soulglo:

Thank you. This is the funny part. It is actually a borrowed culture for Nigerians too. Before this was introduced to Nigerians people were referred to as the daughter of this or that or "she came from that compound" etc.

Wow, I didn't know that. Gosh, but people seem very adamant about it. Some are going so far as suggesting incèst, or calling men weak/pvssies. It's strange and interesting to read that coming from a culture where it's the norm, and a non-issue. I guess it's no longer commonplace?

The way I see it, it's the formal marriage rites that make a couple one, not a name change. All in all, to each his own.

Good.


Now to bring it home
Among the Yoruba and Igbo the ladies take the name of the husband
Nomenclature changes from the daughter of soso to the wife of nono
Whites brought Mr and Mrs.


It is not a borrowed cultures as some erroneously try to state on this forum.that is a classic straw man used every time.

One of then even went to bring a source to show otherwise yet the book shows it.





https://www.nairaland.com/1824548/husband-insists-remove-maiden-name/2#24910182

https://www.nairaland.com/1824548/husband-insists-remove-maiden-name/2#24909120

EnlightenedSoul:

- Asian countries like China, Cambodia etc. The children take the fathers name, the mother keeps her own.
- South Asian countries tend to go the double name route. Canada is big on the double name thing too.
- Some Hindu groups keep their surnames.
- Belgium and certain other Europeans keep their surnames. Bosnia.
- Arab cultures (patriarchal) also keep their surnames in tact.
- Most matrilineal African cultures.
- Some Patriarchal African cultures do the same. The ones I know about are all Horn African cultures, but I'm sure there are others. Perhaps someone can help me out.

My S/O is Eritrean, and they keep their maiden names. Same with Ethiopia. My own culture too (Somali).

Growing up, when someone would call asking for my mom referring to her as Mrs.*Father's Surname*, she would make it a point to tell them that there is no such person, and would go on to correct them with her own "maiden name".

In actuality, to us there is no such thing as a "maiden name". The idea is foreign. Your name is your name period.

soulglo:

Thank you. This is the funny part. It is actually a borrowed culture for Nigerians too. Before this was introduced to Nigerians people were referred to as the daughter of this or that or "she came from that compound" etc.

Can you name the parts of Nigeria that this happened to be so present colonially

Maybe in the North not sure of the South

troy20:
easy there.its sarcasm.shouldnt be that hard na.

I for fear o

soulglo:

Thank you. This is the funny part. It is actually a borrowed culture for Nigerians too. Before this was introduced to Nigerians people were referred to as the daughter of this or that or "she came from that compound" etc.

What borrowed culture are you talking about here? Are you combining the history and different cultures of a diverse nation like Nigeria to make general assumptions here?

I would restrict this post to my culture, when a lady is single in my culture she is refered to as "Nwa nda" and which ever parent's name is familiar to the caller is used, most preferably her fathers name, thus she could be "Nwa nda Okeke" (Okeke's child), Ada Okeke (Okeke's first daughter), or "onye ezinulo Okeke" (from Okeke's compound)

Once she is married that changes entirely as respect is now given to the compound where she is moving to or the family she has married into thus she is now refered to as Nwanyi Njoku first because in my culture a woman is not only married to her husband, she is married into the family of the husband and if specific details are required then you can mention the husbands name and if more is needed her original family compound..

Cultures are sacred and irrespective of modernization and the current transition it should still be respected..

Thanks for speaking for Igbos

Chimanda has confused so many with her errant teachings that Igbos had no surnames and were known by their mothers name

Roland17:

What borrowed culture are you talking about here? Are to combining the history and different cultures of a diverse nation like Nigeria to make general assumptions here?

I would restrict this post to my culture, when a lady is single in my culture she is refered to as "Nwa nda" and which ever parent's name is familiar to the caller is used, most preferably her fathers name, thus she could be "Nwa nda Okeke" (Okeke's child), Ada Okeke (Okeke's first daughter), or "onye ezinulo Okeke" (from Okeke's compound)

Once she is married that changes entirely as respect is now given to the compound where is moving to or the family she has married into thus she is now refered to as Nwanyi Njoku first because in my culture a woman is not only married to her husband, she is married into the family of the husband and if specific details are required then you can mention the husbands name and if more is needed her original family compound..

Cultures are sacred and irrespective of modernization and the current transition it should still be respected..

pickabeau1: Good.
Now to bring it home
Among the Yoruba and Igbo the ladies take the name of the husband
Nomenclature changes from the daughter of soso to the wife of nono
Whites brought Mr and Mrs.
It is not a borrowed cultures as some erroneously try to state on this forum.that is a classic straw man used every time.
One of then even went to bring a source to show otherwise yet the book shows it.
https://www.nairaland.com/1824548/husband-insists-remove-maiden-name/2#24910182
https://www.nairaland.com/1824548/husband-insists-remove-maiden-name/2#24909120

Ok. Perhaps there are other ethnicities that do so?

Anyway, I was intrigued by this discussion, so I took the liberty of asking about on the possible reasoning behind why the woman keeps her name.

