I've got this chic who's attracted to me and has not hidden it. Her friends have put in a strong case for her and her personality, her actions show she's a decent girl, but there's that little something missing. I haven't been able to place a finger on it yet but i just dont feel that way when i'm with her. I keep meeting her everywhere, on the streets, at the local shopping mall, on the train platform e.t.c. and we say hello and have a chat from there almost all the time but i dont ever feel that sensation or attraction when i'm with her. I took her out for a date last weekend and we went to the movies later, it was supposed to be romantic [Just to see if i could feel differently on a date] but it wasnt for me.

The real issue here is, i see all her efforts and i know its most likely not going to work in her favour. I pity her and dont know how else to ask her to stop, I have also tried hard to as much as like her above average but its not happening.
I have refused to love out of pity or hope, but she's not relenting either. I can choose to get in and out like a thief in the night, I can choose to be blunt and nasty when i tell her off, i can choose anything but its not nice and i dont want to start what i cannot finish.

What would you do in these circumstances?

it will be best to tell her off before u make d greatest mistake of ur life. if u tell her in a mild way and she refuses, try a little harsh way or avoid her totally. some pple cant read a handwriting on d wall unless u spell it out for them. dont make a mistake of playing along with someone u dont love cos u might end up creating total disaster for the two of u. prevention is better than cure

You are not attracted to her.

You might want to try hooking her up with some other guy, but this might backfire and kickstart the attraction to her.

Just make sure you shag first b4 you let her go.

kokoye:

You are not attracted to her.

You might want to try hooking her up with some other guy, but this might backfire and kickstart the attraction to her.

Just make sure you shag first before you let her go.

True, i thought about that u know? But shagging her will make things worse, and u would've given her the cue she needs to take control a bit.

abeg no follow that foolish advice. Your stand is perfectly ok

u already have d ans

dorleey:

it will be best to tell her off before u make d greatest mistake of ur life. if u tell her in a mild way and she refuses, try a little harsh way or avoid her totally. some people can't read a handwriting on d wall unless u spell it out for them. don't make a mistake of playing along with someone u don't love because u might end up creating total disaster for the two of u. prevention is better than cure

@dorleey
thats a good one

@poster
pls dont even think about starting what u cannot finish

kokoye:

You are not attracted to her.

You might want to try hooking her up with some other guy, but this might backfire and kickstart the attraction to her.

Just make sure you shag first before you let her go.

I see. This is what you would do huh? Why if I may ask?


@lexi

Be firm but kind. If possible sef, tell her you already have a girlfriend. There's no use wasting your d,ck up and down like Mr ^^^ has suggested.

@ spikedcylinder.

I did not grow up that way so I 'll tell you why.

I had been the very nice guy years ago but it ended up blowing up in my face. This happened like 3 of 4 times.

The girls went all about town calling me a slacker and stuff.

Imagine going thru this kinda thing during your first year in college. It turned me into a savage, sorry.


But I'm happily married now with kids and old things have passed away , just poking fun at the poster. No harm intended.

OP
U cld do these three things:

Be Honest, Nice but firm

kokoye:

@ spikedcylinder.

I did not grow up that way so I 'll tell you why.

I had been the very nice guy years ago but it ended up blowing up in my face. This happened like 3 of 4 times.

The girls went all about town calling me a slacker and stuff.

Imagine going through this kind of thing during your first year in college. It turned me into a savage, sorry.


But I'm happily married now with kids and old things have passed away , just poking fun at the poster. No harm intended.

It still doesn't justify the "chop and clean mouth" mentality that a lot of people develop.

Imagine if I had a guy who liked me but I don't like him and decide to err. . . . maybe start taking money from him. What kind of person would that make me be? Your guess is as good as mine.

@ Poster,

If you do not love her, do not lead her on. Not even the thought of sex should enter. You will be an emotional wreck if it ever occurs.

Pataki:

@ Poster,

If you do not love her, do not lead her on. Not even the thought of sex should enter. You will be an emotional wreck if it ever occurs.

Now u sound like you've been there, done that
Tell me, how did u wriggle out of it, eh?

whitelexi:

Now u sound like you've been there, done that
Tell me, how did u wriggle out of it, eh?

It was nasty. To get out took serious guts and extraordinary bold face. She went to all extent to make me stay. Blackmail, suicide, threats of all sorts, repeated phone calls, crying most times (she sure knows how to cry). But through it all, I scaled out of it thanks to relocation and all that.

Please my brother, just let her go before it goes beyond what you never expected.

I think you should just let her knw yyou dont feel or see her in that way.Taking her out for a date and things like that could give her a wrong signal,so just let her knw b4 it is too late.Be nice but let her knw.

whitelexi:

I have refused to love out of pity or hope

With the above settled, u're already half way there. All dat remains, is for u 2 nicely break it down 4 her, y u guys can't be 2gether.

All d best, amigo!

At the end of the day it is going to be just a shag and it won't mean anything to you. If you don't like her then let her know. I'm pretty sure that she isn't dumb and she will get the hint .

chika98:

If you don't like her then let her know. I'm pretty sure that she isn't dumb and she will get the hint .

After shagging? Is that not mean?
Me think OP should just tell her now before she lures him to bed. If she succeeds, it might end up in a very messy breakup

It is not as easy as you say. I am also in the same shoes with a girl we are old enough. She is mid twenties.

A friend hooked us up but I am not just ready I keep telling her to take it easy but she is head over heels. 

She calls me like 10 times a day like 20 text messages per day. Even doing some erotic exchanges over the phone.

Remember hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She has a good job and she is ready to settle down but I am not sure I can say the same.

