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Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? (7132 Views)

Poll: Hosehelps. Daycare. Which would you use as a parent?

Househelps: 33% (26 votes)
Daycare: 66% (52 votes)
This poll has ended

Paid Live-in Nannies Vs Professional Daycare, Which Is Better For Babies? / Operation No To Househelps 2014 / What Other Means Do We Use? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by slyk2(m): 12:52pm On Oct 27, 2008
Abeg day care jooo!

These house helps are mamiwater pikins.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by oluite(f): 3:39pm On Oct 27, 2008
just wanted to ask @benincitys hw do u do it.share with us.mite learn smtin
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by omoge(f): 3:59pm On Oct 27, 2008
daycare is okay if you can afford a good one (not just any daycare)

househelp only if it is a professional one who would come clean, wash etc and go away. again only a professional ones. No way to using kids my children's age to do housework for us.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Angelheart: 6:17pm On Oct 27, 2008
These days, women are just as busy as men are. Life has become busy and difficult. If I can afford it, There is nothing wrong with a helper.

Im here in the UK studying and left my son (3) with my mother. He goes to day care and my mom has a full time job. Therefore, she has a helper. A stay in helper. Mainly to clean up the house and do the cooking. Aint nothing wromg with that.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by spoony(f): 3:10pm On Oct 28, 2008
IMHO the situation depends on many factors.
E.g. is the family around to help or are parents with kid(s) on their own in foreign country? (our case)
Do both of them work full time (not because of fancy careers but because they have to) (our case)
The childcare available – what quality is there, references, is the baby settled & happy etc.
I don’t have any house help but my kid stays with childminder (& other kids) and when he reaches 2.5/3 he will go to the nursery from where he’ll continue to the primary school.
I agree with Ebonyj & ajiri avae – with consideration and given that all sides are happy the child does benefit from environment of professional care by playing, teaching and interacting with other kids.
I’m trying to give him the best I can, he’s got all my time @ mornings, evenings & weekends.
My mum did the same when she had us, we attended nursery and I don’t think it was a bad thing for us.
Respect to all mums, working or not working!
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Shinatu: 9:19am On Oct 29, 2008
Maybe we should just stop sending our female children to School like in the time of old, or we should choose the type of courses they actualy study.You cannot go to school, invest almost half of your life in developing yourself even to the point of  graduating tops in your class leaving majority of your male classmates behind
and you are told you cannot make use of that developed brain because you are A female, so you have to pick up a partime job.


I am glad that someone already mentioned how far househelp recruitment has developed in Nigeria, there are agents who make sure they are paid well,some of these agents are lawyers who do not handle underaged personnel. I  confess that I have heard horrible stories of the activities of househelps though.

I have been lucky in that the girl staying with me is from my Church, the parents could not enroll her for her exams 9the Father had a stroke some years back), she learnt I was looking for a house help and approached me. By the grace of God, she will be leaving for the University next month and we (the girl inclusive because she is very much concerned about me getting a good person) are already looking for another person. I pray that God will lead me to another person like her, a life that will be a blessing to me that I can also be a great blessing to.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by mbulela: 10:22am On Oct 29, 2008
some of the comments on this thread are delusional and outrightly ignorant.
the present economic reality is that most couples have to work to provide basic needs for their children. how can a working couple not have nannies/househelps or use day care centers? it is easy to say the mother should stay at home but how many families can cope with only the father's income?don't try telling me that parents that use any of these options do not love their children. it is simply about the present day realities.after you sit at home with your kids and when it is time to go to school and you can not afford good education, come and tell me about loving your children!!
i rather we discuss the pros and cons of nannies/househelps vis a vis daycare centres.
in all major cities of this country, it is getting increasingly difficult getting good maids and a lot of mushroom daycare centers are sprouting all over the place.how can this situation be addressed?
this is the main issue, in my view.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Nobody: 1:58pm On Oct 29, 2008
@ Ruby or what is ur id?, the Nigerian man was  lazy when you were clubbing him with ur breasts, slips and abunchi mgbada? He was lazy when he got the money to propose and get the house you don't like dirty because you hate dirts. That is just ur own contribution and hail him for all he has made possible and available.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by eagleroland(m): 5:58pm On Oct 29, 2008
I believe it is imperative for parents to decide what is most important to them before both parents decide to take demanding jobs. Leaving your children with either the House Help or Day Care Center should be for a few hours in the day. This will allow you to have time for the growing children. I normally advise that the husband takes a very challenging job while the wife takes a less challenging job or runs her own business. This will ensure that we do not rush through life, making plenty of money, only to discover that our motive for making such money was misplaced ab initio. When you ask most parents why they work so hard, they normally respond that they are making money for the children. My question is, which children?
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by biolabee(m): 7:04pm On Oct 29, 2008
mbulela:

