Nashville:
Tell me what the man has suggested? How can you have a problem and you dont even have any ideas and you then dump everything on your wife? Is that the kind of man you are? When faced with a challenge, you just call your wife to come fix it. Did he even say what he was thinking before calling his wife to decide for him? Can't he use his brain?

he suggested 2 projects and he wants his wife's opinion on which should wait. if he couldn't use his brain, he wouldn't even have a fiancée or the money to build a house in the first place.

when people ask questions, it's not because they are clueless most times, they are just seeking a second opinion. he asked a genuine question & the OP should have answered to the best of her knowledge.

And if that was a test, he would have done better conducting a jamb test or given his fiance research project.

and if he had taken the decision without consulting the OP, she would be here crying that her opinion doesn't matter. this just shows that majority of our nigerian women are not ready to make crucial decisions when the opportunity avails itself.

all they want is to be fed, screwed, eat like a boar & fart while watching african magic. female education in nigeria hasn't done much - what a pity!

damiso: I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding.

Why not 'babes I have been able to get funding for the house we are going to call our home.Unfortunately that means we might have to cut back or have a not so extravagant wedding what do you think' that is even a more straightforward decisive 'test' as opposed to 'our marriage is in your hands'.

The bolded makes it look like he's doing the girl a favour, doesn't sound like he's concerned at all..

coogar:

he suggested 2 projects and he wants his wife's opinion on which should wait. if he couldn't use his brain, he wouldn't even have a fiancée or the money to build a house in the first place.

when people ask questions, it's not because they are clueless most times, they are just seeking a second opinion. he asked a genuine question & the OP should have answered to the best of her knowledge.

and if he had taken the decision without consulting the OP, she would be here crying that her opinion doesn't matter. this just shows that majority of our nigerian women are not ready to make crucial decisions when the opportunity avails itself.

all they want is to be fed, screwed, eat like a boar & fart while watching african magic. female education in nigeria hasn't done much - what a pity!

Oga Cooger so my marriage is my hands abi. we have not even talked about how our wedding would be low key/elaborate. He said I should choose GETTING MARRIED TO ME WITH THE MONEY OR BUILDING THE HOUSE.

Grayz:
My dear it baffles me how some guys here misunderstood the whole issue. Thanks.

You are welcome.Not picking his calls is childish though.Talk to him.tell him this decision is not an either or decision but one you both have to look at and plan for.Definitely the house is a better priority as a house is an investment as opposed to a one day wedding.I don't know your tribe but in some tribes it's even the father of the bride that pays for and determines the size of a wedding(for instance I am Yoruba and based on what myself and hubby spent our wedding would have been one fifth the size na so my papa and mama hijack the whole thing and make am carnival ) so just talk and communicate your feelings to him.

Nashville: Are you married? Did this man in question bring up any suggestions? Is that how you run your home? There is no decision to make together when he has put everything on his wife. Abi so he goes with whatever his wife suggest abi? Ok, when you get married, just let your wife make all the decisions for you then we will see how happy she will be, since it is ok not to have an opinion

the man did bring a suggestion......marriage or house. that was the option and he asked his partner for her input in this matter that will impact both their lives. whatever his wife suggest will be EVALUATED like anything should. marriage is not slavery or dictatorship.
the only person who did NOT have an opinion is the lady, the man was "seemingly" ok with either way, and therefore asked his partner to bring her views to the table....which she didnt.

@Damiso
you will be wrong to assume that some women would choose right....i remember a few months ago a lady came to NL because hubby wanted to spend money on building a home instead of fancy wedding, and future wifey was against it because (as she put it) if he died then his family will come and collect the house, and she will have no right over it because it was "his house"....or some BS like that. many people do marry for the wrong reasons, and many women NEED that glitzy glamourous fairytale ceremony, by any means necessary. abi na only today we hear people borrowing huge amount of money (they dont have) for wedding ceremony?! the power of shallow women out there is alive and well.

MarvellousGod: The bolded makes it look like he's doing the girl a favour, doesn't sound like he's concerned at all..

