Quintee:
I think I'm too considerate of others (most especially in relationships) and most times, people take it for granted. I consider it necessary to put an end to it now but how can I achieve this? I feel this attribute is not ideal in today's world because only few people possess virtues.

to the relationship or quitting your introversion

ennyhola:
to the relationship or quitting your introversion

No, I mean being overly considerate. In fact, there are things I love about being an introvert.

Quintee:
I think I'm too considerate of others (most especially in relationships) and most times, people take it for granted. I consider it necessary to put an end to it now but how can I achieve this? I feel this attribute is not ideal in today's world because only few people possess virtues.

Quintee:

No, I mean being overly considerate. In fact, there are things I love about being an introvert.

I completely understand why you think you need to change and why you think it's not ideal to be too considerate in a mean world. However, you don't exactly have to change. If you change, it will mean you can't beat them so you joined them. Why not just remain who you are anyway...trust me, they know you're not foolish and they respect you for your virtue (especially because it's rare)

My advice: Be very observant. And just be yourself. If you notice anyone trying to take advantage of your being overly considerate, you MUST use the opportunity to say 'NO' to some demands that are uncomfortable and especially if you feel you're being used.

People who will love you for you and not 'use' you will walk into your life and value you. If you change now, you may miss these wonderful people.

Quintee:

No, I mean being overly considerate. In fact, there are things I love about being an introvert.

..I've been trying that also....but its like an inbuilt feature...I tend to scan people and bring out the pro and con in them..its like a natural habit...so nobody behavior do take me by surprise...unless you are just trying to ignore it

WriteBoy:
In the last 24 hours, I have done some soul-searching and I have realised a terrible and bleeped up thing about myself:

I may die alone -- lonely and forgotten. I am unable to form any intimate friendships, not just romantically -- even with people of the same gender/age group. At a family gathering today, my cousin asked me to name two friends, I could not name one. The second cousin took out a N500 note and passed it to cousin one. Turns out they had actually betted on my not being able to name two friends -- let's not even get started on acquaintances, they are as few as waterfalls in the Sahara.

I don't know, sometimes I crave social interaction, but some sort of fear keeps me back and I shrivel back into my shell where I am most comfortable. I may never be able to change, or become a more sociable person. Whatever happens, the day I die alone and utterly lonely, there won't be the least vestiges of surprise. I had it coming.

you can start from somewhere... and please when choosing friends let it flow naturally...

you cab start from WhatsApp..that doesn't mean you will have to be visiting them always but someone to talk to...

even doe am an introvert...but my sarguine nature has been of help to me....I can speak to anybody anywhere so far the discussion is gonna be beneficial...

Halo everyone. Great thread here created by the op. Glad I got here from this thread: https://www.nairaland.com/3155365/only-introverts-understand-these.

I have read through a few pages and received more conviction that i am not the only one who feels or acts the way I do.

I am an introvert, recluse, reserved and conservative. I relate well in the office and church environment that people find it hard to believe I'm an introvert (wierd, huh?).
When I'm home, I love my peace and quiet and I'd rather stay indoors than go outside as I sometimes 'cringe' at the thought of being seen by people as well as having visitors.

I don't like ceremonies and showy stuff. I hardly make friends but I'm strongly faithful to those I choose as friends.
I remember virtually everyone's birthday and send messages on their days but I don't really bother that mine is hardly remembered as I do not care about celebrating it.

Dis na me in 'summary'. Mor unveilin as need go arise. Tanku.

Comrade Oldsoja.

Quintee:

No, I mean being overly considerate. In fact, there are things I love about being an introvert.

Nne see ehn, I like wetin yu put for ya profile piksho and dat na de perfect ansa for dis ya mata.

Me, I live by some principles among which be:
1. Learn to say 'NO' without feeling guilty.
2. Being different or unique does not make you inferior.

Comrade Oldsoja.

Finally, i found my type...

