Ladystewie: First of all, the children proved their father wrong- that's enough payback
Try and convince the son to talk to papa, after all he is his father. The father will end up breaking the ice and he'll ask son for forgiveness
I think its shame that is holding papa, not pride.
My 5 kobo

Truckpusher: Good ,but certainly not when the man in question is manipulative and always scheming things just for his own selfish interest which reminds the son of the bitter past.

In this case you have a whole lot of problems and they are both emotional and psychological in nature.

What will you?

Ladystewie: So that means papa is not repentant and he wants to show his children 'pepper'?
What sort of problems, if I may ask(be more precise)

Truckpusher: From what I have seen he's not repentant and he wants to play his role that he never did before and their parts crosses eveynow and then.Though I have this feeling that he hated him because he proved him wrong and he questioned the rational behind every move his dad makes and he has his mothers ear and heart which is a dream too far for his dad.......This is a family war and it is a reality you'll never wish your enemy.

chaircover: He has received the payback already by his kids proving him wrong
baba is just doing braggado and unless he is mentally ill, in the corner of his bedroom he will know that he judged his children wrong

What your friend needs to do is to continue to prove him wrong and to continue to do what a good kid will do for his father. He should not even argue with the father.
The more he is at loggerheads with the father the more he is giving the father an oppourtunity to justify his actions.

Your friend should continue to do well and treat his father with respect and love. In the end its guilt and conscience that will make the baba call his children and make peace with them.

kendrababy: Add me up(29680E62)

chaircover: He has received the payback already by his kids proving him wrong
baba is just doing braggado and unless he is mentally ill, in the corner of his bedroom he will know that he judged his children wrong

What your friend needs to do is to continue to prove him wrong and to continue to do what a good kid will do for his father. He should not even argue with the father.
The more he is at loggerheads with the father the more he is giving the father an oppourtunity to justify his actions.

Your friend should continue to do well and treat his father with respect and love. In the end its guilt and conscience that will make the baba call his children and make peace with them.

lofty900: let him shower his mother with plenty gifts and money and leave his dad empty just like Michael jackson did to his abusive dad. He died and didn't even mention him in his will. That's the sweetest payback of all times

soulglo:

In a fairy tell it ends this way. In reality it does not. Especially in Nigeria. It is not unusual for fathers to abandon their children and the mother slaves for her children and one day he expects something in return simply because he donated sp3rm. People would even support it because after all he is their father. Forgetting that in doing so you are further victimizing the victims. We even had a case here on NR were a mother abandoned her children when they were toddlers. Dad raised them by himself. Bought bras and pads for the girls when they hit puberty and gave them the love and attention their mother denied them. Years later they locate their mom and she has been a thorn in the flesh ever since. They owe this man nothing and if he refuses to respect himself and let his children enjoy a happy life that he denied them in childhood they should keep him at arms length. My opinion. Life is a precious gift and no one should subject anyone to suffer through it because they laid down with their mother. You only live once.

chaircover:

A fairy tale that many people are living all over the world.
It wouldnt surpise me if a third of the fathers in Nigeria, didnt do what they were expected to do as fathers especially the old generation ones.

Many many people have been brought up single handedly by single mothers. . .but attend any wedding today and so long the father is alive, you will see both mother and father on the high table.

People have a choice and that is whether to live in bitterness over a father that didnt really care for them or "show" the man his folly by paying him back in coins he didnt even know existed (Love) and free themselves and let fresh air into their lives. when you hold people to ranson, you are holding yourself too to ransome.

Also when you also start having your own children, its not just about you anymore. Its about grandchildren too. Will you deprive your children of enjoying a relatonship with their grandparents. Grandparenting is different from parenting as many of us who have children have found out.

I am not forcing anyone to love their father if they dont want to.

Personally I wont let any one and I mean anyone push me to come short of what my Maker expects of me and if it were me, I will do what I can for the baba within my capability.

soulglo:

It has nothing to do with bitterness. You can forgive someone without letting them keep being toxic to you. Holding unto something toxic is not a solution. Even with grand kids. In fact it is more crucial because of the grand kids. He does not have to bad mouth his father. It is possible to be civil without inviting the person to bring toxicity in. I think this is why so many relationships in the Nigerian context are so toxic and it is allowed because of some false sense of responsibility. We can all learn to be civil and being civil has nothing to do with accepting ill behavior as a norm in your life. Everyone should be respectful of each other. That is a more valuable lesson to teach your children. Not teach them that in some cases abominable behavior is allowed simply because of some honor you place on someone who never earned the honor. In fact this is what's killing our society today.

EfemenaXY:

Revenge never leaves anyone feeling fulfilled. It only widens the already yawning gap.

Deliberately showering his mother with gifts and ignoring his dad is not only spiteful, it would only serve to highlight the hurt and pain he's had to bear during his growing up years. Let him get on with his life and be civil to his dad.

I'm suspecting his dad might have been a "traditionalist". You know, the old-school sort of men who when they return from the farm, the kids run into hiding on sighting their dad... not daring to look him in the face...no real communication with them as his words are law and non-negotiable.

My opinion though.

soulglo:

In a fairy tell it ends this way. In reality it does not. Especially in Nigeria. It is not unusual for fathers to abandon their children and the mother slaves for her children and one day he expects something in return simply because he donated sp3rm. People would even support it because after all he is their father. Forgetting that in doing so you are further victimizing the victims. We even had a case here on NR were a mother abandoned her children when they were toddlers. Dad raised them by himself. Bought bras and pads for the girls when they hit puberty and gave them the love and attention their mother denied them. Years later they locate their mom and she has been a thorn in the flesh ever since. They owe this man nothing and if he refuses to respect himself and let his children enjoy a happy life that he denied them in childhood they should keep him at arms length. My opinion. Life is a precious gift and no one should subject anyone to suffer through it because they laid down with their mother. You only live once.

chaircover:

You dont seem to understand.
No one is saying he should keep a toxic relationship as you say, but you can still show love and respect to the person.

Back to the OP; Truckpusher said his friend said his dad does not deserve what he gets from him.
I read that to be financial
If he can afford it, then why not give it to his father.

Unless we want to kid ourselves, its easier to deal with people peacefully than the opposite.

As for things killing our society . . .we are on a looooooooong thing.