymcphee]

I'm not a proponent for assault/battery but common, based on the piece, this is the first time in 16yrs, thats things turned physical, meanwhile it is the lady that has been verbally abusive. So give the guy some credit, just one slap & it didn't degenerate to a beating.

She called the cops so who is at the receiving end now, is it the man or the woman? Everybody is so focused on the slap & nobody is talking about the verbal abuse the man has been enduring, of which I'm sure those verbal torrents of insults are usually the triggering factor of their fights


[/quote



there is no reason for a man to justify his act.thats immaturity

#shundomesticviolence#

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