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Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by 5minsmadness: 3:12pm On Aug 20, 2014
@aisha grin grin grin


But your answers were very direct and unbiased. Maximum respect ma.

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by babygirlfl: 4:30pm On Aug 20, 2014
donpeey22: This is the same question i have been asking since and no one has been able to answer. In this modern age when men and women compete equally in all spheres of life, i think it is grossly unreasonable for a woman to still think of a man as the 'natural provider' like a lady here put it. I know some ladies reading this post would qualify me as 'uncaring' for daring to ask this crucial question which most modern Nigerian men have on their lips but are too shy to ask. But i don't give a damn! I'm just a realist who likes saying it as it is.

You are very right and that does not qualify you as uncaring. What will be uncaring is when your wife is working and taking on some financial responsibility and you still expect her to do all the chores at home. When we women makes statements like above as it concerns us, she is termed a feminist. For example if I changed your words to---- In this modern age when men and women provide financially for the house, i think it is grossly unreasonable for a man to still think of a woman as the 'natural cleaner, cook and nanny' many men would label me a feminist.

When we talk about gender equality, most men jump and kick against it because they feel it is just to relieve women of their traditional role. Most men totally forget that it will also help them too by making more and more women pull their weight financially too in marriage.

@ kingviny, you think the word delegate is not a problem and I am asking you for the second time. Are you happy for your wife to delegate some house chores to you?

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Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by madan(f): 8:06pm On Aug 20, 2014
Sophyrocks: I have a very big problem with the word 'Delegate'. Nobody can delegate stuff to me like that o. We Must come to an agreement. Just as it is improper for a woman to delegate chores to her husband, so also it is improper for a man to delegate which aspect of the home the wife is to be financially responsible over. You are to plead and come to an understanding. Communication NOT Delegation. You are asking for help in your responsibilities, YOU ARE NOT TO DELEGATE!!

By the way, since men naturally are to provide basic needs, food inclusive, what is it about 'Soup items' that this man cannot provide? He claims to want to provide food items, doesnt that include soup items?

I think i get where the wife to be is coming from. Perhaps the way and manner her fiance went about the communication of duties looked autocratic/domineering to her. I also think its awkward to remove soup from food items. You are to help out with responsibilities on your own free will.
U hit the nail on the head. God bless you. You just said it all.
Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by Nobody: 8:31pm On Aug 20, 2014
madan: U hit the nail on the head. God bless you. You just said it all.

Abeg make una no marry abeg. Do Nairaland a favor, you are both more interested in getting supporters to your corner than solving the huge communication gap you are both faced with.

Have you solved the church issue? That one never reach 2 months una don enter another back and forth.
On that thread you were more concerned about what people will say should you cancel the wedding than you were in addressing an obvious difference.
On this thread now instead of listening to advice geared towards improving your communication you are both picking out our posts that favor each of your positions.
Biko make una no marry abeg, you both need time to grow.
Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by Nobody: 8:38pm On Aug 20, 2014
babygirlfl:

You are very right and that does not qualify you as uncaring. What will be uncaring is when your wife is working and taking on some financial responsibility and you still expect her to do all the chores at home. When we women makes statements like above as it concerns us, she is termed a feminist. For example if I changed your words to---- In this modern age when men and women provide financially for the house, i think it is grossly unreasonable for a man to still think of a woman as the 'natural cleaner, cook and nanny' many men would label me a feminist.

When we talk about gender equality, most men jump and kick against it because they feel it is just to relieve women of their traditional role. Most men totally forget that it will also help them too by making more and more women pull their weight financially too in marriage.

@ kingviny, you think the word delegate is not a problem and I am asking you for the second time. Are you happy for your wife to delegate some house chores to you?
My Position: since we have evolved to this modern age where men and women now have equal access to wealth, marriage should be more of a partnership where both the man and woman share responsibilities and reward EQUALLY. This means that both domestic chores and family financing; including wedding cost should be shared equally between the partners. Where one partner is deficient in one aspect, say financial contribution, He/She should make up in another, say house chores. Shikena!
Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by Nobody: 8:40pm On Aug 20, 2014
If its the same guy Madan is planning to marry who just got up one day and decided to change church to grail message which you assume is a cult but you are afraid of canceling the wedding because people have already been informed then there are bigger issues than a pot of soup.