Exactly why I was angry with him.

coogar:

he suggested 2 projects and he wants his wife's opinion on which should wait. if he couldn't use his brain, he wouldn't even have a fiancée or the money to build a house in the first place.

when people ask questions, it's not because they are clueless most times, they are just seeking a second opinion. he asked a genuine question & the OP should have answered to the best of her knowledge.

and if he had taken the decision without consulting the OP, she would be here crying that her opinion doesn't matter. this just shows that majority of our nigerian women are not ready to make crucial decisions when the opportunity avails itself.

all they want is to be fed, screwed, eat like a boar & fart while watching african magic. female education in nigeria hasn't done much - what a pity!

First of all I will say look around you and you will find lots of 9ja women in your life as wife, sisters, aunties, mothers and friends so stop generalising for your own sake.

Secondly, they are not yet married so the girl is not yet in a position to start making decisions for him. She can only advice him; what makes this even more strange is that he is asking her if he should marry her. Doesnt that sound strange to you?

Like "sweetheart, should I marry you? If you want me to marry you I will; but if not, I will build a house". Was that how you proposed to your wife?

The man wants to shirk responsibility and dump it all on his fiance; what a joker!. How can you tell your fiance "our wedding is in your hands". Was that how you proposed? What a joke.

MRbrownJAY:

the man did bring a suggestion......marriage or house. that was the option and he asked his partner for her input in this matter that will impact both their lives. whatever his wife suggest will be EVALUATED like anything should. marriage is not slavery or dictatorship.
the only person who did NOT have an opinion is the lady, the man was "seemingly" ok with either way, and therefore asked his partner to bring her views to the table....which she didnt.

@Damiso
you will be wrong to assume that some women would choose right....i remember a few months ago a lady came to NL because hubby wanted to spend money on building a home instead of fancy wedding, and future wifey was against it because (as she put it) if he died then his family will come and collect the house, and she will have no right over it because it was "his house"....or some BS like that. many people do marry for the wrong reasons, and many women NEED that glitzy glamourous fairytale ceremony, by any means necessary. abi na only today we hear people borrowing huge amount of money (they dont have) for wedding ceremony?! the power of shallow women out there is alive and well.

There is a huge difference between: babe we will do our wedding in a very low key and babe choose marrying you/house project. or babe let's plan this money I have.please get that because I am not silly to prefer a fairytale wedding to otherwise.

Nashville:

First of all I will say look around you and you will find lots ot 9ja women in your life as wife, sisters, aunties, mothers and friends so stop generalising for your own sake.

Secondly, they are not yet married so the girl is not yet in a position to start making decisions for him. She can only advice him; what makes this even more strange is that he is asking her if he should marry her. Doesnt that sound strange to you?

Like "sweetheart, should I marry you? If you want me to marry you I will but if not, I will build a house". Was that how you proposed to your wife?

The man wants to shirk responsibility and dump it all on his fiance; what a joker!. How can you tell your fiance "our wedding is in your hands". Was that how you proposed? What a joke.

Now this is beautifully put!

Grayz: I have been dating this guy for sometime now. he told me he has a plot of land somewhere. he has proposed to marry me and I accepted. But something happened yesterday that made me mad.

He said he want to discuss something with me which I obliged and went to meet him. he said someone has given him the cost of building a bungalow, that he has saved money.

But problem started when he asked me to decide if he should use the money to develop the land or he should use the money to marry me. That our marriage is in my hands to decide.

I told him for the fact he has already asked someone to prepare a quotation of the cost for the building that he should go ahead not tomorrow he will say because of me he couldn't build a house, I also let him know that I can't take such decision for him.

Please house, are my suppose to be the one to decide for him on what to do with his money? especially marrying me aspect, is it truly in my hands?
Are my over reacting because I have refused to talk to him since yesterday.

Your advice would be highly appreciated.

@Grayz: You've every right to be upset because the way I see it, your man handled this in the most immature (and stingy way). Yes, I said it - stingy.

