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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships (30339 Views)
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Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by onoja12: 3:07pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
please note its women who come up with that love me as i am,and don't change me but from the day they visit your house they have started changing everything,i think the problem in the family system visa-vise the relationship is that the gay movement have found a way to make the feminine gender into a problem unto themselves,thus making the life of the men a leaving hell by so doing,they come up with the story men are cheaters and dogs,the funny part is the lesbians cheat even more,then they tell the guys relationship is all about fighting,the truth is that gay and lesbians have the most violent relationships in this world.that why i say this is a sickness that is treating to end the human race mcdokwe: Often times, we do meet people and fall in love with them despite their many shortcomings. Unfortunately, most books and articles we read these days tell us not to try to change people we are in a relationship with. This has however become the undoing of many unhappy relationships and marriages today, as people don't want to be CHANGED. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Acidosis(m): 3:32pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
superior1: A statement common with people with terrible character120% true. 2 Likes |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by 2scorehigh(m): 3:45pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Well, I'd say it depends. One man's meat is another man's poison. I guess, the best anyone can do for his or her partner in any relationship is to improve on his or her character shortfall. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by otunbakhakiz: 3:55pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Amhappy: Change is the only thing that is constant. If one is open for positive change,he/she will have a better life than one who is stagnant. A partner can be an agent that inspires change but the other must be willing to change. If not,it will cause further problems.You can take a horse to the river but cannot force it to drink water.receive ur blessings on this blessed sunday. "A partner can be an agent that inspires change but the other must be willing to change." 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by unmask: 4:13pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
anything not backed by science is poo.....different stroke different folks.....If you still can't get an equation that can lead to behavioural change, then all your assertions are subjective |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by avuekwe(f): 4:39pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
There are serious flaws such as lying or having double standards, that we need to change for us to be better . However, if you discover that a friend has a different personality say being quiet in the midst of others, as long as you can put up with it, then love them as they are. It would be wrong to change them to loquacious beings just because u love being social. But annoyingly, some will pretend that they like u for ur character and later use it against u. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Oxone(m): 4:55pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
joomiegirl: Madam, Notice i didn't use the word change in my post and that's deliberate because for me change is too drastic a word cos it connotes a 180 degree change in character which is near impossible. Contrary to your post, people don't resist change like you claim because everyone wants to be better and do better (Don't know about you but i know i strive to be better everyday) but the problem here is approach. We all know our flaws and shortcomings and we don't want anyone reminding us about them, rubbing it on our faces, forcing change on us or being overly condescending about it. That's where the resistance come in. Most times all people need to be better is loving the believe/encouragement of their loved ones and a genuine chance. That's where the friends, family and spouse comes in. The problem is some people don't have realistic expectations and want to completely format/Change a person which is near impossible. Any reasonable person should know that when choosing a spouse, they must carefully weigh the person's character and trait and decide what's important to them and whats not. This is assuming everyone is being honest about who they really are from the get go Bottom line is people should know exactly what they want and not let emotions cloud their reasoning. Its always best to go for someone who has 60 -70 % of what you want in spouse and then try to help them improve on the 30% than end up with the opposite believing you can completely change them. That my friend is wishful thinking 4 Likes |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Jovie: 5:31pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
standd: @Jovieof course, i agree with you |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Toks2008(m): 5:37pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
andromida: Lobatan! And do the walking away before saying i do. 1 Like |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Nobody: 5:55pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
