pickabeau1: Now you have posted the mainstream view that some females in the family section want to hear
You have gotten on with the program

5minsmadness

How far with zombie tales na

5minsmadness:

Choi!

I am not siding the man oh.

I'm simply hesitant in crucifying him on the cross until I hear both sides of the story.

Too many extrapolative arguments here, its like I'm back in my Architecture class.

I'm a firm believer in cause and effect.
That is, for something to happen, something else must have taken place.

If the man got angry enough to tell her not to pump water for two days it might be because he had been telling her over and over and over again and she refused to listen.

I honestly don't see how feasible that punishment would have been. If he lives in the same house will he use his urine to cook his meals or have his bath or drink when he is thirsty?
Will he sit down and let his children die of thirst?
Will he be able to stand the smell of the children or his wifw after the first day?
And which landlord made of flesh and blood will stop a paying tenant from pumping water for his/her own use? After I've paid my rent finish you deny me pumping water? Its not possible!

Also I feel the wife acted too hastily. She should have waited for the man to come home that night to the reality and consequence of no water in the house. Smelly wife, smelly kids, no food. He would have found an excuse to reverse his opinion because there's no way no water in the house won't inconvenience him as well.

OR.

Wife could have done what she did, pumped the water etc and simply say it was the tenant that pumped it. Easy. He can't go out and beat the tenant can he?

OR

Found another way to get water for herself and her kids. When the man comes back and sees water in the jerrycan and asks she can say she fetched it outside.

OR

Take her bath in the neighbors or a friends house like someone here suggested.

BUT NO.
as Oga was marching out of the compound she marched to her friends house and stubbornly collected the gen to pump water even as Oga had expressly told her NOT to do so.
She knew she was inviting trouble but she went ahead and did it to see if Oga will do anything.

Now Oga has played his last card and we are screaming 'demon'.

Let me make it clear that I pity the woman.
No woman should be treated like that.
But she knows the kind of man she married.
She could have easily avoided the situation but she didn't .

Stubborn.

Stubborn women can turn men who were kind enough to finance their education in the past into demons.
It doesn't just spontaneously happen.

If you still don't get what I'm trying to say then its OK. Ignore this post and read the next one instead.

5minsmadness:
My brother
Those writers in lit section are trying aswear
Don't know how they do it.
Will update as soon as I can

Mynd44: I find it more disturbing that the woman wants to beg him.....

cococandy: @5minmadness, I read your seemingly 'extrapolative' post and all I got is that you think a woman should be dictated to.
Sorry that's all it says.

I don't care if the man is a demon or whatever.
Neither do I care if the wife is stubborn or a hot head.
I'm not interested in name calling.
(I'm sure both have their own issues)

But there's something lacking in this marriage and it is respect.
However one tries to look at it.
There's no respect.

Your post encourages the wife to tip toe around her own home (but of course it's never a woman's home. Is it? It's the man's and she's a tenant that can be chased out at any time).

Anyway to my point. It doesn't matter if she tries any of those skirmishes or side steps you think is the solution,he'll find something else to 'punish' her for.
Your cause and effect phrase doesn't hold water here. Is there ever any reason that will make you agree that a woman has cause to punish her husband?
Of course not. Why should there be? Aren't wives glorified slaves 'under the man's roof' 'in the man's house' or whatever other phrase that suits yous tastes

For peace to reign,she has to obey the oga.
So where does it stop?
Where does one a draw a line?

Today it's 'don't bath'
Say she finds a way to get around it by obeying or going out to bath(I can't even get my head around this suggestion )
Or lying that their neighbor pumped the water etc etc

Tomorrow it will be 'don't cook' (maybe because he thinks she's spending too much on groceries)
What then?
She'll beg for food or eat at their neighbors with the kids or go to a restuarant,eat and come back to pretend that she hasn't eaten?
Just so that she won't go against oga's command.

When you guys say some of the things you do,do you even pause to think that women are human beings and have feelings,pride and self worth?

