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Am I Bein Taken For Granted? - Romance - Nairaland

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Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 6:32pm On Sep 18, 2014
Hi, am 20 yrs old n an in my 3rd year in d uni. This is my first tym bein on nairaland courtesy of my roomie whose acct am usin. I find mysef in an emotional battle wc I'll lik to share. Iv been in a relationship wt a guy for 2yrs now n iv neva asked him for a dime as my parents take very good care of me. He has neva bothered to give, d only gift iv eva received frm him was a wrist watch n a T-shirt n dt was last val. All he has eva done evn on my bdays was call or text me nt evn #100 recharge. He visits me in skul regularly n I take good care him makin sure he is well fed n accomodate n wen he leaves he only says good bye. Evn while am at home goin to visit him is entirely on me as am left to pay for the cab fares. Mind u ds is a guy who has been pesterin me to settle wt him bt I keep insistin I want to b tru wt sku ist. Recent events make me recall all dt has been goin on wt us. A close friend of mine is gettin married ds oct n she chose me to b her bestie. I had to pay for ashwebi n all n I found out dt I had hausted my savings n was in dire need of d money. My mom gave me 2/3 of d mony I need n I was left to source for d rest n for d ist tym in my r/s I asked my bf to lend me a little mony wt d promise dt I'll pay up as soon as my allowance came in. He said he didn't have n I did not bother. I ended up gettin d mony from a neibr who wasn't evn a close fwend. 3 days later I found out dt my bf bout a new fone worth x10 of d amt I asked for. I talked to my fwends abt it n de said I was bein taken for granted n suggested dt he mite jus b stingy dt I shud jus ask for sumtin else in a while n c how it goes. Last week I asked him for mony to make my hair(jus to try him) n said old story. I told my sis abt it n she adviced I quietly retrace my steps else I end up in a marriage wher am being neglected. So I stoped callin fr a while n asked him to take a break while I do d same. I don't wan to talk to him abt it cos am too quik wt tears n hurt n now he keeps blarring my fone wt calls bt iv refused to pik. Am I bein too harsh? Pls advice me.tanks
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Sunkyphil(m): 6:41pm On Sep 18, 2014
d guy stingy sha n btw learn to b dependent hope u neva give am ur d guy stingy sha n btw learn to b dependent hope u neva give am ur d guy stingy sha n btw learn to b dependent hope u neva give am ur

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Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 6:41pm On Sep 18, 2014
No dear you are not being harsh at all with alacrity retrace your steps no need for any long conversation with him, i fear he may deceive you.