Marriage is meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime event. The happiest day of your life. And yes, it's every girl's dream to want that day to be as special as possible. Now a man who really cares for you should understand that without being told.

The question then should have been, "is this achievable?" and going forward, he should have sat down with you and laid all the cards on the table. Then both of you should have worked something out together.

My dear, for him to have thrown that question at your face in such a manner shows he's still a boy wet behind the ears. A real man would have approached this differently and in a more respectful manner. You've every right to be upset with him and yes, to avoid his calls till you calm down sufficiently to speak to him with civility. No point facing him when you're still angry. Words exchanged in the heat of the moment can never be taken back.

In the meantime, your man needs to grow some balls.

Grayz:
Oga Cooger so my marriage is my hands abi. we have not even talked about how our wedding would be low key/elaborate. He said I should choose GETTING MARRIED TO ME WITH THE MONEY OR BUILDING THE HOUSE.

yes, your wedding is in your hands. it's the bride everyone there is coming to see. grooms play a smaller role. it's all about the bride so i agree with him it's in your hands. what do you want? a royal wedding or a low-key wedding.

Nashville:
First of all I will say look around you and you will find lots ot 9ja women in your life as wife, sisters, aunties, mothers and friends so stop generalising for your own sake.

i work with the majority. i don't have to speak for each & every nigerian female. if the majority are behaving in a certain way then one can generally conclude the trend is real.

Secondly, they are not yet married so the girl is not yet in a position to start making decisions for him. She can only advice him; what makes this even more strange is that he is asking her if he should marry her. Doesnt that sound strange to you?

you misunderstood the post. he is asking her if marrying her now is the way forward or completing the house project. it's not that he's still asking her out. she's his fiancée, he has proposed. how can he possibly still be asking if they should get married?

Like "sweetheart, should I marry you? If you want me to marry you I will; but if not, I will build a house". Was that how you proposed to your wife?

read the original post again. sip some water to ensure your eyes are clear.

The man wants to shirk responsibility and dump it all on his fiance; what a joker!. How can you tell your fiance "our wedding is in your hands". Was that how you proposed? What a joke.

you are the one reading this upside down. he had already proposed otherwise she won't be his fiancée. it's the timing he's asking about not if they should get married at all. how can you not see the difference between two.

if you ask your partner to decide whether you guys should go the market first before going for the church evening service, does it mean you are asking not to go for the church service at all? this is simple logic na. why complicate this matter?

MRbrownJAY:

the man did bring a suggestion......marriage or house. that was the option and he asked his partner for her input in this matter that will impact both their lives. whatever his wife suggest will be EVALUATED like anything should. marriage is not slavery or dictatorship.
the only person who did NOT have an opinion is the lady, the man was "seemingly" ok with either way, and therefore asked his partner to bring her views to the table....which she didnt.

@Damiso
you will be wrong to assume that some women would choose right....i remember a few months ago a lady came to NL because hubby wanted to spend money on building a home instead of fancy wedding, and future wifey was against it because (as she put it) if he died then his family will come and collect the house, and she will have no right over it because it was "his house"....or some BS like that. many people do marry for the wrong reasons, and many women NEED that glitzy glamourous fairytale ceremony, by any means necessary. abi na only today we hear people borrowing huge amount of money (they dont have) for wedding ceremony?! the power of shallow women out alive and well.

Really.. She gave that reason

You are right though humans are different but a person about to get married should know that priorities should be for the future.True about borrowing hubby had an older bros (a guy sef)back then who begged him to please use his credit card to buy a suit for himself and his bestman at Moss Bros back then as he could not spare any cash from what he was taking to Naija for his wedding and he would be giving him the monthly repayments.Trust my hubby and his blunt self he asked him why he could not buy a suit he could afford and it's stupidity to spend what you can't afford on a wedding. so yeah ideals differ.

But as I interjected I think most girls will find it difficult when put in a spot like that to say no lets not a build house lets do wedding.That is a whole new level of shallow.Even if she wants fairytale wedding she suppose front naa.