some of the comments on this thread are delusional and outrightly ignorant.
u have good points but bros take am easy smiley
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Outstrip(f): 2:38am On Oct 30, 2008
Benincity people are waiting to hear how you do it. Abeg teach us this new trick o. I am all ears
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by rhodacious(f): 10:14am On Oct 30, 2008
for most mommas like me, we need help taking care of the kids and running a home, with a perfectionist huby. my huby insists on having a nanny and a cleaner. 2 day and 2 night watchmen and a driver. he wouldnt let me clean. even when i suddenly didnt have a househelp, and i was pregnant, he did breakfast, and vacuumed, i take my time to do lunch, and he does dinner with my help. i dont see anything wrong with having househelps. they are paid, and if they want to live in your b/q, then they can, i have 2 at the moment and they all live in my b/q, and are paid #15,000, fed, toiletries and clothes, so WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?,
my kids dont go to school until they are 2.5yrs. i am pregnant now with my 3rd baby and due in december, then i can maintain only 1 househelp as i go back to school when the last baby starts kindergarten, so i think i wouldnt want to have it anyother way. i have no relatives in town, but even my friends that have their mommas in town , take their kids to mom, even as they have househelps. and i thank GOD that i havent had any bad story to tell in househelps, only the usual lady problems, cos they are usually from 23yrs up, i dont do kid-househelps .
if u are a real momma, u will know that running after crawling babies and toddlers isnt easy, and u will be dead tired and grouchy at the end of the day, yet the other wants help with assignment, wants to be fed, and a house thats got to sparkle. so if my huby isnt complaining and paying for this, why should i?
i dont do day-cares( huby wouldnt actually)!!!, so
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Outstrip(f): 12:40am On Oct 31, 2008
rhodacious thanks for sharing and being honest
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by rhodacious(f): 3:46pm On Oct 31, 2008
thanks outstrip!

cant pretend to be a super-woman, i have already proved i am a super-woman by giving birth, even being pregnant is enough, being a woman is enough hassles, what with our period and all!!!!!!!!!.
why do all the work, when someone can do it, and u take the glory of keeping a nice home, and the person gets paid.
the only thing, is that u got to have a standard of how u want your kids to be treated, and treat ur workers nicely. no one shouts at my kids, and i dont shout at my nannies. they close at 7pm after dinner, unless for any reason we cooked late, they have their free days by weekend. they are even close to my age. i am 25yrs and they are 23, and 26yrs old. the only difference is that i am fortunate to have gotten a man whos got money and spends on me.
my last 2 househelps got married and left, they come to help when i have birthday parties for the kids and when i give birth, or during christmas. 1 has opted to travel to the village with me if i will travel, as she loves igbo christmas celebrations.
not all househelps are bad, it is circumstance that has kept most where they are, and they would have loved to be in a diff place and time, so no one should make life more difficult for them, by branding them with evil names.

I REST MY CASE grin
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by abujabooks(f): 10:17pm On Oct 31, 2008
I prefer a live~out househelp. We don't seem 2 have a lot of dm in 9ja.

Some1 who comes in d morning and leave at night.

Balancing family life is important.

Kids need their parents.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by TOYOSI20(f): 12:28am On Nov 01, 2008
True. . . . .parents mustn't be too busy to essentially give time to and spend time with their kids. . , . .

Most families take advantage of the much needed help that the daycare or the house help provides

. . . . .and then again its about planning ur schedule right and sacrificing as much time as u can for the kids. . . . , wink
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by madam: 5:13pm On Nov 04, 2008
Being a mom and working hasnt been so easy for me. I have two kids a 2 yr old and a 4mths old so u can imagine. When i had just one kid i was able to cope but two, i dont need to say how stressfull it was. I ended up getting someone to come pick my kids in the morning to the daycare and then bring them home and stay with them till i get back, This so far so good is working for me. ( I use both the daycare service and nanny combined)

Someone said mothers should change their schedule i.e stay at home in the morning and work in the evening after the kids and someone elderly is at home, I am sure this person leaves abroad, How many good paying jobs here in nigeria are shift jobs?