We stay in different states she wants to travel from Colorado to meet me in New York but I keep stalling because I know it would get really complicated

If she should come. We might end up doing stuff. I keep using work pressure as an excuse but she suggested Thanksgiving Holidays and I don't

Just want to do anything nasty. Partly because It might affect the mutual friend who hooked us up.

Tell her nicely. If she has any respect for herself she would take your word for it and leave.

Awwwwww, so romantic, you want to dump her for Emerald or Ujujoan

Here is a simple solution. introduce her to me. where in london are you anyway?

Busy_body:

Awwwwww, so romantic, you want to dump her for Emerald or Ujujoan

Life with uju would be a nitemare. . . u know like that movie "what happens in vegas"
Emerald is a lovely girl, she's quite hot for an ordinary ME, but hey, to be seen in public with a cutie like her? I'll take that anyday Cant say much about the long term future though.

But the girl in question has been trailing me long before Emerald, u will be wrong to say that I'm clearing the way.

This is a hard sell brov . . . .was in a similar boat millions of years ago. . . .the chic virtually stalked me . .she ended up being friends with ALL the females in my life (Sistas/Cousin/neighbors/My mum . . .you name it)
Well, as 4 me i gave in eventually _{. . .well, sex was a new experience for me abt that time} . . .I gave in an we had the crasiest relashionship ever . . . .The chic took all the crap i threw at her in stride up until i pulled of a nasty one that broke the Camels back.

My advice, DON'T DO IT . . .& always tell her that you cant . . .she will thank you 4 it eventually.

TRUH IS ELASTIC
if you strech the truth it will fly back and sting you

the truh of the matter is that you dont know what the babe really want
abi na shagging she want o, you no know
abi na serious tang o you no know

as her what she really want b4 you deside on what to do

opuro:

TRUH IS ELASTIC
if you strech the truth it will fly back and sting you

the truh of the matter is that you don't know what the babe really want
abi na shagging she want o, you no know
abi na serious tang o you no know

as her what she really want before you deside on what to do

Good point, never crossed my mind, i'll give her a call, arrange a date this weekend and talk to her. More updates soon.

whitelexi:

[b]Life with uju would be a nitemare. . . u know like that movie "what happens in vegas" [/b]Emerald is a lovely girl, she's quite hot for an ordinary ME, but hey, to be seen in public with a cutie like her? I'll take that anyday can't say much about the long term future though.

But the girl in question has been trailing me long before Emerald, u will be wrong to say that I'm clearing the way.

     

@ topic - Just tell her!! No insinuations, no actions, not 'trying' to tell her . ,   just tell her!!!


I f you are not interested you are not interested. Tell her you can't give her what she wants . .  a r/ship _{what else could she possibly want?.} Why do you guys find it so difficult to be honest 

Tell her how you feel jare.I don't why men suddenly grow cold feet in stuffs like this
Tell her mildly,if it does not work be blunt but polite.She wud be a fool not to accept it and even thank you for telling her the truth.

Ujujoan:

     

@ topic - Just tell her!!

ifyalways:

Tell her how you feel jare. . .

Hey, the two both of you zip it Look at your mouth like "tell her", na so the thing easy You want him to have a stalker on his hand, calling him all hours of the day, crying and pleading for an explanation, asking why all the time, turning up unannounced at his house, begging that she would change and promising him she would be at his beck and call, and would even turn to his footmat . . . no be so girls dey freak out when they get dumped



@ Whitelexi

You would not have been in this situation if you had heeded my advice and gone for Uju Anyway it is not too late, at least you know she would not create any drama if you tell her to pack her bags. She's made of teflon

Iyalode,

we need ur attention for here

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-184589.0.html

Busy_body:

Hey, the two both of you zip it Look at your mouth like "tell her", na so the thing easy You want him to have a stalker on his hand, calling him all hours of the day, crying and pleading for an explanation, asking why all the time, turning up unannounced at his house, begging that she would change and promising him she would be at his beck and call, and would even turn to his footmat . . . no be so girls dey freak out when they get dumped



@ Whitelexi

You would not have been in this situation if you had heeded my advice and gone for Uju Anyway it is not too late, at least you know she would not create any drama if you tell her to pack her bags. She's made of teflon

My friend carry your busybody go rest for one corner jare

I dont think she'll stalk him if he tells her. If he's direct enough she'll know there's nothing more she can do. But if he keeps playing games, she'll keep beleiving and keep stalking him. Thats what I think sha.

Of course you busybodys could do otherwise

whitelexi:

Good point, never crossed my mind, i'll give her a call, arrange a date this weekend and talk to her. More updates soon.

I asked her what exactly she wants - like i said i would. She wants to spend the rest of her life with me, not even a relationship! It sounded funny at first and i laughed out but then i saw the look in her eyes - the girl was damn serious. She asked me what was funny and i just said it wasnt what i was expecting to hear.
I told her as truthfully as i could that the thing will not work but she's bent on at least giving it a try. I told her my heart is not in it but she wants me to give her a chance - even promised that if i gave her a chance i'd change my mind about her within a week!
She said a few things that i know are very emotional to her and even asked me to place myself in her shoes and imagine how i'd feel. The meeting ended worse than it started because i feel i have now given her a chance to put a few toes in the door.
I'm considering moving out of my apartment without notice. Its getting bad, but why should i move out because of a girl?

Busy_body:

@ Whitelexi

You would not have been in this situation if you had heeded my advice and gone for Uju Anyway it is not too late, at least you know she would not create any drama if you tell her to pack her bags. She's made of teflon

I appreciate your concern eh, but uju will kill me before my time