sarutobie: lets say a union of five years with kids involved, your wife hits you during a misunderstanding, the man should leave the union because "once is ALWAYS enough"?? do you people actually think through what you post here? or you assumed only men hit women in a marriage?

I don't know too. Please how many times is enough?

Mind you nobody is assuming anything because the OP is asking both male and female. The females are saying there own. the males should say there's too

if you actually read through, not everybody is saying ''once is ALWAYS enough''.

Godmystrength: one person shouldn't be the one enjoying and enduring. they both should. And i don't think the hard times we talk about in marriage should be ABUSE.

For better for worse..

The worse is cheating and abuse from the husband's end only

Get on with the times

bukatyne:

For better for worse..

The worse is cheating and abuse from the husband's end only

Get on with the times

hmmm. yes ma'am

pickabeau1, how are you?

Godmystrength: hmmm. yes ma'am

pickabeau1, how are you?

Im fine.. thanks for asking

How is your family

Godmystrength: It is not only a knife or a cutlass that can pose a threat to someones life. A WRONG push can send someone to the great beyond.... a slap can puncture your eardrum.... a wrong word can harm you psychologically.... etc. You will never know when it will happen.... why should anyone be made to endure any kind of abuse??

@OP- i don't know how to answer your question. But one thing i know is that the ''union'' will never be the same again. I just pray not to find myself in such kind of mess That is why i try as much as possible not to put my partner in a situation where he will be tested....

According to some women I've come across, the first slap, shove or push is a 'test.' Such men are 'testing' the woman to see how she reacts. If she accepts his apology, he will 'up the ante', so to speak...and continue to 'up the ante' until it explodes into a full-fledged beating. That's why some battered women (and men) say things only get worse and worse, as time goes on, if you don't leave the very first time you're hit.

Another weird thing I've heard some battered women say is: "My husband doesn't love me anymore, because he hasn't beaten me for a month. I wonder if he's cheating!"

WTH!!!

pickabeau1:

Im fine.. thanks for asking

How is your family

good

family doing great.

zboyd:

According to some women I've come across, the first slap, shove or push is a 'test.' Such men are 'testing' the woman to see how she reacts. If she accepts his apology, he will 'up the ante', so to speak...and continue to 'up the ante' until it explodes into a full-fledged beating. That's why some battered women (and men) say things only get worse and worse, as time goes on, if you don't leave the very first time you're hit.

Another weird thing I've heard some battered women say is: "My husband doesn't love me anymore, because he hasn't beaten me for a month. I wonder if he's cheating!"

WTH!!!

this part

Godmystrength: this part

You'd be surprised at how some people think, when it comes to abuse.

I've even come across some men who endure abuse from their girlfriends and wives, because they think they deserve it for cheating.

One thing about female batterers, since most don't possess the physical strength of men, they are more likely to use weapons or poisons to take their boyfriends or husbands out or contract with other men to kill them. This has happened to a few Naija boyfriends and husbands over here in the States and elsewhere.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Something to think about...

Most people may be aware of the abuse that Halle Berry has gone through personally, but now she has decided to speak on the abuse that she saw her mother and older sister go through as a child. In the past, Halle Berry has always refused to talk about the beatings meted out to her mother by her father, Jerome Jesse Berry, who left her family in Cleveland, Ohio, when she was four.

Berry has said a boyfriend once hit her so hard she is still largely deaf in her left ear. She said she and her elder sister, Heidi, were still recovering from witnessing the violence inflicted on their mother, Judith, a retired nurse who was born in Liverpool. “I saw my mother battered, and could not do anything to stop it,” she said. “My father was tyrannical, lashing out at her for no reason. I felt the effects that had on our family — I’ve experienced what battered women have gone through.” She said her mother was still working out why she took it for so many years. “That is a deep question, and I am not sure she will ever come up with one answer. I have one answer to anyone in a similar situation — get out.”