Your communication is zero, the gap is as wide as the gulf.

Start by understanding what your spouse says and wants before reacting. He wants to change church you think its a cult then take your time and study it before you make an informed decision to cope or not.

He wants to get a commitment from you on soup money, you dont want to commit to that, both of you understand why the other holds such views and find a middle ground rather than use Nairalanders as co debators to prove your points.

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by Godmystrength: 9:06pm On Aug 20, 2014
@Aisha2-abeg no spoil show for them. They shd count all their supporters and announce the winner. They don't know what is important to them.

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by Nobody: 1:11pm On Aug 21, 2014
@ op, your friend or you have to be on the same wavelength, with your fiance. if two cannot work together, its better to let go.. At least, they are not married yet. plans can still change and everyone goes their own way and be with other partners that share their different views. The guy, in question seems like a struggling guy, and the lady too seems shes also not bouyant.. Both shud be open and plain about how much they earn monthly, and how much they are ready to sacrifice into their daily upkeep. and open an account for it.
if both are not ready to work together on this?..
solution 1:
the lady should go and look for a rich man to marry , so she can be a full tradition wife, with her rich husband taking care of her. e never too late o.
the guy, shud count his losses, give her back wat she bought in his house, and focus on making more money to stabilise his finances, and also seek out for a lady who understands, where hes coming from.


so, peeps e still early to do U turn... marriage is Not byforce or by manage... Its all about Sharing, Selflessness, undivided care, Trust that both of you av your backs for each other, and total discretion from both partners, no matter the situation... i notice the lady in question is not discreet...
word of advise , madan.... pls be discreet... dont disgrace your partner or whomever u end up with publicly or even at home... its not done... and its very immature..

peace~
Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by Godmystrength: 2:09pm On Aug 21, 2014
Amelian: @ op, your friend or you have to be on the same wavelength, with your fiance. if two cannot work together, its better to let go.. At least, they are not married yet. plans can still change and everyone goes their own way and be with other partners that share their different views. The guy, in question seems like a struggling guy, and the lady too seems shes also not bouyant.. Both shud be open and plain about how much they earn monthly, and how much they are ready to sacrifice into their daily upkeep. and open an account for it.
if both are not ready to work together on this?..
solution 1:
the lady should go and look for a rich man to marry , so she can be a full tradition wife, with her rich husband taking care of her. e never too late o.
the guy, shud count his losses, give her back wat she bought in his house, and focus on making more money to stabilise his finances, and also seek out for a lady who understands, where hes coming from.


so, peeps e still early to do U turn... marriage is Not byforce or by manage... Its all about Sharing, Selflessness, undivided care, Trust that both of you av your backs for each other, and total discretion from both partners, no matter the situation... i notice the lady in question is not discreet...
word of advise , madan.... pls be discreet... dont disgrace your partner or whomever u end up with publicly or even at home... its not done... and its very immature..

peace~
Don't you think they are both guilty of this?

Anyway sha, this is NL and it is not public. We don't even know them.
Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by Nobody: 6:33pm On Aug 21, 2014
at least the op didnt say hes the one directly involved. And he also didnt reveal her nld id to anyone in his post. Madam just ignorantly, said dont mind him o.... hes the one o...
who ask am?... we are trying to understand the rationale here , btwn the two of them.... she quickly revealed the op unthinkingly... angry

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by babygirlfl: 6:46pm On Aug 21, 2014
donpeey22: My Position: since we have evolved to this modern age where men and women now have equal access to wealth, marriage should be more of a partnership where both the man and woman share responsibilities and reward EQUALLY. This means that both domestic chores and family financing; including wedding cost should be shared equally between the partners. Where one partner is deficient in one aspect, say financial contribution, He/She should make up in another, say house chores.
Shikena!
Very fair.

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Delegate Some House Bills To A Wife? by egopersonified(f): 7:21pm On Aug 21, 2014
Mr and mrs op, since this thread was opened, have you people sat down to talk at all? Pls stop justifing your errors, and looking for supporters club members. Forget your pride and TALK about your issues ohh. Una never enter una dey complain, all these na small oh, if u cant handle this issue amicably, then the storms that would come later would surely blow you both apart. I take God beg una, if u feel yr partner is worth your love, make una settle una issues ohh, if not, make una waka.

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