Do you agree with this? •You need empathy not sympathy... the painful feeling one gets when things do not go as expected. Never judge the size of the heartbreak on the size of the cause. My neighbour's cat died and their heartache was the exact depth as my client whose relationship crashed. Heartbreak is heartbreak, no matter what the trigger. But two heartbroken people do not make one better. You want to find someone to be a friend or supporter who does not have an emotional engagement with your loss, or be that person for someone in need. If you love cats and your friend's cat died, you can only offer sympathy which is fine but it actually can prolong the pain. What is needed to help people through heartbreak is empathy. Solid ground they can rely on that's not caught up in the pain.

• Find a Substitute... You need to replace the thing that's lost as soon as possible. Whether it's a relationship or a cat or a job, the key to recovery is replacement. The vacuum that is left when there's an unexpected loss is the real cause of pain. The empty space, the hole, the lack of a companion, the break in routine. It's not always wise however to replace like with like. Sometimes it's better to replace a relationship with a sport, a holiday, a movie, a camera. Sometimes it's better to replace the loss with an icon, a picture or a plant. Activity based replacements are best. Internet based replacements are worst. Stay away from computers during heartbreak for as much of the day as possible. Sometimes TV is a help but really, getting outdoors is the key.

• Get Outdoors in Nature... Heartbreak thrives indoors. Pain and suffering is harvested indoors. Grief multiplies in isolation. This isn't to suggest that you go down the pub, or go back to work straight away, but three hours spent walking in nature will do more for you than 24 hours locked up inside. Stay warm, keep dry........ http://triolas..com/

but my mummy said that,after a bad break-up..u should not rush into one...dat u shud b patient n let time heal ur broken heart...how come u r nw saying oda-wise...

I am undergoing one presently, he said his mother said that it will be over his dead body for him to marry me so for that he has decided not to go ahead with me anymore. He refused to tell me what I did wrong to her so I can apologise. He said that his mum gave the reason that she doen't know me too well. I have volunteered to go and stay with her in d village so she can know me better(fyi, I have gone to the village wit my boo r times in a row and each visit lasted up to 2 weeks in a row) We've bin dating for 6 years now and we were supposed to tie the knot by dec 2014. At first, I caught him cheating on me with another girl from his village. He apologised and I forgave him. I've never cheated on him, I've always given him my heart , body and soul. At night, it feels like my heart wants to stop, I've thoughts of suicide . I want to stop the pain but it won't go away cos I love him so much. He's my first , only and one true love. He's also a nairalander like me. What did I do wrong? All my life, all the men in my life have let me down . My father left my mum and us when I was 8 years. The next man to come into my life is my fiancee. Father help me cos I'm losing my mind.

Forgive me nairalnders for the long epistle, I just had to pour out my heart.

avuekwe: I am undergoing one presently, he said his mother said that it will be over his dead body for him to marry me so for that he has decided not to go ahead with me anymore. He refused to tell me what I did wrong to her so I can apologise. He said that his mum gave the reason that she doen't know me too well. I have volunteered to go and stay with her in d village so she can know me better(fyi, I have gone to the village wit my boo r times in a row and each visit lasted up to 2 weeks in a row) We've bin dating for 6 years now and we were supposed to tie the knot by dec 2014. At first, I caught him cheating on me with another girl from his village. He apologised and I forgave him. I've never cheated on him, I've always given him my heart , body and soul. At night, it feels like my heart wants to stop, I've thoughts of suicide . I want to stop the pain but it won't go away cos I love him so much. He's my first , only and one true love. He's also a nairalander like me. What did I do wrong? All my life, all the men in my life have let me down . My father left my mum and us when I was 8 years. The next man to come into my life is my fiancee. Father help me cos I'm losing my mind.

Forgive me nairalnders for the long epistle, I just had to pour out my heart.

d lord is ur strenght.

This is pathetic but to be sincere u don't have to do anything funny,but did I hear u say a fast replacement?that is the last thing u need after experiencing such. U need a long break so as to recuperate from your previous trauma,it will freshen u up and if u use ur time well u will learn and reform a lot.

triola: Do you agree with this? •You need empt.com/

alcohol is the solution to all problems

hahahahaha.....i like this.

