cancerlib:
I just don't want all the stress to cause me miscarriage, have suffered enough already.
Have decided I won't report him to anybody, I'll give him the silent treatment, if he'll come back to his senses, I want it to be him without d interference of anyone

yes, i understand that you have suffered enough already, while REAL men pamper their pregnant wives, yours decided to traumatised you and punished you with unfaithfulness which might lead to infection, and then come back to tell you that your wahala too much, what a wicked man
Anyway, i don't think silent treatment, which means bottling-up is good for you at this delicate stage, you still need to trash it out with him, let him know how he has really hurt you, let him know how he has made you suffer for what he should have been happy for, talk extensively with him, not with raised voice but out of your mind, then, watch his body language and what he would say thereafter, from what he'd say and his body language, you will know whether he's truly repentant, you will know whether he's the type you can go on and spend the rest of your life with or to face the reality and move on, because you can't continue being "punished" each time you get pregnant for him.
Please, no silent treatment at this stage, break the silence and speak your mind, don't be fraid, what will be will be.
It is well.

uboma:


I will advise that you report the matter to his mum, especially that part that he's punishing you for refusing to abort his child. Your man is something else, cant even get the appropriate word/phrase to describe him.

you want her to face another form of punishment, probably going physical this time around, since he has already punished her with infidelity.
Mtchew.........useless.........i don't want to finish it, i'm really pissed at the man.

greatgod2012:


you want her to face another form of punishment, probably going physical this time around, since he has already punished her with infidelity.
Mtchew.........useless.........i don't want to finish it, i'm really pissed at the man.

The reason i advised her to report the issue to her MIL is that so she knows how heartless her son is and can go to hurt his wife for simply carrying his child. Let her report to both families because who knows what else he can do or go to hurt her for such a flimsy excuse.

I may be wrong though...

cancerlib: Hmmm, my story took a different turn.....
When we first got married, we made a decision to wait a bit before procreating (he wanted to be more balanced) asked him how long is a bit, and he said few months. But when months rolled into a year and over a year, his family got on my case especially his mom. When I told them its their son that isn't ready they refuse to accept, after all am d woman, if I want a baby I know how to go about it.
I tried reasoning with him we should try for a baby now but he was adamant, he doesn't want stress for me andhe needs to put some things in place before we talk about babies.
Fast-forward to some months later and I got pregnant. He went really mad, how could I betray him so? Blah blah.
He told me point blank he wants an abortion to which I refused, his family heard about it and told him his callous , ,shouldnt he be happy about it.
This went on for days but he eventually accept and apologise for his actions ans and we movedd on.
When I saw his chat with the lady, this situation crossed my mind , could it be related? That's y I was dazed and confused at first.
When we talked , he went all macho with me and actually confirmed it that hes punishing me cos I tried to prove smart by getting pregnant, and that upon his tears and pleads to abort I was adamant. All d fight in me fled, I just told him hes not even the father of that child ans I told him we have nothing further to discuss.
I went to bed, this morning he asked for food and I told him am never cooking for him again.
He said I like unnecessary wahala, he didn't sleep with anyone, I wasn't even interested and just left

Whaaaaaat!!! He's punishing u cos you are preggy for him?
There is nothing one will not hear/see in this 'thing' called marriage.
Right now I don't even know what to say. I pray such doesn't cum my way cos I don't know what my reaction will be but am certain it won't be pleasant.
That cheating or about to cheat 'blokus' will be the first to suffer. 1d1otic baskard
#rawacidtinz#

Sorry abt the multiple post.
Nonsense hen-T-hen

snazzylove: Sincerely I wonder the type of marriage our 'dear sisters' go into these days.

@OP, did you marry your father or your old school teacher that you cannot talk to?
Was he the one that trained you in school or taking care of your parents and siblings that you cannot express how you feel about something he is doing or about to do?

It really baffles me the level of relationship and communication between couples in our modern day marriages. "Marriage is not to be Managed" what happens to friendship, trust, mutual respect, values, morals, openeess, selflesness, d list is endless.

I cannot have a clear evidence, looking at me korokoro, that my dear hussy is about to cheat /phuck anoda woman and I will fold my hands and watch him do it then we come back and talk about it. TUFIAKWA!!! May the gods forbid. Whatever it will take me to stop dat from happening I will do it. For Christs sake we are talking about your hussy here, the supposed father of your kid(s), not some dude you are dating.