The other day it was wife must greet first
Another day it's another silly thing
Today wife must obey no matter how xtupid the command is


How do y'all define marriage?

It is EXTREMELY ANNOYING!!!
Thank you

bukatyne:

You must have missed the memo

5minsmadness: What ??
How can a normal person drive his wife out just like that!
Some men are not fit to be husbands
Nonsense
Does he think his wife is a slave? What an ignoramus!
The woman should leave the smelly bastard and file for divorce and make sure she collects her children!

There. Happy? Good. Over and out.

cococandy: @5minmadness, I read your seemingly 'extrapolative' post and all I got is that you think a woman should be dictated to.
Sorry that's all it says.

I don't care if the man is a demon or whatever.
Neither do I care if the wife is stubborn or a hot head.
I'm not interested in name calling.
(I'm sure both have their own issues)

But there's something lacking in this marriage and it is respect.
However one tries to look at it.
There's no respect.

Your post encourages the wife to tip toe around her own home (but of course it's never a woman's home. Is it? It's the man's and she's a tenant that can be chased out at any time).

Anyway to my point. It doesn't matter if she tries any of those skirmishes or side steps you think is the solution,he'll find something else to 'punish' her for.
Your cause and effect phrase doesn't hold water here.

Is there ever any reason that will make you agree that a woman has cause to punish her husband?
Of course not. Why should there be? Aren't wives glorified slaves 'under the man's roof' 'in the man's house' or whatever other phrase that suits yous tastes

For peace to reign,she has to obey the oga.
So where does it stop?
Where does one a draw a line?

Today it's 'don't bath'
Say she finds a way to get around it by obeying or going out to bath(I can't even get my head around this suggestion )
Or lying that their neighbor pumped the water etc etc

Tomorrow it will be 'don't cook' (maybe because he thinks she's spending too much on groceries)
What then?
She'll beg for food or eat at their neighbors with the kids or go to a restuarant,eat and come back to pretend that she hasn't eaten?
Just so that she won't go against oga's command.

When you guys say some of the things you do,do you even pause to think that women are human beings and have feelings,pride and self worth?

The other day it was wife must greet first
Another day it's another silly thing
Today wife must obey no matter how xtupid the command is


How do y'all define marriage?

It is EXTREMELY ANNOYING!!!
Thank you

Godmystrength: this is not you...

SAMBARRY: This is a new month with new style so therefore

5minsmadness:
Really? That's all you got from that exceedingly long post? Pity. I really put effort into typing it. Oh well.


Thanks. Nothing as refreshing as a balanced view.



But you have to earn the respect. Isn't that what you ladies always tell us men?


My post encourages the woman to live at peace with her husband. If she no get power make she no go fight.
The bracketed sentence is your reasoning, not mine.


Yes it does. Why would a man who carried a woman to the altar, financed her education(things insecure men won't do for fear their wives will become 'too wise'), and had 4kids with her suddenly want to get her out of the house. So.etching must have turned the rosy marriage into a bed of thorns. What was it? If we find the problem can't we find the solution?

Lol! Who still thinks like this? Have you been living in the dark ages? Which sane man in this day and age thinks this way? I think you have been reading too much of Chimamanda's books.



If that's what it takes for peace to reign at that moment then yes she should do it. Two people stamping their feet on the ground and screaming at the top of their lungs has never solved anything. One person has to be the mature one and back down once in a while else the situation escalates.


If Oga is increasingly finding fault with madam then there is an underlying problem. Why not find out what the problem is in a calm manner and seeing if it can be solved?



How do you define marriage? Do you feel that marriage is a trap when men are lords and masters and women are slaves? If you do then anything the man does will annoy you, any move the man makes will be scuntinised by you to see if he is trampling on your rights or not.

That is no way to live. That is no way to be happy.

There's a thread going on now about whether a lady can call her man Sir or Daddy. There are going to be dissenting views.I have ignored it so far not because i care either way but because I know its going to be another gender war there. Ladies are going to be screaming that the man is not their King so why should they call him daddy?

