Ok Ladies ehhn and gentlemen. I just want to ask you what it means for a young man to have potential. Most men are not Dangote when they get married but our young ladies all want to marry a guy with "potential" even if he isnt Dangote yet. So what does "potential" mean? I asked because of a recent incident.

I bumped into one of my close family friends recently and it was sooo good to see him after four years. The last time I saw him was at his introduction/engagement ceremony and he seemed very happy with his soon to be wife. That was 2009 - I was holidaying in Lagos. So seeing him four years later, I asked after madam and he said he wasn't married. I look shocked and asked him what happened to his marriage only for him to say he was never married. So I asked after the babe we met then and he now started telling me the long story.

They did the introduction and all seemed well, but the girl kept on saying he was not motivated or driven enough and she had doubts about their future financially. At that time he didnt have a good job but he was hoping something better will come up soon. Eventually the girl left him later that year and he was devastated. When I heard that I was sooo mad that the first thing that I said was

"these useless 9ja girls, I hope she is somewhere still very single and regretting her actions".

He then replies, that she is married now, and she even has a child sef. Somehow, the thing just pained me even more. Because this is a very nice young man that I know that wouldnt cheat or beat his wife. Easy going, handsome, God fearing gentleman, so why would a young lady leave him for such a flimsy excuse other than greed or being a gold-digger. I just encouraged him generally and told him, he will get a better babe.

But after sometime, I just reflected on the whole incident. The guy was 30 in 2009 and he didnt have a good job. Now, he is 35 and still struggling. Not much progress. Even though, he is a very nice guy, but I just started thinking to myself. Was the girl right after all? Did she see something I wasn't seeing? Is he truly motivated or was this girl another 9ja gold-digging babe. Because after five years, it seemed my guy still hadn't made much progress and at 35, shouldn't a guy be on his feet?

So I ask you ladies, those that are not gold-diggers; what is expected of a potential marriage partner. What does it mean to have potential. Your thoughts are very welcome. Guys please contribute as well.

a man that Knows WHERE and WAHT HE Wans to do... but thats not enough if you are not ready to take a step...

A guy that doesn't talk about his plans for the future
A guy that over-talks about his plan for the future, unrealistic plans
A guy that talks and you see action

alutacontinua: A guy that doesn't talk about his plans for the future
A guy that over-talks about his plan for the future, unrealistic plans
A guy that talks and you see action

So it is all about action. Action; as in you are seeing results (money) or action; as in he's making an effort (which may not translate into money)

When a man lacks the necessary steam and drive for success, i will say he has no potential. These group of people usually hold on to bogus dreams that they make little or no effort to achieve.


In a situation that I have the potential and the man in question is not stiff in his ways + the fact that I love him, i doubt if his lack of potential will be a barrier.

A guy with potential is a guy who has earned a certificate or a skill and has started putting it to work.

However,potential is not really what ladies want but 'kinetic'.
They want you to have 'that' job and be earning from it or that skill and the returns are coming in.

A guy who smoke weed

beeevan: When a man lacks the necessary steam and drive for success, i will say he has no potential. These group of people usually hold on to bogus dreams that they make little or no effort to achieve.


In a situation that I have the potential and the man in question is not stiff in his ways + the fact that I love him, i doubt if his lack of potential will be a barrier.

But when he is making effort without much progress, he may be doing it wrong but at what point does a lady now say - I can't give this guy a chance with my life.

Bolded is very interesting to note.

thorpido:

A guy with potential is a guy who has earned a certificate or a skill and has started putting it to work.
However,potential is not really what ladies want but 'kinetic'.
They want you to have 'that' job and be earning from it or that skill and the returns are coming in.

The guy has a problem.



Methinks a guy with potential is a guy who has set his goals and is seriously working to achieve them. It can be seen by everybody that he is relentless. This guys rarely have time for distractors(aka girlfriends)

Tallesty1: The guy has a problem.

What is his problem?

Would you say the girl is greedy?

Nashville:

What is his problem?

Would you saw the girl is greedy?

What is the guy doing for a living now?

Tallesty1: What is the guy doing for a living now?

He is a Graduate from LASU. He works as a sales man for a small company - more like a one man firm. Don't know how much he earns, but must be less than 100k a month

Nashville:

So it is all about action. Action; as in you are seeing results (money) or action; as in he's making an effort (which may not translate into money)

action, as in he's making reasonable effort

Nashville:

But when he is making effort without much progress, he may be doing it wrong but at what point does a lady now say - I can't give this guy a chance with my life.

Bolded is very interesting to note.

When she can't see the future from where she is standing.

...sup' Nash,

I'm a big believer in men taking responsibility.

Nashville: The last time I saw him was at his introduction/engagement ceremony and he seemed very happy with his soon to be wife.

