Ishilove:
Lmao! I will be ''21'' next month, Oct 3. I expect a special hamper from you

21?... Wow! Here I was thinking late twenties, maybe its because of your Iyawo Nylon Bag hit.

BTW. Nice.

slimyem: ...you would have been invited. Probably would have given the toast

Btw,you and Jenny have ruined this thread...you know?
You two should find yourself someplace to talk more about corks..

The one whom my heart desires... I've missed you. how us it going?

DAvIt0:

21?... Wow! Here I was thinking late twenties, maybe its because of your Iyawo Nylon Bag hit.

BTW. Nice.

Thanks for reading, sir. My CV says I am 21, but whether my birth certificate says a different thing entirely is another matter

coogar:

happy birthday in advance....
i shall send 2 hampers & 21 boxes of indomie noodles.



just astounded nwapastor is untouched

21 boxes of indomie?? Na to open shop start indomie business remain

nwapastor: For some of us, it's not that we are not getting proposals but it's just that they are not coming from the right guys (as per our standard). As for me I'm engaged to be married but I really stayed long on the other side and know how it feels. At a time I closed my face book account 'cos it seemed all I see there are friends and family uploading photos of themselves with their spouses and children. Believe me I may be happy for them but it leaves me depressed. More to come.

*what are these standards?
*Since it takes a lot of nerves for a man to propose, how did you decline, ?
*Did you just disqualify the men based on physical/instant assessment and evaluation?
*Don't you think many ladies might have lost their REAL husbands through this process? and some never get married for d rest of their lives?
*What can you say vis-a-vis what most women want- their standards, about 'surulere' guy(struggling guy) and 'olorunsogo' guy(made guy) asking a lady's hand in marriage?
*Can we say western education has compounded the woes of SOME naturally selective ladies? ...

Just like we tell HIV positive clients the worst form of stigma is self stigma. Once you stigmatise your self then you will not be able to conquer stigma outside because everything people do will be interpreted by you as stigma but once you de- stigmatise yourself then stigma by others won't matter.

If you have it in your head that I am single and it's a disease then every single action by everyone will be termed as it's because I never marry. You ignore every other possibility of the persons actions and conclude that it's because you are single. Deal with self stigma first then you will confidently stand no matter what anyone says or does will have no effect on you.
There is a lady in my office who was fond of not flushing well after using the toilet, everyone was gossiping about her but I decided to go and talk with her one on one. So I respectfully asked that she flush twice as the water pressure was low and one who didn't know would assume it had flushed already, next thing she starts crying that the office women are conspiring against her because she is not married. Hain the office women all use one toilet and were affected by her actions it had nothing to do with being married or single. I have never and will never enjoy the role of a victim. Single women should first deal with self stigma and develop healthy esteem

obowunmi:

The one whom my heart desires... I've missed you. how us it going?

Hi! to the one whose desire for me is conditional

aisha2: Just like we tell HIV positive clients the worst form of stigma is self stigma. Once you stigmatise your self then you will not be able to conquer stigma outside because everything people do will be interpreted by you as stigma but once you de- stigmatise yourself then stigma by others won't matter.

If you have it in your head that I am single and it's a disease then every single action by everyone will be termed as it's because I never marry. You ignore every other possibility of the persons actions and conclude that it's because you are single. Deal with self stigma first then you will confidently stand no matter what anyone says or does will have no effect on you.
There is a lady in my office who was fond of not flushing well after using the toilet, everyone was gossiping about her but I decided to go and talk with her one on one. So I respectfully asked that she flush twice as the water pressure was low and one who didn't know would assume it had flushed already, next thing she starts crying that the office women are conspiring against her because she is not married. Hain the office women all use one toilet and were affected by her actions it had nothing to do with being married or single. I have never and will never enjoy the role of a victim. Single women should first deal with self stigma and develop healthy esteem

Best advice so far. I think the OP and some posters up there need to see this. The stigma is in your head and everything people do to you will be interpreted as such. I decided not to comment when a poster up there made the thread about those who are single, stigmatised, and probably depressed.

slimyem: Hi! to the one whose desire for me is conditional

Conditional ke? That must not be said. Been extremely busy lately but now I have your time.