You also can't really tell how a girl really feels about wedding spending until you get to nitty gritty planning.My wedding gown was $350 and a friend who we got got married at the same time spent $3,000.I was always looking for a way to cut costs as I knew hubby had no parents like me,I even fought my parents cos I felt the halls they wanted were too big and how we would fill them(alas they were filled with like 3/4 people who I did not know or probably last saw me when I was 3 ).

So if he was serious about marriage you both talk about options and what you can both afford.Not 'our marriage is in your hands'

Efemena_xy has spoken like an intelligent woman. Well done lady


Sister kanwulia please take it easy o.calm down. You don't need to go overboard

Grayz:
There is a huge difference between: babe we will do our wedding in a very low key and babe choose marrying you/house project. or babe let's plan this money I have.please get that because I am not silly to prefer a fairytale wedding to otherwise.

the above in bold STILL points to the the reason why hubby ask you this question.....although you may not choose a fairytale wedding over building a house, a fancy fairytale wedding is what you would choose if there was enough money for both, and that is the MAIN issue here, lol!

ok let's look at it this way: the man has saved a certain amount of money, with this amount of money he fully well knows he can only do ONE of the option laid before you. he also do know that you wouldnt mind a fairytale wedding (if money permits).....so because the man doesnt want to be viewed as the insensitive guy, he asks you for your opinion and lay the ultimate choice on your lap, and thats why he said the marriage is in your hands (aka if you really want that fancy wedding, you must bring your views to the table as to why we should have it over building a home).

there is no smoke without fire, if this man put it in such a way towards you, then that must have been because of the "signals" you sent him over having a fairytale fancy wedding OR how you felt about walking down the aisle with your dress bla bla bla.

btw if you guys aint got so much money then why are you even considering a fancy wedding that would cost the equivalent of building a home? imho, the option of fancy wedding shouldnt even be on the table.

Grayz:

There is a huge difference between: babe we will do our wedding in a very low key and babe choose marrying you/house project. or babe let's plan this money I have.please get that because I am not silly to prefer a fairytale wedding to otherwise.

oh please - spare us the sentiments.
if you don't prefer the fairytale wedding, why didn't you tell him when you had the chance? why are you telling us here? na NL members you go marry? it's very glaring that given the opportunity, you want your wedding on the moon. how many women sincerely think beyond their wedding day?

house ko, foundation ni

chidyhels: Recommended wife/husband tins, no synergy btw the two. God help people cos this is 21st century. Smh
Op you passed the test but pls pause this marriage till you can build a solid relationship with this man.

I agree with you

sista Damiso
you are a wise woman but you are not looking at this issue the proper way......the type of women we have all over the land are ones that think like our sista Efemena_xy.....now look carefully at what she wrote here below:

EfemenaXY:
Marriage is meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime event. The happiest day of your life. And yes, it's every girl's dream to want that day to be as special as possible. Now a man who really cares for you should understand that without being told.

when women put marriage as such a "do or die" issue, then no wonder men will put all options on the table and ask these "fancy marriage obsessed" women to take a decision.
if i am dating someone that evaluates marriage ceremony (like sista Efe does) then i will certainly know that a fancy marriage is NOT an option, but a NECESSITY to her.

marriage should be about the union of two people that want to spend the rest of their lives together, nothing else. there is no such thing as THE happiest day of your life, each and every day you spend with that person IS the happiest day of your life.

MRbrownJAY:

the above in bold STILL points to the the reason why hubby ask you this question.....although you may not choose a fairytale wedding over building a house, a fancy fairytale wedding is what you would choose if there was enough money for both, and that is the MAIN issue here, lol!

ok let's look at it this way: the man has saved a certain amount of money, with this amount of money he fully well knows he can only do ONE of the option laid before you. he also do know that you wouldnt mind a fairytale wedding (if money permits).....so because the man doesnt want to be viewed as the insensitive guy, he asks you for your opinion and lay the ultimate choice on your lap, and thats why he said the marriage is in your hands (aka if you really want that fancy wedding, you must bring your views to the table as to why we should have it over building a home).

there is no smoke without fire, if this man put it in such a way towards you, then that must have been because of the "signals" you sent him over having a fairytale fancy wedding OR how you felt about walking down the aisle with your dress bla bla bla.

btw if you guys aint got so much money then why are you even considering a fancy wedding that would cost the equivalent of a building a home? imho, the option of fancy wedding shouldnt even be on the table.

first of all I want you to know that we have not discussed how our wedding would be before.
my annoyance is why he asked me as if he's doing me a favour.