How did it get to "introduction" without him being sure she was committed?

Female hypergamy in full view. The old "just go with your heart", even if it means dumping him at the altar. Men should know themselves and who they want to wife. She was never really committed as such, just keeping her options open.

In fact, he was probably down the pecking order and someone higher up started to come through for her - if she didn't actually use him to ginger a/the senior boyfriend along .

The best revenge?. Get successful, get a better woman. He should be less bothered about losing her. If he doesn't step up, his chances of making a great match will increasingly diminish.

Sorry eh! Life is tough. No change, no time. Quit yourself like a man.


TV

Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

Potential varies from person to person I think as different people have different ideas of the kind of life they want to have.Some some might see 'American citizen' as potential if they have always dreamed of living abroad even if boda is a cab driver in america some might see 1st class degree as potential I just think it's kinda vague and she probably was not committed like TV said.Sebi we now live in modern times why can't she be the one with the 'potential' don't some women earn more than their husbands?

I just think defining 'potential' can be very vague as it will tend to vary from person to person depending on their outlook and priorities in life.

And no matter how it is denied some(before people bite me but I really think most )Naija gals with that typical naija mentality like to see 'glimpses' of that potential manifesting already.

The girl didnt see in him what she was looking for So she left. Human beings are selfish anyway so I wont blame anyone of them

He too should try and make it, then raise his own bar too very high so that any girl that doesnt have such potential would be dumped even after introduction.

Exactly!!!@ what cococandy said.

It all boils down to 'action' and not just talking alone. Ofcourse everybody wants to make it big and have nice things but what are you doing or what things are being put in place so that such dreams come true.

If the guy was doing everything possible(legally biko )to ensure that he achieves his dreams and wants and his girlfriend decides to leave him regardless,such a person is selfish and impatient and he his better off without such a lady.

But when a guy is very comfortable and doesn't try to improve even though his salary or income is barely enough, I won't blame any lady who decides to leave such a man. Some ladies are very ambitious and not afraid to go after what they want and having a boyfriend/partner who is well not motivated to improve in anyway is a disaster waiting to happen.

I believe, the potential MOST women harp on most times is unwise and may lead them astray.. Most see money as the end result of what potential is. Money is just a means of exchange, there are much more to potentials than money.


Although i can't choose what people believe in but i guess when a guy is making an effort which seems honest and likely to yield results(life is a gamble though) and he is financially responsible, has a picture of a laudable goal, willing to take risks and "soil his hands" to achieve this, understands family needs and is willing to work extra hard to provide these NEEDS then i would say that guy has "potential".

But ain't it obvious that a guy that is struggling to makes ends meet prefers buying the latest galaxy s5, latest colonge, gadgets, dreams of driving an x5 in a year's time and so many other things which can be termed liabilities without any commensurable income to back those things up is a potential wreck?

Getting rich or being COMFORTABLE is a combination of many things in which ability to "save the little" you have is a big factor. I would term any guy that shows these qualities as someone with POTENTIALs, It's the CHARACTER to make it not the CURRENT results.

Driven(Makes every effort to advance in his career/business.)
Fulfilled in his career/business( There is no need for a miserable partner)
Knows what he wants to do with whatever he makes of his career/business(As far as I'm concerned,you are a useless man if you are going to carrying babes, popping champagne and clubbing every weekend with all the money you make.)

Daz all for now.

@nashville Can you advice your family friend to channel his marketing skills into a side business since he's been a salesman for a no of years?

OP, Personal Experience.

Sometime ago, I started "seeing" one of my sister's old time classmate, an Architect from a Federal University, graduated with a good result and have a Master's degree, and with two year experience too. These were the sketchy details I knew about him before we started dating. So yes!, he has potentials.

Ok. Two months into the r/ship, I noticed this guy was broke, broke with the necessities of basic living. I started becoming worried. I lived in a city two hours from his, but he couldn't afford t-fare (not time) once in a week or two to come and see me. Calls nko?, na me dey call most times. Ok o. I was still on it.

Once, I went to his office see him, by the time I set out by 5pm back to my city, I drank a bottle of coke. Even the taxi fare to the park, he didn't give me. Hmmmmm. No need to say, I was "down". Another day, I went back to his residence to visit him on a Sunday o, I nearly fainted at what I saw. His room in the family house even had a leaky roof

The one that broke the Carmel's back, was the day he asked me to transfer some call credit to his phone. At this time, I had completely lost grip!

So am I a gold-digger? Am I impatient? I'm I unrealistic or simply unreasonable? I leave the answers to you.

As much as having potentials is good, if its not translated into financial ability(lack of better adjectives), there is no need to bring out a lady from her father's house to starve her.

A guy with a good head and who has a plan for his future. He needs not be a graduate but should at least be upright in whatever he is doing. He should be dependable and a man of his word.