This is true in the sense that you shouldn't expect people to change their ways. Always assume they'll stay the same, and either stay or leave based on your own principles. Think with your head. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by joomiegirl(f): 5:56pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Oxone: Oga, no offense...I get you, but maybe you did not comprehend my post fully. Where i disagreed was what you said and I quote: "if you cant influence anyone you're with positively and push them to be better, then you must be doing something wrong." That's what I disagree with-wholeheartedly. Sometimes no matter how much you try, push, and how much wisdom you apply, if the person doesn't want to change or sees it as too much of an effort, he won't! End of. And nowhere did I advocate that people should not change or try to improve themselves. Read the cut from my original post below: joomiegirl: I like what you said in your recent post about deciding what is important to you, and what is not. Very key. I am tired of seeing fellow ladies date a man who has major issues they cannot stand, but whom they date anyways because they feel they can change him. They will change him. Delusional! I say it again: you may influence someone to change, but there are no guarantees whatsoever. if you cannot accept the person with his/her flaws, and love them anyway, why make the both of you miserable? Move on na. Find someone whose flaws don't bother you. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by jennylove7575(f): 6:05pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
This Na mumu love theory. I must love a guy if I see say the guy has the quality I want. Especially if he can meet my needs |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Oxone(m): 6:13pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
joomiegirl: None taken When i said push, i didn't mean that literally and come on there's got be something wrong somewhere for you not to effect/influence a positive change in his life no matter how small. Notice i also wrote that people should be realistic with their expectations joomiegirl: I'm with you on this one joomiegirl: GBAM!!! Oya chop knuckle 3 Likes |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by joomiegirl(f): 6:30pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Oxone: Oya take knucke..*bumps fist* |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Nobody: 7:02pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Joenice: You sound a little biased here. Look, when you try to change someone, you have to do it naturally. You have to be skillful. Know what he or she likes because tantamount to forcefully change someone can lead to adverse reactions. Is it even possible to forcefully change anyone? I simply believe in removing the log in my own eyes rather than the speck in another persons eye. It is easy to see someone else's character flaws and feel like snowwhite but on closer examination you'll realise that the only reason you are with someone you feel you have to change is because you want to play saviour, simply because you are avoiding parts your own self. And the good thing about improving yourself is that you either inspire the person or outgrow the person. 1 Like |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by dmcdad: 7:27pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Wow... This is the kind of thought-provoking topic that should be prevailing especially in FP. OP I am seriously behind you on this. I have been an advocate for this over the years. Often times people get or paint a wrong picture about this, and thus so many of us live with the illusion that one shouldn't change you or you shouldn't change someone. Like you rightly pointed out, this can seldom be achieved with a view to changing the person from whatever vices the person has to something better (I guess). But, if it's done with a view to ameliorating the entire well-being of the person as time progresses, then I think it should be noted as something that is worth doing and that everyone should embrace. First and foremost, what is the idea for going into relationships and marriages? For me, the idea is, but not limited to being with someone who can complement you in almost all spheres. Even in marriages, need I remind someone that procreation is not the primary aim of marriage? That is why the Bible attested to the fact that, children are a gift and a blessing from the Lord. They are used to compliment the union called marriage. Now this is by the way. Back to the nitty-gritty. I always advice that, albeit there is need to appreciate someone's virtues and to build upon it, while weighing the person's short-comings and making sure you can live with them for the rest of your life. Yet, it doesn't undermine the fact that relationships entails but not limited to making eachother better in every way possible. The idea is to make eachother better all and sundry. Now, how can we better or influence eachother’s lives without changing certain things about the person? The only level or state that doesn't need working upon is being the best. But it is agreed that no one except God is best or perfect as the case may be. Therefore, we as humans need to better ourselves in all ramifications. Even a good man needs to get better, let alone someone who is less of a good man. Like the OP said, it shouldn't be done with the idea of changing the person. Having such notion or rather ideology means you don't appreciate the person for whom he/she is. It could also imply condemnation if one starts with an outright idea of changing the other. But then, taking someone for whom they are doesn’t give room to the fact that corrections shouldn’t be made. It should be done with the mindset of getting to better one another's lives. It could be in form of enhancing the person and making the person a better or more refined version. What good will it be if you are in a relationship and you can't influence eachother? Whether positively or negatively. And what does the influence bring forth? Did someone say change? Of course it’s change. What would one say if they were dating an armed robber or let’s say a love peddler? The first idea shouldn’t be to condemn the person by wanting to “change” per se. The idea should be to help the person get over its flaws or short-comings as it were. With a more positive idea and view towards this, it would help to really go a long way in helping the person out. But then, whatever the case is; people are always resistant or adamant when it comes to helping them. There are people, especially girls (with all due to respect to all the ladies in the house) who find it difficult in accepting corrections. When you correct such people or give them an insight towards something and it happens to be contrary to their view and especially if it’s better than theirs, then there is problems. The bottom line is; many people don’t want to be helped, don’t want to improve upon a particular sphere, don’t want to accept corrections, and don’t want to be told what or what not to do. And until people are humble and mature enough to understand that, life is a phenomenon where we are all leaners. If like the educationists says; the more we live the more learn. How then would that saying or quote be valid if people are not ready to embrace corrections and all of the aforementioned? There is need for each and every one of us to ruminate on this deeply, and see where we are failing as regards the subject. May God help us all. 1 Like |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Donvilo(m): 7:58pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
