Enjoy this piece on some mysterious but
interesting people I see
(meet) whenever I travel by
Danfo [those yellow buses],
around Lagos:
1. The co-driver: In a Danfo
bus, you'll normally find a
driver, bus conductor and
other passengers. Among
these other passengers is a
co-driver i.e. a self
acclaimed one. You'll often
hear him from the back
seats giving orders to the
driver on where to follow,
how to step on the brake,
how to swerve onto a new
lane etc. And the driver
most often respond: "Na
you dey drive?" Or "You
wan collect steering for my
hand?"
2. Red Alert: Imagine
yourself inside a danfo bus
and the driver is running on
what seems like a top
speed. Then all of a sudden
you hear a voice break into
your chain of thoughts.
More like a scream: "Ahn
ahn, driver you wan kill us?"
Or "Driver please take it
easy o. I never marry."
Sometimes the co-driver
doubles as a "red alert".
Other times another
passenger plays that role.
The main goal is to caution
the driver so that we can all
arrive safely.
3. Preacher man: Repent for
the Kingdom of God is at
hand. With the
preacherman in your bus,
you can barely hear yourself
think. Forget about
receiving calls in that bus. If
you do, you will hear the
person on the other line
asking, "are you in
church?". The good thing
about a preacherman in
your danfo bus is that you
get reminded that heaven
and hell is real. "If we all die
now, where will you go?
Heaven or hell?" Some
passengers stare at him in
anger. Why should you say
if we all die now? Yes, of
course we want to make
Heaven. No we won't die in
this danfo bus.
4. The pervert: One day I
was in a danfo bus and I
heard a woman say in a
loud voice "if you try that
again I will slap you." She
was referring to the young
man sitting beside her. The
story was that the man was
rubbing his elbow against
her bosom. You can't really
tell who is rubbing what
because some of these
buses are usually so jam-
packed. The best thing is to
position yourself well. But if
you are unlucky you might
fall victim of false
accusation, this time a
reversed psychology- one
day, an older man pissed at
the way a woman was
protecting her frontage
bluntly asked, "who wan
touch your bosom?"
According to him, he has
more than that at home.
Silence.
5. "Do you know who I am":
This man or woman tells us
in a danfo bus that he or
she is a very important
person so the bus
conductor must not argue
with him/her over N10
change. Enough said.
6. Political analyst: If you
missed the news last night,
and you have a political
analyst riding the same
danfo bus with you, may
God bless your day. All is
cool until he gets another
politically conscious
passenger to engage in the
discourse. Sometimes their
analysis is a comic relief.
Other times depressing.
Depending on the topic in
focus. An elderly analyst tells
the younger folks in the bus
about the good old days.
And the danger of having a
"young" inexperienced
president rule Nigeria.
7. GSM users: Sometimes,
you enter a bus and
everyone, well almost
everyone, is on their mobile
phone making calls. The
one screaming at the top of
his voice... Like hell the other person is deaf.
8. Sleep-attack: How do
people sleep through the
journey? In the danfo bus?
On the bumpy Lagos road?
Forget it. You don't know
what their story is about.
Body no be wood o.
9. Networker: The guy tells
you that you have beautiful
brown eyes and soberly
shares his story. What is
yours? Blank stare.
10. Tribalism: If war breaks
out in Lagos, it might start
from a danfo bus. One
minute you enter a danfo
bus and you see us all
sandwiched in the air-tight
yellow buses and you sigh
in relief. The next, you hear
an argument from the back
row and the next thing,
someone is yelling,
throwing verbal punches at
a particular tribe. End of
story.
These are my first ten.
There are more categories
to meet. If still any let it flow.
Facebook.com

Ok ....too lengthy

K