I read some comments here and I simply laff, not just becos they are funny, but I marvel at the level of ignorance. Dat man took you to the alter and vow b4 God and men to Love and Cherish you and to be FAITHFUL to you, till death do you part, and here some ignoramus are asking you why you are snooping on your husbands phone. Are you too suppose to have privacy? His privacy should equally be your privacy cos two of you are now one.

But if he must cheat, IF HE MUST CHEAT, why should he leave traces on his phone, that is the height of disrespect and it shows Clearly he does not value the marriage institution neither does he understand the meaning of the vow (convenant) that he made to you and to God and to himself.

Am writing this with so much passion that am finding it difficult to stop.

@OP, I cannot advice you, not that I don't have any advice, but what works for me maybe disastrous in your case. The only thing I wuill tell you is this: you know that man more than anybody on NL, you dated him(probably), you married him. If he is doing this now, he must have done or was doing it when you were courting, but for whatever reason you chose to turn a blind bat. Since he has already gone on the trip , unfortunately, when he comes back deal with it the best way you can. You know how and when best to talk to him, do that in a way that will appeal to his conscience.

Finally, you said you are preggy, are you sure you are not d one pushing him into the hands of that lady, by always being 'sick' in the name of pregnancy. ( We ladies do that a lot). Have you been up and doing in carrying out your conjugal duties? Even when it seems you are 'dying'.

One advice, even when you are feeling so terrible that you cannot do it, don't push him away, cuddle him, bring him close, let him feel warmth do whatever you can for him, if you can give him a job, help him self-service, bear the discomfort once in a while and give him a good phuck. He will always aprreciate you that despite your condition you are still meeting up with his demands (even if not 100%) THAT HAS BEEN MY SECRET. Once dat tension is eased off, most men comes back to their senses.

Food FOR THOUGHT!
MEN ARE LIKE BABIES, FEED THEM, CARE AND LOVE THEM, AND WHEN THEY WANT TO 'PLAY' MAKE THEIR 'TOYS' AVAILABLE, you will have them wrapped around your pretty little fingers .


Best regards!

What a load of horse manure @ the highlighted

You are all over the map
One minute for her,another against her
Make up your mind
This is some confusing piece right here
I almost got a headache reading it
Looks like different sections of it were written by different people

snazzylove:

Babe, I never said being preggy is an excuse for a man to cheat on his wife. NO! Am a serious advocate of faithfullness in marriage. But you cannot leave your hubby for months simply because you are pregnant. It takes a a man that is principled to the core and had the fear of God and respect for marriage in him to stay faithful in such situation.
I have a friend that left her hubby starving for 6months simply because she's preggy, and even after delivery surely the man has another long wait to do.
Sisters we are humans, and you cannot tell a $exually active dude to stay like dat , nothing at all, not even to help him in other ways to get that thought out of his head.
We all feel terrible when preggy, but there are days you feel good, make use of those dayz datz what am saying. The days you are not feeling good, hussy should equally understand and play his part. But leaving your hussy to starve for months all because you are preggy is unacceptable, and you are indirectly bringing prob to urself without knowing it. Except the dude is a born-unrepentant cheat, then there is nothing you do that will ever appeal to him.

As for the man massaging and pampering his wife when she's preggy, I don't know about you, but my hubby is an expert in that. Infact I love beign preggy, cos datz when he brings out the best in him . And I equally try to meet up with his needs too. Its a two way thing. I make bold to say that in our several yrs of marriage, hussy has not given me any reason to suspect or doubt his fidelity. Infact he always tells me that am more sexy and attractive when am preggy so why should I push him away simply because am pregnant. Besides, is pregnancy a disease or illness.

@justwinnie, its not about knowing your right, its about keeping your hubby.

Still talking about being preggy, most woment are so terrible that to even take their bath, make their hairs, and look inviting for the hubby is another wahala, (especially in the first and last trimester). The same cloth he. Left you in when he was leaving for work in the morning is still the same cloth he will meet you in when he comes back from work in the evening and your excuse will be that you are feeling crappy? Most ladies their personal hygiene when they are preggy is close to Zero. So hubby should come and bath you and make your hair for yopu and probably brush your teeth simply because 'he put his heir in you'. And even after delivery, some ladies will aloow their body grow out of proportion without bothering to watch what they eat or even do the simplest of work out. Later they will start crying foul.

Ladies let us wake up and take our destinies in our hands. Do you part, and see if the your hussy will ever look sideways talk more of looking out.