You truly are the one whom my heart desires. How have you been?

Stillfire:

Aww, sorry, oya take handkerchief and wipe your tears.

If I catch you eh... You must apologize oh

Lizabeth:

They are everywhere so no particular place

. Then you haven't met me. I'll suggest you meet me to have a change of orientation/mind

@ aisha
It is not a matter of self stigma, it is the way the african society take it.and we live here.
It doesn't matter how u see your self, wat we are saying here is wat is obatinable in our society.
I bet u 2 out of 3 pple look down on singles. If u doubt me go check the linda ikeja thread.
Do u see how many times are marital status comes up.
How many pple will comment on genevieve thread witout commenting on her marital status.

It has nothing to do with being depressed at all. It has everything to do with societal norm.

Many single will love to remain single if they are not constantly reminded of how imp it is to get hitched,
If they are spared the insultive look, the comments like no go marry, u wan old for your papa house', ur mates have kids in primary school.

We can't deny that this tinz are norms in our society, some of us might have even been a party to putting someone down before based on marital staus.

In our society no matter how successful u are maariage will always be used as a yard stick to rate u?

Its a crazy sick world we live in.

I remeber during my intern years I had this consultant, very brillant woman. She was already a chief consultant at 28.
U see everybody praising her and listing out all her good traits and it will always end in But she is not married.

As if it should be the greatest accomplishment in life.

I for one never wanted to get married esp cause I came from a broken home. I didn't see the need for a man.
I just wanted to concentrate on my career maybe adopt later in life.
But during my intern years the way the consultant was addressed change my orientation.
If despite all her accomplishment, they still see her as incomplete then. Something is wrong somewhere.
Well I couldn't beat dem, I had to join dem.



I don't regret my decision cos it feels good to hAve someone to share ur life with.


But my point is our societal norm has made singlehood look like a disease.
Every day u see materials on how to be wife material, churches, counsellors making money out of singles cos they have succeded in making them feel adequate witout a partner.

It gets soo bad that some settle for anytin just to save face.

With these point of mind I hope I have been able to prove to you that we are not depressed or are we stigmatizing ourself.
But the soCiety has manage to frustrate us, depress us, stigmatize us and mould us into. Believeing that if you are not married you have not started.


Though many of us don't believe it, we have to conform to save face.well and also along the line some found someone that made love and compainionship worthwhile.

Thank you

^^^ Very real and objective post.

Now, you remind me of our good ol' debate days.

"With these few points of mine, I hope I've been able to convince and not confuse you. . ."

rofemiguwa: @ aisha
It is not a matter of self stigma, it is the way the african society take it.and we live here.
It doesn't matter how u see your self, wat we are saying here is wat is obatinable in our society.
I bet u 2 out of 3 pple look down on singles. If u doubt me go check the linda ikeja thread.
Do u see how many times are marital status comes up.
How many pple will comment on genevieve thread witout commenting on her marital status.
It has nothing to do with being depressed at all. It has everything to do with societal norm.
Many single will love to remain single if they are not constantly reminded of how imp it is to get hitched,
If they are spared the insultive look, the comments like no go marry, u wan old for your papa house', ur mates have kids in primary school.
We can't deny that this tinz are norms in our society, some of us might have even been a party to putting someone down before based on marital staus.
In our society no matter how successful u are maariage will always be used as a yard stick to rate u?
Its a crazy sick world we live in.
I remeber during my intern years I had this consultant, very brillant woman. She was already a chief consultant at 28.
U see everybody praising her and listing out all her good traits and it will always end in But she is not married.
As if it should be the greatest accomplishment in life.
I for one never wanted to get married esp cause I came from a broken home. I didn't see the need for a man.
I just wanted to concentrate on my career maybe adopt later in life.
But during my intern years the way the consultant was addressed change my orientation.
If despite all her accomplishment, they still see her as incomplete then. Something is wrong somewhere.
Well I couldn't beat dem, I had to join dem.
I don't regret my decision cos it feels good to hAve someone to share ur life with.
But my point is our societal norm has made singlehood look like a disease.
Every day u see materials on how to be wife material, churches, counsellors making money out of singles cos they have succeded in making them feel adequate witout a partner.
It gets soo bad that some settle for anytin just to save face.
With these point of mind I hope I have been able to prove to you that we are not depressed or are we stigmatizing ourself.
But the soCiety has manage to frustrate us, depress us, stigmatize us and mould us into. Believeing that if you are not married you have not started.
Though many of us don't believe it, we have to conform to save face.well and also along the line some found someone that made love and compainionship worthwhile.
Thank you