Berry says she never forgave her father, a hospital porter, even as he lay dying with Parkinson’s disease in 2003. He sold his account of their estrangement to a tabloid “for a pack of beer and cigarettes,” Berry said. She even wonders if her parents’ relationship had affected her past romances. She said: “I never had to run to a shelter, but I did choose the wrong partners. Not always good men. Luckily, in recent years, I have been smart enough to hit the door when violence even becomes a possibility. That is something I will not tolerate.”

Source: bossip.com

Babymama1:

With this mindset,you will leave as a corpse if you married an abusive man

Please no woman should think of doing the above

...And read my post again, I said if am very certain my hussy is not the abusive type.

I can't remember asking or telling anywoman to do whatever I wish to do.
And am still entitled to my opinion and how I choose to handle my marriage.

snazzylove:

...And read my post again, I said if am very certain my hussy is not the abusive type.

I can't remember asking or telling anywoman to do whatever I wish to do.
And am still entitled to my opinion and how I choose to handle my marriage.

snazzybabe cool down jere

Godmystrength: snazzybabe cool down jere

Na opinion we dey share oo. No hard feelings .
How u dey? And family?

gidjah: SORRY MAA'M ,are u married?would that be easy to do for u?

It would be easier than being in an abusive relationship.

Tallesty1: Some of them don't think about that and that is why we will have alot of divorce in future because of the notion that hiting a woman is the highest crime a man will commit. I hate violence thou. My reaction when my partner hits me would depend on the situation and how the relationship had been prior to that. I'm not saying it would be okay, but there MIGHT be a situation where it could be forgiven... I can't end a relationship where we both have been through toughest weather and climbed the highest mountain because of a just slap. What if I brought it on myself? It could be that I'm becoming irresponsible (maybe I started coming home drunk or something worse) and she is tired of complaining. I'm not trying to justify the act but leaving your partner who is loving and caring and not abusive shows that you are irresponsible and deserves a slap. If you can't take a slap then don't do what will warrant one. Most times you women wind the hell out of us men because we can't give you a whack. If he takes more than he could, he'll snap and probably whack you.

The divorce rate won't rise because women/men decide to walk out of violent relationships but because some women/men don't understand that it is absolutely wrong to be violent against your spouse.

snazzylove:

Na opinion we dey share oo. No hard feelings .
How u dey? And family?

I am good o and my family dey intact.....

carefreewannabe:

The divorce rate won't rise because women/men decide to walk out of violent relationships but because some women/men don't understand that it is absolutely wrong to be violent against your spouse.

Answer the woman's question.



Would you leave your marriage of seven years because of one slap which may even be the only option at that time?

Tallesty1: Answer the woman's question.



Would you leave your marriage of seven years because of one slap which may even be the only option at that time?

I have already answered it.

carefreewannabe:

I have already answered it.

Maybe I missed it.



What was your answer?

Tallesty1: Maybe I missed it.



What was your answer?

Maybe I could forgive it once but not a second time.

carefreewannabe:

Maybe I could forgive it once but not a second time.

We are saying thesame thing then.

Tallesty1: We are saying thesame thing then.

What are we saying?

carefreewannabe:

What are we saying?

That Your comments contradicts. You didn't sound like you'd ever give him a second chance

carefreewannabe:
What if it's the second time he hits u that would cause the untimely death or cause serious bodily harm or brain damage?

Do you think everyman that slaps his partner is abusive?

Tallesty1: That Your comments contradicts. You didn't sound like you'd ever give him a second chance

Do you think everyman that slaps his partner is abusive?

If you bothered to read my comments, you would know that I am quite forgiving and that I said that everyone can make a mistake.

And yes, someone who slaps his/her spouse is abusive. It should be a taboo to slap your spouse.

carefreewannabe:

Would leaving someone with violent tendencies not be the better choice then?

Seriously, are u people actually married? Do u know what marriage entails? Marriage is not about just u. Family, kids etc are all factors that come in when married.
I agree that one can walk away as a result of consistent violence but saying u get hit once then u will pack ur bags makes u a liar.
Walking away is such a difficult decision when married. Ask those who have been there. Ask married people what marriage is about.

