Good day Nairaland

I have to open a new nairaland name to post this in other to remain anonymous. It suddenly just down on me that I have destroyed my very good family of a wife and two children with foolish acts and sexual decisions I made in the past. Not only did I infect my wife, who trusted me and never believed that I could go astray with herpes but I also infected a friend of mine who trusted me a lot but wrongly fell into sexual relationship with me out of loneliness and need for a comforter. The irony of this is that both my wife and this person lost their virginity to me.

Now the other lady has been diagnosed with herpes, I am yet to get a doctor's view of mine but I have seen 95% of the symptoms, my wife is yet to know but she is also exhibiting the symptoms which she thinks is thrush. My other friend is contesting the doctor's diagnoses and waiting to see a consultant gynecologist to confirm since herpes test is not readily accessible in Nigeria but done by few labs that send it out of the countries.

To crown it all now, I need to go for HIV test to be sure I am not in bigger trouble than I am. right now my wife is in the kitchen preparing break fast while I type this, but I cant help but look back and wail over how I have destroyed the lives of all the people that trusted, believe and genuinely care for me with my selfish acts.

I deserve all the names I can be called, but that is not the purpose of this post, but it is a way for me to share this and pour it out of my mind. Since I can't share it with friends and family for now, but carry the guilt in me as all this unfold. I dont want to take my siblings support for granted since will believe whatever story i tell and will want to rally round me, but the guilt will kill me.

I can only share this anonymously on nairaland to get avenue to talk about it, i feel so weak I just move around the house like a robot even when my children jump on me excitedly to share their computer games with me.

Anytime I remembered my friend that is yet to be married that I have destroyed her future, I can only see how unreliable some men like me are.Now I know the trouble has just began.

Severally I have escaped very narrow situations in the past, but I think now this shit has hit the fan and it can only be scattered.


God help me deal with all the possible outcomes. I don't want to pontificate with God name because I was supposed to know better since I was well brought up in a christian way.

Interestingly my wife keeps practicing her house hygiene without knowing that the greatest threat to her hygienic life is her husband, I kept looking at the situation as she go about her finicky hygiene lifestyle, she is so finicky to the extent that the children cannot come into the living room with their pyjamas in the morning and sit on the couch there because visitors also sit on them and she doesn't want them to pick anything from strangers cloth thereby getting into their bed with.


However, I feel slightly better now that I have shared a bit of it all. But my story is such a long and harrowing one with all the warnings and signs that I have gotten in the past i still fell into this deadly catch22 situation. When I ever I remember all the people that I have to stand in front and confessed to I shudder with pains and shame, my children who believed a lot in their father, my wife, my siblings and probably some close family friends that will definitely hear about this as event unfolds and be dumbfounded because they least expect it from me. Hmmmmmmmmm

Is there anyone out there who is suffering from herpes, how do you cope with the pains and psychological side of it. I have always practice safe sex, however i have had some couple of Mouth Gig done on me in the past, though i don't it for anybody except my wife, and i have had busted condoms some few times, though realizing it immediately.

Hmmmmmm..... . I am short of words but I must commend you for admitting your wrongdoings , it's not easy!

Please let me analyze the situation carefully before I comment further.

There is no need crying over spilled milk. Get tested first, commence whatever prescribed treatment with your wife, since she's suspecting thrush tell her that both of you need adequate treatment. There's a vaccine available for Herpes now, inquire about it. Finally, go back to God with your family.

Being depressed and moody will solve nothing.

Good thing is, those symptoms of herpes you're having usually disappears after sometime.

Should you tell your wife? I'll say yes. Sooner or later she'll know. It's only a matter of time.

story sounds so fake!!!!

@OP
if your story is remotely true then all this your write up is a pile of dung until you:
A) tell your wife about your infidelities with the said closed friend
B) confess to both about your disease carrying self.
C) see what you did as wrong instead of some Nolly superstory where you are the star....... you talk a lot but no where did you say you want to stop acting a fool (or are sorry for your actions)

So what exactly do you need at the moment?
How can we help?
Be glad to help if we know how to go about it.

What if the test results comes back and HIV becomes part of the package,what would you do then?

If not for the fear of impending disease,would you have repented? Or is your repentance borne of fear?

If it turns out that they are both alright in the end and there's no herpes or HIV,will you zip up?

@ Op
please forgive yourself first thats very crucial, get tested to ascertain your status, confess to wifey ( This is the hardest part but its necessary) then turn a new leaf.