I am an introvert but I don't always feel proud about that. Sometimes, when confronted by some issues, I won't know what to say at that moment. This particular " weakness" pisses me off. It makes me defenseless from verbal abuse. And the end result is that I tend to avoid the person, thing or situation completely.

sometimes I make decisions based on public opinions to my detriment.
I cower at the thought of people having different opinion of me. I try as much to keep old friends than make new ones.

Wetin I go do? the thing self don tire me

jacy67:
I am an introvert but I don't always feel proud about that. Sometimes, when confronted by some issues, I won't know what to say at that moment. This particular " weakness" pisses me off. It makes me defenseless from verbal abuse. And the end result is that I tend to avoid the person, thing or situation completely.

sometimes I make decisions based on public opinions to my detriment.
I cower at the thought of people having different opinion of me. I try as much to keep old friends than make new ones.

Wetin I go do? the thing self don tire me

Add me with 08155289260 on Whatsapp and lean on me...

Don't give up !

Let me be your new friend

jacy67:
I am an introvert but I don't always feel proud about that. Sometimes, when confronted by some issues, I won't know what to say at that moment. This particular " weakness" pisses me off. It makes me defenseless from verbal abuse. And the end result is that I tend to avoid the person, thing or situation completely.

sometimes I make decisions based on public opinions to my detriment.
I cower at the thought of people having different opinion of me. I try as much to keep old friends than make new ones.

Wetin I go do? the thing self don tire me

Knowing your witness is the first step of freedom acknowledging your weakness is another.You can transform your weakness to strength take note please

jacy67:
I am an introvert but I don't always feel proud about that. Sometimes, when confronted by some issues, I won't know what to say at that moment. This particular " weakness" pisses me off. It makes me defenseless from verbal abuse. And the end result is that I tend to avoid the person, thing or situation completely.

sometimes I make decisions based on public opinions to my detriment.
I cower at the thought of people having different opinion of me. I try as much to keep old friends than make new ones.

Wetin I go do? the thing self don tire me

I feel ur pain girl, i am kinda in d same boat here. I dont know if u would call this good advice but as to the public opinion problem, i slowly forced myself not to care what people think without giving any explanations whatsoever; except d person is interested and civilized enough to ask.
As to the verbal abuse thingy, am still battling with that, i tend to just ignore d person, but i really wish i could cultivate a better way.

joceey:


Knowing your witness is the first step of freedom acknowledging your weakness is another.You can transform your weakness to strength take note please

Note taken but how do I do the transformation?

chuksp09:

I feel ur pain girl, i am kinda in d same boat here. I dont know if u would call this good advice but as to the public opinion problem, i slowly forced myself not to care what people think without giving any explanations whatsoever; except d person is interested and civilized enough to ask.
As to the verbal abuse thingy, am still battling with that, i tend to just ignore d person, but i really wish i could cultivate a better way.

Good to know that I am not alone. I'll adopt what you said on taking decisions because it makes me indecisive most of the time. Thanks for the tips

surprising how I was able to read the whole 80 pages of this thread.. wish to in a special way thank the Op, you have done a great job.. those who have gone and does who are still here.. Jeffrey James, tranxo, Epreel, nobody but we know your somebody, whitecloth, agieberry, leadzeal, shegxi n others blessings!..
am not jobless to have gone through all these pages, but its an inquisitive mind in search of answers..
I am a born introvert, I have most of the traits mentioned here. Alot of people tend me rude and proud but am not, which just you here would understand.. I am a perfectionist that people call me slowpoke cause I tend to analysis everything before I endorse it.
my best friends are my phone, books and my laptop. every quite place is a haven including the loo.
can stay in a room for weeks just give me light and food.
dont have friends and cant keep them.
cant start a conversation, cant keep one going.
can speak in public, but came with a price (story for another day).
Alot have been said about us and am happy to be home.. You are my very own..
please for the continuity of this family.. a whatsapp group should be created to foster the comunication.. the thread needs it.. just my 2cents...
As I lay In my bed
I will sleep with a smile
cause this is home
where I truly belong. Ciao

