My head was throbbing profusely with pains. It was as if the weight of the sinful world was placed on my head. I felt a heavy hand wrapped around my weak body as I struggled to get up from the bed. I still could make out where I was or how I got there as the pains in my head made it difficult for my brain to recollect the event of the previous night. I carried myself up sluggishly and snuggled my naked body away from the grip of whomever it was that was lying beside me. The dark room offered no solace to my throbbing head as each second in the strange room without inkling as to how I got there, made me increasingly impatient and worried.

As I switched on the light, the sudden bright illumination and the fat lady splattered on the bed with her sagging flesh sent me into a confused reverie. Oh my God, I exclaimed helplessly, as I gradually began to recall the events of the previous night. We went out to celebrate Chike’s birthday in a bar downtown and later agreed to take the party to a club on the suggestion of Chike’s girlfriend. But that was all I can remember! What must have transpired in the club and how I ended up in a hotel room with a beer-bellied fat lady were questions my hazy mind could not find answers to. One thing was sure though, I must have consumed too much alcohol. I’ve always had a terrible experience with drinking ‘spirit’ and that night, the taste of Hennessey mixed with fayrouz made me drink more than my weak head could carry. I hated myself for yet again getting drunk and engaging in something my pious mind had always abhorred. I could only imagine what worse things I might have done and the mess I would have made of myself last night in the presence of my friends and strangers. I silently prayed that I won’t be confronted with shameful tales of my drunken theatrics by my friends as the pains in my head and the ugly bitch on the bed were enough punishments for my misdemeanor.

I looked around the disheveled room searching for my phone; I needed to hear from my friends what kind of movie I must have acted. I found the phone in the far side of the room beside the trash can under my boxers. As I bent over to pick it, I felt a sudden rush of sensation down my nose and a salty taste in my palates; I knew what will follow next so I rushed into the bathroom where the foul vomit of the previous night was still splattered on the floor. I opened my mouth and spewed out all that remained in my stomach until I was sure my intestines will burst out if I didn’t stop. Too tired to lift my body or to raise my head which was now aching me as if it has been possessed by seven demons, I lay on my vomit as my imagination conjured terrible images of things I might have done last night. Things I prayed never to be true. I was jerked back to reality by the angry ring tone of my mobile phone which seemed to taunt me for my stupidity. I picked up the phone and answered the call. Where you dey? The person on the other line barked into my ears, GLY 201 exam is about to start. Don’t tell me you are still reading somewhere by this time. I sprung up to my feet in panic, the terrible pain in my head made my head swoon; it was as if the whole world was doing a 360 degrees marathon.

I hurriedly washed my face and dashed out to get my cloths. As I was struggling to put on my cloths reeking with alcohol smell, the lady on the bed woke up. You be lion oh! She crooned with a shy smile on her face, her smile made me nearly throw up again. You go pay me double oh, she said as she stood up from the bed and wrapped her hands around my waist. I reached for my pocket to see if I could find any money, only to find wraps of gold circle condom. Asa’s song, ‘there is fire on the mountain’ started playing in my aching head. She removed her hands from my waist and reached for my neck in readiness for a combat.

As I was about throwing up on her body, I felt some some saliva on my on my beards. Offor why are you sleeping on a Monday afternoon, my Madam queried as I gave her a confused look now fully awake and aware that I've been dreaming all along. Thank God was all I could mutter as my Madam said something about query on her way out.

Written by Honest Offor. Follow me on twitter @honest4change

Nice one. So what happened next?

Lolz. Plz come n update oh

Honest, u and Ȋ̝̊̅ know say this story never finish, abeg come update am