I will just go straight to d point, nd please my pple, gud advice will help me tanks...... I grew up with my dad nd two siblings, we r two girls nd a boy... My mum left us wen i was just six months old nd i didint know her atall. So dat leaves us with dad. Wen clocked 21, my big bro heard a news wen he travelled home dat she now lives somwhere in d east. Out of xcitement, i nd my big sis went to visit her. She has re-married nd has 5kids nd still divorced. Since we met her till now all she ever asks us is money for her needs(we r all married with kids now) but she has never been remorse for once for her deed. My question now is: i still feel hurt by her nd it really pains my heart. M now a mother too nd i cant leave my kids a day nd worst part is dat she is not satisfied with my husband status all she wants is a millioneer. I feel so hurt i cant forgive her atall. Wat should i do?

Find forgiveness in your heart......for your own good.
However,you do not really owe her and the choice to give her money(and keep giving) is not mandatory.Don't ever feel the guilt if you don't meet her demands.
She had a choice to sow in your lives and she didn't,so she shouldn't reap where she didn't.
She bore other children for the man she married and those are the ones that owe her.

Such is life...u av 2 forgive her no matter wat she has done in d past,4 her carryin u in her womb 4 nine good month with pains is enough for u 2 let go of her mistakes.do ur part by takin good care of her.

She is still your mother, no dispute about that. Try and respectfully inform her that you do not appreciate her influence on your family and that she should leave you with your choice of husband. Having said that, you still need to support her as much as you can financially. Remember you have a duty by God to take care of your parents as they grow old eventhough she didn't carry out her own duty of raising her children properly.If you refuse to support her then both of you shall render an account to God. Remember also that two wrongs can't make a right.

Try and forgive her but keep her far away from your family, she could break your home!

pragmatistm: She is still your mother, no dispute about that. Try and respectfully inform her that you do not appreciate her influence on your family and that she should leave you with your choice of husband. Having said that, you still need to support her as much as you can financially. Remember you have a duty by God to take care of your parents as they grow old eventhough she didn't carry out her own duty of raising her children properly.If you refuse to support her then both of you shall render an account to God. Remember also that two wrongs can't make a right.

she really doesn't owe her and God won't make her accountable.She could however do what she wants out of goodwill and a good heart.

Have you asked her why she left her family? Why she never cared about your feelings as a child? Irrespective, she's got no reason to abandon her family. I'm suspecting that her lust/greed for money is probably the reason why she left your father; it's evident cos she doesn't like your husband's status and wants a millionaire.

I'll advice you limit your contacts with her before she brainwash you with her 'motherly advice'. Forgiving her is the only way to heal your heart but stop sending her monies.

Sorry op, ur story sounds like a yoruba movie I watched "IYA MI" by funke Akindele
Back to ur question distance urselve from such a woman, talk to ur dad about her demands she could become obssessed and end up using jazz.

Mama na mama anytime. I don't know the reason she left your dad but find it in your heart to forgive her even if she's not remorseful. Give her money if you have enough to help her. Its so sad she's still divorced even after having five kids for another man.

Please send money at your own convenience, even when she states a specific amount for a specific project, send what you have when it is convenient for you.

Keep your distance, or she will start telling u abt a cousin whose husband is spending more for her mother than you guys are. But still keep in touch, make small talk with her. Include her in your prayers, not for her to change(after 2 marriages, this might be impossible), but for you to be at peace with her attitude.

phabulous88: Have you asked her why she left her family? Why she never cared about your feelings as a child? Irrespective, she's got no reason to abandon her family. I'm suspecting that her lust/greed for money is probably the reason why she left your father; it's evident cos she doesn't like your husband's status and wants a millionaire.

I'll advice you limit your contacts with her before she brainwash you with her 'motherly advice'. Forgiving her is the only way to heal your heart but stop sending her monies.

For me that's the most important thing. Having an idea why she made the choices she made might help with her forgiving her mom

Op just ignore her and pretend that you're still looking for your mother that abandoned you when you were 6 months old

She was not even looking for you but you guys stepped out to look for trouble.

You better stay away from here b4 she dabaru ur house.

You guys keep saying she's her mother she has to forgive. But because she birthed her doesn't exactly make her a mother after she left the children at such an age. There are a lot of better mothers with adopted children, who stick around in their adopted child's life. And who don't wish to extort money from said child. Now am not saying you shouldn't forgive, but she never asked for forgiveness, she's still unremorseful. Forgive all the same. As to her demanding money and saying ur spouse isn't good enough?? If he's good enough for u, then he should be good enough for everyone else. If you give her money, it should be cos u feel like it and u have enough to spare. Make her understand that its a privilege, and most definitely not her right. To every right there is an obligation,( in this case being an actual mother in every sense of the word).

