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Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 2:52pm On Sep 19, 2014
[/color][color=#000099]I am from the Northern part of nigeria while my boyfriend is from the southern part.We met in 2011 during youth service in Abuja.I had been staying with my sis and he comes to visit me.But after sometime I noticed my sis and my family members did not like him,they said he will not be able to marry me cos he does not have a job and I do not knw when he will be able to have a job.I finished my youth service some months before him and I got a job with a company after 3 months of concluding my NYSC. Iam 32 years old now,while my guy is 27.My sis and I fell out of relationship and she asked me to leave her house because she did not want my relationship with my guy.so I decided to park out and went in to stay with my guy,at this time he had finishd his NYSC and we joined hands to take a house in one of the villages in the FCT.we kept supporting each other,although I did much of the spending cos I was the one working.we later got jobs by 2012 though my salary was 4 times more than his own.he told his parents about me.we decided to go to theregistry since we were staying together so that we can be more committed.only our close friends knew about the wedding.He decided to see my mom in the village and he was accepted.after 8 months he went to his parents to tell them that he is planning to marry me,and they objected and said we are not strong yet,that we shud wait for another year,but he shud bring me to them first.so in about 4 months to the time we were planning he took me to his parents and they wellcomed me well.But this time around his dad told me that he still wants us to be strong again and wait for the next 2 years before we do the wedding.his parents were aware that I have been supporting him financially,he is currently doing his MSc and I even bought a car in his name,but hi parents thought he got it on his own.The location of my job is in the core north,but most of the time I come to stay with him.we had decided to take a better house if we were getting married by december as we scheduled but the money was going to come from me since I earn more,cos he doesn't really have savings cos of his MSc, his car and he sends money for his parents when they demand from him to make them feel that he is strong enough to marry even when it doesn't feel comfortable.my problem now is dat iam not getting younger and iam skeptical about bringing out huge money to take ahouse with these shifting of the wedding,cos I don't knw if the wedding can take place or not.My guy does not want to argue with his parents so that they don't think iam rushing him.while my ppl feel he is deceiving me by shifting the wedding dates.I need advice on weither or not to spend my money and take the house now,and wait for him till that time to marry or I shud jst quit and start another relationship.thou I love him very much.but he promised me that if by the two yrs his parents still decide to shift it he will tell them about the court wedding and get me pregnant cos I will be 35 yrs by then.pls I need advice.What do I do?
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 2:53pm On Sep 19, 2014
Please make use of paragraphs. My eyes hurt.

1 Like

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 3:09pm On Sep 19, 2014
They should clearly define strong enough
You both work, you are supporting his masters, you bought him a car yet una never strong reach. Hmmmm hope you are not being stringed along so that he can finishings masters and get a better job then give you the sear Jane goodbye.

5 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by MizMyColi(f): 3:15pm On Sep 19, 2014
aisha2: They should clearly define strong enough
You both work, you are supporting his masters, you bought him a car yet una never strong reach. Hmmmm hope you are not being stringed along so that he can finishings masters and get a better job then give you the sear Jane goodbye.


My thoughts too.
OP, please think this thing through carefully.
Please.

If he isn't with his parents or if there's no sinister motive, why doesn't he just impregnate you now and blame it on lipsrsealed
Seeing as you two are married (sorta)
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by bellong: 3:25pm On Sep 19, 2014
You should be more concerned about this guy of yours than his parents.

He is either keeping something from you or he is not a man enough to get married.

When a man is ready to be married, NO PARENT can stop him.

