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Domesticating Nigerian Men - Family - Nairaland

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Domesticating Nigerian Men by Chigszy(f): 2:33am On Mar 29, 2005
Why is it that men shy away from doing house work? I mean, even if it is helping out but not doing the entire housework themselves? Has it got to do with masculinity? Other than the fact that it had been like that for generations, I would like to hear your opinion on that.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by diakim(m): 1:03pm On Mar 30, 2005
Except for Chefs, men don't normally grow up doing house chores. In our own part of the world, men are brought up to do the hard work, while the female species takes care of the housework like cookings, watching, etc. A man sets his mind on greater objectives like the overall finance of the house, family growth, investments, etc. If he have somebody to help him take care of the low-levels works, he is fine and happy.

A man should assist in houseworks whenever the situation demands, otherwise he is judged to be selfish or uncaring. But no man enjoys doing houseworks. Personally speaking, I hate washing dirty plates or putting my hands in cold water to wash clothes. I tried to avoid them as much as possible.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Seun(m): 11:15pm On Mar 30, 2005
diakim:

Personally speaking, I hate washing dirty plates or putting my hands in cold water to wash clothes. I tried to avoid them as much as possible.

That is why I love time-saving gadgets like:[list]
[li]Microwave ovens.[/li]
[li]Dishwashers.[/li]
[li]Vacuum cleaners.[/li]
[li]Washing machines.[/li]
[/list]

I wonder why Nigerians don't use them more often. We are being penny wise and pound foolish if we don't realise the importance of these gadgets. People have been using dishwashers and washing machines since the 60s.

2 Likes

Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by diakim(m): 12:18pm On Mar 31, 2005
Seun,

Everybody likes good things. Nobody likes to suffer or pass long route when there is a shortcut. If everybody can afford it, they will have washing machines, vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, etc. But I know that in the near future, these gadgets will be as common as TVs in Nigerian homes, especially in the homes of the educated. I totally agree with you that these devices saves you times and needless stresses.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Seun(m): 3:25pm On Mar 31, 2005
Trust me, these things aren't as expensive as you might think. Since my family we moved into our current place of residence more than 10 years ago we have never had less than one refridgerator and one freezer at a time. Yet we did not get a Microwave Oven until someone gave it to us as a gift? Was it too expensive for us? No! It's just that these gadgets are not yet part of our culture. Microwave ovens and vacuum cleaners are quite cheap, and a washing machine or dishwasher isn't so expensive when compared to something like a refridgerator.

It's just not yet a part of our culture. Our ladies prefer to bend down to sweep and wash clothes like our forefathers. They haven't learnt the joys of warming food with a Microwave oven's timer and going your merry way with no fear of food getting burnt and no pot to wash! If I get married tommorrow and my wife insists on bending down to do everything she will just have to do it alone! grin

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Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by kodewrita(m): 6:29pm On Apr 01, 2005
Well, Seun, I agree with you on the wife thing, but let's also agree that some foods don't just taste well when passed through a food processor (pounded yam for instance, tastes like [I]amala[/I] when the machine is thru with it. That texture pounded-yam lovers want is just not there.

In most cases cost is a factor. I believe it's not a question of culture. Some people have not even heard of a microwave oven, not to talk of seeing one. And when they see one on TV, to them [I]its just another of those fantastic machines used by whitemen[/I].

In my home, we are still lobbying for the vacuum cleaner, dishwasher and washing machine since sweeping, plate-washing and laundry are still the top 3 chores (though, for me, car-washing is a bore and is still the chore I hate most angry)
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Ra(f): 12:51pm On Apr 02, 2005
I'm simply amazed, to say the least, at this topic and the response so far. Enh, enh, no kidding, so there's a different taste to pounded yam and the machine processed one shocked? THEN POUND THE YAM YOURSELF, my dear. I'll be too happy to tell you how different it tastes. Then again, is it just me or has any of these guys failed to intimate us of the heavier and more productive things guys are purportedly doing while we wash, rinse, clean, dust, take care of the children and yes, cook ?

It's slave trade all over again, if you ask me. I grudgingly subscribe to Seun's school however. These gadgets are not as expensive as we make them out to be. It's just the mentality. What is wrong with vacuuming my house rather than breaking my back sweeping the whole house when the kids will only unleash havoc in a couple of hours. Especially when I’m so allergic to dust! Having said that, it will help if guys bought these things for their wives seeing as they are the ones who allegedly do the 'financial running' of the house as someone said.