The same way the society will stigmatise someone living with HIV and it's left for that person to either commit suicide, hide in shame or brave up and live their lives to the fullest.

O understand how bad society pushes but they can only push you as far as you allow them.

I reached a height in my career before I married and as much as they tried they never got to me because I never let them.
O was queuing a junior officer one day and his response was that if only I was married I would have things to take my time and not pour all my frustration on him. He could have been talking to himself as I stayed focused on the main issue and never regarded that as an insult it's his mentality, it's how his parents trained him, he doesn't know any better. Till today he is more scared of me than our over all boss because I am sure he was expecting an outburst a reaction,anything but that satisfaction of hurting me because I wad unmarried no one ever got and no one ever will

Self stigma.
Society can choose to act the the way they want and you have the right to choose your reaction, disabled people are stigmatised everyday, people who stammer are stigmatised everyday by lousy comedians and people laugh so loudly at jokes targeted at them, so what should a disabled or a person who stammers do? Lock themselves up refuse to talk live or go out so people won't laugh at them? There will always be ignorant people in life anyone who let's the actions of idiots define their life isn't ready to live and enjoy life

jennykadry:

Late marriage? What age range are we talking about here?

Late marriage is relative. It is not completely about a particular age range. Someone whose elder sisters all got married before clocking 20 will feel she's late in getting married if she's single at 22 while another person that has sisters aged 30 and above and are yet to get married will think that she is too young for marriage at 25.

On the issue of self stigmatization and depression. That we are talking like this here does not mean that we sulk like this in real life. No it's just that this thread allows it if not who cares. If you see me in real life you won't believe I care a dot about marriage 'cos I'm too busy for that. I am a career woman, sometimes I fear that marriage might come between me and my career which I don't want (a thread on that was on NL sometime ago and I was following that thread). So please allow us to offload and share. It is medicine for the soul.

slimyem: ...my experiences...where do I start from...

You can start from the middle. Welcome on board

nwapastor: Late marriage is relative. It is not completely about a particular age range. Someone whose elder sisters all got married before clocking 20 will feel she's late in getting married if she's single at 22 while another person that has sisters aged 30 and above and are yet to get married will think that she is too young for marriage at 25.

After reasing your explanation all I have to say is one thing...YOU ARE MAD for typing that nonsense I just quoted and you are in dire need of a psychiatrist review.

If you are in Nigeria, check into yaba left.

You knows' it!! Hehehehehe

Left for some singles we never chop life fynsh

That's wat I was trying to explain, we are happily single but the society is not happy for us that we are single and will keep trowing it our face.

Anyway we will kip moving forward till the right guy comes along.but no moping about stagnant waiting for future house husband. We won't break till our mr right comes.

And for dose. Who mr right have located. Like me n op congrats in advance, let's not lose ourselves even as we move over to the odr side'

For those still waiting to be located take ur time, remain focus on ursef and do not break,let him meet u and love u and accept u as you are!!m. So u won't come back here with marriage sobstories.

We have seen enuf already.

Take your time ladies and spoil ursef,u deserve it at the very least.