Well, why did you marry him then? If you cannot see him as your king how do you expect him to treat you like his queen?

Of course men see women as human beings. You ladies should see men as human beings too. We have feelings, pride and self-worth too. And if you trample on that, well...retaliation is inevitable.

If you both love each other none of this fighting for respect or rights will occur in the first place.

cococandy: @5minmadness, I read your seemingly 'extrapolative' post and all I got is that you think a woman should be dictated to.
Sorry that's all it says.

I don't care if the man is a demon or whatever.
Neither do I care if the wife is stubborn or a hot head.
I'm not interested in name calling.
(I'm sure both have their own issues)

But there's something lacking in this marriage and it is respect.
However one tries to look at it.
There's no respect.

Your post encourages the wife to tip toe around her own home (but of course it's never a woman's home. Is it? It's the man's and she's a tenant that can be chased out at any time).

Anyway to my point. It doesn't matter if she tries any of those skirmishes or side steps you think is the solution,he'll find something else to 'punish' her for.
Your cause and effect phrase doesn't hold water here. Is there ever any reason that will make you agree that a woman has cause to punish her husband?
Of course not. Why should there be? Aren't wives glorified slaves 'under the man's roof' 'in the man's house' or whatever other phrase that suits yous tastes

For peace to reign,she has to obey the oga.
So where does it stop?
Where does one a draw a line?

Today it's 'don't bath'
Say she finds a way to get around it by obeying or going out to bath(I can't even get my head around this suggestion )
Or lying that their neighbor pumped the water etc etc

Tomorrow it will be 'don't cook' (maybe because he thinks she's spending too much on groceries)
What then?
She'll beg for food or eat at their neighbors with the kids or go to a restuarant,eat and come back to pretend that she hasn't eaten?
Just so that she won't go against oga's command.

When you guys say some of the things you do,do you even pause to think that women are human beings and have feelings,pride and self worth?

The other day it was wife must greet first
Another day it's another silly thing
Today wife must obey no matter how xtupid the command is


How do y'all define marriage?

It is EXTREMELY ANNOYING!!!
Thank you

baralatie:
do you think that women have no fault in marriage!

cococandy: Far from it.

baralatie:
then do you believe that marriage is a "programme that will only print out result based on input from both the husband or wife"
I.e.good input=good results

bad input=bad results

cococandy: Thank you. Exactly.

As long as both see themselves as working together and that each person is equally important as the other.

With such understanding,how will one person treat the other like a child and expect them to be ok with it.
I mean they both married adults right?

That's my whole point in case you didn't get it the first time.
None of them is perfect. If they understand that,they'll be more tolerant and kinder to each other and their weaknesses.

There's no where one person gets off to treating the other like a child or worse still like a slave.

sarutobie: @5minmadness, you and Aisha so far are the only objective and logical posters here..everything is not in black and white, I have had experiences and judged one party guilty only to get the other side of the story and was shell shocked! Isnt it ironic that your post have been devoid of rude and insultive comments but other posters have replied you with less decorum? One can never be a good judge of any situation (not to talk of marital issues) with sentiments and stereotyped reasoning. I find it unbelievable for a man to send away his wife of four kids because of water, it just doesn't stick.whatever it is (apart from infidelity) the man has to sheath his anger/pride and resolve his issues with his wife, his kids are watching and learning.

freecocoa: Just imagine, someone keeps saying the man didn't intend to go through with the threat, who makes such a threat in the first place? What kind of a man says 'no bathing' to his WIFE because he's mad at her?

I mean, how shallow is such a man? How uneducated? How power drunk? You don't even say such to a maid let alone your wife? I don't Fecking care what the woman did but only an overly immature prick would say something as stupid as the above quote.

3cycle:
Nawa
The Thing pain you pass the wife
Such can only be found in marriages between an Illiterate and His educated wife

3cycle:
A mother usually puts her children into consideration before herself. Sad