- Accuracy of lineage: Though the children in the union will carry the father's name, a women's name denotes her own individual lineage. She is her own person. The merging of their lines cannot change who they are respectively, and where, or rather who they hail from. Lineage is a huge deal in the culture. Family. Identity.

- Protection: A woman is expected to honor her house and that of her husband's, but the husband must also honor her. In giving away his daughter's hand in marriage, the father has not only blessed and approved of their union, but has entrusted his blood to the care of another. Abuse and maltreatment of that blessing is seen to extend to her father, family, and if they are not from the same clan, her clan.

There are more reasons, but these were the most popular in my asking. Culture is really something, huh? It can be very interesting. All the differences.

EnlightenedSoul: Ok. Perhaps there are other ethnicities that do so?

Anyway, I was interested so I took the liberty of asking about the possible reasoning behind why the woman keeps her name

- Accuracy of lineage: Though the children in the union will carry the father's name, a women's name denotes her own individual lineage. She is her own person. The merging of their lines cannot change who they are respectively, and where, or rather who they hail from. Lineage is a huge deal in the culture. Family. Identity.

- Protection: A woman is expected to honor her house and that of her husband's, but the husband must also honor her. In giving away his daughter's hand in marriage, the father has not only blessed and approved of their union, but has entrusted his blood to the care of another. Abuse and maltreatment of that blessings is seen to extend to her father, family, and if they are not from the same clan, her clan.

There are more reasons, but these were the most popular in my asking.

The reasons u bring forth are clear n will be logical to those who want them that way

I just wanted to disabuse those who say wives taking up husband names among Igbo n Yoruba is a borrrowed culture

It is not...

pickabeau1:


The reasons u bring forth are clear n will be logical to those who want them that way

I just wanted to disabuse those who say wives taking up husband names among Igbo n Yoruba is a borrrowef culture

It is not...

OK
That isn't my domain.

EnlightenedSoul:

OK
That isn't my domain.

Yep...how you?

Life/family/work?

There was a thread you had about relocating..#tsunamied

pickabeau1:

Yep...how you?

Life/family/work?

There was a thread you had about relocating..#tsunamied

I actually had it deleted when I'd gotten enough answers, pre-tsunami

Life is good. Family is good. Work: Got laid off almost 2 months ago. I took a break, and I'm now in the process of securing another position, I hope. Maybe not. Fingers crossed. Not relocating just yet, no.

EnlightenedSoul


Cool.....all the best

My point is do not use the wrong scripture to back up your stance.

So searching of wife has become a heculian task?

Roland17:

I detest arguing biblically because understanding is subjective but if a man is courageous enough to leave his enclave and his dwelling in search of a wife and finds one, have they not become one? What does one mean? In my culture one means everything and that includes changes to her last name, her new home, her allegiance and total commitment is to the new family we are about building together, so is mine..

I am in no way suggesting she is to forget her original family, far from it, parenting is one unique calling I revere but even her father would tell her your new future lies in your new home..

pickabeau1: EnlightenedSoul


Cool.....all the best

Thanks, you too. All's well that ends well

bukatyne: My point is do not use the wrong scripture to back up your stance.

So searching of wife has become a heculian task?

How is a scripture passage that talks about marriage and the importance of oneness wrong or irrelevant to this discussion? I have explained what oneness means to me previously and I don't think I am the only one who has found that particular verse relevant to this discussion if you have read this thread thoroughly..

If searching for a wife can't be described as herculean or tough amongst the numerous challenges and decisions we have to make as humans what can be then?

I am not in search of a girlfriend here neither am I in search of a bootycall, I am not searching for a one night stand neither am I in search of a one time short term relationship.. For heavens sake I am searching for my missing rib, my WIFE, the mother to my future kids an inevitable and integral part of my future generation and you don't deem that worthy enough to be herculean?

"Please what's a maiden name"?

"Please what's a maiden name"?na person name?

hmm the way I look at it,isn't she still her father's daughter regardless of who she is married to. maybe I have a different viewpoint because it isn't in my culture but a woman doesn't belong to her husband and rather is married to him just as he is married to her right! if he doesn't have to change his name then why should she if she does't want to? however her father is blood always has been and always will be.
On the other hand culture is an amazing thing beautiful in some respect but sometimes harmful depending on whether you believe in it or not. If you believe something to be of benefit to you feel free to practice and love it however if you don't then don't let it criple or harm your being for the sake of being accepted within society.

1miccza: "Please what's a maiden name"?na person name?

A woman's family name before she is married.

Naima00:
A woman's family name before she is married.

Oh na so?? I been nor hear english before oo

PLEASE WHERE ARE U FROM AND HOW OLD ARE U? DONT BE OFFENDED O.

Naima00: hmm the way I look at it,isn't she still her father's daughter regardless of who she is married to. maybe I have a different viewpoint because it isn't in my culture but a woman doesn't belong to her husband and rather is married to him just as he is married to her right! if he doesn't have to change his name then why should she if she does't want to? however her father is blood always has been and always will be.
On the other hand culture is an amazing thing beautiful in some respect but sometimes harmful depending on whether you believe in it or not. If you believe something to be of benefit to you feel free to practice and love it however if you don't then don't let it criple or harm your being for the sake of being accepted within society.