1 Like

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by benedictjohn(m): 6:43pm On Sep 18, 2014
Padlock ur 2 legs.... Call a cop if he calls u...
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Sapphire86(f): 6:46pm On Sep 18, 2014
Yes you are! That guy in question Will never make a sacrifice for you.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:08pm On Sep 18, 2014
Sapphire86: Yes you are! That guy in question Will never make a sacrifice for you.
pls can u jus tell me how. He has neva done anytin worth bein called a sacrifice for me n yet iv been der for him so many tyms. Iv help evn to take care off business for him let alone house chores n all. He has neva evn taken me jus to chill out let alone on a shoppin spree n I see guys doin all ds for their ladies. I can't evn count d no of gifts iv received frm my best friend who happens to b a guy. Yet my own bf fails to buy a gift fr me evn on my birthdays, something I do for him cheerfully on his. I evn baked a cake n planned a suprise party wt a few friends on his last bday. Am I askin for too much
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by damiosy(m): 7:11pm On Sep 18, 2014
marinel: Hi, am 20 yrs old n an in my 3rd year in d uni. This is my first tym bein on nairaland courtesy of my roomie whose acct am usin. I find mysef in an emotional battle wc I'll lik to share. Iv been in a relationship wt a guy for 2yrs now n iv neva asked him for a dime as my parents take very good care of me. He has neva bothered to give, d only gift iv eva received frm him was a wrist watch n a T-shirt n dt was last val. All he has eva done evn on my bdays was call or text me nt evn #100 recharge. He visits me in skul regularly n I take good care him makin sure he is well fed n accomodate n wen he leaves he only says good bye. Evn while am at home goin to visit him is entirely on me as am left to pay for the cab fares. Mind u ds is a guy who has been pesterin me to settle wt him bt I keep insistin I want to b tru wt sku ist. Recent events make me recall all dt has been goin on wt us. A close friend of mine is gettin married ds oct n she chose me to b her bestie. I had to pay for ashwebi n all n I found out dt I had hausted my savings n was in dire need of d money. My mom gave me 2/3 of d mony I need n I was left to source for d rest n for d ist tym in my r/s I asked my bf to lend me a little mony wt d promise dt I'll pay up as soon as my allowance came in. He said he didn't have n I did not bother. I ended up gettin d mony from a neibr who wasn't evn a close fwend. 3 days later I found out dt my bf bout a new fone worth x10 of d amt I asked for. I talked to my fwends abt it n de said I was bein taken for granted n suggested dt he mite jus b stingy dt I shud jus ask for sumtin else in a while n c how it goes. Last week I asked him for mony to make my hair(jus to try him) n said old story. I told my sis abt it n she adviced I quietly retrace my steps else I end up in a marriage wher am being neglected. So I stoped callin fr a while n asked him to take a break while I do d same. I don't wan to talk to him abt it cos am too quik wt tears n hurt n now he keeps blarring my fone wt calls bt iv refused to pik. Am I bein too harsh? Pls advice me.tanks

Have you confronted him about this? Why bottle it up? Its called a relationship for a reason,its a 2 way street give and take don't be hasty and jump into conclusion he is not a mind reader tell him about it, what's the point when he doesn't even know the reason for your actions

4 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:11pm On Sep 18, 2014
Some guys don't believe in spending on a gal that isn't their wife yet
But to me, that's nonse.nse

Just give him a benefit of doubt and confront him
Then you can take decisions after that.
As for me, I may date a stingy bf o,say the love don too shack me, but I can't dream of settling down with such.




2sexy1..am waiting for your input on this cheesy.

1 Like

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by pasqal09: 7:12pm On Sep 18, 2014
damiosy:

Have you confronted him about this? Why bottle it up? Its called a relationship for a reason,its a 2 way street give and take don't be hasty and jump into conclusion he is not a mind reader tell him about it, what's the point when he doesn't even know the reason for your actions
Most sensible post I've read so far.

3 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Crocz(m): 7:15pm On Sep 18, 2014
But are you "Granted"?...I thought you are "marinel" o

Tell whoever is taking you for Granted that you are Marinel...end of

1 Like

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:17pm On Sep 18, 2014
andromida: No dear you are not being harsh at all with alacrity retrace your steps no need for any long conversation with him, i fear he may deceive you.
hence y I don't wan to meet him cos I'm afraid I'll jus accept his apology n get tins goin n in d long wrong if he goes back to bein him wt will I do den.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:19pm On Sep 18, 2014
marinel: pls can u jus tell me how. He has neva done anytin worth bein called a sacrifice for me n yet iv been der for him so many tyms. Iv help evn to take care off business for him let alone house chores n all. He has neva evn taken me jus to chill out let alone on a shoppin spree n I see guys doin all ds for their ladies. I can't evn count d no of gifts iv received frm my best friend who happens to b a guy. Yet my own bf fails to buy a gift fr me evn on my birthdays, something I do for him cheerfully on his. I evn baked a cake n planned a suprise party wt a few friends on his last bday. Am I askin for too much

You need to redefine your conception of sacrifice.
Dos he create time to visit?
or you are the only one visiting.
Dos he call?
Babe look well.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:24pm On Sep 18, 2014
damiosy:

Have you confronted him about this? Why bottle it up? Its called a relationship for a reason,its a 2 way street give and take don't be hasty and jump into conclusion he is not a mind reader tell him about it, what's the point when he doesn't even know the reason for your actions
I told him over d fone dt he was takin me for grantedn dt if he feels I'm not good enuf to spend his mony on den he shud jus go ahead n date any gal he chooses to n if she is beta dan I am dn I wish him all d best.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by StPete: 7:28pm On Sep 18, 2014
I seriously doubt the entirety of this your story...

