devour129:
Nice guys only finish last if they are chasing shadows ! I like nice and decent guys but the problem they have most times is that they prefer bad and indecent girls .

ihedinobi2:
After reading a friend's latest entries in her diary, I thought about writing my "closing" arguments on friendzoning and "nice guys finish last". I decided that it isn't worth my energy right now. But I'll say the following and leave it at that:

Friendzoning is an act of selfishness. This is because love is beautiful when you're the recipient. When someone loves you, they make you a very high priority in their lives. You benefit a lot from that. They're always there for you. You can count on that. If you have any kind of need, they will be right there to stretch themselves and provide it. But here's where it gets tough: love is vastly expensive to the lover. The lover spends a very difficult kind of currency - themselves. Where do you replenish such expenses? Only from other people who love you in the same degree.

freshdude2:
What's a 'friendzone'?

freshdude2:
a friend zone is that arena where love makes wise men too dull to understand reality

vivaciousvivi:


Bro, even though you have digressed from my point of view...kindly read his write-up again "with an open mind". He clearly took sides with the Male gender biko. Shikena!

Graviton2:
I feel friendzoning is one of the many inhumane things you could actually do to someone else. It is dehumanizing.

If one doesn't share intimate feelings for someone else with the same intensity as that person might have for one, then I reason it would be best to just say so....instead of leading he/she on. That is a pretty wicked thing to do.

Any girl that tries to friendzone me is up for a rude awakening. She will soon find that love is not so blind
afterall.

In an entirely unrelated note: ihedinobi2, I need your help with something really urgent. Let me know when it is okay to send you a PM.

veave:



Ask d.op

vivaciousvivi:
Ihedinobi2 , I am sorry but I am not very sure where your argument is leading. Are you annoyed that ladies friendzone "nice guys" or are you against friendzoning in general especially if you guys feel it's because the lady in question is falling / has fallen for a typical "bad guy"?
Must every lady a guy is interested in, agree to date you guys by force? If she isn't interested in a romantic relationship but chooses (for whatever reason) to keep a cordial friendship with the guy, is that now wrong?!
Also note that some of us girls prefer full disclosure at the very start and let the guy know that we may like too be friends first and see where it leads thereafter. Whats wrong with that

Sagamite:


Rubbish!

Fine attractive, good quality, wifeyable girls are attracted to tough guys with an edge.

It is perfectly normal and evolutionary, so they are entitled to and justified for their attraction.

There is nothing wrong with it (as long as they don't whine when men also follow their own natural instincts, which is what I have a problem with).

Attractive women are human beings and hence they need stimulation. When you have the mugu nice guy coming and giving them the same ol' rubbish they get everyday, they would be bored and unattracted to them. A bad boy gives them that uniqueness and a project to stimulate their minds.

When they get older and lose their looks, then they would want nice guys because they don't have that much same ol' rubbish everyday anymore, so the same ol' rubbish is now a bit attractive as it is becoming more unique. Also, it is better than nothing. Then the nice guy gets in there at "last".

It really is that simple.

freecocoa:
I honestly don't seem to get what your point is, if you started out as friends with someone and later develop feelings that can't be returned, how is it difficult to continue being friends with the person? Fine, even if you have trouble remaining just friends, what stops you from having a heart to heart with the person, telling him/her how you feel and why remaining close friends isn't good for you?

I have been in that place before, he was into me and I couldn't return his feelings, he withdrew from me and I contacted him to know why, he said it was difficult to remain friends because of how he felt, I understood and let him go and after a while, we became friends again even better than before.

Just how do you blame the lady for a guy choosing to remain in such a situation? No one can treat you anyhow without your consent, it's that simple.

ihedinobi2:

I think we're still saying the same thing. A woman who wants the "excitement" and "difference" that a bad boy will give her can hardly be looking for the stability and security that a nice guy would give her. Thus, she can hardly be referred to as a quality, wifeable woman.

Nice guys don't have to be bland people. And they generally are not. They're just men with a sense of morals. They can be fun without being dangerous. They can be stimulating without being immoral and unreliable. The real difference between the nice guy and the bad boy is that the former are reliable, trustworthy men and the latter are not.

Thus women who want the latter are hardly wifeable. And a nice guy who waits to have such a woman would have really good reasons of his own to want her. But generally, a nice guy would be looking for security and stability too, not flightiness and airheadedness.

coogar:


says who?
she wants stability - her intention is to trap the bad guy and somehow think she can tone his badness down a notch. she would drag him to a church & pop goes the weasel.



unfortunately, women don't want these nice guys. contrary to what they tell you in public. they want the risk-taking, exciting & the stimulating bad boy who is even hardly available. the more he drifts away from them, the more they chase him up. you really think women don't know where to find the nice guys? of course they do - but deep down, they don't want the nice guys.



you are making a grave error here....
women would rather try and convert a bad guy into a nice guy than go after an original nice guy. it's a thrill for them - "i want to be the woman that will change this player" is their mantra.

why can't she go for brother theophilus in her church who has no dress sense, no social life, no clubbing or womanising, etc? nah - she would rather prefer to convert 2face or jim iyke into a nice guy. in a nutshell, nice guys finish last. women want them around as casual friends but they don't wish to fück them.

ihedinobi2:

You can pm me now, bro.