This is the number one reason why we refuse to change: IRRESPONSIBILITY. We do not want to be the change we need in other to perfect others. We talk of changing other people & yet we refuse to change ourselves. 1 Like |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Nobody: 8:32pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
andromida:I think you're upset about my feedback. First of all, it's possible to forcefully change someone's behavior, but the drawback is it does not work perfectly well. It's absolutely void to say that I want to play a role of savior without thinking my own problems. Look, love is not all about being superior or whatever with your partner. Love is all about changing someone to be a lot better. It's about being natural and honest, and not fake. So, if you truly love somebody, then you must be ready to make some sacrifices through love. All in all, I'm not here to make you sound unhappy. Bad relationship can spell doom to someone's life. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Nobody: 9:02pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Joenice: I think you're upset about my feedback. First of all, it's possible to forcefully change someone's behavior, but the drawback is it does not work perfectly well. Upset me? Make me unhappy? Nah. Yes if you truly love someone there are sacrifices you should be willing to make for the love you profess. But I don't believe love is about changing someone, I believe love is about acceptance. 1 Like |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Nobody: 9:28pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
andromida:Hey, are you currently in love with somebody? Does he love you wholeheartedly? |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Nobody: 10:43pm On Jul 27, 2014 |
Joenice: Hey, are you currently in love with somebody? Does he love you wholeheartedly? |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by brilapluz(m): 1:36am On Jul 28, 2014 |
mcdokwe: Often times, we do meet people and fall in love with them despite their many shortcomings. Unfortunately, most books and articles we read these days tell us not to try to change people we are in a relationship with. This has however become the undoing of many unhappy relationships and marriages today, as people don't want to be CHANGED.i guess most people are satisfied with d 'this is who i am' bandwagon,forgetting that admission of a fault or a habit is the first path but the second is to make a CHANGE..there lies the problem...most people admit their shortcomings and its negative effects but make no effort whatsoever to change it .... 1 Like |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by chucky234(m): 5:26am On Jul 28, 2014 |
freecocoa: Yea well, we all have to adjust to let another person into our lives but we shouldn't lose ourselves in the process.Hi hun |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by freecocoa(f): 7:14am On Jul 28, 2014 |
chucky234: Hi hunHello boo boo, what's good? |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by chucky234(m): 8:19am On Jul 28, 2014 |
freecocoa: Hello boo boo, what's good?Missing you. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by freecocoa(f): 8:27am On Jul 28, 2014 |
chucky234: Missing you.I hear, why not stick to one woman and stop running here and there? Shey na you dey profess love to khiaa for the other thread, please leave me biko. 2 Likes |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by chucky234(m): 9:48am On Jul 28, 2014 |
freecocoa: I hear, why not stick to one woman and stop running here and there? Shey na you dey profess love to khiaa for the other thread, please leave me biko.Honey forgive me, leaving you was a mistake. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by freecocoa(f): 10:19am On Jul 28, 2014 |
chucky234: Honey forgive me, leaving you was a mistake.I didn't say I hold it against you, I just won't be a side chick so I've walked, have fun with her. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by khiaa(f): 1:36pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
chucky234: Honey forgive me, leaving you was a mistake. LMAO! |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by Nobody: 1:40pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
freecocoa: I hear, why not stick to one woman and stop running here and there? Shey na you dey profess love to khiaa for the other thread, please leave me biko. |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by awizl(m): 3:46pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
This thread is super boring |
Re: Love Me As I Am: The Greatest Undoing In Relationships by chucky234(m): 5:05pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
freecocoa: I didn't say I hold it against you, I just won't be a side chick so I've walked, have fun with her.How could I be so stupid To let you slip away I had you in my arms But I let you slip away I want you back But now it's too late I've already said goodbye And now love had turned to hate I want to go back in time And fix all that was wrong To try to win your trust And make you love me like you used to I was carried away by Khiaa's many lies And they were all my fault I was so immature I should have acted like an adult I broke my own heart When I walked out on you Now it's too late And I can't undo my mistake I still love you And hope for a second chance Because of what I chose It was a bad decision And now I want you here Never far away Always near So please take me back And catch me when I fall Cause I need you right now More than anything at all Please TAKE ME BACK |
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