7 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by RollingFella(m): 3:27pm On Sep 19, 2014
rosisi: [/color][color=#000099]I am from the Northern part of nigeria while my boyfriend is from the southern part.We met in 2011 during youth service in Abuja.I had been staying with my sis and he comes to visit me.But after sometime I noticed my sis and my family members did not like him,they said he will not be able to marry me cos he does not have a job and I do not knw when he will be able to have a job.I finished my youth service some months before him and I got a job with a company after 3 months of concluding my NYSC. Iam 32 years old now,while my guy is 27.My sis and I fell out of relationship and she asked me to leave her house because she did not want my relationship with my guy.so I decided to park out and went in to stay with my guy,at this time he had finishd his NYSC and we joined hands to take a house in one of the villages in the FCT.we kept supporting each other,although I did much of the spending cos I was the one working.we later got jobs by 2012 though my salary was 4 times more than his own.he told his parents about me.we decided to go to theregistry since we were staying together so that we can be more committed.only our close friends knew about the wedding.He decided to see my mom in the village and he was accepted.after 8 months he went to his parents to tell them that he is planning to marry me,and they objected and said we are not strong yet,that we shud wait for another year,but he shud bring me to them first.so in about 4 months to the time we were planning he took me to his parents and they wellcomed me well.But this time around his dad told me that he still wants us to be strong again and wait for the next 2 years before we do the wedding.his parents were aware that I have been supporting him financially,he is currently doing his MSc and I even bought a car in his name,but hi parents thought he got it on his own.The location of my job is in the core north,but most of the time I come to stay with him.we had decided to take a better house if we were getting married by december as we scheduled but the money was going to come from me since I earn more,cos he doesn't really have savings cos of his MSc, his car and he sends money for his parents when they demand from him to make them feel that he is strong enough to marry even when it doesn't feel comfortable.my problem now is dat iam not getting younger and iam skeptical about bringing out huge money to take ahouse with these shifting of the wedding,cos I don't knw if the wedding can take place or not.My guy does not want to argue with his parents so that they don't think iam rushing him.while my ppl feel he is deceiving me by shifting the wedding dates.I need advice on weither or not to spend my money and take the house now,and wait for him till that time to marry or I shud jst quit and start another relationship.thou I love him very much.but he promised me that if by the two yrs his parents still decide to shift it he will tell them about the court wedding and get me pregnant cos I will be 35 yrs by then.pls I need advice.What do I do?

A man who is led by the dictates of his parents and can't stand his grounds as regards his marital future is never a full grown man....just my opinion.

6 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 3:47pm On Sep 19, 2014
Op this guy is avoiding real commitment...in my own opinion pls move on,run and never look back undecided

1 Like

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 3:51pm On Sep 19, 2014
aisha2: They should clearly define strong enough
You both work, you are supporting his masters, you bought him a car yet una never strong reach. Hmmmm hope you are not being stringed along so that he can finishings masters and get a better job then give you the sear Jane goodbye.


What can I say Aisha? you have said it all

2 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 3:52pm On Sep 19, 2014
bellong: You should be more concerned about this guy of yours than his parents.
He is either keeping something from you or he is not a man enough to get married.
When a man is ready to be married, NO PARENT can stop him.

RollingFella:
A man who is led by the dictates of his parents and can't stand his grounds as regards his marital future is never a full grown man....just my opinion.

Sorry Aisha but you gat rivals here cheesy
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 4:08pm On Sep 19, 2014
jennykadry:
Sorry Aisha but you gat rivals here cheesy

Hahahahahaaa Jennykadry no kill me. Abeg come back jor

1 Like

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Richy4(m): 4:18pm On Sep 19, 2014
I might be wrong but hmmmmmmmmmm.
Hope you are not gonna be a ladder to his success at the end of the day he discovered a 23 year old who is more beautiful, smarter,can speak 53 languages. then you start thinking about suicide.

please you are 32 do you want to give birth at 40? I just hope the parent are not speaking his mind.

My dear I might be wrong but you know all lizard are lying on their belle no one knows the one that had a stomach ache.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 4:38pm On Sep 19, 2014
You mean he actually told you to stay more 2years considering your age? He prolly told his parents your age that can be used against you if are not wise to walk away, i think he even gave his parent that idea....this one you are saying love hmmm. I am only concerned about all your investments on him. So to make it easier since you live in diffent places, get into another relationship and play along... actually a plan B, i mean spring the surprise on him instead. Had he really loved you his parents wouldnt have been an issue and yes your sister is very right.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by egopersonified(f): 5:14pm On Sep 19, 2014
You dont need a bigger or better house now, if the marriage keeps being postponed, why rent one now while awaiting an indefinately postponed marriage? Wait till the wedding invitation cards are out before moving. His parents might want him to be 30 before he marries, thats why they insist you guys wait. Do you look older than him? They might sense your need to get married fast, so they ask their son to take time to decide if this is what he really wants and not rush into it. These days, some parents advice their kids, both male and female, to finish school, get a job and 'enjoy' their life first before getting married. I advice that you analyse your guy to determine if he is really committed to your r/ship. Also try to save and invest a part of your salary monthly, dont go on spending on unnecesary things. All the best.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Skybright227: 6:12pm On Sep 19, 2014
You know your guy better than we do know, be wise about any decision you will finally make....GURL BE WISE!!

