I got married to my husband several years ago, we are blessed with two girls, after 8years of our marriage my husband and his family called a meeting which the outcome was just to tell me of a boy my husband had when he was in secondary school, though he denied the boy then but now he has grown and look exactly like him...the issue now is that whenever I wanted to give birth to a boy, it always lead to miscarriage or born him dead...hmmm we had nothing when we got married, infact we married in a room, now we have more than four houses and cars, in which all my salaries and efforts are contributed but ...my kids are all girls and all our properties are written in my husband's name, pls I don't know what to do.....

What exactly is the problem? Keep trying to have more kids if you want more, but I dont think having a particular sex is a do or die affair. Encourage your husband to accept his son and care for him, if you were in the boy's shoes, would you be happy if your father abandoned you? Why are your properties not in your names instead of just your husband? Are you afraid his son might get your properties IF anything happens to your husband? Please discuss this with him. And dont make your girls grow up with thoughts of being inferior becos you guys are looking for boys, they hear and understand whatz going on. You need to be able to tell your husband what is bothering you. Talk about the future of your kids and the possibility of you not having male children, always make sure you are involved in any family decision, sometimes dont just sit back and let his family decide how you live your life, you can air your views in a quiet and peaceful manner or forever hold your peace.

victovrry: I got married to my husband several years ago, we are blessed with two girls, after 8years of our marriage my husband and his family called a meeting which the outcome was just to tell me of a boy my husband had when he was in secondary school, though he denied the boy then but now he has grown and look exactly like him...the issue now is that whenever I wanted to give birth to a boy, it always lead to miscarriage or born him dead...hmmm we had nothing when we got married, infact we married in a room, now we have more than four houses and cars, in which all my salaries and efforts are contributed but ...my kids are all girls and all our properties are written in my husband's name, pls I don't know what to do.....

What is your problem?

The fact that he has a son?
The fact that he has not told you about him?
Or are you afraid the boy may get what you worked for?

carefreewannabe:

What is your problem?

The fact that he has a son?
The fact that he has not told you about him?
Or are you afraid the boy may get what you worked for?

I think her problem is that she feels her and her girls futures are threatened by the "new" entrant into the scene. I think she also feels betrayed that her husband kept that very vital piece of information from her and would probably have continued to do so, if not for his family insisting that she knows what's on ground.

I think, she also feels betrayed by this new development and that the man's weak response of denying the obvious hasn't made her feel any better, except feel acutely that she may very well be left out of pocket if anything happens to him - especially as she toiled with him from scratch and it's all in his name. She fears (and rightly so) that if anything happens to her husband, then by virtue of traditional laws, everything would go to the son, especially as he's the only boy, and, the eldest for that matter.

Madam, I don't know what you expect from us in terms of advice but the suggestion that you speak to your husband about your fears and concerns is a good one.

Secondly, you might want to consider asking him to prepare a will in case of any eventualities...BUT... knowing how your average Nigerian man thinks, and their aversion to wills, be prepared for your man to turn this against you and accuse you of being a witch, trying to plot his untimely death.

EfemenaXY:

I think her problem is that she feels her and her girls futures are threatened by the "new" entrant into the scene. I think she also feels betrayed that her husband kept that very vital piece of information from her and would probably have continued to do so, if not for his family insisting that she knows what's on ground.

I think, she also feels betrayed by this new development and that the man's weak response of denying the obvious hasn't made her feel any better, except feel acutely that she may very well be left out of pocket if anything happens to him - especially as she toiled with him from scratch and it's all in his name. She fears (and rightly so) that if anything happens to her husband, then by virtue of traditional laws, everything would go to the son, especially as he's the only boy, and, the eldest for that matter.

Madam, I don't know what you expect from us in terms of advice but the suggestion that you speak to your husband about your fears and concerns is a good one.

Secondly, you might want to consider asking him to prepare a will in case of any eventualities...BUT... knowing how your average Nigerian man thinks, and their aversion to wills, be prepared for your man to turn this against you and accuse you of being a witch, trying to plot his untimely death.