For me am intact. No shaking. With my 3 lovely kids running around, I still draw a lot of attention . Hussy has no choice but to stick around . Luv u booboo

Address the woman and her issues not your made up scenarios
Jeez

snazzylove: @ujujoan. My dear I completely understand your point. Same applies to me too as in d work aspect. For instance on a saturday that you have to do a lot of house chores, its understandable. My hussy has equally met me in same attire too due to plenty work, but its not an everyday thing. I will even be the one to joke with it, by telling him "ur babe has not showered since morning oo" we'll laff over it and if there are other things left to do he may offer to assist.

Who said its easy for me to keep looking sexy? its a lot of work oo, hard work for that matter.

Your friend that hussy does not notice or look her side, you don't wait for them to notice oo. You push them to notice . If am addig weight for instance, hussy doesn't tell me oo, he keeps saying you are ok, you are ok. Na only me dey advice myself. If I come back from the salon , I will be waiting for him to tell your hairdo is nice, for wia? He will not notice, not that he he doesn't want to notice, but his mind doesnt go there. Am the one that will be like 'babe so u didn't see my hair abi?' He will now say ahh sorry ooo, I noticed that u are looking different and pretty buh I didn't know its d hair. Men are not as petty as we women. I've come to undertstand that and I don't hold it against my hussy if he fails to do or say somethings. I will just remind him if there is need to do so.

The bottom line is to make our homes and hussys comfy increase communication a lot. Not official communication oo. Joke with ur hussy, tease him, laugh a lot, see him most times as that boyfriend u were dating b4 tying the not, it makes it a lot easier.

There was a preacher that talked about women who do too much
You may not understand that concept now,you will eventually.
A man that will cheat will cheat irrespective of you
Eric benet had the nerve to cheat on a gorgeous woman with a near perfect body like Halle Berry, multiple times ,go figure
You cannot make a man stay faithful,the will to cheat depends on that man and you can't do anything about it
If you don't get this,I hope some other lady reading me will
You will give yourself wrinkles trying to prevent a man from Cheating
Quit trying and be yourself
Most men who are comfortable in their manhood value women who are confident in themselves and can hold their own not the ones running around to please them
I grew up with brothers and have a few close male friends and I have heard that from them
If he is determined to cheat,no matter what you do,he will still cheat
And someone with your mindset will sit around and blame yourself for not doing enough to keep him
The burden women place on themselves

babyosisi:

There was a preacher that talked about women who do too much
You may not understand that concept now,you will eventually.
A man that will cheat will cheat irrespective of you
Eric benet had the nerve to cheat on a gorgeous woman with a near perfect body like Halle Berry, multiple times ,go figure
You cannot make a man stay faithful,the will to cheat depends on that man and you can't do anything about it
If you don't get this,I hope some other lady reading me will
You will give yourself wrinkles trying to prevent a man from Cheating
Quit trying and be yourself
Most men who are comfortable in their manhood value women who are confident in themselves and can hold their own not the ones running around to please them
I grew up with brothers and have a few close male friends and I have heard that from them
If he is determined to cheat,no matter what you do,he will still cheat
And someone with your mindset will sit around and blame yourself for not doing enough to keep him
The burden women place on themselves

Spot on
I tried explaining this to her in my earlier posts. She is convinced her husband does not cheat by her making.

snazzylove:

Am not making excuse for anybody my dear. Am equally a woman. And the best I can do is to tell fellow sisters the truth no mattert how bitter it is.
Pregnancy last for forty weeks, and you cannot tell me that for that forty weeks you don't have a single day that you are good.
I do have challenges with pregnancy too that equally lands me in the hospital bed, but its not an everyday, every week or everymonth thin.
Whatever works for you sha,do it.

I don't know why I seem to be picking on you here but most of your posts are very annoying
Stop!
There are actually women who are sick most of the pregnancy in case you don't know and some are placed on bed rest
The few days of respite they have,sex is the last thing on their minds
If your husband will not consider the well being of his baby and the mother above his se.xual needs them it is on him
There are husbands that will wait
There are a bunch of other things a couple can do besides sex
Do you know that?

babygirlfl:

Spot on
I tried explaining this to her in my earlier posts. She is convinced her husband does not cheat by her making.