Seeing them biiitches wailing and crying of heartbreak. I wish they could use their brain and check that guy they placed on that zone.


Hahahahaha

avuekwe: I am undergoing one presently, he said his mother said that it will be over his dead body for him to marry me so for that he has decided not to go ahead with me anymore. He refused to tell me what I did wrong to her so I can apologise. He said that his mum gave the reason that she doen't know me too well. I have volunteered to go and stay with her in d village so she can know me better(fyi, I have gone to the village wit my boo r times in a row and each visit lasted up to 2 weeks in a row) We've bin dating for 6 years now and we were supposed to tie the knot by dec 2014. At first, I caught him cheating on me with another girl from his village. He apologised and I forgave him. I've never cheated on him, I've always given him my heart , body and soul. At night, it feels like my heart wants to stop, I've thoughts of suicide . I want to stop the pain but it won't go away cos I love him so much. He's my first , only and one true love. He's also a nairalander like me. What did I do wrong? All my life, all the men in my life have let me down . My father left my mum and us when I was 8 years. The next man to come into my life is my fiancee. Father help me cos I'm losing my mind.

Forgive me nairalnders for the long epistle, I just had to pour out my heart.

sister u just have to endure the pain,i understand what ur going through now,its not easy to date for that period of time and one day u wake up to find out everything is over when the problem did not come from you. You really need to ask him to tell u the truth y his mother hates u dat much and u hav to speak to the mom to know where the problem is comin from.

Na carpenter use hammer break your heart ?

kellystech: sister u just have to endure the pain,i understand what ur going through now,its not easy to date for that period of time and one day u wake up to find out everything is over when the problem did not come from you. You really need to ask him to tell u the truth y his mother hates u dat much and u hav to speak to the mom to know where the problem is comin from.

I just spoke with his elder sister yesterday and she said that his mum says I'm too quiet for her liking. I am naturally a shy person but I love reading a lot cos of my background, dad being a principal and mum being a teacher. Is that enough reason to hate me? I have asked them if there's any other reason but that's all they are saying. She requested that I come home to their village this dec so that all will be discussed at the family meeting. I will kip u informed as my story unfolds

[quote author=mencade5]hahahahaha.....i like this.

Seeing them biiitches wailing and crying of heartbreak. I wish they could use their brain and check that guy they placed on that zone.


Hahahahaha




If I have friend zoned anybody knowingly, then I accept it but if not and all u have to say is the above, May God do to u as you have spoken and add more thereto

[quote author=avuekwe][/quote]madam, God will not hear you....may you receive more torment like never before.

mencade5: madam, God will not hear you....may you receive more torment like never before.

Thanks all d same

avuekwe:
I just spoke with his elder sister yesterday and she said that his mum says I'm too quiet for her liking. I am naturally a shy person but I love reading a lot cos of my background, dad being a principal and mum being a teacher. Is that enough reason to hate me? I have asked them if there's any other reason but that's all they are saying. She requested that I come home to their village this dec so that all will be discussed at the family meeting. I will kip u informed as my story unfolds

Don't enslave yourself to this family in the name of marriage. Do yourself a favour and fly away.

andromida:

Don't enslave yourself to this family in the name of marriage. Do yourself a favour and fly away.

My dear, my mum said the same thing after she heard her sister speak( the phone was on speaker). I pray for courage and strength to take that step and never look back. I know with God on my said, all will be stories later on.

@avuekwe, I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I'd also like you to be wary of marrying into that family. I completely agree with Adromida. The playout of events should forewarn you of what may come from your mother inlaw, and even you guy if you go ahead with them. For Christ's sake, why should a family meeting be held on your head, when you havnt even married him--like they're doing you a favour by 'allowing' their son to marry you. More so, when what you've 'done wrong' is being you-- a quiet person?


Another issue that should raise your brows is the fact that your guy seems to be one who cant stand his ground, sorry to say.


It all depends on you though at the end of the day. It is well.

the best way to handle it is to act as if nothing happen,crying,exchanging words and begging won't solve the problem.

When you insult each other,then you're justifying is act for breaking up,though it maybe hard but you just have to move on..

Act as if you never dated him/her,don't call or text or send friend to beg,just move on.

It maybe hard but you can do it,if you feel like pouring out your mind,meet ur friend or a consultant.