Thanks for your answer Efe.

I think, his son deserves to have a father if he wishes to. This was my first thought. This mess is not his fault.

And then again, women must learn NOT to leave everything in hubby's name.

okonjo n Dora r all women

nothing wrong in having only girls

as for d boy take him as a blessing and u will have urs

have u wondered while urs boys turn up dead? It cos ur husband rejected his first son.

For my area there is a similar story, 4 girls n no boy cos d man disvirgin one girl and got her pregnant wt promise of marriage. Later d man denied d girl n her son. D girl cursed d man saying no son will be born in his household. Till date d man n wife d fine boy.

As 4 ur property if u get another Dora, d property wil b multiplied. Take am easy wt ur husband

op,u nid 2 pray ur way out here coz i think ur husband was placed on a curse neva 2 have a male child since he denied d pregnancy in d first place. 4give ur man,accept d boy nd treat him lyk ur own,ask God 2 giv u a male child nd b wise. Try 2 save up 4 ur girls nd train them wel as d mind of man can b wicked, those girls myt end up being d only hope of d family 2moro. Pls b good nd put ur trust in God. Its wel.

It goes without saying that your major problem with this new situation is your fear of having the boy inherit all the properties should your husband meet his untimely demise.
This here is quite simple, have a talk with your husband regarding your fears...but do this with tact and wisdom because your intent can be misinterpreted in various forms.

Simply ask and require your husband to make plans in writing his will and testament, especially regarding properties that you both acquired...I wonder why all the properties are in his name though if your money formed a substantial part of the input

About your fears, I'm sorry to say but if that boy is really confirmed 'medically' through DNA testing to be his, then he is entitled to an inheritance...the only thing you can do now is to determine how much of it he gets.
I also advice you use both your names in any future acquisitions 'if' your money is involved.

Now having said all that, you worrying about being chanced or threatened about who inherits what right now says a lot about the kind of person you are...I know you trying to protect the future of your girls and yourself, but you should focus more on raising your girls to be strong independent women who won't need to fight over inheritance and at the same time, focus on yourself by making investments and wise choices from here on out that would leave you comfortable and content even if you end up not acquiring anything from your husband.

If you really a good, honest, and open-hearted woman, you should have no problem accepting this born-out-of-wedlock love-child into your home and treating him fairly.

all our properties are written in my husband's name

This is not good enough. What happens to Mr & Mrs XYZ?

I can't even acquire any property on my name alone.

carefreewannabe:



Thanks for your answer Efe.

I think, his son deserves to have a father if he wishes to. This was my first thought. This mess is not his fault.

And then again, women must learn NOT to leave everything in hubby's name.

Absolutely.

There is no question about that. And yes, I agree with you 100% that none of this is his fault. He didn't ask to be born. The only person at fault here is the man. On so many levels.

Let's just say he's succeeded in eating his cake and having it at the same time. There is a saying that before getting into marriage, you must have your eyes wide open. And once married, they should be half shut (or leave one eye open).

It really is a catch 22 situation for women. When they're advised to keep something at the side for "unforseen circumstances" such as this, we get a load of people of the school of thought that doing so means you don't trust your partner and it's wrong to enter marriage with trust issues...

EfemenaXY:

Absolutely.

There is no question about that. And yes, I agree with you 100% that none of this is his fault. He didn't ask to be born. The only person at fault here is the man. On so many levels.

I hope all parties involved think the same way and are able to act according to this conviction.

Let's just say he's succeeded in eating his cake and having it at the same time. There is a saying that before getting into marriage, you must have your eyes wide open. And once married, they should be half shut (or leave one eye open).

I think the saying is a good one. I like it a lot and I agree.

It really is a catch 22 situation for women. When they're advised to keep something at the side for "unforseen circumstances" such as this, we get a load of people of the school of thought that doing so means you don't trust your partner and it's wrong to enter marriage with trust issues...