How does she know he is not cheating at this moment?
Anybody,man or woman that will swear that their spouse is 100% faithful is a fool
I don't have any evidence of infidelity or even suspicion of it with my spouse but certainly cannot swear on that
I am not in anyone's heart

babyosisi:

I don't know why I seem to be picking on you here but most of your posts are very annoying
Stop!
There are actually women who are sick most of the pregnancy in case you don't know and some are placed on bed rest
The few days of respite they have,sex is the last thing on their minds
If your husband will not consider the well being of his baby and the mother above his se.xual needs them it is on him
There are husbands that will wait
There are a bunch of other things a couple can do besides sex
Do you that?

Madam, on the contrary, I think snazzylove's views are the most balanced of the lot. No contest for me! She thinks like a woman and at the same time has a good map of men's world.

You all are going on with inane generalities like "a man who will cheat on you wll cheat on you." Bullcrap! All generalizations are fallacies. While it's true for some men, many have been pushed into infidelity by their wives' intolerables, excesses and insensitivities. Fact. Ditto for some women's infidelity because of husband's.... It's all the same psychology.

Love understands the other and gives and does whatever it will take to succeed in the relationship. It's called succeeding in relationships with emotional intelligence and has got nothing to do with the rampant selfish feminism or righteous 'male-ism' that is ubiquitously destroying homes in this age.

DeeMain:

Madam, on the contrary, I think snazzylove's views are the most balanced of the lot. No contest for me! She thinks like a woman and at the same time has a good map of men's world.

You all are going on with inane generalities like "a man who will cheat on you wll cheat on you." Bullcrap! All generalizations are fallacies. While it's true for some men, many have been pushed into infidelity by their wives' intolerables, excesses and insensitivities. Fact. Ditto for some women's infidelity because of husband's.... It's all the same psychology.

Love understands the other and gives and does whatever it will take to succeed in the relationship. It's called succeeding in relationships with emotional intelligence and has got nothing to do with the rampant selfish feminism or righteous 'male-ism' that is ubiquitously destroying homes in this age.

I am glad at least 4 other women called her out on it
I don't expect you to get it
There are women who end up with breast cancers and mastectomies,it must then be a license for them to handle other boobies after all their wife's own is missing

babyosisi:

I am glad at least 4 other women called her out on it
I don't expect you to get it

And majority doesn't mean right. Fact. Sometimes democracy's majority inflict regret on the people with their wrong perceptions and choices.

DeeMain:

And majority doesn't mean right. Fact. Sometimes democracy's majority inflict regret on the people with their wrong perceptions and choices.

I said women
The worst thing a woman can do to another woman is blame her or insinuate she had a hand in her husband's infidelity
You are a typical man
I don't expect you to understand that

A pregnant woman finds evidence of an impending rendezvous with her husband and a mistress and someone wants to lecture her on keeping herself attractive and satisfying her man
What nonsense

babyosisi:

I said women
The worst thing a woman can do to another woman is blame her or insinuate she had a hand in her husband's infidelity
You are a typical man
I don't expect you to understand that

A pregnant woman finds evidence of an impending rendezvous with her husband and a mistress and someone wants to lecture her on keeping herself attractive and satisfying her man
What nonsense

Is snazzylove a man?

Read her posts again. This time without prejudice. She covered all grounds. in fact, the point about pregnant women and sex or female attractiveness was an addendum on succeeding at home.

She came hard on the man and leaned heavily on the woman's side. Guess the spectacle of feminism wouldn't allow her attackers see that. I say she is balanced and didn't deserve the vituperations she got in this thread.

Here's her post:

snazzylove: Sincerely I wonder the type of marriage our 'dear sisters' go into these days.

@OP, did you marry your father or your old school teacher that you cannot talk to?
Was he the one that trained you in school or taking care of your parents and siblings that you cannot express how you feel about something he is doing or about to do?

It really baffles me the level of relationship and communication between couples in our modern day marriages. "Marriage is not to be Managed" what happens to friendship, trust, mutual respect, values, morals, openeess, selflesness, d list is endless.

I cannot have a clear evidence, looking at me korokoro, that my dear hussy is about to cheat /phuck anoda woman and I will fold my hands and watch him do it then we come back and talk about it. TUFIAKWA!!! May the gods forbid. Whatever it will take me to stop dat from happening I will do it. For Christs sake we are talking about your hussy here, the supposed father of your kid(s), not some dude you are dating.

I read some comments here and I simply laff, not just becos they are funny, but I marvel at the level of ignorance. Dat man took you to the alter and vow b4 God and men to Love and Cherish you and to be FAITHFUL to you, till death do you part, and here some ignoramus are asking you why you are snooping on your husbands phone. Are you too suppose to have privacy? His privacy should equally be your privacy cos two of you are now one.