Graviton2:


Check your inbox.

ihedinobi2:

Of course you are not expected to like, date or marry every dude that says they like you. That is not the issue here. It is also not wrong to be friends with someone you like.

Here's the issue: if someone falls in love with someone else, that person they fall in love with becomes more to them than anybody else on earth. It is not good then to keep a person in love with you around you when you cannot or do not love them back. The issue here is that generally, both men and women who are loved enjoy being loved and for that reason they don't release people who love them. That is bad.

Also, people may start out as friends with you without any intentions to fall in love with you but do anyway. You can't say that they should have told you from the beginning. They couldn't have. How could they?

Finally, I was addressing two different things in the op: friendzoning was one; nice guys finishing last was another.

ihedinobi2:

Of course you are not expected to like, date or marry every dude that says they like you. That is not the issue here. It is also not wrong to be friends with someone you like.

Here's the issue: if someone falls in love with someone else, that person they fall in love with becomes more to them than anybody else on earth. It is not good then to keep a person in love with you around you when you cannot or do not love them back. The issue here is that generally, both men and women who are loved enjoy being loved and for that reason they don't release people who love them. That is bad.

Also, people may start out as friends with you without any intentions to fall in love with you but do anyway. You can't say that they should have told you from the beginning. They couldn't have. How could they?

Finally, I was addressing two different things in the op: friendzoning was one; nice guys finishing last was another.

veave:



Ask d.op

veave:
does it mean i have been friend.zoned?

pweedyuz:

Ok,so we start out as frnds,vry gud frnds nd along d line u fell in luv with me nd made ur intentions known.i decline.tho i love u (vry much)but i just dnt feel d same way nd prefer d friendship we share
Ur advice is-d guy shuld walk away nd girl also shuld let d guy b even tho they've been frnds for long nd share good moments 2geda.(dnt get any bad idea.d gud moments i mean is pure good..)

senbonzakurakageyoshi:
@ihedinobi, much of what you've said holds true, but saying that you can't meet a nice guy at a club,restaurant or bar.....I don't think that's right. I have a friend whose parents met at a club....and they've had a pretty amazing marriage. What I can agree with is that you don't find those guys at such places ON A REGULAR. Everybody has their definition of a good time and loud music, dance, a book, a glass of wine and TV.....the difference between a nice guy and otherwise is limits. After all there are people that sit at home and drink themselves to a standstill or smoke weed till they start seeing things. On the flip side , there are those who go to bars and take a bottle of malt, Smirnoff or a bottle of beer and they're good and out.

I think niceness is not really down to your choice of lifestyle but how extreme you take the things you do.....of course there are certain things that are just not acceptable bit we all know the difference.

BuddhaPalm:


Your argument is dead on arrival.

The ONLY distinction between someone in the so-called friend-zone and another who isn't - is that you treat one as a lover, and the other as not.

And usually, the friend-zoned isn't kind out a genuine feeling of kindness and benevolence. He/she only intents to OBLIGATE you - so that you repay their pseudo-kindness with sex and affection.

How about that?

"Nice- guys" are not nice at all. Its all pretentiousness

Ihedinobi
If a woman wants tough guys who are all about swag and money and bachelor pads, whatever she says about them being real and all that, it means only that she is not very interested in motherhood and stability. You want to live the life of the club and spotlights, you don't belong in the home, the kitchen and the bedroom and nursery. It's that simple.

ihedinobi2:

If he wants to stick around, I can't speak for him. What I do know is that some people do want to leave and try but the beloved don't let them go because it's a real loss to them.

UjSizzle:

Hmmm I see why Yuzedo likes you.
I'd kiss you now if I could


And OP,

This is bullsh*t (pardon my language )
No one gets to decide what makes a person happy, and how a certain lifestyle will affect their home.
If they say they can make it work, then they will make it work.

Stillfire:
There are two kinds of bad boys- the James Bond suave types and the Lil Wayne ghettofied thugs.
There are also two kinds of nice guys - the nerdy nerds and your average, normal Joe.

Out of the above James Bond comes first , average normal Joe second , nerdy nerds third , then last and least and will never ever date- the lil wayne ghettofied thugs.

In summary if at 25 years old you are still excited about using terms as bad boy to qualify yourself, then I question your mental age. It is so childish. Grow up.