I received a ping message inviting me for a birthday party.
That still voice kept telling me ''NaijaSingleGirl, don't go'' but I remained adamant.
The celebrant said she was going to send someone to come pick me up and take me back home when the evening party was over. This should be easy I thought.
First of all, I had thirty minutes to look for what to wear. It was 5:30pm and the birthday was meant to start by 6pm. No African time.
I eventually found a flare mini skirt but the waist was too large so I tied a scarf across it in place of a belt. Some minutes later, I was good to go.
A Keke Napep of all vehicles arrived with the celebrant brother. A keke is just a wheel barrow with a sitting area and it was painful watching all the swags I had disappear as I jumped in with my high heel sandals. I would have turned it down but I didn't want to come across as a conceited person. Maybe if I was in a relationship she would have sent a ferrari. Who knows?
Three minutes into the journey, a heavy rain began and the convertible looking keke napep was not spared. I arrived at the venue looking like a wet chicken. I was a total mess! The rain wiped out my makeup, the outline of my bra was showing and my skirt was dripping water.
I had to take off the scarf from my waist to wipe my face.
Then came the sympathies from the girls that arrived with Limos.
''Sorry o''. ''Eeyah'' ''let's ask the celebrant for a towel" ''Is your skirt oversized or what?''

Before I knew it, one of the girls handed me a camera and begged me to take them pictures. When I was done giving them 50 shots, none of them wanted to take shots with me. Who would anyway when I was looking like a drenched evil spirit.
I didn't know worse awaited me.
I stepped into the party room without realising there was a short staircase so I fell, ruining a heel from one pair of my sandals. One of the celebrant siblings rushed to pick me up promising she was going to give me a pair of bathroom slippers before I leave. How embarrassing could my day be?

I hurriedly limped to one corner and sat there going through MTN old messages in my phone. Anything to avoid everyone's eyes.
The party had a total of 38 guests inclusive of 36 females and two males. An all girls party? Eighteen girls to one guy? Obviously I was going to leave the party single again.
Oh well...
It was time for the opening prayer.
''You with the red mini skirt, lead us in prayer''
I turned only to realise the celebrant mother was talking to me. The celebrant mother? I thought this was meant to be an adult party for the 'not so old adults'
''In Jesus name, bless this day Lord'' was all I could stutter. If I had said more than that, I would have been weeping.
All I needed was a quiet time with Jesus so I could ask him why all of these was happening to me.
Immediately I was done with my sentence, they started sharing birthday rice. I've never been to such a brief party all my life!
Snap, Pray, Eat and Vamoose. Nice one I thought.
Everyone was served exception of me.
I had to feel my body if I mistakenly wore my invisible cloak.
At that point I started chewing on my invisible gum while other guests who were done with their food looked at me with pity.
''The girl with the short skirt has not eaten, give her food''
The celebrant mother told one of her girls with her Sango voice.
Everyone turned at me.
''I am not hungry'' I lied fighting back tears.
She didn't pay attention to me. A plate of rice was shoved into my hands. Seconds later, the two guys at the party were headed towards me. Among all the girls here, they found me attractive.
Hallelujah!
Something to compensate myself for, I thought.
The first thing one of them said was
''Hello NSG, are you born again? You think life is all about fried rice & mini skirt''
I almost choked on the rice.
Apparently, they were from the celebrant church & I was thinking they fancied me.
Both of them spent the next twenty five minutes preaching to me while I was swallowing my rice one grain after other. I blamed my short skirt for putting me through that.
Eventually, a mini altar-call was done for me there and everyone watched while I proclaimed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Personal Saviour.
After all said and done, I was handed a pair of bathroom slippers and whisked back into my keke napep.
Why always me?

Pele dear

I cant stop laughing tho.
Bhuhahahahahah

Nice one! I can only imagine!

i smell lies!

Rotfl
This is definitely exaggerated but I enjoyed it.

Nice fairy tale!

Well thats ur own cup of bread!

So hilarious!

You are full of humour.

Everytime I read your stories, I laugh like a foooool. I hear its good for the heart.
Keep it up

Hehehehehe. You are so funny!

banjicom: i smell lies!

Of cos it must be. An interesting one it is, anyway.

Interesting story.

LoL. Cmon guys, no lies. Hehe

Naijasinglegirl:
LoL. Cmon guys, no lies. Hehe

I love you NSG

LMAO

Naijasinglegirl:
LoL. Cmon guys, no lies. Hehe

very funny chic....when should we expect to see your face?

I read this novel in my

secondary school days,

interesting though.

Naijasinglegirl:

That still voice kept telling me ''NaijaSingleGirl, don't go'' but I remained adamant.

A keke is just a wheel barrow with a sitting area...

When I was done giving them 50 shots, none of them wanted to take shots with me. Who would anyway when I was looking like a drenched evil spirit.

I hurriedly limped to one corner and sat there going through MTN old messages in my phone.

''In Jesus name, bless this day Lord'' was all I could stutter. If I had said more than that, I would have been weeping.
All I needed was a quiet time with Jesus so I could ask him why all of these was happening to me.

The first thing one of them said was
''Hello NSG, are you born again? You think life is all about fried rice & mini skirt''
I almost choked on the rice.

Eventually, a mini altar-call was done for me there and everyone watched while I proclaimed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Personal Saviour.

After all said and done, I was handed a pair of bathroom slippers and whisked back into my keke napep.
Why always me?

I found these parts most hilarious.

Lol. Ndo pele

Oh my God,this is the most hilarious story I have ever read,my mum asking me what's wrong with me lwkmd

Very funny piece.

I remember being drenched while inside a Kekenapep some years ago, just after a job interview. I thanked God it didn't rain on me before the interview. Lol

Keep it up NGS. I admire your creativity.

the gal u too funny. hahahahaha , dis is how to promote ur blog. nt a few lines nd put link for us to continue

This gel wnt kill me wt lafta o

.

Lol....hilarious!

It's [size=20pt]LadyF[/size] again

My DAD died on my 24th birthday which is exactly 8th of October,2013,for that I wont celebrate my birthday ever again.
Naijasinglegirl I will come back and read your hilarious write up later.

C wat buhari has caused