Jrush:
surprising how I was able to read the whole 80 pages of this thread.. wish to in a special way thank the Op, you have done a great job.. those who have gone and does who are still here.. Jeffrey James, tranxo, Epreel, nobody but we know your somebody, whitecloth, agieberry, leadzeal, shegxi n others blessings!..
am not jobless to have gone through all these pages, but its an inquisitive mind in search of answers..
I am a born introvert, I have most of the traits mentioned here. Alot of people tend me rude and proud but am not, which just you here would understand.. I am a perfectionist that people call me slowpoke cause I tend to analysis everything before I endorse it.
my best friends are my phone, books and my laptop. every quite place is a haven including the loo.
can stay in a room for weeks just give me light and food.
dont have friends and cant keep them.
cant start a conversation, cant keep one going.
can speak in public, but came with a price (story for another day).
Alot have been said about us and am happy to be home.. You are my very own..
please for the continuity of this family.. a whatsapp group should be created to foster the comunication.. the thread needs it.. just my 2cents...
As I lay In my bed
I will sleep with a smile
cause this is home
where I truly belong. Ciao

I feel yu bros.

jacy67:
I am an introvert but I don't always feel proud about that. Sometimes, when confronted by some issues, I won't know what to say at that moment. This particular " weakness" pisses me off. It makes me defenseless from verbal abuse. And the end result is that I tend to avoid the person, thing or situation completely.

sometimes I make decisions based on public opinions to my detriment.
I cower at the thought of people having different opinion of me. I try as much to keep old friends than make new ones.

Wetin I go do? the thing self don tire me

Nne, soak yaself inside book plus internet, dat is to say mek yu dey hungri for informet and e no go too hard to giv ansa or contribushun to any mata.
Pipul go always talk no mata wetin yu du so no send anybodi. Yu sopoz du wetin go pliz God and mek yu hapi. Daz all.

Comrade Oldsoja

jacy67:


Note taken but how do I do the transformation?

There is strength in this supposed weakness of yours, you just have to capitalize on it.
There is a chance the reason you 'shut down' during a confrontation might be an effect of dopamine rush in your brain. And I'm guessing in severe cases, you have mild panic attacks.
You can try these, when confronted, secretly take a couple of deep breaths (it will counter the 'shut down' effect and allow you think)and as fast as possible, think of a laconic response while listening. Then once the person has finished talking, tell them your short response and leave it at that.

Those who don't have this problem we have hide under their ability to just talk on and on and they make us feel guilty in the process hence the reason you try to avoid the situation/persons involved. You need to know that the onus is always on you to say your side of the story whether it is believed or not. So begin to learn to address issues with brief responses and then you will build up to having the perfect answers for people. You need to also accept some people are unreasonable (unlike you) and won't listen so teach yourself to let go with ease.

Many people make decisions based on public opinions. YOU HAVE TO STOP IT. And you can only do so by thinking for yourself and stand by your thought/decision unless there is a strong reason to shift ground. You have so much residual thinking power as an introvert so you need to tap into it.
People will ALWAYS have different opinions of you anyway. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you're not affected by it.

As for friends, introverts always have few friends and hardly make new ones. And it's tougher as a female. Best thing is to let your guard down sometimes (based on instincts) and go with the flow of making friends with like-minded people when the opportunity knocks.

In summary, no one gets transformed overnight. Just little steps in the right direction is all.
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett

WriteBoy:
In the last 24 hours, I have done some soul-searching and I have realised a terrible and bleeped up thing about myself:

I may die alone -- lonely and forgotten. ...

You MAY as well NOT die alone.
Being introvert is honestly not as bad as this extrovert-favoured world make it seem. You only need to learn. Friendship may not be so easy for us but making acquaintances isn't rocket science. You have school mates, colleagues, neighbours e.t.c. That's how it starts. You can't make friends of complete strangers anyway..lol. So when next you see that neighbour, ask about their day instead of just saying "good morning" and running off. Ask that classmate or colleague about work-related stuff and when it is lunch time, don't sit alone but join an acquaintance who may not mind to share a table. The opportunities to make friends are always there so just pay attention. When you keep doing things like this, you'll realize how easier it gets. And stop feeling intimidated by extroverts who have gazillion so-called friends. Introverts always have few. So there's no rush .

