The Ten Commandments of Dating (and more!) by diaskeaus
1. Thou Shalt Get a Life
Unlife: people who have put their life on hold
1. Desperation
2. Dependence
3. Depression and loneliness
4. Detachment
5. Coping with un-Life: Media-Bation


How to Get a Life
1. Get Grounded
2. Get Grouped
3. Get Goal-Oriented
4. Get Giving
5. Get Growing


Some things to do while growing:
1. Learn a new language
2. Learn to play a musical instrument
3. Pick up rock-climbing or skydiving (for the brave at heart)
4. Take dancing lessons
5. Learn to paint, draw, or write poetry
6. Starting hunting or fishing
7. Improve your public speaking skills
8. Play your favorite sport or pick up a new one
9. Continue your education
10. Pick up sailing, skiiing, or scuba diving
11. Learn about another country and culture and then travel to this foreign land


2. Thou Shalt Use Your Brain
Three Drives of Romantic Love (scary!)
1. Emotion-driven dating
2. Hormone-driven dating
3. Spirit-driven dating


A Brain is a terrible thing to Waste
1. Balance the Head and the Heart
2. Refrain from physical intimacy
3. Analyze your past relationships
4. Include others in the process
5. Never neglect opportunities to evaluate


Some questions to use:
1. Do I enjoy this person as a friend?
2. Is there mutual giving and sharing?
3. Is there any aspect of his or her personality that I can't tolerate?
4. Could I enjoy spending time with this person if we abstained from physical contact?
5. Do I feel encouraged, affirmed, and challenged by this person?
6. In what ways do we benefit each other?
7. In what ways do we hurt each other?
8. Does he or she have a bad temper or an overly large chainsaw collection? (Refer to Commandment 9, "Thou shalt not ignore warning signs)


3. Thou Shalt Be Equally Yoked
Unequally Yoked Relationships
1. The Missionary Relationship (looking outside the church)
2. The Mother Theresa Relationship (going after broken people)
3. The Exotic Relationship (radically different)
4. The Sugar Daddy Relationship (substantial age difference)
5. The Dennis Rodman Relationship (out of rebellion)


The Equally Yoked Relationship
1. The Spiritual Connection
2. The Physical Connection
3. The Social Connection


Important issues associated with family background:
1. Holiday customs
2. Family rules
3. Expectations about spousal roles
4. Finances
5. Rearing children
6. In-laws
7. Domestic responsibilities
8. Work ethic
9. Resolving conflict
10. Religious beliefs and practices


How to relate:
1. Social skills
2. Level of social involvement
3. How to spend free time (hobbies, interests)
4. Desire to be in groups/social gatherings
5. Gravitation toward similar types of people
6. Communication style
7. Intellectual compatibility/educational background


4. Thou Shalt Take it Slow
Three reasons:
1. You do not get to know a person in a short period of time.
2. You need time to bond. (1-Scouting Stage, 2-Infatuation Stage, 3-Honeymoon Phase, 4-Reality Bites Stage)
3. You protect yourself from getting attached too quickly.


Seven slow-motion dating strategies
1. Make the two-year commitment (Hezekiah 4:35)
2. Make your first date short and casual
3. Don't volunteer too much information up front
4. Delay physical affection


Men are looking for CAR:
C-Someone who is a Challenge
A-Someone they are Attracted to
R-Someone they can Respect


5. Stay connected with your friends
6. Do not pray together
7. Don't mention the "M" word (marriage)


5. Thou Shalt Set Clear Boundaries
How to Stop people from running over you
1. Your body belongs to you
2. Your emotions belong to you
3. Your thoughts belong to you
4. Your actions belong to you


Four lies people believe about boundaries
1.Boundaries are walls
2. Boundaries are selfish
3. Boundaries are controlling and manipulative
4. Boundaries are insensitive and rude


6. Thou Shalt Save Sex for Later
Why so many singles are having sex
1. All you need is a condom
2. You've got to have it
3. Sex equals intimacy
4. If you are in love, it's ok
5. You must sample the goods
6. It's just a physical thing
7. Everybody's doing it


How do you save sex for later?
1. Celebrate wholeness
2. Receive forgiveness
3. Set clear boundaries
4. Stay accountable


7. Thou Shalt Not Play House
The real reason people live together
1. Fear
2. Sex
3. Manipulation
4. Immaturity


8. Thou Shalt Fight Fairly
Top four harmful responses to conflict
1.Peace at all costs (avoidance)
2. Win/lose (Defensiveness)
3. You Don't Count (invalidation)
4. All-Out-War (Intensification)


Five fair-fighting techniques
1. Dial down
2. Set the tone
3. Shut up and listen
4. Use "I" statements
5. Negotiate and compromise


