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Tallesty1: Parenting is very tough job, a full time job and many parents are not ready for it. Some Parents are confused, they have good intentions but don't see their actions as irresponsible. Some are like a friend to their kids, many working mothers or parents fall into this category. They, because they do not have time for their kids tend to compensate by giving them gifts and money unnecessarily to make up for the time they do not spend with them. Some are over possessive and protective and pamper their kids by giving all the luxuries at their disposal. Some will say "if s/he has been good and I can afford what s/he wants then why not get it for her?? Not knowing that by engaging in this behavior, they are depriving children of critical opportunities to develop into independent adults. Parenting is more about teaching than gifting. Feed them with word of God, teach them how to become responsible adults, teach them about love, kindness and giving, teach them how to manage what they have without complaining etc.

Respect for this comment.

Spare d rod n spoil d child,,,,,,no b me talk am,na so e dey 4 bible.

Nice topic. This is very similar to the topic I posted earlier today. With my experience as a home teacher within the past 3yrs, I give kudos to parents esp mothers. Do not use the same methods to correct a child always bcs he/she will get use to it.
NOW is the time u can cut off bad habits in ur child. Don't wait till tomorrow, stop saying he/shes young. The foundation is important!
But pls do remember to always pray for your child/children....We shall all live to see their sucess. Read more on
www.nairaland.com/1820647/kids-strengths-hopes-whats-plan

lomaxx:

That's true. Sometimes there are drawbacks. Parent involvement is extremely important.

Off the topic, which would you take:
A high paying job that gives you little time with your kids OR

A relatively averagely paying job that gives you ample time with the kids

First option yes but I won't go harrassing my kid teachers if they fall short of expectations.

purpinkx: Topic should have been More like "pampering kids, could this be love " ?

english teacher, i understand u

My aunty is in the category that pampering a child is good.
If I scold her children, she will pick offence. She believes her children can do no wrong so I minded my biz. until one day her teenage daughter insulted her and used her for marathon race. She even reported to me and I told her it wasn't any of my biz, she woke the girl at midnight, gave her thorough beating. me I just pretended that I was sleeping

My aunty is in that category of people that believes pampering a child is good.
If I scold her children, she will pick offence. She believes her children can do no wrong so I minded my biz. until one day her teenage daughter insulted her and used her for marathon race. She even reported to me and I told her it wasn't any of my biz, she woke the girl at midnight, gave her thorough beating. me I just pretended that I was sleeping

It is a misconception of love. A child should be corrected when s/he does something wrong that should be in moderation though.
However, a child should also be commended for good behaviour and achievements.

Tallesty1: Parenting is very tough job, a full time job and many parents are not ready for it. Some Parents are confused, they have good intentions but don't see their actions as irresponsible. Some are like a friend to their kids, many working mothers or parents fall into this category. They, because they do not have time for their kids tend to compensate by giving them gifts and money unnecessarily to make up for the time they do not spend with them. Some are over possessive and protective and pamper their kids by giving all the luxuries at their disposal. Some will say "if s/he has been good and I can afford what s/he wants then why not get it for her?? Not knowing that by engaging in this behavior, they are depriving children of critical opportunities to develop into independent adults. Parenting is more about teaching than gifting. Feed them with word of God, teach them how to become responsible adults, teach them about love, kindness and giving, teach them how to manage what they have without complaining etc.

Best reply so far... The rest are 'Others'.

Parents should be concerned about rasing godly children not ajebutters.Some people esp women even fight their spouse for correcting/flogging their child for wrongdoing. Give a child a sense of responsibilty while showing love.

davidif:

Its this attitude that is slowly unraveling the moral fabric of our society. This misguided sense of 'love' is really going to cost this generation big time. I grew up in the era where if you went to your friends house and misbehaved, they scolded you and punished you. Then when you went home and your parents found out what you did, they gave you your own punishment and probably sent you back to your friends house to apologize.

Now you have this twenty first century Nigerian parents who in there distorted view of love or parenting decide to support there kids as if that makes them good parents. Have you guys so quickly forgotten that "it takes a village to raise a child!"

If you think that defending your child in public even if they are wrong is good parenting, then you are very wrong. You are indirectly teaching him not to recognize any other authority in his life besides that of his parents which is a really bad and short sighted thing to do.

I totally agree with you. Sparing not the rod in bringing up a child can be easily misunderstood. It doesn't necessarily mean incessant flogging. Research has shown that personality of every human being is determined between the ages of 0-6. This is when a person is moldable with positive or negative reinforcement. At early age, positively reinforcing good traits and while discouraging bad behaviours in a child instill good morals. There are kids that weren't flogged but became individuals of high morals and integrity.
Pampering (excessive show of love and no correction) would most likely result to ill mannered individuals, prone to disobedience and vices.
I know some adults who have come to accept that they were spoilt by parents and wish they could change. Some things they do are really stupid. Even do such things to the same parents who thought they were doing good to them(children) at their early stages of life.
Striking the balance between love and discipline is the key while taking into cognizance the social and peer-group influences.

eph12: Times have changed brother. Its something our generation have to deal with.