I don't know, sometimes I crave social interaction, but some sort of fear keeps me back and I shrivel back into my shell where I am most comfortable. ...

Fear (as well as shyness) is perhaps the commonest problem associated with introverts. And it's probably because we think too much. While an extrovert approaches a stranger and chats without caution, an introvert had first thought of 101 reasons why the stranger WILL reject her/him or be mean to him/her.

It's natural to crave companionship - it's a basic instinct, very innate - despite liking your own company best. The way to go is to start small by doing an extra talk with that acquaintance, returning that phone call, taking a stroll sometimes and not minding to chat with that 'aboki' in his small stall while you buy candy or greeting that person who lives on your street.

It's mostly a world of extroverts but because we rule it, we can try to overcome that fear and feel at "home" sometimes.

DonOms:

There is strength in this supposed weakness of yours, you just have to capitalize on it.
There is a chance the reason you 'shut down' during a confrontation might be an effect of dopamine rush in your brain. And I'm guessing in severe cases, you have mild panic attacks.
You can try these, when confronted, secretly take a couple of deep breaths (it will counter the 'shut down' effect and allow you think)and as fast as possible, think of a laconic response while listening. Then once the person has finished talking, tell them your short response and leave it at that.

Those who don't have this problem we have hide under their ability to just talk on and on and they make us feel guilty in the process hence the reason you try to avoid the situation/persons involved. You need to know that the onus is always on you to say your side of the story whether it is believed or not. So begin to learn to address issues with brief responses and then you will build up to having the perfect answers for people. You need to also accept some people are unreasonable (unlike you) and won't listen so teach yourself to let go with ease.

Many people make decisions based on public opinions. YOU HAVE TO STOP IT. And you can only do so by thinking for yourself and stand by your thought/decision unless there is a strong reason to shift ground. You have so much residual thinking power as an introvert so you need to tap into it.
People will ALWAYS have different opinions of you anyway. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you're not affected by it.

As for friends, introverts always have few friends and hardly make new ones. And it's tougher as a female. Best thing is to let your guard down sometimes (based on instincts) and go with the flow of making friends with like-minded people when the opportunity knocks.

In summary, no one gets transformed overnight. Just little steps in the right direction is all.
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett

Thanks so much for the insight! Especially on the decision part. For the confrontation, one of the contributing factors is that once I start responding, I tend to say things I might regret and hurtful to the person on the receiving end.

# modified. in addition, I find it difficult to say no

Jrush:
surprising how I was able to read the whole 80 pages of this thread.. wish to in a special way thank the Op, you have done a great job.. those who have gone and does who are still here.. Jeffrey James, tranxo, Epreel, nobody but we know your somebody, whitecloth, agieberry, leadzeal, shegxi n others blessings!..
am not jobless to have gone through all these pages, but its an inquisitive mind in search of answers..
I am a born introvert, I have most of the traits mentioned here. Alot of people tend me rude and proud but am not, which just you here would understand.. I am a perfectionist that people call me slowpoke cause I tend to analysis everything before I endorse it.
my best friends are my phone, books and my laptop. every quite place is a haven including the loo.
can stay in a room for weeks just give me light and food.
dont have friends and cant keep them.
cant start a conversation, cant keep one going.
can speak in public, but came with a price (story for another day).
Alot have been said about us and am happy to be home.. You are my very own..
please for the continuity of this family.. a whatsapp group should be created to foster the comunication.. the thread needs it.. just my 2cents...
As I lay In my bed
I will sleep with a smile
cause this is home
where I truly belong. Ciao

You're not alone, welcome on board!

jacy67:


Thanks so much for the insight! Especially on the decision part. For the confrontation, one of the contributing factors is that once I start responding, I tend to say things I might regret and hurtful to the person on the receiving end.