Someone also complained about dirty daycare and kids not being fed and wet nappies, I beg change that daycare abi na only im they ur area, I think b4 people drop their kids at a daycare the should have gone daycare hunting to know which one would be ideal for their kids
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Imme: 3:36pm On Nov 05, 2008
I strongly believe that women should have a career of their own. Not just for the money alone but also for your own respect.

I would rather prefer a househelp to daycare. Not just any stranger as a househelp but somebody you know very well, she can be from your village or your husband's village.

It is true that nobody can take care of your baby the way u want, that is why you should shower love and care to those taking care of our children, otherwise, they will maltreat them at your absence.

I have a grown up girl from my husband's side that lives with me and takes care of my baby.

But most times, i feel guilty not having enough time with my baby because of my job.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by bethsy: 10:05pm On Nov 06, 2008
whats is the big deal in taking care of ur kids if no u are ready to take care of them then dont have .how can u have kids and let some one else train them for u
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Imme: 9:00am On Nov 07, 2008
@ bethsy

Are u a woman or man? If u are a woman, are you married with kids?
If your answer is yes and you still prefer to stay at home just to take care of your children, well that is your choice. And i hope ur husband's income is good enough to train your children to ur taste.
I didnt go to school to be a housewife otherwise i wouldnt have wasted my parent's money. Thank you.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by smurf(f): 9:58pm On Nov 08, 2008
We can't do it all ourselves sometimes we need help if you can afford it then go for it.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by chiwaochi: 4:52pm On Nov 10, 2008
looking at it from my own perspective i think is advisable to have a helping hand in the house regard less of weather your wife is working or not because she not a slavery but a life partner and she needs freedom as well.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by rhodacious(f): 6:06pm On Nov 10, 2008
i didnt realise that people who arent even mothers, come in here to contribute, and blab about how it is wrong to have a helping hand with the children, for those peeps, i say: experience is the best teacher. why dont u wait till u have urs, before saying how u will turn to batman and superman, and fantastic four grin.
nobody said we leave them to be trained by househelps, and what do u mean by training anyway
for mothers who arent afraid to say they need help, i feel you!!!! we all need that extra help, i got lots.
for those who say they dont need help at all, good for you too!
as for me, it is not about being able to go out to work, it is about needing someone to take care of the baby while u get some ME time, make ur hair, or even sleep, after a sleepless night feeding a baby or doing night watch if baby doesnt feel like a good night.
it is about needing someone to mop, wash and run errands, while i have time with my kids, and not have to divide myself between housework and kids, andend up not doing any one well.
it is about needing someone to carry baby in the car while i drive cos my kids refuse to be strapped to a car-seater. or should i drive while carrying a baby like britney?
it is about all those liitle things that mommas want help with.
i have a few questions for the super women who dont need help
1. who do u leave ur baby with when u are taking a bathe, and doesnt the baby wander into the tiled toilet searching for you?
2. when u had a sleepless night, cos baby was just immunized, dont u feel sleepy in the day, but still have to cook, wash, and not look stressed up?
3.when u go shopping for clothes, who do u give ur baby to when u need to try out an outfit? dont tell me u dont try them on.
4. when u are cooking or frying things, who is taking care of ur baby, or does ur baby have burns and patches from where they wandered into hot objects.

why dont u tell yourself the truth.