Its ur choice my dear dont let anybody intimidate u into doing what they want
if u dont want to change it dont.

OmoAlata1: Why are Nigerian men so insecured? what is the big deal about keeping one's maiden name? I am so tired of this nonsense

Totally wrong, even in the Bible. Isaiah 4:1.

Roland17: My last name is my identity, it's my history, it means every thing to me, it tells the world about me my linage, who I am and my future if it survives..

Personally, If the woman I am getting married to refuses to drop her fathers name irrespective of who the father is, then am sorry that's a total deal breaker, every one's opinion is subjective, what's next? Our kids would also bear their mom's maiden name too?

"And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife and they shall become ONE flesh and one body" Genesis 2:24

same with the lady her last name is her identity, her history it means every to her. Let assumed you are Ijaw or yaruba and married a Igbo lady so what you are saying all her Igbo identity should be erase and by default she is now Ijaw or yaruba. Let assumed she is the daughter of someone like Cosmos Maduka of Coscharis Group or Emeka ofor etc you still want her be beer your name. Therefore making her to work harder to get jobs, contract, etc just because of your ego

Bigsteveg: PLEASE WHERE ARE U FROM AND HOW OLD ARE U? DONT BE OFFENDED O.

in the north almost 90 percent of Muslim and Christians even pagans keep their fathers name, with 5 percent changing because the husband name is more marketable than their fathers and reaming 5 percent are usually government or private worker change to avoid confusion at work

abbakacici: in the north almost 90 percent of Muslim and Christians even pagans keep their fathers name, with 5 percent changing because the husband name is more marketable than their fathers and reaming 5 percent are usually government or private worker change to avoid confusion at work

OKAY

Roland17:

What borrowed culture are you talking about here? Are you combining the history and different cultures of a diverse nation like Nigeria to make general assumptions here?

I would restrict this post to my culture, when a lady is single in my culture she is refered to as "Nwa nda" and which ever parent's name is familiar to the caller is used, most preferably her fathers name, thus she could be "Nwa nda Okeke" (Okeke's child), Ada Okeke (Okeke's first daughter), or "onye ezinulo Okeke" (from Okeke's compound)

Once she is married that changes entirely as respect is now given to the compound where she is moving to or the family she has married into thus she is now refered to as Nwanyi Njoku first because in my culture a woman is not only married to her husband, she is married into the family of the husband and if specific details are required then you can mention the husbands name and if more is needed her original family compound..

Cultures are sacred and irrespective of modernization and the current transition it should still be respected..

There is no Nigerian culture were a woman's husband's name follows hers. Even Igbo culture. My mother fir example is Igbo and my father is not. Nobody refers to her as the wife of my dad in her hometown. She's addressed as a married woman but no one would even care for my dads details in the way you describe it. She's the daughter of my grandfather or grandmother depending on who is describing her. So please it is inaccurate to say Igbo tradition requires a woman to write her husbands name following hers. Answering Mrs. Alone says she's married. Truth is that in African culture we describe people based on something they are known for or something that's considered an accomplishment for them. The mother of the Oba is called Iyoba. It is a title that is tied to her life long commitment of raising the sitting Oba. She's not Mrs so so and so, mother of the Oba. She's simply the Iyoba. A title that she earned. This modernization you're blaming is what started the trend of stating or writing our names in that format. Before then it was daughter of this, wife of that, mother if this. In fact my grandmother on my fathers side was called "mother of 'my dad's name'" until she died. My dad was her only son who lived past infancy. Never once did I hear her being referred to as wife of my grandfather and she was his only wife.

abbakacici: in the north almost 90 percent of Muslim and Christians even pagans keep their fathers name, with 5 percent changing because the husband name is more marketable than their fathers and reaming 5 percent are usually government or private worker change to avoid confusion at work

correct. let dem know.
Islamically d woman is nt even support to bear d husband surname bt he father's name cos she is still d daughter of her father. Islamically even wen u are adoptin a child, d adopted child shld bear his father's name nt ur name.
I dont see a big deal I a woman wantin to keep her surname after marriage amd d woman d OP is even talkin abt wanted to keep her surname as middle name and use her husband surname as her surname and d husband and many guys here are flarin that mbano she must remove her surname completely, to me that is insecurity on d side pf d husband.

U married nt bought her.

For those still doubting facts and propagating the absurd

in Igbo tradition...

can more igbos stand up and disabuse this gospel by chimamanda and her acolytes

www.nairaland.com/attachments/1570299_eigbo_rightsslide1slide1_jpeg46b702946525bf02c4e741ac6239051a

Bigsteveg: PLEASE WHERE ARE U FROM AND HOW OLD ARE U? DONT BE OFFENDED O.

I am Somali from east africa and I'm a grown woman. It's cool I am not offended.

Naima00:
I am Somali from east africa and I'm a grown woman. It's cool I am not offended.

Was, dats nice..are u based in nigeria.

Bigsteveg:
Was, dats nice..are u based in nigeria.

No I am not. I'm in Europe.