# modified. in addition, I find it difficult to say no

Oh my goodness!
I regret a lot about things I should have said,if I try saying some things again,I regret saying it at the end
At the end of it all I regret talking and not talking
I feel peoples pain much more than the person himself/herself
I pity people too much
I bear people's cross
Am just too sensitive!!!
Hmmm
Pls don't spoil my day by abusing me....I summoned courage to write this...

#IFeelSafeHere#

jacy67:


You're not alone, welcome on board!

Thankz plenty am truly happy I stumbled on this page.. please what do you guys say about the whatsapp group ?

In the midst of familiar people I'm a court jester, switch to unfamiliarity I become the wallflower. I listen more than I speak and this makes it easy for people to talk to me about their problems and makes me insightful, the bad side is I take on their problem like its mine. But when i need to cast my cares on other people I find it pretty difficult.
My brother once joked that if an apocalypse happened on a weekend I would not know, that is how much i love to be indoors reading, watching tv or doing whatever I consider fun.
I actually like making friends but I prefer to do it at my own pace , I dislike unnecessary chatter, if it's not heading in a meaningful direction please leave me out of it.
Whenever i put myself out there and get disappointed I crumble in a pile of doubt.I avoid confrontations though I give as good as I get sometimes.i learnt I'm always smiling, this I've been trying to stop because I think it makes people assume it's ok to walk over me.

jacy67:


Thanks so much for the insight! Especially on the decision part. For the confrontation, one of the contributing factors is that once I start responding, I tend to say things I might regret and hurtful to the person on the receiving end.

# modified. in addition, I find it difficult to say no

Because you know the effect words can have, you have to learn self-control. Don't be overly emotional in an argument/confrontation and try to think well before you speak. Train yourself to say things you're sure not to regret. Don't be intimidated by others who speak too much words. The fewer, the better, trust me.

Saying NO is sometimes very difficult but you must learn it gradually. And more importantly, learn to stand by your decision as this will eliminate your after-effect fear/remorse. Trust me, it gets better over time so you need to just start first.

Jrush:
surprising how I was able to read the whole 80 pages of this thread.. wish to in a special way thank the Op, you have done a great job.. those who have gone and does who are still here.. Jeffrey James, tranxo, Epreel, nobody but we know your somebody, whitecloth, agieberry, leadzeal, shegxi n others blessings!..
am not jobless to have gone through all these pages, but its an inquisitive mind in search of answers..
I am a born introvert, I have most of the traits mentioned here. Alot of people tend me rude and proud but am not, which just you here would understand.. I am a perfectionist that people call me slowpoke cause I tend to analysis everything before I endorse it.
my best friends are my phone, books and my laptop. every quite place is a haven including the loo.
can stay in a room for weeks just give me light and food.
dont have friends and cant keep them.
cant start a conversation, cant keep one going.
can speak in public, but came with a price (story for another day).
Alot have been said about us and am happy to be home.. You are my very own..
please for the continuity of this family.. a whatsapp group should be created to foster the comunication.. the thread needs it.. just my 2cents...
As I lay In my bed
I will sleep with a smile
cause this is home
where I truly belong. Ciao

Lol. Rock steady.

tranxo:

Lol. Rock steady.

Brov its been a long time..
you guys have left the platform for we newbies!
let me go and come..
turns up the volume
lost in the loud silence
fever rays "keep the street empty"

wonderful music you guys would love it..

Jrush:
Brov its been a long time.. you guys have left the platform for we newbies! let me go and come.. turns up the volume lost in the loud silence fever rays "keep the street empty"
wonderful music you guys would love it..

"I love when i grow up" better

Greetings,
Here is the link to a poem written in dedication and valour to all embattled women in their marital homes..
It urges them to weep not and stay strong with the tiring scenario.
here is the blog link: read, share

http://glasshouseorbit..co.id/2016/06/weep-not-woman.html?m=1

Amazingg:


Thanks for sharing this! God bless

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I think that the only way an introvert can get to do things is either they are appointed to a post or they force or push themselves to do it..... I can attest to that.