You better just distance yourself from her before she start to cause problems in your home. She is not worth the stress, if she was, she would have at least looked for you. At least you have seen your mother, and you know what she looks like. You have now seen that the reality of what she is does not live up to your expectation's/ dreams of what could have been. Leave her to managing how she was managing before you guys found her. If you want to help, do what you can and ignore her protests. Tell her she does not have a right to dictate your life, she lost that right when she abandoned you. lobatan.

esmeralda1: Sorry op, ur story sounds like a yoruba movie I watched "IYA MI" by funke Akindele
Back to ur question distance urselve from such a woman, talk to ur dad about her demands she could become obssessed and end up using jazz.

are u kiddin me? Dis is not a movie nd as m typin dis i cant fight d tears in my eyes back... Wen i hard my last baby, she came for nursin.... Afta d third day, i transfrd her to my dad's place,finally out of softness of my dad she was able to dupe him of alot of money with d promise dat she wil be ther for us... I am really confused rit now nd i dont know wat to say anymor...its relly hard for me to forgive her i dont feel her atall and am not free around her....please wait let me finish crying.

IMO, unless your father was a bully and a wicked man who refused to allow a mother access to her children, the reason she abandoned you guys can't ever be justified. She had her chance to play mother to you but she blew it.

Whatever you do for her is out of the benevolence of your heart, you don't owe her jack but respect as is commanded by God! Most importantly though, try and find it in your heart to forgive her and move on with your life.

i didnt know there are nice people lyk dis on dis forum until tonite. Tanks a lot guys uav all helped in many ways....but i wont lie ur comments av shed lite for me on dis issue. Tanks once again.

candy: IMO, unless your father was a bully and a wicked man who refused to allow a mother access to her children, the reason she abandoned you guys can't ever be justified. She had her chance to play mother to you but she blew it.

Whatever you do for her is out of the benevolence of your heart, you don't owe her jack but respect as is commanded by God! Most importantly though, try and find it in your heart to forgive her and move on with your life.

I grew up with my dad, he never for once turned his back on us till i got married he was there...he is not in any way a bully or wicked man but rather a lovin nd carin fada.he didnt throw us away.he know evrytin about his girls(d sizes of our undies, our montly flow dates nd even buys pads) until we are old enuf to do so,dat was wen he stoppd. So please help me rephrase.God bless u.

Have you ever had a conversation about why she left and never came to look for you guys?like a lot of people have said you need to find out to get some sort of clear view(though based on your post be prepared to be disappointed) on why a mother decided to start whole new life without her kids from a previous relationship.

As for you giving her money,honour your mother and father is not necessarily about giving money alone,it irks me when honour your father and mother is interpreted as meeting material needs only.You have even done a lot by searching for her.Respect her care for her and give her what you can afford to without leaving your immediate family in lack.

Also based on her comments about your husband I think you need to let her know those comments are not acceptable and if she continues keep her at a respectful distance.

Some women get mind sha
Leave your six months old daughter?
I must really be different oh

timsbee: are u kiddin me? Dis is not a movie nd as m typin dis i cant fight d tears in my eyes back... Wen i hard my last baby, she came for nursin.... Afta d third day, i transfrd her to my dad's place,finally out of softness of my dad she was able to dupe him of alot of money with d promise dat she wil be ther for us... I am really confused rit now nd i dont know wat to say anymor...its relly hard for me to forgive her i dont feel her atall and am not free around her....please wait let me finish crying.

Are you still confused? Pay her back in her own coin. Let her understand what she did was terrible. Let her beg for forgiveness.

The way you guys her handling her is very soft and she thinks what she had done to you was her right decision.

I won't even allow her to touch my kids.

Pushing out a child doesnt make you a mother, being there for that child, raising that child to be a good human being is what being a parent is about.

I dont get the unnecessary sentiments. What is all this? Is it by force? Why do we have this "romantic" notion to search for people who care NOTHING about us then subject ourself to more punishments and problems because of silly sentiments?

The same Bible says "Parents do not provoke your children to anger" After abandoning you, she now comes runs you down emotionally and steals from the poor father who took on both fathership and motherhood and you still want some more.

Please dont face your front and build your life, sit down be clinging to sentiments and be getting used and hurt with absolutely NO BENEFITs. Una try.