MOTHERS NEED ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET!!!!!!!! NO EXCEPION!
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Outstrip(f): 4:27am On Nov 11, 2008
rhodasius I remember when I had my first born and I had no help. My mother had a stroke 2 weeks before he was born but she insisted that she will come anyway. She left her therapy and came to cincinnati to be with me. She could only stay two weeks because she still did not have control of one side of her body and I did not want her to stop physical therapy for too long. Those days were so scary. I remember that I will not take a shower becuase I was afraid that I will not hear him cry. I would not even go 2 feet away from him. What if he starts choking. What if his food comes back up into his nose. I was so tightly wound. If I had someone there, I would have slowly learnt to let go. A week after I had my son my blood pressure went up to 202/150 and I was rushed to the ICU. I was so worried because my mom was still here and I was worried that she would raise her blood pressure out of worry for me. I was in the ICU for almost a week. Infact as soon as I came back from the hospital my mom was leaving to go back to atlanta to take care of her own health. All the worries and stress ehn. My dear it was not easy. My husband has already said that when we move back at Nigeria that I have to rest. People in Nigeria that have help are lucky. You provide a job for people and they in turn become a menber of your family. They really become an Aunty to your children. It benefits the child and the family. The way we do things here is crazy.
This morning I was leaving for work, my 2 year old was awake and downstairs, my husband who did not go to bed until 3 am was still sleeping. I put cereal and milk in front of my son, yelled at my husband that I was leaving and our son was downstairs and I hit the road. Texted him while I was driving to make sure he got up and my son was not still downstairs by himself. I emailed him around 12 pm to check how his day went. Luckily he can work from home alot. He said the morning was crazy and he had to change the 1 year old twice before he took then to daycare. This is just a nutshell of our life on a daily basis and it is not unique to our family. God alone is seeing us through. I have toyed with the idea of sending them to Nigeria to spend a month but I just cannot imagine not seeing them for a whole day. Being a parent aint easy. Maybe that's why I respect my husband so much. I can almost forgive him anything when I think of how much he contributes with day to day things. America is not all it is trumped up to be.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by crush: 3:46pm On Nov 11, 2008
house help and daycare r neccessary evils we cant live with dem we cant live without dem, alwys pray 4 your children cos u dont even trust teachers in school
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by hotstuff06(f): 5:36pm On Nov 11, 2008
Outstrip I feel you jare, My case is almost the same. Sometimes I wish I could just pack up my things and move back to Nigeria where i know for sure I can get help.
There is nothing wrong in getting a helping had takign care of your kids. Below is my familys' Mon-Friday routine

In my case, I am a professional as well as my husband. I cannot give up my career because I loveeeee my job, At the same time I love my kids so I have to make things work.
My hubby leaves for work at 430am so he can leave early to get the children from daycare and kindergarten at 230pm.
I wake the kids up at 5am (If I had a househelp, they would not have to wake up until 630am which means they just lost another 1.5hr of sleep (hence why they go to bed early to make up for it)., then I give them a bath, make breakfast (cereal and milk 5 days a week cos I dont have time for fancy breakfast) and while they are eating I take my 5-7mins shower and get dressed for work.
This is between yelling at them from the shower to make sure they eat their food (3.5yr old and a 2yr old) because I don't have the time to monitor them as I have to get myself ready as well. I finally drop them off at 730am and get to work at 8am.

My hubby pick them up at 230pm, gets home and cooks lunch, helps with the 3.5yr old with homework if any while I get home at 530pm.
Most times, we have dinner at 6pm, my children go to bed at 8pm so inbetween those times, we have to spend time with them, talk about school, clean the house, wash school uniforms and get our clothes ironed and laid out for the next day. At this point you can see it in both our faces that we are tired and retire to bed at the same time as the children (keep in mind that we still want to have some grown up time as well so we may end up finally sleeping at almost midnight and then start the routine again).

If I were in Niger, I will most definitely have a househelp to do my housework and even still take the younger one to daycare while the older one goes to nursery school. Keep in mind that Daycare also helps your children start interacting with other children early by learning the simple things like sharing and been self composed. There is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong in having a houselhelp you pay to help you around the house, That will be a dream come true for me.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by biolabee(m): 6:00pm On Nov 11, 2008
Nuff respect to you workin mothers juggling motherhood with work,

You are queens
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Outstrip(f): 2:46am On Nov 12, 2008
hotstuff06 God is our strength
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by rhodacious(f): 4:25pm On Nov 13, 2008
@OUTSTRIPE, i hope ur mum is better now! i can imagine the joy she gets from caring for her grandchild. my mum has never been with me when i have a baby, we are very unconventional, new mums here eat pepper soup fish spices, but i prefer cookies and junk after child birth, new mums get to have someone bathe them, but me, different, cant stand another female bathing me, so huby does the bathing that first day, and on the second day, i think he has started having too much fun bathing me, so i send him off.