Anoda tin all these nosy ones reminding us of our status are jus jealous of our freedom!! Yes our freedom to do wat we want when we want and how we want it!

nwapastor: On the issue of self stigmatization and depression. That we are talking like this here does not mean that we sulk like this in real life. No it's just that this thread allows it if not who cares. If you see me in real life you won't believe I care a dot about marriage 'cos I'm too busy for that. I am a career woman, sometimes I fear that marriage might come between me and my career which I don't want (a thread on that was on NL sometime ago and I was following that thread). So please allow us to offload and share. It is medicine for the soul.

charles316: Most people have got no pity for single naija ladies cos most of them spent their prime chasing shadows... Shawarma, Brazilian hair, bold 5. The focused one always get married. If u cant get one man (there are over 3billion men ) to marry u then u ve got a problem.

Read your post again and tell me if it is meaningful to you. You are one of the challenges of the society with your mindset.

On the issue of stigmatization, some couple of mths back, we went for my brother's introduction. Now d time for introducing groom's sibling came, d woman doin d intoduction(my mum's very good friend) called my younger siblings one after the other, with their hubby, wife and children. Overlooked me, and my dad was trying to tell her she hasnt recognised me, d woman seems not to care, i just waived to my dad to let her be.

I thought that scene was over, i was dazed when d pix came out and i was not sited in any of d pix. My married younger folks were captured with their families and I was like, where was I when all these where going on.

But I had made up my mind not to let anything of such get to me, because, my own time too will definately come.
I rejoice with those dat are engaged already. God will surely perfect it.

the struggle is real!

getting a responsible husband in nigeria is more difficult than entering the kingdom of heaven.

shizzleStar: i understand you and that's why i said you'll appreciate their feelings(married women) better when you become one

.it is both ways, men are also barred from certain things/attitudes when they become hitched

abeg make una invite me too abi na only ladies?

What changes the perspective with marriage? We are fake people and that is why we have the magnitude of the challenges facing our nation.

@ agbeke58 thank you for sharing.

jennykadry:

After reasing your explanation all I have to say is one thing...YOU ARE MAD for typing that nonsense I just quoted and you are in dire need of a psychiatrist review.

If you are in Nigeria, check into yaba left.

I know some people are scared of sharing their experiences here because of people like you.

coogar: the struggle is real!

getting a responsible husband in nigeria is more difficult than entering the kingdom of heaven.

LWKMD!!!!

nwapastor: I know some people are scared of sharing their experiences here because of people like you.

See a psychiatrist you depressed woman. Why not wallow in your depression instead of dragging others down with you? Here I was thinking you were sane only for me to read the nonsense you wrote about late marriage.

You are mad

jennykadry:

Like you, I used to be a church girl Don't mind Coogar, let him continue deceiving himself. Coogar will be the type to install a monitoring sensor on his 23 year old daughter's phone and woe betide that man that will venture to lock lips with her. Someone will end up in ER and I can assure you, it wouldn't be Coogar

What happened along the way? Jesus still loves you. The door is open for you to come back home.

nwapastor: What happened along the way? Jesus still loves you. The door is open for you to come back home.

Aha not so innocent afterall ehn? I was expecting a come back for calling you mad but Unfortunately for you darling I am already married with adorable kids. Don't worry, you will soon join the band wagon with your supposed fiance and before you query me further, don't worry, I am the last born in my family . You never see depression.

#seeapsychiatrist

jennykadry:

See a psychiatrist you depressed woman. Why not wallow in your depression instead of dragging others down with you? Here I was thinking you were sane only for me to read the nonsense you wrote about late marriage.

You are mad

You wanted me to state an age bracket so that you can attack me on it. I outsmarted you and you can't stand it wow!

nwapastor: You wanted me to state an age bracket so that you can attack me on it. I outsmarted you and you can't stand it wow!

Don't fool yourself. If you call that outsmarting then now I know why you are still single with no ring on it yet. A man wants submissive and intelligent wife not a zombie. You were scared of mentioning age bracket because you knew people will pounce on your idiocy but you took it a notch further by giving an example that has shown me you are certifiably insane.

Keep quoting me. I like it, shows my point is hitting home fast and hard. Madam single and depressed wishing she had a fiance.

Damn I have missed this side of me. I have been too holy and well behaved for so long that the animal in me has just seen the light and path to freedom .

Nwa pastor....continue please