It is not only about trust. It is about fairness and logic. Two people start a family and both work for it but only one partner is the legal owner of everything, how is it justifiable? I fail to understand.

Wait, wot is rung with ur husband, y can't he do a DNA test to make d situation clear.

carefreewannabe:
It is not only about trust. It is about fairness and logic. Two people start a family and both work for it but only one partner is the legal owner of everything, how is it justifiable? I fail to understand.

Having both husband and wife as legal owners of properties is only logical if both actually contributed financially in the acquisition of said propert(y/ies).

victovrry: I got married to my husband several years ago, we are blessed with two girls, after 8years of our marriage my husband and his family called a meeting which the outcome was just to tell me of a boy my husband had when he was in secondary school, though he denied the boy then but now he has grown and look exactly like him...the issue now is that whenever I wanted to give birth to a boy, it always lead to miscarriage or born him dead...hmmm we had nothing when we got married, infact we married in a room, now we have more than four houses and cars, in which all my salaries and efforts are contributed but ...my kids are all girls and all our properties are written in my husband's name, pls I don't know what to do.....

Somehow, the thing that bothers me most about your post is this
What would it cost to make sure ownership is joint? Especially when you say you were part financier

crackhaus:
Having both husband and wife as legal owners of properties is only logical if both actually contributed financially in the acquisition of said propert(y/ies).

I disagree but Nairaland has taught me that marital relationships differ so being married to someone does not necessarily mean you trust them.

MMotimo:

I disagree but Nairaland has taught me that marital relationships differ so being married to someone does not necessarily mean you trust them.

I don't get what you're trying to say yet, but the emboldened is true.

However, my response to her is the logical response. If wife did not contribute financially in the acquisition of a property, then it's in her husband's predilection to include (or not to include) her name on the receipt, deed, or document of purchase...it's entirely up to him, this is the logic.

crackhaus:
Having both husband and wife as legal owners of properties is only logical if both actually contributed financially in the acquisition of said propert(y/ies).

This is what I said.

carefreewannabe:

This is what I said.

Was it?

MMotimo:

I disagree but Nairaland has taught me that marital relationships differ so being married to someone does not necessarily mean you trust them.

LOL.. but Nairaland did not have to exist to tell you that marital relationships differ..?

crackhaus:
Was it?

Carefree:
Two people start a family and both work for it but only one partner is the legal owner of everything, how is it justifiable?

How can i contribute financially to something and my name will not be there?? i don't even buy the idea of Mr and Mrs Godmystrength(assuming that is my husband's name). My own is ''Mr Super and Mrs Admin Godmystrength (where Super is his name and Admin is my name) infact, if it is a MAJOR something we must put ''Nee Observe'' (Observe is my father's name). who knows, there could be some other Mrs Godmystrength hiding somewhere so i don't want any surprises. Even our TV sef na ''Mr Super and Mrs Admin Godmystrength dey there. @OP sorry for your plight but it is not too late to remedy it. Talk to your husband maybe he will listen and make corrections. If he doesn't then you may need to start making plans for your future by yourself from now....

carefreewannabe:

Colour me blind then cos I still don't see it

'They both work for the family' does not translate into 'They both worked and contributed in acquiring a property'.

The former statement is at best 'vague'.

crackhaus:
Having both husband and wife as legal owners of properties is only logical if both actually contributed financially in the acquisition of said propert(y/ies).

What of a situation where the finances of the home is shared and the woman is in charge of the feeding, paying bills, paying school fees (say the recurrent expenses) and the man's money is used to acquire the properties (more like capital expenses) will it be wrong to say that the woman has also contributed financially in the acquisition since she won't have anything to show for the money she has also invested except piece of papers(receipt of bills payment)

chiefinalowo:

This is not good enough. What happens to Mr XYZ & Mrs ABZ?

I can't even acquire any property on my name alone.

Fixed.

crackhaus:
Colour me blind then cos I still don't see it

'They both work for the family' does not translate into 'They both worked and contributed in acquiring a property'.