Gaggi:

Seriously, are u people actually married? Do u know what marriage entails? Marriage is not about just u. Family, kids etc are all factors that come in when married.
I agree that one can walk away as a result of consistent violence but saying u get hit once then u will pack ur bags makes u a liar.
Walking away is such a difficult decision when married. Ask those who have been there. Ask married people what marriage is about.

Marriage does not entail violence in my definition.

And when it comes to kids, mine will not grow up thinking that violence is a part of marriage.

carefreewannabe:

Marriage does not entail violence in my definition.

And when it comes to kids, mine will not grow up thinking that violence is a part of marriage.

You might as well pack out when he yells at u or uses an unpleasant word on u when angry. I'm sure u knw verbal abuse is also dangerous. More people have committed suicide from verbal abuse than from physical abuse.
Dnt get me wrong, physical abuse is very bad but d first thing to do is to find a solution. Seek help for d abusive partner. If change doesn't come then one can bail. Bailing out nor be child's play o.

Gaggi:

You might as well pack out when he yells at u or uses an unpleasant word on u when angry. I'm sure u knw verbal abuse is also dangerous. More people have committed suicide from verbal abuse than from physical abuse.

Yeah, I might.

carefreewannabe:
If you bothered to read my comments, you would know that I am quite forgiving and that I said that everyone can make a mistake.

And yes, someone who slaps his/her spouse is abusive. It should be a taboo to slap your spouse.

If everyone can make mistake then how can one mistake mean that he/she is abusive?

You confuse me. I don't know if you are married but equating one slap to an abusive relationship is extremist. A physically abusive relationship is when resorting to violence is a habit. Imagine an instance where your husby is really working long hours. Which is stressful and exhausting for him so he is obviously dealing with a lot of stress at work and pressure from his wife to leave his job rather than the support he needed. She keeps nagging repeatedly until he couldn't take it any more so he whacked her. Will you write him off as an abuser?
Remember this is someone you have been living with for years and have had kids for him. And he never raised hand to hit you throughout those years.

My hope and prayer for every man and woman is that they never lay a violent hand on another person but some situations are earth-shatteringly upsetting and humans are not gods.

Tallesty1: If everyone can make mistake then how can one mistake mean that he/she is abusive?

The moment someone resorts to violence, in the same moment this same person becomes abusive but of course there is a difference between a reoffender and someone who lost control and as a result made a mistake once.

The problem is that the moment it happens, it changes everything. I think forgiveness but I am not really sure if I could forgive this mistake. It would leave my heart bitter for a while. Not every mistake can and must be forgiven.

You confuse me. I don't know if you are married but equating one slap to an abusive relationship is extremist. A physically abusive relationship is when resorting to violence is a habit. Imagine an instance where your husby is really working long hours. Which is stressful and exhausting for him so he is obviously dealing with a lot of stress at work and pressure from his wife to leave his job rather than the support he needed. She keeps nagging repeatedly until he couldn't take it any more so he whacked her. Will you write him off as an abuser?
Remember this is someone you have been living with for years and have had kids for him. And he never raised hand to hit you throughout those years.

An abusive relationship begins earlier. It does not have to have the character of a habit before it is called abusive. It is abusive when one or both spouses resort to violence, verbally or physically, every now and then.

Regarding your example of "the nagging wife", which many people refer to in the context of the topic discussed, I can say, and I am sure you are with me on this one, that violence will IN NO WAY solve the problem. It will make things worse, if not immediately, then in the long run.

My hope and prayer for every man and woman is that they never lay a violent hand on another person but some situations are earth-shatteringly upsetting and humans are not gods.

Yes and Amen!

But those who cannot forgive such deeds are neither Jesus nor Ghandi nor Mandela.

On this issue, I can only speak for myself.

I, for one have been married for 21 years w/4 kiddos and neither me or my hubby have laid a finger on each other in all that time. Have we argued? Of course. Do we fight dirty? Let's just say that first year was a doozy, until we figured out that fighting fair was the better option. Now we rarely argue over anything.