But if he must cheat, IF HE MUST CHEAT, why should he leave traces on his phone, that is the height of disrespect and it shows Clearly he does not value the marriage institution neither does he understand the meaning of the vow (convenant) that he made to you and to God and to himself.

Am writing this with so much passion that am finding it difficult to stop.

@OP, I cannot advice you, not that I don't have any advice, but what works for me maybe disastrous in your case. The only thing I wuill tell you is this: you know that man more than anybody on NL, you dated him(probably), you married him. If he is doing this now, he must have done or was doing it when you were courting, but for whatever reason you chose to turn a blind bat. Since he has already gone on the trip , unfortunately, when he comes back deal with it the best way you can. You know how and when best to talk to him, do that in a way that will appeal to his conscience.

Finally, you said you are preggy, are you sure you are not d one pushing him into the hands of that lady, by always being 'sick' in the name of pregnancy. ( We ladies do that a lot). Have you been up and doing in carrying out your conjugal duties? Even when it seems you are 'dying'.

One advice, even when you are feeling so terrible that you cannot do it, don't push him away, cuddle him, bring him close, let him feel warmth do whatever you can for him, if you can give him a job, help him self-service, bear the discomfort once in a while and give him a good phuck. He will always aprreciate you that despite your condition you are still meeting up with his demands (even if not 100%) THAT HAS BEEN MY SECRET. Once dat tension is eased off, most men comes back to their senses.

Food FOR THOUGHT!
MEN ARE LIKE BABIES, FEED THEM, CARE AND LOVE THEM, AND WHEN THEY WANT TO 'PLAY' MAKE THEIR 'TOYS' AVAILABLE, you will have them wrapped around your pretty little fingers .

Best regards!

DeeMain:

Is snazzylove a man?

Read her posts again. This time without prejudice. She covered all grounds. in fact, the point about pregnant women and sex or female attractiveness was an addendum on succeeding at home.

She came hard on the man and leaned heavily on the woman's side. Guess the spectacle of feminism wouldn't allow her attackers see that. I say she is balanced and didn't deserve the vituperations she got in this thread.

Here's her post:

When we women don't have our backs, you men would be the first to scream "women are their own worst enemies". What women are trying to make snazzy understand is she can judge marriages\pregnancies by her own standards which she seem to be emphasizing in her posts.

If this thread were to be a general light -hearted thread- the kinda threads jenny opens to talk about the marriage, sexx, libido, pregnancy, I mean threads not directed to anyone in particular, but just for married folks to share experience and advice, then her post would have been appropriate, but in here, that point of hers doesn't sound sensitive enough. In a way, it could make the Op think maybe she's not doing enough and that is why he hubby is cheating which is not meant to be so. What if she has been advised to keep away from sexx (irrespective of the position) for some time (eg those with placenta previa), is she supposed to force herself to do it and harm herself and her baby, JUST because she thinks she has a sexually Hungry man by her side who would go get it somewhere else if she doesn't?

No matter the libido, I believe a man's first priority is the health and saftey of the wife and baby, not how his intimate desires will be fulfilled.

For a lady who is placed on bed rest for 6months to her delivery, is it justified for the hubby to sleep around since he can't have it? Is marriage ALL about sex??

Assuming a man came here to tell us he just underwent prostrate cancer surgery or hernia or whatever and is trying to heal properly before sexx or even work, and then finds our his wife is about to go and have sexx with another man. Is it sensitive enough for someone to ask if he has been taking care of himself enough to look sexxy for his wife? if he has been managing to have sexx with her irrespective of the condition, or if he still provides financially for the home? And say all of these could have pushed the woman to another man's bed just within months.

Let's even assume the man is hale and hearty and he reads about his wife going to have sex with another guy while he would be home, will you as a guy ask if he has been keeping sexxy enough for his wife, if he shapes his beards weekly, if he goes 10 rounds and makes her climax 50times? if all his boxers are sparkling clean, if he still manages to give her a head the days he's too tired to have sexx?

The earlier we all stop making excuses for cheats, the better. There's a reason it is called marriage-it is for better and for worse, in health and sickness.

This kinda mentality makes victims of cheat think it is always their fault no matter how fit and 'foxy' in bed they are. They will always think they'll never be good enough.

Cut out the feminism crap, this talk is not good for any victim of cheating irrespective of the gender.