Stop kidding yourselves guys, to answer the original question, which Seun was amazingly man enough to truthfully do, you are all simply too lazy to be bothered and if your culture permits, which it undoubtedly does, such laziness, by all means fold yourself under its skirt. Imagine!! rolleyes

1 Like

Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Seun(m): 2:41pm On Apr 02, 2005
I like to be able set a big goal, achieve it, then revel in the achievement for a while before setting another goal. I don't like doing work which 'never gets done'. Have you heard the phrase "a woman's work is never done?" Poor women! tongue

But I refuse to agree that men are lazy! My mind is made up, so don't confuse me with the facts. tongue

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Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Ra(f): 5:39pm On Apr 02, 2005
seun:


But I refuse to agree that men are lazy! My mind is made up, so don't confuse me with the facts. tongue



Alright dear, we'll leave it at that but not before I point out that you've just buttressed my point. In that regard simply repeat after me and let's see if you can manage that much. Ready? Steady? Go: Men are lazy! Period!

But we love you anyways kiss (more fool us)
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by diakim(m): 12:25pm On Apr 05, 2005
seun:

Yet we did not get a Microwave Oven until someone gave it to us as a gift?  Was it too expensive for us?  No!  It's just that these gadgets are not yet part of our culture.  Microwave ovens and vacuum cleaners are quite cheap, and a washing machine or dishwasher isn't so expensive when compared to something like a refridgerator.

[I]It's just not yet a part of our culture[/I]. Our ladies prefer to bend down to sweep and wash clothes like our forefathers.  They haven't learnt the joys of warming food with a Microwave oven's timer and going your merry way with no fear of food getting burnt and no pot to wash!

Seun, I agree with you. It is just not yet part of our culture. Any man that can afford a refrigerator or a 21-inch colour television should abe able to afford a dish-washer or a micro-wave oven. It is just not yet our culture, but we are getting there, gradually.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Seun(m): 7:31pm On Apr 06, 2005
Fasone: That's a nice point.

Below are some thoughts.

- First of all, even in compounds where they have generating sets, we find that they don't always have these gadgets.

- If you are using a washing machine and power goes off, you can take out your clothes and wash them manually or just wait for power to return. This works well for clothes because most people wash clothes only once a week.

- I think there are gas-powered vacuum cleaners.

- Why don't our cookers and microwave ovens come with timers?

1 Like

Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Chigszy(f): 3:28am On Apr 07, 2005
hey guys sup?
I am glad to see that this is a hot topic. Anyway, I just think that men are lazy. Ok, in the past they were the providers but now things are changing. Now women also are providers, but men still ain't doing much at home. You might say that they are adapting to it because they are not used to it yet. Well, we can stick to that argument to make ourselves happy, but I think that it is just plain laziness. Or ok if you all think that it is too feminine for a man to do house chores, well that is all bull. Because women can easily tackle a man's job and they do pretty good at it. So there ain't no arguing in my point. When I get married hell the guy better know how to do housework, even if it is vacuuming, doing the laundry etc., because it is all gonna be shared out!
peace out!
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by omonaija6: 11:40am On Apr 07, 2005
But why are Nigerian men like this? They are a bunch of pretenders! Imagine when they are still fresh on you what you will hear from them is:
"Oh, I like cooking! Would you prefer a lunch at my place, since cooking is one of my hobbies?"

Some will even go on and tell you how their 'Mama' trained them in cooking, and that men are better cooks.

[s]but look look I feel like opening you , you, and you out rolleyes men's be your sef [/s]

None of you have shown any sense of maturity (I'm sorry if I'm sounding insulting).
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by diakim(m): 6:05pm On Apr 07, 2005
Hmmm.
I can see that this discussion is getting heated, and the ladies are already getting excited.

Chigszy:
Just pray that the man you will marry will be understanding and loves doing housework. Otherwise, you cannot force him to do it. The best he can do is to employ a house-maid for you. Even if he loves doing housework, his friends and familiies will discourage him from doing it. Except you are not living in Naija.

Omo-naija:
It is natural for a guy to be be nice and try to impress a woman he is just getting fresh with. He can cook, wash and even run errands for her, just to win her approval. The lady is the one in control then. But the moment they are married, situation has changed. It is now the man in control. He does what is convenient for him and what he feels he should do in his own house, even matters like doing house chores.

