My brother used to be a playboy till he got married. I know so many of his girls, there was one in particular who was his childhood friend. They never dated formally but i guess they were having flings. The girl would come to my brothers place sometimes to spend the night. It was more like a coded thing,apparently the girl liked him but he doesn't feel the same . I once confronted him to settle for her because she is homely but my brother confessed that he couldnt settle for her because she told him she has had many abortions and she was older than him. At some point i think they stopped seeing,case closed.

Fast forward one year later,my brother went visiting his friend abroad. Apparently,his friend was trying to matchmake his colleague with my brother's ex. The abroad guy got close to my brother to ask about this girl's attitude since its common knowledge they are all friends. My brother said she is a good girl and can vouch for her attitude. That was it,they became love birds and the girl never told the abroad guy about my brother.

My brother called his ex when he got back to Nigeria that he wants the best for her and he will like to keep a distance from them, so she can be free to date this guy. The girl thanked him for not spilling her past. The abroad guy and my brothers EX will be getting married soon. I knew about all these because i used to visit my brother and we chatted a lot. Did he do the right thing by keeping quiet? What if this causes some problem in the future?

If you are the girl or my brother, will your conscience allow you to keep quiet or spill?

Allow sleeping dogs lye

All I can say is that ur brother is the kind of friend I pray never to have.

There is nothing wrong with your brother's actions, he's not selfish and wants the girl to have a good life, past is past, no one without a past, let sleeping dogs be, he did not say she was barren, he said she has had many abortions, I think your brother is matured in his decisions.

I think your brother is very mature and he has a good heart. It will be selfish for him to destroy the girl's breakthrough because of what happened BTW them in the past.

Good enough the UK guy and your brother aren't close they just happened to meet by accident. Even if your brother had spilled the beans this UK guy might have overlooked it for love's sake and make your brother look like a fool. Who told you the UK guy was also a saint in the past?

Everything will be fine as far as you also learn to stop putting your effing nose in matured people's business.

imas: There is nothing wrong with your brother's actions, he's not selfish and wants the girl to have a good life, past is past, no one without a past, let sleeping dogs be, he did not say she was barren, he said she has had many abortions, I think your brother is matured in his decisions.

Everyone is got a past but not everyone's past is dirty and unclean. The guy is the kinda friend I call enemy.

Tallesty1: Everyone is got a past but not everyone's past is dirty and unclean. The guy is the kinda friend I call enemy.

Read her post well. Her brother met the UK guy by accident they weren't close friends. He is married why should he selfishly destroy the girl's future because of what happened in the past. Besides, the Uk guy didn't ask his brother about the abortions or sexual exposure just her attitude. Who knows what the UK guy wants in her girl? It's good he decided to detach and stay in the background in my view.

Left to me, I think he should have told him the truth about there past, past is past. Although there might be some ehhnnn, hmmmm, and sorts. If later he finds out what really happened between them the trust has been destroyed, he could assume that something is still going on or blah blah blah. I will prefer he tells him before the wedding, better still the girl can go on her knees and tell him the truth, but if he is a guy that can't stand things like that, they should endeavour it remains a secret or they both should agree and talk to him at the same time. That they have to tell him

theplanmaker: All I can say is that ur brother is the kind of friend I pray never to have.

Now this got me cracking.

Tvegas: I think your brother is very matured and he has a good heart. It will be selfish for him to destroy the girl's breakthrough because of what happened btw them in the past.

Good enough the UK guy and your brother aren't close they just happened to meet by accident. Even if your brother had spilled the UK guy might have overlooked it for love's sake. Who told you the UK guy was also a saint in the past?

Everything will be fine as far as you also learn to stop putting your effing nose in matured people's business.

Please explain what you mean by the bolded.

beau49: Please explain what you mean by the bolded.

For someone to have matchmaked the girl,its obvious the girl has been on the shelve for a while. Poster said she is older,maybe 35 or close to it. I dont just believe in people snitching,its good the guy answered the question he was asked nothing more.

Shes homely and will make a good wife

Lets pray for her that she has no reproductive issues so that the skeletons stay dead

The past is the past. What is important are the present and the future.

Your brother was absolutely right. It is not his business to inform people about other people's past.

