eightsin:


Them don come!!! Holy holy people!

Yes we have, unholy, unholy people!

Yemisi63: A friend once swore she was going to help me get a job.
Few days after, I received a call from one lady while I was having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named 3 star hotel immediately or lose the 'big opportunity' for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me to the hotel's garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All of them wore a yellow t-shirt and they were fiddling with a laptop.
Oh, so I'm going to be registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought.
The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate.
"Yes" I quickly responded.
"Great! I'm actually a HR officer. My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I'm recommending the right person.."

"I am the right person ma" I affirmed.

"Are you born again??" She asked.

That question knocked me off my feet.
Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church.
"Yes..I'm born again ma.'' I replied trying not to mince words.

"Beautiful!!" She exclaimed.
"Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on Saturday...its a new plaza in town. I don't need to go into the details of the job but I'm positive you're going to love it. Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along. And pleases do something about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know." she added.

End of first interview. I heaved a sigh of relief and left the hotel.

Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with cold and catarrh.
I contemplated between using the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to buy drugs and LIVE.
"Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a pharmacy." The devil commanded.

If I pass the interview, the sickness might disappear out of excitement, I thought.
The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not helping matters.
To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken.
I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates (except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper.
My temper at that point was capable of boiling yam for a family of 3.
If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza on the HR forehead. Smh
My potential employer had not arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf.
A couple of Joyce Meyer books, books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books.
By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process commenced.
She fired me a number of JAMB questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for Aso Rock.

As God would have it, I impressed her.

Then she began her speech...
"This plastic chair you are sitting on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 6pm."

Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story.
"You are the customer care representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place."
Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what?
She went on...

"You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts. Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should enable you network."

Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time.

She was not done with me...

As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that's why."
My head harddrive had crashed upon hearing that.
Are you kidding me? Woman, I don't even read sign board these days!
I didn't want to hear more.
"How much is my salary?" I deadpanned

She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell.
"Salary is N10000!"

The last time I checked, Nigeria abolished slavery.
I broke into laughter. A laughter of misery and frustration.
To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words "I better accept the offer. People will kill to have this job."

Even if I were stupid enough to take the shitty job, my transportation to and fro the bookshop was roughly N8000 a month. Tithe is 1k. Basically, I'll go home with 1K every month at my age, stage and relationship status?

Waste of Ghana braids!
I just wanted to loosen my braids there in her office and force her to swallow the attachment.
"Thank you madam for your offer!" I muttered.
If I had spent an extra minute in there, I would have probably be tumbling down the book shelves.

I packed what was left of my dignity and sicknesses and hurried out of her book kiosk.
As for my friend, we've not spoken to ourselves since then.

Naijasinglegirl

Don't worry your dream job is not far from now , just keep faith ! Nice write up though

That was funn to read. You're good with words!

What in the world is a "Ghana Must Go" bag? O.o

Yemisi63:
Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story.
"You are the customer care representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place."
Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what?
She went on...

"You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts. Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should enable you network."

As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that's why."

Opportunity missed!!!

I know some female friends that would gladly market their personal assets in "churches, banks and offices" if the could find a perfect excuse to be there. According to a friend, "they make better husband material". Well shaa, maybe u prefer a club or bar boyfriend or some random guy that stops u on the street. You didnt look at the bright side.

Lol. I thought a death certificate was only issued after pronouncement? £35.00 for a full months work of hard labour !!!! Good luck in your job hunt.

[color=#770077][/color]
This is crazy after all the strategy of getting you its even on a low pay. Thank God you rejected the offer, by His Grace you shall get a better Job....IJN

Zedric: @op, unless u are NSG, u should have atleast put the source cos thats not your story. U copied it from www.naijasinglegirl.

Shet!! 😆

www.nairaland.com

Op yours is even better I've been to an interview and I had to wait till 9pm to take it and at last I didn't get the job

...Can't stop laughing

Are there no company reviews online in Nigeria ni? Teheheheh, don't mind me people, as if I don't know the society we are in....Yemisi, i ll encourage you start a niche blog or volunteer to write for a popular blog, who knows??

Ishilove:
Infact, when I saw the ad I just shook my head sadly. Nigeria is so messed up and yet some fools in Aso Rock are eating food worth billions of naira, with 10 million naira wardrobe allowance.

That is the horrible and avoidable situation and circumstance of life our grandparents and our parents have subjected us to, and what's more painful is the fact that some of the youths of our days are still living in ignorance and self-denial of the facts, or are just so pleased with their current states and life status as a whole. Otherwise, I don't see a reason why some selected few of the youths of this great nation would rather out of sentiments, present gains, and sheer ignorance continue to support and vote for an incapacitated party that has no love for the citizenry, instead of joining hands together to collectively vote for the right choice, and hold whoever we have occupying the seat of power accountable for all their rulings, policies, etc. so as to be able to serve us well, better and transparently for the common good of all.