@Grayz, you may want to ignore some comments here..
Just go and sort things out with him, ok?

Grayz:

first of all I want you to know that we have not discussed how our wedding would be before.
my annoyance is why he asked me as if he's doing me a favour.

he didn't ask you like he's doing you a favour. he asked you like a partner. that he brought such to you should even tell you he values you & your opinion on big decisions such as the marriage & his housing project.

you are over-analysing the issue. his intent is genuine. if he doesn't want you, what's stopping him from telling you & moving on? there's no favour ish in this matter. call the dude now & sort things out before it escalates.

coogar:

oh please - spare us the sentiments.
if you don't prefer the fairytale wedding, why didn't you tell him when you had the chance? why are you telling us here? na NL members you go marry? it's very glaring that given the opportunity, you want your wedding on the moon. how many women sincerely think beyond their wedding day?

house ko, foundation ni

what you don't understand you ask questions.
nairaland is for all so I can post what I deem fit.

@coogar,

Hi

He neither suggest anything nor required his fiancee's input.

As a matter of fact, his statement was an insult to the OP. If he was suggesting or laying out the cards on the table, he will not have gone that route.

He considers marrying her (Not getting married) and building his house equal. What does he mean by building 'his' house when he is planning to get married?

I suggest the OP eases up on her wedding plans till they learn to be in sync

coogar:

he suggested 2 projects and he wants his wife's opinion on which should wait. if he couldn't use his brain, he wouldn't even have a fiancée or the money to build a house in the first place.

when people ask questions, it's not because they are clueless most times, they are just seeking a second opinion. he asked a genuine question & the OP should have answered to the best of her knowledge.



and if he had taken the decision without consulting the OP, she would be here crying that her opinion doesn't matter. this just shows that majority of our nigerian women are not ready to make crucial decisions when the opportunity avails itself.

all they want is to be fed, screwed, eat like a boar & fart while watching african magic. female education in nigeria hasn't done much - what a pity!

MRbrownJAY: sista Damiso
you are a wise woman but you are not looking at this issue the proper way......the type of women we have all over the land are ones that think like our sista Efemena_xy.....now look carefully at what she wrote here below:

Really.

MRbrownJAY: when women put marriage as such a "do or die" issue, then no wonder men will put all options on the table and ask these "fancy marriage obsessed" women to take a decision.

And where exactly in my post did I imply that it's a do-or-die-affair? Did you not see the bit where I wrote/said:

EfemenaXY:

The question then should have been, "is this achievable?" and going forward, he should have sat down with you and laid all the cards on the table. Then both of you should have worked something out together.

MRbrownJAY: if i am dating someone that evaluates marriage ceremony (like sista Efe does) then i will certainly know that a fancy marriage is NOT an option, but a NECESSITY to her.

The issue isn't about having a fancy marriage, but rather the manner in which her fiancée approached her or rather, bullied her into making a decision for them both. It was immature and made to look as though it's either this or that. You can't have them both and there's no middle ground.

C'mon MBJ, is this how life really is? All black and white with no shades of grey?

MRbrownJAY: marriage should be about the union of two people that want to spend the rest of their lives together, nothing else.

Agreed. But there was no such display of union with his manner of approach, was there?

MRbrownJAY: there is no such thing as THE happiest day of your life, each and every day you spend with that person IS the happiest day of your life.

I disagree.

Try to be realistic. Ideally, when you get married to someone and you both live your lives to ripe old age, you're telling me that every single day of those 50, 60, 70, years should be one's happiest days? How is that achievable without them sniffing coke or smoking weed / Igbo on a daily basis?