But it's quite unfortunate that we cannot get the other side of this tale to weigh up on.

One thing I've observed is that most girls usually like to compare their boyfriends with their friends' boyfriends.
Not everybody earns the same, or have the same priorities or even spend the same.
I may be wrong here, but I believe if he hasn't done ANYTHING at all for you before, you would've left him a long time ago
It could also be that, there's a new guy on the line and he tends to spend more for you as compared to your boyfriend.

Check deep within your heart, you'll find the answer.

7 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:29pm On Sep 18, 2014
damiosy:

Have you confronted him about this? Why bottle it up? Its called a relationship for a reason,its a 2 way street give and take don't be hasty and jump into conclusion he is not a mind reader tell him about it, what's the point when he doesn't even know the reason for your actions
Did you say he's not a mind reader? Dating a girl for years without spending a dime on her, even on her birthdays and his mind never told him he aint trying? Please, let's not be biased in our advice here. And did you miss where she said he has never taken her out or for shopping before? That guy is just stingy and he very much is aware of it. The only part I agree with you is about the op confronting him, confront him not because he doesn't know he's one stingy asshole, but confront him to make him his stingyness is putting your 'relationship' on the line. I really wouldn't advice you settle with such guy, his stingyness might only get worse.

4 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by damiosy(m): 7:33pm On Sep 18, 2014
marinel: I told him over d fone dt he was takin me for grantedn dt if he feels I'm not good enuf to spend his mony on den he shud jus go ahead n date any gal he chooses to n if she is beta dan I am dn I wish him all d best.

Dear
Point one,if you want something from a man meet him one on one,do not make the mistake of talking to him on phone that way you can see the signs,do not compound an already existing problem with another problem,why would you say you are not good enough unless you have those fears
Point 2
You are daring him to look else where can't you see that? Be careful about the things you say and choose your words carefully
Point 3
Answer his call and hear him out dialogue is key to reconciliation preferably ask him to meet you somewhere one on one

2 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by jnrbayano(m): 7:34pm On Sep 18, 2014
Not picking up his calls suggest being childish...am afraid.

I wouldn't say the above if you have talked things over with him before now.

A good relationship thrives on "Dialogue"

Meet him.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:37pm On Sep 18, 2014
StPete: I seriously doubt the entirety of this your story...

But it's quite unfortunate that we cannot get the other side of this tale to weigh up on.

One thing I've observed is that most girls usually like to compare their boyfriends with their friends' boyfriends.
Not everybody earns the same, or have the same priorities or even spend the same.
I may be wrong here, but I believe if he hasn't done ANYTHING at all for you before, you would've left him a long time ago
It could also be that, there's a new guy on the line and he tends to spend more for you as compared to your boyfriend.

Check deep within your heart, you'll find the answer.
how I so wish I can giv u his digits so dt u can dial him n hear for ur sef. Wen I say he hasn't cared to do anytin at al for me I totally mean it, evn d sun n moon wud bear me witness. N I'm nt keepin any guy elsewer. Up till now it neva used to bother me bt lookin bak at all dt has happened btw us I feel lik I deserve beta.