In short, what I am trying to say is that it is very difficult to get the african mentality out of us men.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Chigszy(f): 9:36pm On Apr 08, 2005
Well, diakim, you do not know me so you would not know. Well I am like for equality - well you can call me a feminist - but the guy had better learn how to do house work. I have my ways not to worry about that. I mean, I am very diplomatic about things. You can have your way and say about things but at the end of the day we both have to come to an agreement.

And I do not need to depend on the guy to get me a house help: I can get one myself! Ain't gonna depend on the guy. And we are both going to run the house like the partner we are supposed to be. I will hola at you when that happens to let you now that it is possible.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by diakim(m): 4:57pm On Apr 09, 2005
Ok sister, I will be glad to know when you have successfully domesticated your man. I am sure you know your ways to doing this. Women, I respect and fear them. They know how to have their ways. But softly o, I beg, it might not be that easy..
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Seun(m): 5:20pm On Apr 09, 2005
I am not a domestic animal, and I cannot be domesticated!

You see, Chigzy, I'm probably more of a feminist than you are. But I don't like housework. Now, if my mother has not been able to change me after 23 years of constant nagging, what makes some girl think she can do better? Get real! You can't 'domesticate' a man, because men are not wild animals.

If you are not able to accept everything about your man, please don't marry him. Go and join a convent instead. Afterall, as a nun, you would be married to Jesus who is a perfect man ... grin
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Ra(f): 11:13pm On Apr 09, 2005
The most 'domestic' of men can only do so much in the home. I certainly do not expect my husband to do the dishes, wash clothes, sweep the house and all such things. In this day and age where both husband and the wife leave the house almost at the same time to get to work, even wives hardly do all of these chores anymore. There are house helps and nannies to make the workload easier. However, there are tasks that remain so intimate that even your househelp cannot go near. All over the world, it is not peculiar to our men, food is notably the fastest weapon to a man's heart. Even men who love cooking leave the task to their wives. Men rarely cook. There’s a hugesatisfaction in eating food prepared by the wife just as an ideal wife loves cooking for her loving husband. In as much as any responsible man will not watch his beloved wife slave away under the heavy burden of housework, domesticating a man is so out of the question. If all your fiancé does while you're courting is help you wash the dishes, trust me honey, after marriage,.... well he'll still help out but simply by removing his own socks when he gets in from work. It's a man's world and we can't do anything about it. Most women love and enjoy doing these things for their husbands but there must be again, mutual respect and love between them (the ideal marriage). A man cannot be changed to do as you wish, it's a fantasy. What you see is what you get, so if you don't like what you see now, don't get it in the hope that you know how to handle him. Hate to burst your bubbles girlfriend, but it so does not work that way.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Chigszy(f): 7:44pm On Apr 17, 2005
I am still going to stand for what I said because I have seen it done. I have seen men that do houseworks and I think that it is very sweet of them. And I do admire them for that. Ok, what is difficult for a man to walk like a few feet to the washing machine and dump the clothes into it?

Or what is so difficult for him to pick up the vacuum and clean up? Those are the things that men should help out doing. Yeah, one more thing that gets on my nerve is that when women give birth the husband does not even give a hand in cleaning up the baby. The woman is left to do all the work and yet the husband is demanding! Oh that really pisses me off! I mean there are even lots of drama when men are concerned! You men are just very complicated!

Ok, I am frustrated right now from what that has been going on. I will not get into details, so if you found this offensive oh well I am just speaking my mind. Do not get me wrong, I do not eispise men. Seun, oh well if there was a way I could just avoid all the drama involving men well being a nun is not a bad alternative. But I want to have my own kids. Well at the moment I do.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Seun(m): 8:07pm On Apr 17, 2005
Chigzy: But I want to have my own kids. Well at the moment I do.
Chigzy, if you want kids so badly I can set you up. Just come to my apartment very late in the night dressed in a certain manner and I'll do the rest tongue

On a more serious note, I think the issue at hand here is this. There are some men who exhibit the bad traits you are describing, and there are some who don't. Just choose the one who understands your point of view and agrees with your way of seeing the world.