My husband told me something when we started dating; "My family is not those who are just by chance and blood related to me, my family are people who love me, accept me and encouraged me in my lifes journey" thats family, thats what family does. This woman is not part of your family, GET OVER IT.

aisha2: Pushing out a child doesnt make you a mother, being there for that child, raising that child to be a good human being is what being a parent is about.

I dont get the unnecessary sentiments. What is all this? Is it by force? Why do we have this "romantic" notion to search for people who care NOTHING about us then subject ourself to more punishments and problems because of silly sentiments?

The same Bible says "Parents do not provoke your children to anger" After abandoning you, she now comes runs you down emotionally and steals from the poor father who took on both fathership and motherhood and you still want some more.

Please dont face your front and build your life, sit down be clinging to sentiments and be getting used and hurt with absolutely NO BENEFITs. Una try.

My husband told me something when we started dating; "My family is not those who are just by chance and blood related to me, my family are people who love me, accept me and encouraged me in my lifes journey" thats family, thats what family does. This woman is not part of your family, GET OVER IT.

Thank you my wonderful sister for this advice.

babseg:
Thank you my wonderful sister for this advice.

Its so annoying, we have this idea that we can bribe people who dont want us into loving us all to fit into our "perfect" family image.

The woman clearly is not interested in being anyones mother, she just floats to where her bread is buttered. After over 50 years of her behaving like a spoilt leech we imagine if the poster keeps giving her money and inviting her into her home to emotionally abuse her more she will somehow "change" while we are rewarding her rotten behavior.

Honestly I wish you guys well.

purplesummer: Try and forgive her but keep her far away from your family, she could break your home!

Please help me tell her oooooo. One thing I have with Nigerians is their sentimental thinking. They have used sentiments to replace rightful thinking.

j0rdannkyle: You guys keep saying she's her mother she has to forgive. But because she birthed her doesn't exactly make her a mother after she left the children at such an age. There are a lot of better mothers with adopted children, who stick around in their adopted child's life. And who don't wish to extort money from said child. Now am not saying you shouldn't forgive, but she never asked for forgiveness, she's still unremorseful. Forgive all the same. As to her demanding money and saying ur spouse isn't good enough?? If he's good enough for u, then he should be good enough for everyone else. If you give her money, it should be cos u feel like it and u have enough to spare. Make her understand that its a privilege, and most definitely not her right. To every right there is an obligation,( in this case being an actual mother in every sense of the word).

I hope she listens and not allow sentiments get her into trouble and BTW poster, please pray that what happened to her (being married twice) won't happen to you and your sister.

ferhyntorlah: I hope she listens and not allow sentiments get her into trouble and BTW poster, please pray that what happened to her (being married twice) won't happen to you and your sister.

I am married now, even if one marries twice, it wont make me abandon my kids nd not feel remorse.... I av prayed about dat but...... Dis life is a two sided coin.

aisha2, Fehintola, babseg, nd d rest of y'all, Am very grateful for ur advice nd encouragement, i will av a sit down discussion with my siblings nd finalise tins on her issue. Like u all said i will try to forgive her but we wld keep our distance from her nd focus our attention on our dad... Hope dats better??

timsbee:
I grew up with my dad, he never for once turned his back on us till i got married he was there...he is not in any way a bully or wicked man but rather a lovin nd carin fada.he didnt throw us away.he know evrytin about his girls(d sizes of our undies, our montly flow dates nd even buys pads) until we are old enuf to do so,dat was wen he stoppd. So please help me rephrase.God bless u.

Thank God your dad was and is still there for you guys. I used the word "unless" in my first post, you telling me to rephrase is baseless! Best of luck.

timsbee: aisha2, Fehintola, babseg, nd d rest of y'all, Am very grateful for ur advice nd encouragement, i will av a sit down discussion with my siblings nd finalise tins on her issue. Like u all said i will try to forgive her but we wld keep our distance from her nd focus our attention on our dad... Hope dats better??

[quote author=timsbee]

She is not ready to be a Mother, You cant bribe, pet or force her to love you.

For your sanity give her space, let her be the one who wants you guys after all she left you, she didnt look for you, na una go find wahala

timsbee, please forgive your mum and pray more for him. I know what and how you feel but for God to forgive you and for her to realize her mistake make effort to do everything to assist her.
God bless.

dipotech: timsbee, please forgive your mum and pray more for him. I know what and how you feel but for God to forgive you and for her to realize her mistake make effort to do everything to assist her.
God bless.

forgiveness is out of d question.cos av forgiven her. But her attitude keeps openin d wound.

God's intervention will surpass any decision...