Practical guidelines
1. Identify the problem
2. List possible solutions
3. Commit to try one or a combination of possible solutions
4. Reevaluate your choice at a later time


9. Thou Shalt Not Ignore Warning Signs
The seven deadly signs
1. Abuse


Types of abuse
1. Physical abuse (use of size, strength)
2. Verbal abuse (use of words to control)
3. Emotional abuse (use of action/lack of action to control/demean)
4. Sexual abuse (sexual behavior harmful to another)


2. Addictions
3. Infidelity
4. Irresponsibility and immaturity (The Peter Pan)


Characteristics to watch out for
1. Lacks goals, direction, and purpose for life
2. Doesn't take care of self (poor hygiene)
3. Is indecisive about many things, even trivial decisions
4. Constantly puts off doing things until last minute (procrastinates)
5. Is often late for important engagements
6. Regularly misplaces significant personal items like a checkbook or wallet
7. Waits for others to initiate social activity or relationships
8. Has difficulty keeping a job for a reasonable length of time
9. Has poor credit history
10. Keeps house or apartment looking like a disaster
11. Forgets important dates
12. Has careless spending habits
13. Constantly bounces checks or is overdrawn at his/her bank
14. Often borrows money (mooches) from others


5. No physical/sexual attraction
6. Emotional baggage
7. Denial


Top five reasons why people ignore red flags
1. It's familiar to them
2. They don't deserve anything better
3. It's better than nothing
4. They have the same problem
5. Fear of the breakup


10. Thou Shalt Choose Wisely
Barriers to discerning true character
1. First-Available syndrome
2. Fooled by the externals
3. Blinded by sex
4. Going too fast


Qualities of character
1. Faithful
2. Honest
3. Committed
4. Forgiving
5. Giving


Helpful hints for discerning character
1. Crisis reveals someone's true character
2. Character is who you are when no one is looking
3. Friends are a window into a person's character
4. Look back on prior relationships to determine patterns of behavior
5. Give it lots of time


Five questions to discern character
1. Can he or she demonstrate loyalty?
2. Can he or she be open and real?
3. Can he or she hang in when the going gets tough?
4. Can he or she let you off the hook?
5. Can he or she put you first?


11. Thou Shalt Take Action
Advice for taking action
1. Take a look at yourself
2. Take responsibility for your relationships
3. Take back what you lost
4. Take a look around you
5. Take time out
6. Take these laws seriously

longnida:
The Ten Commandments of Dating (and more!) by diaskeaus
1. Thou Shalt Get a Life
Unlife: people who have put their life on hold
1. Desperation
2. Dependence
3. Depression and loneliness
4. Detachment
5. Coping with un-Life: Media-Bation


How to Get a Life
1. Get Grounded
2. Get Grouped
3. Get Goal-Oriented
4. Get Giving
5. Get Growing


Some things to do while growing:
1. Learn a new language
2. Learn to play a musical instrument
3. Pick up rock-climbing or skydiving (for the brave at heart)
4. Take dancing lessons
5. Learn to paint, draw, or write poetry
6. Starting hunting or fishing
7. Improve your public speaking skills
8. Play your favorite sport or pick up a new one
9. Continue your education
10. Pick up sailing, skiiing, or scuba diving
11. Learn about another country and culture and then travel to this foreign land


2. Thou Shalt Use Your Brain
Three Drives of Romantic Love (scary!)
1. Emotion-driven dating
2. Hormone-driven dating
3. Spirit-driven dating


A Brain is a terrible thing to Waste
1. Balance the Head and the Heart
2. Refrain from physical intimacy
3. Analyze your past relationships
4. Include others in the process
5. Never neglect opportunities to evaluate


Some questions to use:
1. Do I enjoy this person as a friend?
2. Is there mutual giving and sharing?
3. Is there any aspect of his or her personality that I can't tolerate?
4. Could I enjoy spending time with this person if we abstained from physical contact?
5. Do I feel encouraged, affirmed, and challenged by this person?
6. In what ways do we benefit each other?
7. In what ways do we hurt each other?
8. Does he or she have a bad temper or an overly large chainsaw collection? (Refer to Commandment 9, "Thou shalt not ignore warning signs)


3. Thou Shalt Be Equally Yoked
Unequally Yoked Relationships
1. The Missionary Relationship (looking outside the church)
2. The Mother Theresa Relationship (going after broken people)
3. The Exotic Relationship (radically different)
4. The Sugar Daddy Relationship (substantial age difference)
5. The Dennis Rodman Relationship (out of rebellion)


The Equally Yoked Relationship
1. The Spiritual Connection
2. The Physical Connection
3. The Social Connection


Important issues associated with family background:
1. Holiday customs
2. Family rules
3. Expectations about spousal roles
4. Finances
5. Rearing children
6. In-laws
7. Domestic responsibilities
8. Work ethic
9. Resolving conflict
10. Religious beliefs and practices


How to relate:
1. Social skills
2. Level of social involvement
3. How to spend free time (hobbies, interests)
4. Desire to be in groups/social gatherings
5. Gravitation toward similar types of people
6. Communication style
7. Intellectual compatibility/educational background


4. Thou Shalt Take it Slow
Three reasons:
1. You do not get to know a person in a short period of time.
2. You need time to bond. (1-Scouting Stage, 2-Infatuation Stage, 3-Honeymoon Phase, 4-Reality Bites Stage)
3. You protect yourself from getting attached too quickly.