@HOTSTUFF
please tell them o! it aint easy being a mother.

outstripe, when i had my second child( he is 2.5yrs old now) he kept choking on breast milk, he had this habit of falling asleep with his mouth filled with breastmilk undecided, and i didnt have a househelp then, as the one i had just got married, traditional., oneday, i was in the bathroom, but i just couldnt get started, and the baby was sleeping, i decided to check on him again. i almost died to see him so RED, choking and writhing about in his cot, with milk gushing from his nose. i cleared his nostrils immediately, and he started breathing, it happened 2 more times, before he got over the habit. same with my daughter( 4yrs old), she was very adventurous as a 2week old, and one day, she kept making this gaggling sound in her cot, and i was cooking, i didnt realise her neck had gotten stuck inbetween an iron in the cot. i just strolled in to see her, my huby said he had never heard anyone scream so horribly, well, i said i will do it again if mr.devil plays with me like that again.

outstripe, whenever u are in nigeria, let me know, hope u are getting ready for another journey to the labour room!!!!. i have a 2.5yrs old boy, but he thinks he is 25yrs., so a play date with your son will be nice. we live in jos.
i love my kids, i am an only child, though my mum recently remarried after 22yrs with me. so my kids mean the whole world to me, and having helps only give me more time to be with them
i intend to have 12kids, cheesy, but i wish pregnancy is that easy, so i will just stop at this 3rd one. will let y'all know when i land the 3rd 1, i am due on 29th of december, but i usually beat the machines EDD.
its nice hearing from real mommas
i feel y'all.
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by honeric01(m): 11:11pm On Nov 13, 2008
Well, I wouldn't say its bad or good tp have daycare or maid to help with your kids but before things like these came up, professional parents have had time to take care of their kids even why they work, my parents are perfect example, Before I start, let me tell u one secret so you can digest on that while I continue, imagine 11 boys from same father and mother, my dad was a fabricating engineer, he owned his company, but that didn't happen until after working much of his life under 3 different companies and in between these period, they already gave birth to seven of their eleven children. my mom owned a professional salon in the early 70s and late 80S and they did't get free hands just because they were the owners of these businesses, customers would come and wouldn't want to transact biz with the company except in their presence, so they were both profs to the bone. They never for once hired house help, the only thing they did was to allow grown up niece, aunts and uncles visit on holidays and that might have relieved them a bit whenever these set of people were to be around. The point I am trying to tick out here is that, though having a housemaid or help in the western world may be a good thing for nigerians living there due to the fact that most of them are far away from their relatives, but I don't think that should be applicable to the ones living here in nigeria, you have access to relatives once in a while so why get a total stranger to come train and replace you in the life of you vulnerable children?. In conclusion, every one of these kids my parents trained are all alive with the help of God and the last boy is already 16years, Though my dad died 2001, (May his warrior soul rest in peace). We still get trainings from our mother even @ our age. She's 58 and can be proud of what she has been able to achieve with us, 1 graduate reverend, 1 graduate pastor, 1 graduate electrical engineering graduate, 1 graduate accountant, 1 professional paparazzi, 1 undoing NCE student and teacher, 1 upcoming biz administration guru( already making administrative decisions) 2 awaiting admission and 2 still in secondary school. Its by the lord's doing and also by the values our parents were able to put in us by making sure they spent 100% time with us in beating and correcting, love showing, etc, There is nothing as hard as training 11 boys in a home of just 2 parents while they still maintained their professional lives
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by Outstrip(f): 1:38am On Nov 14, 2008
rhodacious you are scaring me o. 12 kids. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. LOL. I will definitely love to come to jos. My boys are now 1 and 2. That will be alot of fun. Hopefully we can visit nigeria in the next year or two. We just went in May and it was fun
Re: Must We Use The Services Of Househelps And Daycare? by angelina08(f): 9:36am On Nov 14, 2008
"No" Househelps or Daycare is not compossary.
If it's when househelps is welling to do their job with love, Know the all comes out with a new ideas of Stelling and senaching of their madams husband some of them kills to take over.

In terms of our children, it make our children to remain laize all the time in term of home works and others. So lean how to do things on your own and take care of your families without househelps or daycare.

Thanks you,

God bless.

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