A guy with potential is a guy that can make something out of nothing.

A guy that can add 1+1=3.

A guy who's takes the blames,and stop whining about one witch in his village that's after his destiny.

A guy who no matter how bad the situation is,he never let his guard down.

A guy who dreams big,and not always satisfied with his present condition,no matter how appealing it is.

A guy that never says die.

A guy who takes his stand,no matter what.

A guy who despite his background,he's a hustler.

Should I continue?

Potential is not the same as guarantee, it's merely resident possibility. And just about every man has it.

However, to the crux of the matter: I believe strongly in finding your feet before looking for love. In fact, I do not believe in looking for love at all. I consider love as something that happens in the course of life. I personally prefer to have an understanding what I want in my woman and just carry on with life until I see it. And when I see it, I go after it like the devil is at my heels, doesn't matter what I'm doing right then.

A man who is steadily building his life will likely meet women he would like to share the work with. My answer to that situation is this: if she stays knowing that this is hard work and she fights on anyway, she's earned every right in the book. If she goes, like the Book says, "if we have suffered with Him we shall also reign with Him", the converse is also true.

The thing that must be dealt with as the problem is not what might or can happen in the future (which is what all the talk of potential tends to be about) but what any given man has planned for himself and what he is doing about it. Some men have a goal that takes a hell of a lot of work to get to while others have one that doesn't take quite so much. Believe me, to become a professional (a doctor, engineer, lawyer etc) is a lot easier than to be, say, an entrepreneur. The former can become the latter and probably a bit more easily than it is for one to head directly into it. But the direct path is by far more tasking, more discouraging and more tortuous. So, if a woman wants to judge "potential", she should be looking at where the man is headed and how much it will cost to get there and decide whether she's up to it.

I have not taken into consideration the vagaries of life. Accidents do happen and the best-laid plans are ripped apart without regard to what career path or vision any given person runs with. These things cannot be helped. But what a man wants to accomplish with his life is wholly under his control. A man's choice of purpose and of means for achieving his purpose is his alone. A woman may rightly judge him by that. A woman may also judge a man by his refusal to be held down by ever-changing circumstances or by his resignation to the forces of life.

Again, I emphasize, a woman is right to judge a man's ability to lead her into the destiny she desires for herself. She can thus judge each suitor and decide the one that best suits her overall vision in life. But if a woman finds a man who has a clear, unconfused and sensible vision that he is pursuing and he is giving everything he's got to it and taking every help within reason that he can get and she is just afraid that it is delaying so much so that she abandons him, then she does not deserve to have any hardworking man commit to life with her at all. And any such man who loses her has lost nothing of value. But if she sticks and insists on working it out, pushing him even when he is exhausted and discouraged as life is often capable of rendering even the hardiest of men, she's a diamond and deserves every bit of investment that such a man can put into her.


About the man in the op, I have two things to say:

1. It does not speak very well of him that five years down the line into his thirties he is still stymied. I understand that life can oppose one so much that they lose the strength to keep fighting and sort of settle down into a lethargy waiting for some kind of handout or pick-me-up. And many times it is totally legitimate. Not everyone is born a self-starter, that is the way God made the world. We are not all the same. But a man who does his best with what he has is not a failure or an unsuccessful man. In this particular case, however, I could feel lethargy through the story, weariness where there should be defiance and self-reinvention. But I can only see through the OP's eyes so I can only limit the accuracy of my judgment to the accuracy of his sentiments.

2. A woman is a terrible asset to a man. In the Bible it is said that one will chase a thousand but two will chase ten thousand. The presence of a woman in a man's life can boost him in the most amazing ways. A man can take a lot of things and endure a lot of things as long as he can count on the woman he has chosen to trust with his life. Frequently, however, when that trust is betrayed, men can be totally wrecked. A man can lose all his strength and zeal to live when a woman loses her faith in him. It takes a man choosing to move on IN SPITE of her to get beyond stuff like that. So I consider that it is very possible that the departure of his lady love dealt a severe blow to his will to fight for his life and dreams.

To that I say that my brother should get a new fixation, something that he can make more important than his very life and fight for it.

a guy with potentials is one that doesnt tell women any of his plans and secrets.

There is no fixed explanation for this. What if an acceptable 'guy with potential' changes, loses focus and momentum? Or a dormant guy suddenly discovers his mojo? Different strokes for different folks

.

Mehn,to your story i wouldn't really blame the lady...a guy with potential it's just a guy who has a goal and tries all his best to achieve it..
_NOTE_:Guys please lets all stop waiting for white collar jobs,we happen to be in a country where the number of graduates,lets be frank is more than the available jobs...so we should try and get creative and just do something. We all just can't get a white collar job...just an advice

A guy with a vision.