All these talks about pregnancy. What i know is that no 2 pregnancies are the same even for the same woman. Male doctors that advice about pregnancies have never been pregnant before. The female doctors that have been pregnant before can't use theirs as a standard. It is ONLY the PERSON CARRYING THE BELLE that knows what's up.

The truth is that no 2 relationships are the same and so a man that will cheat will cheat regardless of the situation.

What stops a man from cheating? Self control, integrity and the fear of God.

cancerlib: Hmmm, my story took a different turn.....
When we first got married, we made a decision to wait a bit before procreating (he wanted to be more balanced) asked him how long is a bit, and he said few months. But when months rolled into a year and over a year, his family got on my case especially his mom. When I told them its their son that isn't ready they refuse to accept, after all am d woman, if I want a baby I know how to go about it.
I tried reasoning with him we should try for a baby now but he was adamant, he doesn't want stress for me andhe needs to put some things in place before we talk about babies.
Fast-forward to some months later and I got pregnant. He went really mad, how could I betray him so? Blah blah.
He told me point blank he wants an abortion to which I refused, his family heard about it and told him his callous , ,shouldnt he be happy about it.
This went on for days but he eventually accept and apologise for his actions ans and we movedd on.
When I saw his chat with the lady, this situation crossed my mind , could it be related? That's y I was dazed and confused at first.
When we talked , he went all macho with me and actually confirmed it that hes punishing me cos I tried to prove smart by getting pregnant, and that upon his tears and pleads to abort I was adamant. All d fight in me fled, I just told him hes not even the father of that child ans I told him we have nothing further to discuss.
I went to bed, this morning he asked for food and I told him am never cooking for him again.
He said I like unnecessary wahala, he didn't sleep with anyone, I wasn't even interested and just left

I think that you guys need serious counselling if you are both going to enjoy a long and happy marriage

There are too many fundamental deep seated things wrong and its just escalating and the more it escalates the more damage it causes.

He is very very wrong for cheating and the metting out some silly pusnishment because you got pregant is silly, inmature and thoughtless

You on the other hand should have seeked his consent before getting pregnant or at least a compromise with him, although to be honest, I think that he is just looking for excuses and even if you had not got pregnant, he would have still found another excuse.

The woman he is going to, how does he know that she hasnt put holes in the condom with a pin, assuming he even uses a condom; so how is he averting the problem of having children whilst he is not ready? Does one solve a problem by creating another?
He needs to grow up and understand the real meaning of marriage.

You may want to get responsible and wise elders involved in the matter if he does not change.

MizzD:

When we women don't have our backs, you men would be the first to scream "women are their own worst enemies". What women are trying to make snazzy understand is she can judge marriages\pregnancies by her own standards which she seem to be emphasizing in her posts.

If this thread were to be a general light -hearted thread- the kinda threads jenny opens to talk about the marriage, sexx, libido, pregnancy, I mean threads not directed to anyone in particular, but just for married folks to share experience and advice, then her post would have been appropriate, but in here, that point of hers doesn't sound sensitive enough. In a way, it could make the Op think maybe she's not doing enough and that is why he hubby is cheating which is not meant to be so. What if she has been advised to keep away from sexx (irrespective of the position) for some time (eg those with placenta previa), is she supposed to force herself to do it and harm herself and her baby, JUST because she thinks she has a sexually Hungry man by her side who would go get it somewhere else if she doesn't?

No matter the libido, I believe a man's first priority is the health and saftey of the wife and baby, not how his intimate desires will be fulfilled.

For a lady who is placed on bed rest for 6months to her delivery, is it justified for the hubby to sleep around since he can't have it? Is marriage ALL about sex??

Assuming a man came here to tell us he just underwent prostrate cancer surgery or hernia or whatever and is trying to heal properly before sexx or even work, and then finds our his wife is about to go and have sexx with another man. Is it sensitive enough for someone to ask if he has been taking care of himself enough to look sexxy for his wife? if he has been managing to have sexx with her irrespective of the condition, or if he still provides financially for the home? And say all of these could have pushed the woman to another man's bed just within months.

Let's even assume the man is hale and hearty and he reads about his wife going to have sex with another guy while he would be home, will you as a guy ask if he has been keeping sexxy enough for his wife, if he shapes his beards weekly, if he goes 10 rounds and makes her climax 50times? if all his boxers are sparkling clean, if he still manages to give her a head the days he's too tired to have sexx?

The earlier we all stop making excuses for cheats, the better. There's a reason it is called marriage-it is for better and for worse, in health and sickness.