Confession will lead to trust issues but try and rebuild the broken down trust. Also,it will be worse if your wife finds out from the doctor that shes been infected. Please act fast

Hmmmm, had to search Google to know the meaning of herpes, there exist many STDs shaaaa...

I dey come back with my advice

MRbrownJAY: story sounds so fake!!!!

@OP
if your story is remotely true then all this your write up is a pile of dung until you:
A) tell your wife about your infidelities with the said closed friend
B) confess to both about your disease carrying self.
C) see what you did as wrong instead of some Nolly superstory where you are the star....... you talk a lot but no where did you say you want to stop acting a fool (or are sorry for your actions)

Please stop throwing stones as if you are without sin.
The guy admitted his wrong doing. He wasn't acting up. There are lots of people doing what he did all over the world. All he needed was tender advice. Not hash words

HA. this is serious sha oooo. pls tel ur wife first, though it might be difficult, pls do tell her and be ready for wateve consequences it brings along.secondly, get medical advice.

@mrbrownjay. I wish this is a fake story at least I will be relieved of all the pains. Will I have considered stopping all this if not for the situation, yes unfortunately all this started the week I jointly agreed with my friend that we stop the relationship though she has always been under pressure from herself to stop it. Unfortunately I cant stop communication with her now until all this is resolved because she could take extreme decisions. Am I repentant? definitely but if I continue to dwell on this alone I may become sucider. I dont want to feel like nollywood star when my life and other people is entirely messed up now. Naturally I am not wont to this behaviour but for the fact that I work away from my family though not excuse to behave badly. I need to confess to my wife but I need to be around her and I am not due for leave anytime soon. I feel so sad about it all but I need to talk about it since I cant share it with anybody. I have really betrayed my wife.

@ cococandy, rationalmind and feminineA and some others I am touched by your response. @cococandy you asked what I want. Well I am sort of confused now, I just to unburden my mind 1st which I have done. But I also need comments from people like you, njideoby, helen4 and others. I have never felt so lonely my entire life because my siblings are usually for me or me for them. Especially I am one of the strongest member of the family in terms of emotional support but this is one thing I cant share with them for now because of the shameful acts involve. I really need people around me but cant get now. Thanks

@OP, check below for necessary assistance.

We help people to get it straight.

This is what other 'herpes' sites don't tell you:

(For the related condition, herpes zoster, please go to the Shingles Support Society web site.)

Genital herpes is caused by a herpes simplex virus (type 1 or type 2) – most people catch at least one type, sooner or later.
Most don't know they have it:
1 in 5 will have no symptoms;
3 in 5 will have mild symptoms so are unlikely to be diagnosed;
1 in 5 will have obvious symptoms and will be diagnosed.
These viruses are relatively harmless and do not affect future health or fertility.
The word 'incurable' is used to make it seem important when it isn’t.
Some people get recurrences – we can advise on how these can be reduced and stopped.
It's not the only infection that stays with us – chickenpox, glandular fever and many other infections also hide in the body. Nobody makes a fuss about them.

Other web sites exaggerate the worst cases and tell you herpes is a disaster. Don't be fooled. You don't have to worry about it. Join the HVA to get lots of information and get it in proportion. Professor George Kinghorn, GU consultant in Sheffield says: "What I am suggesting to you is that to be infected with a herpes simplex virus is a state of normality. We tend to make this into a big deal instead of to say that to be infected with herpes virus is something that happens to all adults, some with symptoms and some of us without." Read Professor Kinghorn's talk here.

Important: If you have not been diagnosed, do not jump to conclusions! Find out what you have by going to a Sexual Health Clinic. There is one at most general hospitals or search here. We cannot diagnose what might be affecting you by email or on the telephone helpline.

http://www.herpes.org.uk/

How old is the girl you disvirgined and infected with herpes?

Well, Herpes is incurable, it a viral disease that stays in the body of the infected host forever, you could have contracted it through MouthAction with an infected person who has an active lesion , well, as time goes on the symptoms will reduce and the virus becomes latent but the symptoms will resurface once in a while with decreasing regularity. You are majorly fu.cked, however it is not life threatening, you should go for the HIV test to know exactly where u stand and stop whining, at least console yourself it is not Ebola. What on Earth has your siblings got to do with this? The only persons u owe explanations are the people you have infected. God knows how many. Anyway, quietly go for the HIV test, just to make sure, it is not as contagious as herpes so probably you are not Positive, but you have to be sure. Moping around the house ain't gonna solve this, be thankful its not worse, hope the kids are not infected, stop kissing dem for now, but how will u tell ur wife to stop kissing dem? Aha! You better come clean and tell your wife what a miserable wretch you are.