The former statement is at best 'vague'.

For me, it does. Unless the woman was lazy NOT doing ANYTHING, she worked and contributed in one way or another.

When a woman and a man work, they should both contribute to the payment of the properties. If the woman refuses to pay despite the fact that she earns money, the property is NOT hers but the poster said that she also contributed to the wealth the family enjoys now.


If a woman stays at home and takes care of the home, the husband and the children and THEREFORE misses the chance to make money, then she ALSO deserves to have an appropriate share of the property since someone had to stay at home and give up on his job.

asadike: op,u nid 2 pray ur way out here coz i think ur husband was placed on a curse neva 2 have a male child since he denied d pregnancy in d first place.

carefreewannabe:

For me, it does. Unless the woman was lazy NOT doing ANYTHING, she worked and contributed in one way or another.

When a woman and a man work, they should both contribute to the payment of the properties. If the woman refuses to pay despite the fact that she earns money, the property is NOT hers but the poster said that she also contributed to the wealth the family enjoys now.


If a woman stays at home and takes care of the home, the husband and the children and THEREFORE misses the chance to make money, then she ALSO deserves to have an appropriate share of the property since someone had to stay at home and give up on his job.

Yeah, now this is what you were really trying to say @emboldened bits and my response was fitting.
You almost made me doubt my sense of perception for a second there.

crackhaus:
Yeah, now this is what you were really trying to say @emboldened bits and my response was fitting.
You almost made me doubt my sense of perception for a second there.

Why did you omit the middle part?

Godmystrength: What of a situation where the finances of the home is shared and the woman is in charge of the feeding, paying bills, paying school fees (say the recurrent expenses) and the man's money is used to acquire the properties (more like capital expenses) will it be wrong to say that the woman has also contributed financially in the acquisition since she won't have anything to show for the money she has also invested except piece of papers(receipt of bills payment)

Hence I said that it's up to the man (based on the dynamics of the family and how a couple choose to run their home) in deciding whether or not to include her name.
It's something she would have discussed with him, not something he is expected to do...neither is it one he should be held accountable for if he doesn't do it.

May I ask though, what's your opinion on women who start and complete projects (e.g building) without the financial input of their husbands...would you support the inclusion of the husband's name on the documents of that property as well?

carefreewannabe:

Why did you omit the middle part?

Not sure what you're thinking..but I omitted that part because it's an opinion of yours and not connected to what we were trying to figure out in this <'Two people start a family and both work for it'> context.

blank:

Fixed.

blank, please what is the difference?
I think Mr & Mrs XYZ means the Husband, the Wife and the last name of the husband

crackhaus:
Hence I said that it's up to the man (based on the dynamics of the family and how the couples agreed to run their home) in deciding whether or not to include her name.
It's something she would have discussed with him, not something he is expected to do...neither is it one he should be held accountable for if he doesn't do it.

May I ask though, what's your opinion on women who start and complete projects (e.g building) without the financial input of their husbands...would you support the inclusion of the husband's name on the documents of that property as well?

If the sharing of the finances is by mutual agreement, then both names should be on whatever property is acquired. He shouldn't wait for his wife to tell him to include her name because they both worked for it. If he does otherwise, he is just selfish and wicked o. It won't be fair on me if my husband tells me to be in charge of paying the rents and children's school fees alone and also 100% feeding and recurrent bills so that he can concentrate on building a house only for him to put HIS name on the house so where does that leave me? if i know he will do that, i wont agree to the sharing. I will just suggest 50-50 for the recurrent expenses and 50-50 for the capital expenses else we will have to be doing our things separately.

A woman who leaves her husband alone to take care of the finances 100% while using all her own money to build a house she will now call her OWN is just wicked and selfish. If such man should build a house, the woman's name has no place in it.

If a man is using his own money for his selfish interests without any input to the family leaving only the woman to cater for the family and put a shelter over their head ALONE, then it is left for the woman whether to include his name or not. if she doesn't include it, i won't even blame her...