1 Like

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by great289(m): 7:45pm On Sep 18, 2014
you make d whole thing against d guy. Buh since am a guy and i no d way some gals behave i will need to hear frm d guy befr i cn advise u.
Buh do u say u are 20yrs old? Dt shld be d least thing worryn u nw.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 7:46pm On Sep 18, 2014
chidyhels:

You need to redefine your conception of sacrifice.
Dos he create time to visit?
or you are the only one visiting.
Dos he call?
Babe look well.
yes he visits wen am in skul cos he can't visit in my home yet. N I end up spendin a sizeable amt of my allowance jus to make sure he is comfortable wenever he visits n he doesn't evn offer some change evn wen he is leavin. I call him as much as he calls me n wen I fail to call sumtyms he keeps complainin n if I explain to him dt am out of call card all he says is ok.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by damiosy(m): 7:53pm On Sep 18, 2014
MzPreshie: Did you say he's not a mind reader? Dating a girl for years without spending a dime on her, even on her birthdays and his mind never told him he aint trying? Please, let's not be biased in our advice here. And did you miss where she said he has never taken her out or for shopping before? That guy is just stingy and he very much is aware of it. The only part I agree with you is about the op confronting him, confront him not because he doesn't know he's one stingy asshole, but confront him to make him his stingyness is putting your 'relationship' on the line. I really wouldn't advice you settle with such guy, his stingyness might only get worse.

Like seriously he has not spent a dime on her in as much as that is kind of extreme, I can't ignore the fact that you are making it seem like his obligated to do something on her birthday mind you he is not her father,that's how most girls put unfair pressure on their BF's to go great lengths just to prove he is capable
If you are not ready for the challenges why not stay single?
Enough with the cursing,if you have a tiny bit of self worth go out there and make the money yourself without going to lengths of sleeping around or better still tell daddy
Moreover this post aint for peeps like you whom can't read inbetween the line that are in front of you

1 Like

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by damiosy(m): 8:03pm On Sep 18, 2014
chidyhels: Some guys don't believe in spending on a gal that isn't their wife yet
But to me, that's nonse.nse

Just give him a benefit of doubt and confront him
Then you can take decisions after that.
As for me, I may date a stingy bf o,say the love don too shack me, but I can't dream of settling down with such.




2sexy1..am waiting for your input on this cheesy.


Some girls don't see anything in sleeping with a man that isn't her BF or hubby to me thats prostitution
And I can date a rich babe date doesn't mean I will marry her

Choose your words carefully if you think you got reasons A Man has his too 50:50
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by 1one: 8:04pm On Sep 18, 2014
marinel: pls can u jus tell me how. He has neva done anytin worth bein called a sacrifice for me n yet iv been der for him so many tyms. Iv help evn to take care off business for him let alone house chores n all. He has neva evn taken me jus to chill out let alone on a shoppin spree n I see guys doin all ds for their ladies. I can't evn count d no of gifts iv received frm my best friend who happens to b a guy. Yet my own bf fails to buy a gift fr me evn on my birthdays something I do for him cheerfully on his. I evn baked a cake n planned a suprise party wt a few friends on his last bday. Am I askin for too much

shocked shocked shocked
Even on your birthday?. . No gift?.. That's "unforgivable".

You're not asking too much.. I think you're well deserving of all the things you're asking of him.He might just be pathologically stingy, and really there's no cure to that... People like him don't need money to be generous, because whether the money is there or not, they are still tight-fisted.

I honestly suggest that you just take a major break from the relationship... Your bf certainly doesn't know how to value and appreciate your presence in his life.. And who would want a guy like that as the father of her children.

5 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Sapphire86(f): 8:10pm On Sep 18, 2014
marinel: pls can u jus tell me how. He has neva done anytin worth bein called a sacrifice for me n yet iv been der for him so many tyms. Iv help evn to take care off business for him let alone house chores n all. He has neva evn taken me jus to chill out let alone on a shoppin spree n I see guys doin all ds for their ladies. I can't evn count d no of gifts iv received frm my best friend who happens to b a guy. Yet my own bf fails to buy a gift fr me evn on my birthdays, something I do for him cheerfully on his. I evn baked a cake n planned a suprise party wt a few friends on his last bday. Am I askin for too much

Before I say you should walk out, have you tried communicating all these to him? If he does that to others and u get none as his girlfriend, there is something missing. If u decide to walk out don't say 'it's Cuz you didn't buy me this or that or take me shopping'. Try him one last time for a need that is not real to see if he goes out of his way for u then u know what to do cuz some girl is probably chopping his cash.