I find it odd that people will rely on the opinion of others when it comes to such important decisions such as marriage but anyway.

U̶̲̥̅̊я̲̅ brother did †ђξ right thing by keeping quiet, αη∂ ℓ̊ think †ђξ gal shld also do †ђξ right by tellin her man her past.

Tvegas:

For someone to have matchmaked the girl,its obvious the girl has been on the shelve for a while. Poster said she is older,maybe 35 or close to it. I dont just believe in people snitching,its good the guy answered the question he was asked nothing more.

Alright,I get your point but the word break-though sounded funny and I could picture was someone fasting,praying and casting for a husband all her life.

So if we tell you your brother didn't do the right thing,what will you do?
Put pressure on him to spill the beans?
Your brother minded his business
You should do the same

^^^^Gbam

@Poster what exactly did you want your brother to say? He might have told you the abortion stories to get you off his neck. Except you followed that girl to do abortions you can never be 100% sure, so be careful. I am sure you might have done abortions yourself so dont be self righteous. Let the UK guy ask his wife the right questions and do his findings by himself dont destroy their union with your over sabi. I feel the girl should find a subtle way to tell his man about her past though but its not your duty. Shikena

Op your brother is a very noble man. I think he did the right thing.

cococandy: So if we tell you your brother didn't do the right thing,what will you do?
Put pressure on him to spill the beans?
Your brother minded his business
You should do the same

Op, pls comply

He has no business spilling the beans. Let the Ex hubby figure things out himself..

Your brother did the right thing, he answered just what he was asked..it's not his duty to tell the guy about her wife to be's past, he should find out himself..

Btw, why did your brother tell the girl to keep their past a secret? Is he scared something bad may come up in the future and he may be blamed?? Isn't it obvious his friends know he had something to do with the gal hence their reason for enquiring her behaviour from him??


Eeehheem, hope the gal gat no organ malfunction/disorder as a result of the several abortions??

#sitting on a keg of gunpowder...with a lit fuse.

@story
this man is not even his friend, he is just a stranger that came to him for advice about a girl he knew was desperate to marry. so,saying that the girl was ok was the only option here, because he would stand by their friendship/relationship. now if the guy was his tight buddy, then there would be no option but to tell the truth about who/how the lady truly was.

do he and the op expect his former girlfriends to remain single?

I guess so.

To some guys every girl they ever dated or been with is ruined so they have to have something to say or 'secrets' to reveal when they meet anyone who wants to marry her.

tpia1: do he and the op expect his former girlfriends to remain single?

There is nothing to spill. Then again, you don't want to be friends with a man who knows you've been straffing his wife.

5minsmadness: Op your brother is a very noble man. I think he did the right thing.

he definitely did the right thing.
it's not even about letting sleeping dogs lie, it's about loyalty. he's closer to his ex than the guy marrying the ex so his loyalty should be with the ex. that's how it works.

If you cant fully disclose your past to your spouse then you shouldnt be married.

There should be no secrets you should be scared off, so that when someone comes thinking he/ she has your past details and talks to your spouse the spouse should be comfortablly say "Yes I know, she/ he told me"
If you have not found the man/ woman you are comfortable to do full disclosure with then you have not found your spouse.

aisha2: If you cant fully disclose your past to your spouse then you shouldnt be married.

There should be no secrets you should be scared off, so that when someone comes thinking he/ she has your past details and talks to your spouse the spouse should be comfortablly say "Yes I know, she/ he told me"
If you have not found the man/ woman you are comfortable to do full disclosure with then you have not found your spouse.

I will rate your post 100/10 however life is not so ideal
We have nominally agressive people who have to become docile just to land into marriage
Just before the tsunami, i remember a thread by a female who professed that some of her ideals had made her lose relationships and she now has to chill out so as to hold on to the one she is dating now.

I really wish this lady has no fertility issues due to the abortions she has had or else the past will be made present

aisha2: If you cant fully disclose your past to your spouse then you shouldnt be married.

There should be no secrets you should be scared off, so that when someone comes thinking he/ she has your past details and talks to your spouse the spouse should be comfortablly say "Yes I know, she/ he told me"
If you have not found the man/ woman you are comfortable to do full disclosure with then you have not found your spouse.

Wise words!