This kinda mentality makes victims of cheat think it is always their fault no matter how fit and 'foxy' in bed they are. They will always think they'll never be good enough.

Cut out the feminism crap, this talk is not good for any victim of cheating irrespective of the gender.

You all are imputing meaning into her post. Let the prejudice go and you can see her point. She didn't say or infer a pregnant woman must have sex with her husband. Read her again! She said understand what he may be going through too and do whatever you can to show you care. Try to ignite love or loving communication however you can. Let him know your pains and that you understand his. Love is possible without sex.

When a partner is sick or incapacitaed for a long time the other partner is affected too. In fact there's counselling or therapy for those affected by a loved one's illness in developed climes. Whether it's the man or woman, it's trauma for the affected too and if the sick one understands this psychology he or she can help ameliorate things. And It's the point she's making and she's being lynched.

As per siding cheats, it's still you interpreting wrongly. I didn't and neither did she and nobody should.

DeeMain:

You all are imputing meaning into her post. Let the prejudice go and you can see her point. She didn't say or infer a pregnant woman must have sex with her husband. Read her again! She said understand what he may be going through too and do whatever you can to show you care. Try to ignite love or loving communication however you can. Let him know your pains and that you understand his. Love is possible without sex.

When a partner is sick or incapacitaed for a long time the other partner is affected too. In fact there's counselling or therapy for those affected by a loved one's illness in developed climes. Whether it's the man or woman, it's trauma for the affected too and if the sick one understands this psychology he or she can help ameliorate things. And It's the point she's making and she's being lynched.

As per siding cheats, it's still you interpreting wrongly. I didn't and neither did she and nobody should.

This thread is not the best place for her to give such advice. MizzD explained it perfectly her at the bolded

MizzD:

When we women don't have our backs, you men would be the first to scream "women are their own worst enemies". What women are trying to make snazzy understand is she can judge marriages\pregnancies by her own standards which she seem to be emphasizing in her posts.

If this thread were to be a general light -hearted thread- the kinda threads jenny opens to talk about the marriage, sexx, libido, pregnancy, I mean threads not directed to anyone in particular, but just for married folks to share experience and advice, then her post would have been appropriate, but in here, that point of hers doesn't sound sensitive enough. In a way, it could make the Op think maybe she's not doing enough and that is why he hubby is cheating which is not meant to be so. What if she has been advised to keep away from sexx (irrespective of the position) for some time (eg those with placenta previa), is she supposed to force herself to do it and harm herself and her baby, JUST because she thinks she has a sexually Hungry man by her side who would go get it somewhere else if she doesn't?

No matter the libido, I believe a man's first priority is the health and saftey of the wife and baby, not how his intimate desires will be fulfilled.

For a lady who is placed on bed rest for 6months to her delivery, is it justified for the hubby to sleep around since he can't have it? Is marriage ALL about sex??

Assuming a man came here to tell us he just underwent prostrate cancer surgery or hernia or whatever and is trying to heal properly before sexx or even work, and then finds our his wife is about to go and have sexx with another man. Is it sensitive enough for someone to ask if he has been taking care of himself enough to look sexxy for his wife? if he has been managing to have sexx with her irrespective of the condition, or if he still provides financially for the home? And say all of these could have pushed the woman to another man's bed just within months.

Let's even assume the man is hale and hearty and he reads about his wife going to have sex with another guy while he would be home, will you as a guy ask if he has been keeping sexxy enough for his wife, if he shapes his beards weekly, if he goes 10 rounds and makes her climax 50times? if all his boxers are sparkling clean, if he still manages to give her a head the days he's too tired to have sexx?

The earlier we all stop making excuses for cheats, the better. There's a reason it is called marriage-it is for better and for worse, in health and sickness.

This kinda mentality makes victims of cheat think it is always their fault no matter how fit and 'foxy' in bed they are. They will always think they'll never be good enough.