When u say u love someone, you love them even in giving and not just by words.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 8:17pm On Sep 18, 2014
damiosy:

Like seriously he has not spent a dime on her in as much as that is kind of extreme, I can't ignore the fact that you are making it seem like his obligated to do something on her birthday mind you he is not her father,that's how most girls put unfair pressure on their BF's to go great lengths just to prove he is capable
If you are not ready for the challenges why not stay single?
Moreover this post aint for peeps like you whom can't read inbetween the line that are in front of you
You know, I love that line of yours, 'if you're not ready for the challenges, why not stay single?' Since the guy is not ready to spend anything even on birthdays (an only day in the year that's most important), then he should stay single. Getting her something for her birthday is not neccessarily buying her a house in banana island, there are little and very cheap, yet beautiful ways of showing love. And about me not being able to read between the line, mind pointing out where I missed?
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by seagullbabz(m): 8:26pm On Sep 18, 2014
I haven't heard his own side of the story, so I wouldn't really judge him, but still I would advise you. Let no man take you for granted, if it is happening now, it will happen like that when you are married. If he doesn't give you money, but pampers with you gifts and makes you feel special, I would have understood him a bit. I for one person, i'm not good in buying things because I alwaiz feel like what I buy is not good enuff, but to cover up for that, I give money to a girl am dating, or just take her out and ask her to take something. The only person I would treat the way ur bf is treating u is a fling or shey na side-girl I go call am.
It's a relationship, and not all relationship ends in marriage, think it through, talk to him and if it stays the same way, find your square root. Don't accept any stories for the gods.......but do not break up witout havin a discussion with him first, you owe him that. if you can't talk face to face with him because you don't want your emotions to betray you, then just chat or send him a text. If he wants you, he will fight for you.......QED....bless

And for doz saying he is not the girls's father, I know he is not, but a guy doesn't have to buy something expensive to show his love...even little things matter a lot, unless the girl too is greedy...besides if he ain't her father, then he shouldn't be sleeping with her. if a girl doesn't deny you Sex, then showing you care isn't bad too. Atleast sme guys spend thousands to pick up hookers just for the night.

1 Like

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by folameme(f): 8:27pm On Sep 18, 2014
Babe!I'm gonna contribute wif dis lil story of mine,its very similar to urs. I met dis guy late last year,and after d normal pestering,i started dating him dis january. we only went out once in an eatery buh it was cool,d rest was always phone calls and chatting,tho he calls, not everyday buh we do chat alot. We've dated for 4months without been intimate at all(and I'm glad) buh have never asked him for anything.so dis day ma bis expired and i was broke,so wen he called i asked him if he cud renew it,he said he jst collected his salary and he wanna save up(d money is jst 1k)oooo i was really pissed buh i played cool. He ended d call da night,for d next 3days that he called i didn't pick his calls yet he didn't send d card,on d 4th day,i finally subscribed and he was d first person to ping*me asking why i didn't pick his calls,i was really angry ehn,i lashed out at him greatly and he was jst like*oh sorry*he didn't feel remorseful,i said some nasty words at him before deleting him off and blocking him on whatsapp.ps:I'm a student,still very young and dis guy is 7years older so u can imagine .that was my first time of asking him and it was becos i was broke. So pls babe,any guy who really loves u his gonna sacrifice to always keep u happy pls babe,u won't be happy wif him jst break up wif him amicably,i understand hw u feel trust me. We are still very young,there are plenty fishes in d water buh pls never date a guy becos u're lonely,be really sure u wanna spend d rest of ur life wif him and pray fervently over it. For now I'm single and its really cool,so babe jst do d same and dnt jump into any all da best.