I still can't fathom the essence and the wisdom behind paying a presiding fellow, who is supposed to be a servant of the people, a yearly feeding allowance to the tune of 1,000,000,000 Naira. Imagine a family of just 4 or 5 feeding on that excessive and huge cash, and yet there are several millions of the citizens who can't afford eating a 3 square meals on daily basis.

Imagine, what that huge figure could have afforded us if injected into the economy, or reasonably used in the aspect of job creation programmes/exercises for the youths of the country, who are tomorrow's leaders of our nation. It's just so pathetic and very saddening that we the youths of this great nation have decided to fold our arms while we watch our future being taken away from us and sabotaged.

I'm so grossly pained whenever I see some selected members of NL commenting GEJ, till 2019 or whatever, and leaves me with no doubt that most of them are still being fed 3 square meals on daily basis by their parents and have a roof provided for them by their parents/guardians. Otherwise I see no reason why a right-thinking, knowledgeable and sane citizen of this great nation, Nigeria- would commend an underperforming government, which has done little or nothing in making the life of it's citizenry a better one, security and safety of lives and property have been a problem battling us for several years, several thousands of students in their hundreds are being produced by our various tertiary institutions year in-year out, into a job market that has little or nothing to offer them, yet some wrong-thinking individuals would still shout YAY! in singing the praises of these corrupt, debauched, selfish beings, we call leaders.

Our current government, faulty democratic system, ignorance and negligence of our rights as electorates in holding the elected person(s) accountable, amidst other cogent factors are reasons why we have PG cert holders driving truck and commercial tri-cycles in a bid of fending for themselves and their families, while on the flip side of the coin, our so-called leaders live in surpluses and luxuries, at the expense of the teeming populace struggling and sweating themselves up before they could eat on the scale of 1-0-1.

We need to wake up from our slumber as a nation and start doing things aright, by voting aright, demanding for our rights, holding the people in government accountable; inclusion of stringent law(s) into our constitution to be able to vote out underperforming person even before their tenure has elapsed and certain punishments to be meted out to any elected corrupt leaders whomever steal from us.

ghettodreamz:

That is the horrible and avoidable situation and circumstance of life our grandparents and our parents have subjected us to, and what's more painful is the fact that some of the youths of our days are still living in ignorance and self-denial of the facts, or are just so pleased with their current states and life status as a whole. Otherwise, I don't see a reason why some selected few of the youths of this great nation would rather out of sentiments, present gains, and sheer ignorance continue to support and vote for an incapacitated party that has no love for the citizenry, instead of joining hands together to collectively vote for the right choice, and hold whoever we have occupying the seat of power accountable for all their rulings, policies, etc. so as to be able to serve us well, better and transparently for the common good of all.

I still can't fathom the essence and the wisdom behind paying a presiding fellow, who is supposed to be a servant of the people, a yearly feeding allowance to the tune of 1,000,000,000 Naira. Imagine a family of just 4 or 5 feeding on that excessive and huge cash, and yet there are several millions of the citizens who can't afford eating a 3 square meals on daily basis.

Imagine, what that huge figure could have afforded us if injected into the economy, or reasonably used in the aspect of job creation programmes/exercises for the youths of the country, who are tomorrow's leaders of our nation. It's just so pathetic and very saddening that we the youths of this great nation have decided to fold our arms while we watch our future being taken away from us and sabotaged.

I'm so grossly pained whenever I see some selected members of NL commenting GEJ, till 2019 or whatever, and leaves me with no doubt that most of them are still being fed 3 square meals on daily basis by their parents and have a roof provided for them by their parents/guardians. Otherwise I see no reason why a right-thinking, knowledgeable and sane citizen of this great nation, Nigeria- would commend an underperforming government, which has done little or nothing in making the life of it's citizenry a better one, security and safety of lives and property have been a problem battling us for several years, several thousands of students in their hundreds are being produced by our various tertiary institutions year in-year out, into a job market that has little or nothing to offer them, yet some wrong-thinking individuals would still shout YAY! in singing the praises of these corrupt, debauched, selfish beings, we call leaders.

Our current government, faulty democratic system, ignorance and negligence of our rights as electorates in holding the elected person(s) accountable, amidst other cogent factors are reasons why we have PG cert holders driving truck and commercial tri-cycles in a bid of fending for themselves and their families, while on the flip side of the coin, our so-called leaders live in surpluses and luxuries, at the expense of the teeming populace struggling and sweating themselves up before they could eat on the scale of 1-0-1.

