Hello, I don't know how alive this forum still is (I've read some pretty old threads on here) but I need help assessing my situation.

First, the background story. I started dating this yoruba guy due to the fact that he didn't act or look nigerian. Sorry but I have a strong love for black American men despite some of their flaws. So the idea of me dating outside of my community has never crossed my mind. We knew each other for several months but lost contact. I end up seeing him again several months later. Our casual relationship soon became friendlier and then turn physical due to us constantly seeing each other at work. However, I was upset with myself for several reasons and decided it was going to be nothing more than that one night. It didn't work that way. A week after our first night he insisted that we move our relationship to the next level. I blindly agree to being his girlfriend and stupidly became attach to his hip for a whole month. (I like to move very slow in relationships) We literally were around each other almost 24 hours of the day. He literally would feed me his nigerian food since I didn't know how to eat it. After work I would come to his house and sleep. I would only leave to take a shower, get ready for work and it would repeat itself. I found another job and quit the one I was at with him. Which I was happy about because I just needed my own personal space sometimes. Anyway the relationship started to become less than what it was. He would barely text or see me. We even had a big blow out after I found out about his girlfriend in Nigeria. However his friends encouraged us to get back together, so we did. Nothing really changed when we got back together. Come to find out he didn't even want to have a committed relationship with me. But if that was the case he should have never asked me to be his girlfriend. Ugh. After a while I had enough and broke up with him. (this isn't the first time tho. The first time I tried to break up with him he cried then told me he needed space....ugh)Then I slept with someone else from my past who I still loved. He text me to come over late at night despite the fact that I broke up with him. I did and finally I laid the cake on him. I told him that I had slept with someone else, he looked at me and told me he hated me lol. We still were physical that night. I left a couple of hours afterwards and went home to sleep. The next day I get a text from him saying how we should go our seperate ways and that he was not married to me yet and I shouldn't have went to another man because we were having problems and how I betrayed his trust. (I guess he forget he told me he wasn't ready for commitment and the fact that I broke up with him). I called him, we talked and then I asked him if he wanted solace. He said yes so I was going to give him a month of no contact. After two weeks he contacts me over some silly rumor about me at his job. I explained it to him. He told me he believed me and dismissed it. Afterwards, I came to visit him at his home and we started were we left off without the titles. He has even acknowledge that the emotional ties are still there even though I stopped telling him I love him. After a month, he confesses to being engaged to his girl back in Nigeria. I cried and stop talking to him. He started contacting me more and finally I caved in and saw him. It hasn't even been a month yet since he told me and now he's driving some yoruba girl to work with him even tho she has a car. I'm fed up with it now and want to leave him a cruel message and disappear from his life but something is holding me back.

I know I've been a fool but could you help me out please? I'd like all the honest advice I can get on what to do in this situation. Should I just leave him alone without a word and never contact him even if contacts me? Should I tell I'm done? Or should I stay? Is he playing me and just keeping me around for sex? Let me know what you think. Thanks for your time.

Well,you both got together as friends and became intimate.My assessment of your relationship is what is called 'friends with benefits'.The intimacy is what keeps both of you together.If a committed relationship is what you want,then you won't get it here.
Move on with your life and you don't have to keep contacts with him,except you still want the intimacy.

thorpido: Well,you both got together as friends and became intimate.My assessment of your relationship is what is called 'friends with benefits'.The intimacy is what keeps both of you together.If a committed relationship is what you want,then you won't get it here.
Move on with your life and you don't have to keep contacts with him,except you still want the intimacy.

You said nothing more than the truth.

Post too long. lasta la vista Americana.

So you slept with two guys in less than 24 hrs? Dude!

Sex is the only thing that drive this relationship and that guy is only playing with your emotion. If you know you body cant resist him quit without contacting him.

dem dey blow like fowl, AA's?

Khalessi: So you slept with two guys in less than 24 hrs? Dude!

You have been catfished. Simple.

You don't need to understand Nigerian men and there is no such thing as "Nigerian" looks. You met a trifling and dirty man who treated you how you treat yourself.

You teach people how to treat you. You said you move slow in relationships....so sex is excluded huh?

Hey...you are a grown woman and you do you but I call it like it is.

Don't lower yourself for a piece of meat.

Just forget the guy, there is nothing left for you with him other than friends with benefit s3x.

Khalessi: So you slept with two guys in less than 24 hrs? Dude!

Holier than thou... Your comment was just to judge and not even to address what she is going through. keep it up

sweettease: Just forget the guy, there is nothing left for you with him other than friends with benefit s3x.






Holier than thou... Your comment was just to judge and not even to address what she is going through. keep it up

don't mind her. She is all-over nairaland being a critic.

It's possible there are other reasons that could possibly explain your attraction towards him n vice versa , but all I see (from ur post) is the 'sexual attraction' only. Eliminate the 'sex' (3-6 months) and see how it goes .
BTW: If he's engaged, what would happen to his fiancee even If you continue with him? Iron all these out btw the 3-6 months sex probation period! Good luck!

Thanks for all your advice guys. Some of it was hard truth to swallow but you're definitely right MrsChima.
And yeah, I usually don't sex with a man until 3 or 4 months into our relationship.

GreenBobo: It's possible there are other reasons that could possibly explain your attraction towards him n vice versa , but all I see (from ur post) is the 'sexual attraction' only. Eliminate the 'sex' (3-6 months) and see how it goes .
BTW: If he's engaged, what would happen to his fiancee even If you continue with him? Iron all these out btw the 3-6 months sex probation period! Good luck!