4 Likes

Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by mascot87(m): 8:33pm On Sep 18, 2014
If ur story is true then My advice is very simple & straight forward,run for your life cos that guy will make ur life miserable if u eventually marry him. Take my advice very seriously or else u are on ur own
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by folameme(f): 8:35pm On Sep 18, 2014
marinel: yes he visits wen am in skul cos he can't visit in my home yet. N I end up spendin a sizeable amt of my allowance jus to make sure he is comfortable wenever he visits n he doesn't evn offer some change evn wen he is leavin. I call him as much as he calls me n wen I fail to call sumtyms he keeps complainin n if I explain to him dt am out of call card all he says is ok.
babe am sure he has someone his spending on.and i hope to God u've nt been intimate wif him sha?pls dnt ok?no guy is worth our body,jst ur (Hubby)so break up wif him amicably,he can't go extra miles for u,for now stay single,u're stil very young and pray to God to send d right guy,pls dnt jump into any r/ship focus on education and keep urself innocent,d lord will send d right guy at d right time.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 8:35pm On Sep 18, 2014
seagullbabz: I haven't heard his own side of the story, so I wouldn't really judge him, but still I would advise you. Let no man take you for granted, if it is happening now, it will happen like that when you are married. If he doesn't give you money, but pampers with you gifts and makes you feel special, I would have understood him a bit. I for one person, i'm not good in buying things because I alwaiz feel like what I buy is not good enuff, but to cover up for that, I give money to a girl am dating, or just take her out and ask her to take something. The only person I would treat the way ur bf is treating u is a fling or shey na side-girl I go call am.
It's a relationship, and not all relationship ends in marriage, think it through, talk to him and if it stays the same way, find your square root. Don't accept any stories for the gods.......but do not break up witout havin a discussion with him first, you owe him that. if you can't talk face to face with him because you don't want your emotions to betray you, then just chat or send him a text. If he wants you, he will fight for you.......QED....bless
. I don't tink am his side gal at al. He wants us to get married n has been blabbing about it for a while though I insist on completing my education b4 I can do dt. I'm not stayin away cos I'm not gettin gifts n all bt because I fear dt in d long run if I end up as his wife I mite jus b totally negleted.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by Nobody: 8:38pm On Sep 18, 2014
folameme: babe am sure he has someone his spending on.and i hope to God u've nt been intimate wif him sha?pls dnt ok?no guy is worth our body,jst ur (Hubby)so break up wif him amicably,he can't go extra miles for u,for now stay single,u're stil very young and pray to God to send d right guy,pls dnt jump into any r/ship focus on education and keep urself innocent,d lord will send d right guy at d right time.
. Tanks. I'm seriously tinking of taking a break till I can graduate n get my sef a job. I'll be saving all my strenght to get a 1st class n do sumtin worth while.
Re: Am I Bein Taken For Granted? by damiosy(m): 8:40pm On Sep 18, 2014
MzPreshie: You know, I love that line of yours, 'if you're not ready for the challenges, why not stay single?' Since the guy is not ready to spend anything even on birthdays (an only day in the year that's most important), then he should stay single. Getting her something for her birthday is not neccessarily buying her a house in banana island, there are little and very cheap, yet beautiful ways of showing love. And about me not being able to read between the line, mind pointing out where I missed?

Staying single applies to both parties (Boy and Girl) 50:50 at least that's the way I see it

The line is For you to say I am being biased,I see no wrong in what I said,if taking her out was the problem why not tell him? How hard is that? Why create a vacuum when there is no need for one?

You are jumping to conclusion you have not heard the guys side of the story then I ask who is biased here?

You are not God the ultimate matchmaker instead of advising out of a good heart you are trying to break someone elses relationship prematurely cuz of your baseless ideas and experiences when you could simply do the right thing and ask your partner what that problem is and get it fixed geez If there is a problem get it fixed if you can't tell him its over END OF STORY

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