We need to wake up from our slumber as a nation and start doing things aright, by voting aright, demanding for our rights, holding the people in government accountable; inclusion of stringent law(s) into our constitution to be able to vote out underperforming person even before their tenure has elapsed and certain punishments to be meted out to any elected corrupt leaders whomever steal from us.

Apc, pdp, they are all the same.

You have spoken well

smurfy:

Yes we have, unholy, unholy people!

Loool... Aight! Oya mak una park well!

Thank you guys. The link to the blog with several other hilarious posts is http://www.naijasinglegirl.net. Naijasinglegirl no longer runs on a wordpress hosted platform.

davide470: @Yemisi63, sorry for the wrongful banning by the AntiSpam bot, it has been rectified. Nice satire, by the way.

oh thank you. At a point I thought I offended Seun. Please don't do it again. Lol

Zedric: @op, unless u are NSG, u should have atleast put the source cos thats not your story. U copied it from www.naijasinglegirl.

if you've been following her posts, you would remember Naijasinglegirl keeps giving credit to one Yemisi for being an amazing friend and PR. Well, that's where I come in. Besides, I didn't want to add at link for fear of being banned that's why I mentioned only the name

RentedReality: @op;
I demand to know the author of this write-up. I want to make love to her words, watch her while she writes, pass her a dictionary when she's out of words and support her job search.

It's hard finding people with this sense of humor.

My kinda girl, tell her we'll laugh together to the bank, no more Ghana braids it'll be Brazilian from here bae.
Tell her i'll publish whatever she scribbles, tell her our wedding will be attended by words, tell her there's a pharmacy near me; no more headaches.

As for that bookshop owner; i'll make her eat all those books while we watch with popcorn in our mouths.

Tell her I'm raving for her and wont stop till the beat or the DJ dies, whichever comes first.

And finally; tell her I rented reality so we could live out our fantasies,

The author is naijasinglegirl. . She is right there waiting for you

Must people called yemisi re materialistic and evil in nature.

Good story and very real and exciting to the end
Although i don't read long stories( 1005 words ) on NL but i read every word to the end and enjoyed it .




www.nairaland.com/attachments/1632376_generator_repairs_and_servicing_jpeg00057275b03e0c41161d4a5b90c0378f

Zedric: Wrong, the site is still active with a post this month sef. But even if the last entry was in 30 BC, the op shouldn't have claimed the glory, its not easy to write a story u know

She didn't claim the glory, you shud have seen where she wrote NaijaSingleGirl 2mee that's enough. Beside you can't be this creative and ur blog will be that dry...bro gudmorning

lordkrato:

Bull.. Anyone who visits that link would see a deader than frankenstein blog with the last post from 2013. If gotta be a cop, do it right... Naija sef, we jus wan dey con ourselves everyday

The post was copied from the blog cos I read it about a month ago.

mzlizabelle: [/color]


No be small.

write between the parenthesis.
I.e the 1st close "]" and 2nd open "["
]no be small o[

[color =#006600]no be small o

Why not consider a career in writing? You do have some smooth satirical skills. Consider it, come up with a good plan, send an email to Seun (Nairaland owner) about it and with his approval, open a donation thread for people to help you with a career in writing. You could start with a couple of short stories bundled together into a book and publish it. Nairaland could help with marketing it. Too bad our society does not nurture talent. Hopefully you become a Nobel Laureate like Soyinka someday.

smurfy:

I'd leave that to you

That means your complaint is null and void.

It saddens my heart when i read this kind of terrible experience even though i have experience something similar in the past but thank God today story has change.

The honest truth is that the government can not do every thing for us.

For consistent and guarantee source of income, click and invest with

http://simplejoe4x.com/signup.php?r=4

You will be glad you did.

Yemisi63: if you've been following her posts, you would remember Naijasinglegirl keeps giving credit to one Yemisi for being an amazing friend and PR. Well, that's where I come in. Besides, I didn't want to add at link for fear of being banned that's why I mentioned only the name

Owk. Just thought u should have shared the web address

sluvy4tune:


She didn't claim the glory, you shud have seen where she wrote NaijaSingleGirl 2mee that's enough. Beside you can't be this creative and ur blog will be that dry...bro gudmorning

Whats this 1 saying? Did i say the blog is mine?

Great writing skills! Have you ever considered writing for a living

Great writing skills! Have you ever considered writing for a living? I believe you'll do great

chukwuma101: seems you went on sabbatical. You are welcome.

thanks dear...