Time have changed? No wonder we now have boko haram, armed robbery and 419 is on the rise, gay and lesbian fighting for recognition..etc. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

Many parents are simply clueless in the art of parenting. They believe all you need to care for,train nd raise a child is plenty of money. You see parents putting their kids in the care of strangers for almost all their childhood due to work schedules,no time for the children. This decay has become generational,as in you cannot give what you don't have. it would have been better if intending couple could prepare for the art of parenting in marriage than they do for wedding.

.dp

Amhappy: Parents should be concerned about raising godly children not ajebutters.Some people esp women even fight their spouse for correcting/flogging their child for wrongdoing. Give a child a sense of responsibilty while showing love.

AM HAPPY TOO .
The surest way of raising a spoilt brat is to have uncooperative parents, raising or training a child requires the parents joining hands/voices to correct the child weneva he/she errs. it's however VERY WRONG for a parent to oppose or fight each other IN THE PRESENCE of the child if one of them scolds/corrects the child

Pure misconception of love

Bigsteveg:

Time have changed? No wonder we now have boko haram, armed robbery and 419 is on the rise, gay and lesbian fighting for recognition..etc. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

Terrorism and robbery has always been there. Don't put it on this generation. Fight poverty and you have solved half of the world's problem.

eph12: Times have changed brother. Its something our generation have to deal with.

Which time has changed? The one on your wrist watch. Okay time has changed, permit your daughter to move round the town with mere pants or stack nacked protesting for the return of chibok girls and deal with it.

bongolistik: Well, the truth of the matter is that I will say that some mothers/parents are guilty on this. In many cases I have seen kids doing things that really need cautioning, but you will see their mother/parents even protecting or siding them. For example sometimes when their kids fight with other kids, their mothers always come out in support of their kids without even bothering to know which of them is at fault.

So many other instances that are worst than that, that truly require cautioning or even spanking on the buttocks as African/Nigerian mother but rather they will always indulge their kids. We have also seen it in parents even going to the extents of going to question their kids teacher in school on why their kids failed, knowing quite well that their kids are dullard.

I also think that it is this type of pampering that makes some kids even when the grow up, they continue to do funny things in the presence of their parents. Like a for example a 20 or 22 year old boy bringing his girl friend to the house and having her sleep over in the same room even when their parents are around.

So many other forms of indulgence granted to kids by their parents that I can't even exhaust. These whole things have kept me wondering and I decided to present it today;

Now my question goes this way, pampering of kids in those ways, is actually true love for the kids by the parents or misconception of what true love for kids are?

For me it is pure misconception of love. I do not believe in pampering, but training. Training your child so that when he/she grows they won't depart from that way. If it requires the guard room so be it. My 1 year old daughter slammed my Tecno F8 on my living room floor tiles and before picking the phone I ensured I beat her to cry. Since then if she sees my phone on the floor she places it on the chair or brings it to me. I do not pamper. I train. This is love because I want her to grow strong and of moral soundness

lomaxx: Wanting the best for your children is love. One should be careful on how he/she goes about doing that. The accomlishment/error of that desire is in the "how".

Some parents are lazy and all they say is “let them be, they are just kids”. Mtchew

ITbomb: The good book says "spare the rod and spoil the child".

As for defending your child outside, basic instinct would push me to defend my family anywhere but when we get to the house, you would have to bear the consequences of why you got yourself into that situation in the first place.

For a 22 bringing a girl to sleep over in the father's house. If he is the first son, I would hold myself against any action that would push him away from me or the family but my child would always respect me and the honour of the house.

well kill ur child nd u get a rod

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Witty07:
Which time has changed? The one on your wrist watch. Okay time has changed, permit your daughter to move round the town with mere pants or stack nacked protesting for the return of chibok girls and deal with it.

lol

eph12:
Terrorism and robbery has always been there. Don't put it on this generation. Fight poverty and you have solved half of the world's problem.

Ohhh, i didnt know boko haram has being on since 1960!!! Me and u belong to d same generation, and i tell u..dis is the worse generation so far( the next might even be worst).

Ure talking abt fight poverty, is it not the same genration in power..or was it like this during Obafemi Awolowo, Nmadi Azikwe, Tafawa Balewa...if u dont know, ask elders in ur place/family how they enjoyed life then.

Bigsteveg:

Ohhh, i didnt know boko haram has being on since 1960!!! Me and u belong to d same generation, and i tell u..dis is the worse generation so far( the next might even be worst).

Ure talking abt fight poverty, is it not the same genration in power..or was it like this during Obafemi Awolowo, Nmadi Azikwe, Tafawa Balewa...if u dont know, ask elders in ur place/family how they enjoyed life then.

ok

When we make kids the most important thing in marriage how would the women not want to protect them
she is only protecting the assets she has in her husband house jare they are precious to her.