Go out for exercise,do the things you love doing and don't get involve in rebound relationship just to revenge or get over him/her quickly.

avuekwe:



I just spoke with his elder sister yesterday and she said that his mum says I'm too quiet for her liking. I am naturally a shy person but I love reading a lot cos of my background, dad being a principal and mum being a teacher. Is that enough reason to hate me? I have asked them if there's any other reason but that's all they are saying. She requested that I come home to their village this dec so that all will be discussed at the family meeting. I will kip u informed as my story unfolds

What nonsense, all this because you want to hold on to a relationship, hey the is boy stup1d and you should move on, how sure are you the woman won't request your parents to come stay with her in village so she knows them as well.

I understand what you going through, hey all I can tell you, here is what my dad said to my sist. when she had same experience. The boy was living outside the con3 and planned to come marry her, they have everything planned only for the guy to come and my sist. Dint know he's around let alone coming for introduction. She left the house for some weeks and refuse to pick her call, my dad was finally able to get in touch and ask her what her problem, she said a man broke her heart. My dad's response.

"I'm seriously disappointed in you, a man broke your heart and you want to kill yourself, you beautiful and educated, if a man promise to marry you and later change his mind, why don't you be happy?"

The guys father died few months later, and my sist. Saw on poster for the funeral, the guy had given birth oversea, long ago, but kept it from her. Long story short, she is happily married with three kids now.

Ye need to move and dumb that idiat, if the mother even allow you guys get married, I assure you the woman will be in charge and not the idiat boy.

avuekwe:


My dear, my mum said the same thing after she heard her sister speak( the phone was on speaker). I pray for courage and strength to take that step and never look back. I know with God on my said, all will be stories later on.

Your mum and your heart have told you the truth. God wants us to help ourselves with our mind and body. So kindly help yourself I know you will be in pains for a while but temporary pain is better than a lifetime of misery and bickering because of a man who does not even love or care about you enough to be a friend, talkmore of becoming your husband.

Stop calling anyone in that family. You will be fine in time.

avuekwe:



I just spoke with his elder sister yesterday and she said that his mum says I'm too quiet for her liking. I am naturally a shy person but I love reading a lot cos of my background, dad being a principal and mum being a teacher. Is that enough reason to hate me? I have asked them if there's any other reason but that's all they are saying. She requested that I come home to their village this dec so that all will be discussed at the family meeting. I will kip u informed as my story unfolds

So you want to carry heartbreak till December period ehn Don't be surprised if u hear say the guy wan marry next month,madam move on you will surely see someone better than him and he will come back begging when it's late,be strong

tyson99:
So you want to carry heartbreak till December period ehn Don't be surprised if u hear say the guy wan marry next month,madam move on you will surely see someone better than him and he will come back begging when it's late,be strong

Thanks dear, I followed your advice and I have moved on. Broke up with him for good. He can continue with his latest catch, found out he has bin sending her money since the babe is still in year 2. Good riddance to a time wasting lily livered man who can't be a man even if his life depended on it. It has bin rough but I am replacing the love with hatred, then gradually I will no longer care anymore about him.

avuekwe:


Thanks dear, I followed your advice and I have moved on. Broke up with him for good. He can continue with his latest catch, found out he has bin sending her money since the babe is still in year 2. Good riddance to a time wasting lily livered man who can't be a man even if his life depended on it. It has bin rough but I am replacing the love with hatred, then gradually I will no longer care anymore about him.

no dey fall my hand abeg, do not allow anyone take you for a ride

Relationships are overflogged, why date someone? Why be emotionally attached to someone? If u like someone talk to him/her, hangout, have sex. If u see someone else u like 2moro have fun with the person and move on. There are up to 7billion people on earth so why commit to one

avuekwe:


Thanks dear, I followed your advice and I have moved on. Broke up with him for good. He can continue with his latest catch, found out he has bin sending her money since the babe is still in year 2. Good riddance to a time wasting lily livered man who can't be a man even if his life depended on it. It has bin rough but I am replacing the love with hatred, then gradually I will no longer care anymore about him.

Year 2 ..... Bet it with me he must be sharing her with all those pencil jean guys and go and write it down u will soon hear the latest story that they ain't no more.