Yes, getting married to the one you love should be the happiest (or one of the happiest days) of your life. It's a no-brainer.

Grayz:
first of all I want you to know that we have not discussed how our wedding would be before.
my annoyance is why he asked me as if he's doing me a favour.

although you may not have discussed it directly with him, he knows/understands how you feel about it....just like we all do (from what you are writing here).

again, as i said earlier, if we men could marry for free and be done with the ulcer that is called fancy marriage ceremony.....we would! thats because we view this ceremony way differently than you women.

let me be the bearer of bad news (I am just the messenger o):
sadly, the man IS doing you a favour....if you expect a fancy wedding that cost as much as building a home, but you have no money to bring to the table, and yet expect HIM to pay for it all.....then yes, you must admit that he is doing you a favour by having the option of a fancy wedding ceremony on the table, when you fully well know that he wants to build a house with this money. the only reason the fancy wedding option is on the table is because of YOU.

MRbrownJAY:

although you may not have discussed it directly with him, he knows/understands how you feel about it....just like we all do (from what you are writing here).

again, as i said earlier, if we men could marry for free and be done with the ulcer that is called fancy marriage ceremony.....we would! thats because we view this ceremony way differently than you women.

let me be the bearer of bad news (I am just the messenger o):
sadly, the man IS doing you a favour....if you expect a fancy wedding that cost as much as building a home, but you have no money to bring to the table, and yet expect HIM to pay for it all.....then yes, you must admit that he is doing you a favour by having the option of a fancy wedding ceremony on the table, when you fully well know that he wants to build a house with this money. the only reason the fancy wedding option is on the table is because of YOU.

You're putting words in her mouth.

Where in her original post did she state that she wants a fancy wedding? Come to think of it, it was her fiancée who even implied that getting married to her was equivalent to building his house.

bukatyne: @coogar,
Hi
He neither suggest anything nor required his fiancee's input.
As a matter of fact, his statement was an insult to the OP. If he was suggesting or laying out the cards on the table, he will not have gone that route.
He cnsiders marrying her (Not getting married) and building his house equal. What does he mean by buiing 'his' house when he is planning to get marrief?
I suggest the OP eases up on her wedding plans till they learn to be in sync

how's his statement an insult to the OP? if the OP doesn't want to feel insulted, then she should withdraw her own money & pay for her cinderella wedding.

i thought you are a purveoyor of gender equality.....what's the OP's input in the 2 big projects ahead of them? she doesn't have money to spend & yet when the options are presented to her, she still felt insulted.

nigerian women-eating their cake & having it since 1914.

MRbrownJAY:

although you may not have discussed it directly with him, he knows/understands how you feel about it....just like we all do (from what you are writing here).

again, as i said earlier, if we men could marry for free and be done with the ulcer that is called fancy marriage ceremony.....we would! thats because we view this ceremony way differently than you women.

let me be the bearer of bad news (I am just the messenger o):
sadly, the man IS doing you a favour....if you expect a fancy wedding that cost as much as building a home, but you have no money to bring to the table, and yet expect HIM to pay for it all.....then yes, you must admit that he is doing you a favour by having the option of a fancy wedding ceremony on the table, when you fully well know that he wants to build a house with this money. the only reason the fancy wedding option is on the table is because of YOU.

You still don't get it because by the Grace of God I work and earn money so I cannot even possibly lock my money without contributing in a little I can.

sista Efe
the minute you tell someone that: "Marriage is meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime event. The happiest day of your life. And yes, it's every girl's dream to want that day to be as special as possible."....and then follow that statement with:"a man who really cares for you should understand that without being told" then obviously it IS a do or die issue for you, whether it is achievable or not, since "men should understand that without being told"......... therefore, unless a woman SAYS directly to her man:"I do not want a fancy wedding" then a man will believe that fancy wedding is a must for this lady.

as for the way he put the options on the table, you are right, he did not do it the best of way possible, but i sure can understand his mindset, especially if he knows that fancy marriage is a do or die issue for the said lady. i mean, think about this for a minute...... there should NOT even be an option here, but yet this man put fancy marriage on the table. what drove him to even believe that he should consider fancy wedding, if not because his partner may have this "do or die" state of mind when it comes to fancy wedding?!