1 Like

Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Ka: 9:47pm On May 03, 2005
Chigzy,

Is it fair to ask the man to help in the housework if women aren't asked to do 'heavy stuff' like fixing broken down stuff, moving heavy things, etc.?
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by quicksilver(m): 1:22am On May 04, 2005
chigzy,

dont bother your pretty head about how nice that brother would be. if he loves you he wont let you hurt yourself. i know i have great plans for my 'sweetness' and i know i am also lazy ...seun i think you know
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by tayotina(f): 4:02pm On May 04, 2005
Whao! I am really catching fun reading all the posts. But really men should learn to do certain things. What if your wife is out of town? Would you prefer eating from the roadside to preparing your own meal? Come on, let's get real.

Some men are just too lazy? It's so annoying. Afterall there is one thing you men can not do without a woman's help. Yet we do not complain. So why do you find it difficult to help your woman at home.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Ka: 8:33am On May 07, 2005
Tayotina,

I don't necessarily enjoy cooking, cleaning, washing and other domestic chores, but I am most certainly able to do them and do them well.

The point is, there's something called division of labour (where the different roles to be performed in the house are split up depending on who is relatively better at doing them).

Now I'm good at domestic chores, which my wife may be better than me at doing. I'm also good at handling mechanical and electrical stuff and moving heavy stuff around, which my wife may not be so good at. Doesn't it make sense for me to specialise in the stuff that I'm good at, and leave my wife the handle the other stuff where I am at a disadvantage?

I don't think I would let my domestic skills go to waste even if I wasn't in charge of that area, because there are times that my wife would be unable to perform them. Then I would be able to step into the breach. Also, I don't like being too dependent on other people.

But even if I wasn't able to boil an egg to save my life, I think that as long as I was appreciative of the domestic work that my wife did and I always expressed this appreciation, I don't think that my wife would worry too much about it.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Allenpowered(m): 7:00pm On May 19, 2005
this topic really brought the sparks...looks like the fur was being ruffled the wrong way.

for me personally i hate any frm of house chores grin. that is why i don't cook(i buy my food) and i'm sorry to tell the feminists here...i will probably take my time out to look for a girl who can cook my food!!!

all the gadgets seun mentioned are really worthwhil...that is if there is power
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Nobody: 2:06pm On May 23, 2005
I know that some guys around me don't like doing house work because they claim they never say their dads doing it, so why should they! They revert to culture and claim its the womans job, to cook , clean and all that. Its amusing because when it comes to working, they complain about the bills and still expect the girls to chip in to make it easier. Fellas its a two way street. If you use culture, go all the way and not half.

But then again, there are a few guys who do housework and in return they expect appreciation like they've given you diamonds. There is just no winning!
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by Greatpeter(m): 3:45pm On Jun 29, 2005
I can never be domesticated. Or what do you mean about domesticating Nigerian Men? It sounds ambiguous but then I can help my wife in some domestic work e.g ironing, washing and cooking in part and in full if she is indisposed.
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by kodewrita(m): 1:32pm On Jun 30, 2005
@tayotina Africana has done away with our fears with regards to feeding when the wives are not in town. Just drive to the nearest tantalizer's outlet and treat yourself to their Yam porridge(i believe thats their best dish) or something else.

@Ka I agree there should be division of labour. it is not easy to keep count of how many questions have been passed on "Who wants to be a millionaire " and cook at the same time. she will do the cooking, i will help her watch the tv (of course i provided the funds for the dish so its not entirely on her side.)
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by IAH(f): 1:58pm On Jul 01, 2005
I don't mind doing all the house-chores and cooking but hell will break loose if I go on a long trip and I come back to meet the house dirty and no food for me to eat. I will do all the work when I'm around and well but he MUST do everything when I'm away, ill or pregnant. If not [I]katakata go burst[/I].
Re: Domesticating Nigerian Men by jogego(m): 9:53pm On Jul 04, 2005
If I may ask, where is the rule book that says a man should not do housework? If you are living as a bachelor, who do you expect to do your laundry, cook, clean the house?

I personally see nothing degrading in doing housework. I have no qualms about going into the kitchen and whipping up a delicious dish. I certainly have no reason to eat and expect someone to wash my dishes for me.

I marry a wife, a partner, a friend.... NOT A SLAVE. So all you guys looking on your wives to do this for you, una better go look for servants cos thats what u need not a wife.

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