Cut out the feminism crap, this talk is not good for any victim of cheating irrespective of the gender.

cancerlib: Hmmm, my story took a different turn.....
When we first got married, we made a decision to wait a bit before procreating (he wanted to be more balanced) asked him how long is a bit, and he said few months. But when months rolled into a year and over a year, his family got on my case especially his mom. When I told them its their son that isn't ready they refuse to accept, after all am d woman, if I want a baby I know how to go about it.
I tried reasoning with him we should try for a baby now but he was adamant, he doesn't want stress for me andhe needs to put some things in place before we talk about babies.
Fast-forward to some months later and I got pregnant. He went really mad, how could I betray him so? Blah blah.
He told me point blank he wants an abortion to which I refused, his family heard about it and told him his callous , ,shouldnt he be happy about it.
This went on for days but he eventually accept and apologise for his actions ans and we movedd on.
When I saw his chat with the lady, this situation crossed my mind , could it be related? That's y I was dazed and confused at first.
When we talked , he went all macho with me and actually confirmed it that hes punishing me cos I tried to prove smart by getting pregnant, and that upon his tears and pleads to abort I was adamant. All d fight in me fled, I just told him hes not even the father of that child ans I told him we have nothing further to discuss.
I went to bed, this morning he asked for food and I told him am never cooking for him again.
He said I like unnecessary wahala, he didn't sleep with anyone, I wasn't even interested and just left

Hmmmn . . . . words fail me!!!

And someone is preaching red pants and bra here . . .

babygirlfl:

This thread is not the best place for her to give such advice. MizzD explained it perfectly her at the bolded

While there may be some validity in your point from a woman's point of view, you conveniently forgot to mention that the same post you quoted and all the others were filled with devious misrepresentations of snazzylove's arguments just so she can be crucified. Where is the love? Why the rage? Was it deserved?

I just want you to know she didn't deserve the kind of harsh criticism she got here. It's why I set out to puncture holes in their logic. And this is my point: Say NO to cyber bullying.


Truce. I'm out.

One love!

@babyosis or whatever you are called, if dem send you tell dem I dey offline, Rubbish!
You can treat your spouse like bullsh!t, who cares
@others that are ranting here and there, the earlier you humble yourself as a woman and take charge of your home the better for you.
INTERNET ADVICE WILL DO YOU NO GOOD!

@DEEMAIN, it takes a responsible and sane person to really understand my post, and u have proven to be such. God bless you.

I am no feminist or mane-ist, I stand on the side of truth, justice and fairness.
If you don't like my idealogy, kindly go and hug transformer.
Am out of here.

snazzylove:
@DEEMAIN, it takes a responsible and sane person to really understand my post, and u have proven to be such. God bless you.

Many thanks. God bless you too my sister. Nothing do you.

Snazzylove please don't engage in e-fight ooo.its not your thing abeg.

DeeMain:

While there may be some validity in your point from a woman's point of view, you conveniently forgot to mention that the same post you quoted and all the others were filled with devious misrepresentations of snazzylove's arguments just so she can be crucified. Where is the love? Why the rage? Was it deserved?

I just want you to know she didn't deserve the kind of harsh criticism she got here. It's why I set out to puncture holes in their logic. And this is my point: Say NO to cyber bullying.


Truce. I'm out.

One love!

Read my earlier posts. Her posts were not misinterpreted and I don't think she was harshly critisized. She is the one that is harsh.When you agree with her, she is so sweet and calls you responsible and sane but as soon as you don't agree with her, she starts saying things like you can treat your hubby like bullshit. You posts becomes rubbish and you can go hug a transformer.We are all discussing an issue. Some will agree with you, some will not. Please I don't bully people. I hate trouble so much that when known trouble makers quote me, I don't reply.

cancerlib: For some days now,hubby and i have bn draggn d issue of a lady that he calls 'just friend'. Instinct told me they r more dn dt so i couldnt rest.
His phone is passworded and he wouldnt gv me his code, said cos i always read meanings to every chat he has wt ladies,i didnt drag d issue then, i gave him d trust dt he wouldnt betray me.
But unfortunately for him now
, i know his pswd and wen i get uncomfortable wt d lady in question, i went thru his phone. I was right,they r more dn friends, infact theyve planned a rendevous for ds weekend. He ws goin on a journey which he could go on sunday but he insisted hes going on saturday .
I screengrabbed thr chats,sent it to my phone so he cant deny it.
Now how do i play ds out? Wat if he blame me for snooping on his phone, am i d bad guy here?
Guys pls to d rescue, how do i handle d situatn so i can cm out d champion

Abeg fast go buy new sim and if you can with phone, forward that sreen shot to his phone telling him (I will tell your wife if you don't meet my demands) see how he react. Na first step be that but am sure he will hv a rethink of that extortion for now . Pls for now switch off the phone when is around bc he may suspect its you. And prepare for funny questions from him with good answer which will sound (I no no shit cus I be mumun) .rem a step at a time