So true about his fiancée. The probation period seems smart but I don't have the patience. I'm just going to end contact with him.

caramelflava:
So true about his fiancée. The probation period seems smart but I don't have the patience. I'm just going to end contact with him.

Seems your mind's made up! But give him the benefit of a "talk" . Let him know ua done with him..... then you disappear like you've hinted! If you truly felt anything for him in the first place, then I believe he deserves a "talk!" Shalom!!!

Emmmmm

He is just not that into you.

Sorry. Its a guy thing. Some men will lie just to get the cookie. as in lie the kind of lie that makes the devil look like a learner. Also there is nothing to talk about...just move on

Am sorry you went through this. Please take time to heal yourself and move on. You have the rest of your life to live and enjoy.

caramelflava: Hello, I don't know how alive this forum still is (I've read some pretty old threads on here) but I need help assessing my situation.

First, the background story. I started dating this yoruba guy due to the fact that he didn't act or look nigerian. Sorry but I have a strong love for black American men despite some of their flaws. So the idea of me dating outside of my community has never crossed my mind. We knew each other for several months but lost contact. I end up seeing him again several months later. Our casual relationship soon became friendlier and then turn physical due to us constantly seeing each other at work. However, I was upset with myself for several reasons and decided it was going to be nothing more than that one night. It didn't work that way. A week after our first night he insisted that we move our relationship to the next level. I blindly agree to being his girlfriend and stupidly became attach to his hip for a whole month. (I like to move very slow in relationships) We literally were around each other almost 24 hours of the day. He literally would feed me his nigerian food since I didn't know how to eat it. After work I would come to his house and sleep. I would only leave to take a shower, get ready for work and it would repeat itself. I found another job and quit the one I was at with him. Which I was happy about because I just needed my own personal space sometimes. Anyway the relationship started to become less than what it was. He would barely text or see me. We even had a big blow out after I found out about his girlfriend in Nigeria. However his friends encouraged us to get back together, so we did. Nothing really changed when we got back together. Come to find out he didn't even want to have a committed relationship with me. But if that was the case he should have never asked me to be his girlfriend. Ugh. After a while I had enough and broke up with him. (this isn't the first time tho. The first time I tried to break up with him he cried then told me he needed space....ugh)Then I slept with someone else from my past who I still loved. He text me to come over late at night despite the fact that I broke up with him. I did and finally I laid the cake on him. I told him that I had slept with someone else, he looked at me and told me he hated me lol. We still were physical that night. I left a couple of hours afterwards and went home to sleep. The next day I get a text from him saying how we should go our seperate ways and that he was not married to me yet and I shouldn't have went to another man because we were having problems and how I betrayed his trust. (I guess he forget he told me he wasn't ready for commitment and the fact that I broke up with him). I called him, we talked and then I asked him if he wanted solace. He said yes so I was going to give him a month of no contact. After two weeks he contacts me over some silly rumor about me at his job. I explained it to him. He told me he believed me and dismissed it. Afterwards, I came to visit him at his home and we started were we left off without the titles. He has even acknowledge that the emotional ties are still there even though I stopped telling him I love him. After a month, he confesses to being engaged to his girl back in Nigeria. I cried and stop talking to him. He started contacting me more and finally I caved in and saw him. It hasn't even been a month yet since he told me and now he's driving some yoruba girl to work with him even tho she has a car. I'm fed up with it now and want to leave him a cruel message and disappear from his life but something is holding me back.

I know I've been a fool but could you help me out please? I'd like all the honest advice I can get on what to do in this situation. Should I just leave him alone without a word and never contact him even if contacts me? Should I tell I'm done? Or should I stay? Is he playing me and just keeping me around for sex? Let me know what you think. Thanks for your time.

want the truth.... He feels he can push ur buttons and manipulate u... Forget about him completely... staying in touch with him, he's gonna keep trying even after he gets married to this other lady... let him go... He ain't worth the stress... All he wants is a side chic...

sweettease: Just forget the guy, there is nothing left for you with him other than friends with benefit s3x.






Holier than thou... Your comment was just to judge and not even to address what she is going through. keep it up

Learn the difference between asking a question and judging before you show your ignorance to a larger audience. #peace.

Khalessi:
Learn the difference between asking a question and judging before you show your ignorance to a larger audience. #peace.

Really? What were you implying at

Khalessi: So you slept with two guys in less than 24 hrs? Dude!

That it was good? or that it was bad?
Now you are claiming it was just a question when the sarcasm is pretty obvious... So cliché

sweettease:
Really? What were you implying at


That it was good? or that it was bad?
Now you are claiming it was just a question when the sarcasm is pretty obvious... So cliché

Dude?! And you know I was being sarcastic because your like what? An all knowing geek or just a poke noser? I write what I choose cos I owe you or no busy body an explanation. So I wait for my question to be answered by the person which it was meant for.

Khalessi: I write what I choose cos I owe you or no busy body an explanation. So I wait for my question to be answered by the person which it was meant for.

So why do I owe you an explanation, busy body? Why would I even be descriptive about that? I didn't come here to talk about my sex life.

Just make your assumption because it seems like you already have.

I really don't think this guy is worth it,he could be using you whenever he feels like. Cut off from him asap.