When someone we love goes through break ups, it kills  us. Sometimes we don’t know what to do and we stay there helplessly, hoping something we say or do will help.

Here is how not to stay there helplessly while our loved one(s) go through a break up.

Ask what you can do to help

You might not get an answer for this. In fact you are more likely to get a lot of “why did he leave me?” “but that girl is uglier than me?” or “Everybody keeps dumping me, maybe I’m ugly”.

But you would at least be able to figure out what it is that is hurting so deep that very moment. For instance, if she says “why did he leave me?” you can realize that she wants to know what she did to deserve being walked out on. As much as you might not know the answer to that, you can make her feel better by telling her reasons why she is better off without the person. Reasons for her to live, reasons for her to stop thinking about what happened and focus on life again.

Try not to hook them up with anybody

The mistakes we make as friends is that when our friends are down we hurriedly want them to forget the guy that has hurt them and then our matchmaking instincts set in. then we start looking for all the eligible bachelors around and start setting them up on dates.

If she is still in the early stages of break up, why in God’s name are you trying to give her another man. Trust me when I say that is a potentially disastrous heartbreak waiting to happen and this time, it would be all your fault.

Instead of taking the place of  the god of love, press pause on the matchmaking thingy and let them heal.

Don’t go and be besties with the ex

Even if the ex is your bestie and you hooked them up, this is the time to leave him be. Yes, he might need you very much right now but you cannot afford to let her think you are taking sides. This might be a little unfair on the dude but women need more company in times like this.

Let her heal a bit, before you pick up your friendship with the ex.

Listen, to everything

What she says, what she is not saying and how she acts. People handle break ups differently and sometimes some people handle it worse than others. Be attentive to how she is feeling. Does she seem suicidal? Does she seem like she is dealing with this thing too hard? Does she seem like she cannot cope alone? Listen and watch. She might need more than soothing words, she might actually need therapy.

Be there

Just be there for her. Try your best to go the extra mile and extra space. Its not everytime this happens and so strive hard to be there for them this time.