@jumboo that is the problem she is close to mid 30s.

Get tested first. That will rule out unnecessary fear and anxiety.
If it turns out not as terrible as you imagined,well you've learned your lesson.
If it turns out bad,it's not the end of the world.you may be surprised you wife won't react as badly as you imagine she will.
It is important that both of you have each others back at a time like this even though you're the one who's betrayed her.

And well if she does flip out,you can't blame her but the situation is not 'unsalvageable'.
You can still make it right. But you need to get a hold of yourself first.
Let her see how sorry you are. And work to earn her trust once again.
Who knows you may be laughing over this scare on your 50th wedding anniversary.

wolewill: @ cococandy, rationalmind and feminineA and some others I am touched by your response. @cococandy you asked what I want. Well I am sort of confused now, I just to unburden my mind 1st which I have done. But I also need comments from people like you, njideoby, helen4 and others. I have never felt so lonely my entire life because my siblings are usually for me or me for them. Especially I am one of the strongest member of the family in terms of emotional support but this is one thing I cant share with them for now because of the shameful acts involve. I really need people around me but cant get now. Thanks

@adonisgold thanks. Well I have the fears you mentioned. I just stylish tolk my wife to cleaning up our girl by herself. That since she is almost nine she can clean up herself but like you say I need to take quick decisions. I just hope that my daughter wont pick up any couse she tend to have a bit of blisters and hitches which we normally attribute to reactions but not too much. Well I am not winning I am just trying to talk about it. But confessing I must surely do but I need to be sure of what exactly I am dealing with.

I raised the issue of general medical check up with my wife. She insisted she cant step into any hospital right now with the ebola case same with my friend. So is being difficult getting them to go to hospital.

if you are scared, which is normal, then maybe u should involve a trusted spiritual leader. situation like this u need atleast someone to share ur fears with.

@moderator please I will rather you dont amend the theme. The story is not entirely about the herpes it encompasses more than that. Please just modify it to the way it was initially. I plead with you.. the way you put it has some element of STIGMA and that is why some dont want to write about such experience. Please modify

Regards

Pls I will also appreciate it please if you could ensure it doesnt hit front page for now if at all it gets near it. PLEASE I PLEAD WITH YOU

@helen4 it is in the option because it has to be total repentance I am just trying to take 1 at a time.

wolewill: I raised the issue of general medical check up with my wife. She insisted she cant step into any hospital right now with the ebola case same with my friend. So is being difficult getting them to go to hospital.

if she finds out at the hospital, it might be a disaster. i will advice against it.

Very unfortunate, the deed has already been done before you realise how mean, unfaithful and selfish you are.
Now, first of all, forgive yourself, so that you can save yourself from further destruction of mind, soul and body.
Then, confess to your wife, she may or may not forgive you, (that is irrelevant now) but atleast confessing to her will give you the inner peace you need.
Thirdly, confess to the other woman and let her also be aware that you have confessed to your wife also.
Next, get tested with your wife and children, infact, involve your kids too, go for comprehensive medical check-up with your household, if your wife refuses to go to hospital, pay for home service and get tested thoroughly.
I wish some other men and even unfaithful women will learn from your story.
It is well.

for every action, there is a reaction. To every action, there's a consequence and op, I'm very sorry to say that you have to face the consequences of your own doing. A man that has no control over is third leg is a disaster waiting to happen and now you have happened all cuz u can't control your intimate urges. All I can say is may God help you and thanks for sharing your story and I hop other men jumping from one lady to the other will take notes.

Don't know the aim of this thread.

@cococandy thanks. I appreciate.

OP,

You wanted to act like a "MAN" by the decisions you took. Now you have been provided with an opportunity to act like a REAL MAN by taking full responsibility for your actions and being accountable for them as well.

Tell the other parties what is happening. The s.hit has already hit the fan and how you clean up the mess it caused in your living room is what is important now and will determine whether you are a REAL MAN or NOT.

moca: Herpes is more dangerous than HIV.
My opinion.

Most mad people we see everywhere are d by products of herpes.
Once it gets to d tertiary stage, na straight colomentality.

herpes or syphilis?

Your innocent wife, SMH.