So yes, I know what marriage entails. It's entails friendship, mutual respect, compromise, communication, kindness, consideration, intimacy, appreciation and all things positive.

It doesn't include violence, cheating or any other thing that will negatively impact our marriage or the lives of our kids.

After that, and as it stands now, at any time, my hubby loses his mind and hauls off and slaps the taste out of my mouth, that is the day he can kiss our marriage goodbye and that goes for me too, if I lay hands on him. And who's to say we won't lose our minds a second time, with that time being worse? Both of us have a very clear understanding of certain boundaries we are NEVER EVER to cross. What message/lessons are we teaching our kids about marriage and resolving conflicts within marriage?

As for leaving, due to consistent violence, I might not live through consistent violence. One blow could end me or seriously injure me, especially if it's a hard enough blow. Hubby is well over 6-ft. tall with bulk to match. And HE'LL be the first one to pack HIS bags and go, not me, because he'll KNOW he committed a serious breach of trust.

NO SECOND CHANCES!

And I could care less who says what, who gossips, who points fingers, who thinks divorce is just horrible or who tries to blame me for breaking up the family. Hassle me and you will see me sprout horns and spit fire. It's best we divorce quickly and smoothly and try to remain civil to each other, for the sake of the kids and promise to never use them as pawns.

As for being a liar...the Devil is a liar if ANYONE thinks I will continue in a marriage where my husband, the father of my kids, the man who promised to love, cherish and respect me raises his hand to me in anger. I don't give a ratz patootie what he's going through. For me, there's no excuse for violence of any kind in my marriage...NOT EVEN ONCE.

I WILL sign on that dotted line!

To each his own.
End of discussion.
Thread closed.

egopersonified: To each his own.
End of discussion.
Thread closed.

Seconded

zboyd: On this issue, I can only speak for myself.

I, for one have been married for 21 years w/4 kiddos and neither me or my hubby have laid a finger on each other in all that time. Have we argued? Of course. Do we fight dirty? Let's just say that first year was a doozy, until we figured out that fighting fair was the better option. Now we rarely argue over anything.

So yes, I know what marriage entails. It's entails friendship, mutual respect, compromise, communication, kindness, consideration, intimacy, appreciation and all things positive.

It doesn't include violence, cheating or any other thing that will negatively impact our marriage or the lives of our kids.

After that, and as it stands now, at any time, my hubby loses his mind and hauls off and slaps the taste out of my mouth, that is the day he can kiss our marriage goodbye and that goes for me too, if I lay hands on him. And who's to say we won't lose our minds a second time, with that time being worse? Both of us have a very clear understanding of certain boundaries we are NEVER EVER to cross. What message/lessons are we teaching our kids about marriage and resolving conflicts within marriage?

As for leaving, due to consistent violence, I might not live through consistent violence. One blow could end me or seriously injure me, especially if it's a hard enough blow. Hubby is well over 6-ft. tall with bulk to match. And HE'LL be the first one to pack HIS bags and go, not me, because he'll KNOW he committed a serious breach of trust.

NO SECOND CHANCES!

And I could care less who says what, who gossips, who points fingers, who thinks divorce is just horrible or who tries to blame me for breaking up the family. Hassle me and you will see me sprout horns and spit fire. It's best we divorce quickly and smoothly and try to remain civil to each other, for the sake of the kids and promise to never use them as pawns.

As for being a liar...the Devil is a liar if ANYONE thinks I will continue in a marriage where my husband, the father of my kids, the man who promised to love, cherish and respect me raises his hand to me in anger. I don't give a ratz patootie what he's going through. For me, there's no excuse for violence of any kind in my marriage...NOT EVEN ONCE.

I WILL sign on that dotted line!

Another long story for the gods.....
Tis always so amusing reading all kinds of rubbish on nairaland. Make una continue to dey deceive unaselves. Imagine this one saying she will leave a marriage of 21 yrs becos of a one time slap.