Seven slow-motion dating strategies
1. Make the two-year commitment (Hezekiah 4:35)
2. Make your first date short and casual
3. Don't volunteer too much information up front
4. Delay physical affection


Men are looking for CAR:
C-Someone who is a Challenge
A-Someone they are Attracted to
R-Someone they can Respect


5. Stay connected with your friends
6. Do not pray together
7. Don't mention the "M" word (marriage)


5. Thou Shalt Set Clear Boundaries
How to Stop people from running over you
1. Your body belongs to you
2. Your emotions belong to you
3. Your thoughts belong to you
4. Your actions belong to you


Four lies people believe about boundaries
1.Boundaries are walls
2. Boundaries are selfish
3. Boundaries are controlling and manipulative
4. Boundaries are insensitive and rude


6. Thou Shalt Save Sex for Later
Why so many singles are having sex
1. All you need is a condom
2. You've got to have it
3. Sex equals intimacy
4. If you are in love, it's ok
5. You must sample the goods
6. It's just a physical thing
7. Everybody's doing it


How do you save sex for later?
1. Celebrate wholeness
2. Receive forgiveness
3. Set clear boundaries
4. Stay accountable


7. Thou Shalt Not Play House
The real reason people live together
1. Fear
2. Sex
3. Manipulation
4. Immaturity


8. Thou Shalt Fight Fairly
Top four harmful responses to conflict
1.Peace at all costs (avoidance)
2. Win/lose (Defensiveness)
3. You Don't Count (invalidation)
4. All-Out-War (Intensification)


Five fair-fighting techniques
1. Dial down
2. Set the tone
3. Shut up and listen
4. Use "I" statements
5. Negotiate and compromise


Practical guidelines
1. Identify the problem
2. List possible solutions
3. Commit to try one or a combination of possible solutions
4. Reevaluate your choice at a later time


9. Thou Shalt Not Ignore Warning Signs
The seven deadly signs
1. Abuse


Types of abuse
1. Physical abuse (use of size, strength)
2. Verbal abuse (use of words to control)
3. Emotional abuse (use of action/lack of action to control/demean)
4. Sexual abuse (sexual behavior harmful to another)


2. Addictions
3. Infidelity
4. Irresponsibility and immaturity (The Peter Pan)


Characteristics to watch out for
1. Lacks goals, direction, and purpose for life
2. Doesn't take care of self (poor hygiene)
3. Is indecisive about many things, even trivial decisions
4. Constantly puts off doing things until last minute (procrastinates)
5. Is often late for important engagements
6. Regularly misplaces significant personal items like a checkbook or wallet
7. Waits for others to initiate social activity or relationships
8. Has difficulty keeping a job for a reasonable length of time
9. Has poor credit history
10. Keeps house or apartment looking like a disaster
11. Forgets important dates
12. Has careless spending habits
13. Constantly bounces checks or is overdrawn at his/her bank
14. Often borrows money (mooches) from others


5. No physical/sexual attraction
6. Emotional baggage
7. Denial


Top five reasons why people ignore red flags
1. It's familiar to them
2. They don't deserve anything better
3. It's better than nothing
4. They have the same problem
5. Fear of the breakup


10. Thou Shalt Choose Wisely
Barriers to discerning true character
1. First-Available syndrome
2. Fooled by the externals
3. Blinded by sex
4. Going too fast


Qualities of character
1. Faithful
2. Honest
3. Committed
4. Forgiving
5. Giving


Helpful hints for discerning character
1. Crisis reveals someone's true character
2. Character is who you are when no one is looking
3. Friends are a window into a person's character
4. Look back on prior relationships to determine patterns of behavior
5. Give it lots of time


Five questions to discern character
1. Can he or she demonstrate loyalty?
2. Can he or she be open and real?
3. Can he or she hang in when the going gets tough?
4. Can he or she let you off the hook?
5. Can he or she put you first?


11. Thou Shalt Take Action
Advice for taking action
1. Take a look at yourself
2. Take responsibility for your relationships
3. Take back what you lost
4. Take a look around you
5. Take time out
6. Take these laws seriously

Well written....summary



.