YES, the day of marriage is a milestone in any union but, NO you dont have to have a fancy wedding (that costs as much a building a home) to achieve that.

coogar:

how's his statement an insult to the OP? if the OP doesn't want to feel insulted, then she should withdraw her own money & pay for her cinderella wedding.

i thought you are a purveoyor of gender equality.....what's the OP's input in the 2 big projects ahead of them? she doesn't have money to spend & yet when the options are presented to her, she still felt insulted.

nigerian women-eating their cake & having it since 1914.

Like I told you before what you don't comprehend you ask questions.
who told you that I don't have money? i refuse to pay for my wedding in Jesus name, i can only contribute not sponsor.Thanks for your time anyway.

Grayz:

Like I told you before what you don't comprehend you ask questions.
who told you that I don't have money? i refuse to pay for my wedding in Jesus name, i can only contribute not sponsor.Thanks for your time anyway.

why are you feeling salty then? if you are refusing to pay for your wedding then limit your dreams to how much you are contributing or don't do a wedding at all - it's as simple as that!

EfemenaXY:
You're putting words in her mouth.
Where in her original post did she state that she wants a fancy wedding? Come to think of it, it was her fiancée who even implied that getting married to her was equivalent to building his house.

if she did not want a fancy wedding then she would have said so the minute he put the option in front of her, and the case would be closed. you just have to read her post to understand that, although she wouldnt want to choose a fancy wedding over building a house, she STILL wants a fancy wedding.

Grayz:
You still don't get it because by the Grace of God I work and earn money so I cannot even possibly lock my money without contributing in a little I can.

then why did you not simply say:"ok, i will pay for the fancy wedding while you pay for the house OR we pay equally for the wedding and equally for building "our" future home"? dont you want to contribute for your future home?! maybe that was what he wanted you to do.....CONTRIBUTE.

There was no input required. I believe that for them to be engaged, they have started planning their future together.

1. They should have agreed on the % of their income to set aside for their new home (wedding &shelter) monthly

2. Declare all assets to know their current financial standing as they progress

3. If somewhere along the line, he felt or saw that they couldn't afford an elaborate wedding & building a home or decided building a house made more commercial sense than wedding big& renting, he should have called the OP lovingly, explained the situation and they both decide if

They should go for their dream wedding + rent

They should do court, build and wed big later

They should do court & invest

They should build & do court etc.

These are many possible scenarios Here, OP is part of the decision process and they both do what is best for them.

It seems the marriage stuff was just out of the blues for the guy.

coogar:

how's his statement an insult to the OP? if the OP doesn't want to feel insulted, then she should withdraw her own money & pay for her cinderella wedding.

i thought you are a purveoyor of gender equality.....what's the OP's input in the 2 big projects ahead of them? she doesn't have money to spend & yet when the options are presented to her, she still felt insulted.

nigerian women-eating their cake & having it since 1914.

Anyone who doesn't see a problem with her fiancee's approach to the issue is not being objective.

No sane girl will be vexed with a fiance that lays out his cards on the table. I and my husband had a lot of "sitdowns" and "card laying" before our wedding, but none ever made me feel like I was being forced on him.

The approach makes all the difference. This OP's fiance's approach feels like he is doing her a big favour marrying her. What happened to "Dear, there is this property opportunity I would like us to key into, but that might mean delaying our wedding abit or cutting down on wedding cost, what do you think?" Who gets angry with this approach? As against "Choose between wedding and house. Our wedding is in your hands". Which mature man, in love with his lady and is ready to get married says a thing like that?

Op, truth is, this says A LOT about the man you may call your husband. Not saying he's bad, but if I were you, I will try to know him a little better before saying "I do".

Like I said in my first post, donot pick any option. Tell him to do the one he thinks is more important and watch. Pick his calls and stop being childish.

And who are all these people saying ladies like lavish weddings? I never liked one and many ladies I know don't either.