1 Like

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 7:09pm On Sep 19, 2014
Stop living in immorality.

Repent now.

1 Like

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by kreamidiva(f): 7:48pm On Sep 19, 2014
What do they mean by "strong"?
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 8:10pm On Sep 19, 2014
@ just radical. I am married to my Man by law,abi jesus does not recognise court marriage?

2 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 8:15pm On Sep 19, 2014
@kream diva. I cud remember when my mans Dad asked him to give him 100k and my man laughed,then his Dad told him that he is laughing because he does not have the money,dats why he said that he is not strong.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 8:18pm On Sep 19, 2014
OP, i weep for you just like the Israelites sang the song ''By the rivers of Babylon'' I wont blame you. I will blame this thing called LOVE. But do you know LOVE turns SOUR. Your folks are not supporting you and his folks are not supporting him either. The guy is NOT matured enough psychologically to get married. He is just 27, even 5 years younger than you. Are you blind. It seems you are more mature than him in every way. OMG. That boy is your younger brother. If it were a year or two age gap, that would have been better. Please the odds are too many. Look elsewhere my dear. You only have one life on earth. Do you think you can survive a heartbreak? Men can easily fall in love...to be continued...
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by thorpido(m): 8:37pm On Sep 19, 2014
Strong strong......una dey body build?
You have been with this guy for more than a year,what strength do you need to build in your relationship again?
You are 32yrs and it wouldn't be good for this guy to be stringing you along only to change his mind later and go for a younger girl.
Give him an ultimatum of 3mths to fix a date.If by December,he can't make up his mind,I don't think you should go into a new year with this.
A MAN sets a time to marry and does so.You are dating a boy who is unsure.

3 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by soonest(f): 9:22pm On Sep 19, 2014
Op,u better shine ur eyes o! At 32yrs, nobody should be playing games with you.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by breathless(m): 9:35pm On Sep 19, 2014
OP. If you've gone to the registry, then consider yourself already married. There's a marriage contract between you both.
The wedding is only ceremonial.
Happy married life.

6 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by slimyem: 9:36pm On Sep 19, 2014
rosisi: [/color][color=#000099]I am from the Northern part of nigeria while my boyfriend is from the southern part.We met in 2011 during youth service in Abuja.I had been staying with my sis and he comes to visit me.But after sometime I noticed my sis and my family members did not like him,they said he will not be able to marry me cos he does not have a job and I do not knw when he will be able to have a job.I finished my youth service some months before him and I got a job with a company after 3 months of concluding my NYSC. Iam 32 years old now,while my guy is 27.My sis and I fell out of relationship and she asked me to leave her house because she did not want my relationship with my guy.so I decided to park out and went in to stay with my guy,at this time he had finishd his NYSC and we joined hands to take a house in one of the villages in the FCT.we kept supporting each other,although I did much of the spending cos I was the one working.we later got jobs by 2012 though my salary was 4 times more than his own.he told his parents about me.we decided to go to theregistry since we were staying together so that we can be more committed.only our close friends knew about the wedding.He decided to see my mom in the village and he was accepted.after 8 months he went to his parents to tell them that he is planning to marry me,and they objected and said we are not strong yet,that we shud wait for another year,but he shud bring me to them first.so in about 4 months to the time we were planning he took me to his parents and they wellcomed me well.But this time around his dad told me that he still wants us to be strong again and wait for the next 2 years before we do the wedding.his parents were aware that I have been supporting him financially,he is currently doing his MSc and I even bought a car in his name,but hi parents thought he got it on his own.The location of my job is in the core north,but most of the time I come to stay with him.we had decided to take a better house if we were getting married by december as we scheduled but the money was going to come from me since I earn more,cos he doesn't really have savings cos of his MSc, his car and he sends money for his parents when they demand from him to make them feel that he is strong enough to marry even when it doesn't feel comfortable.my problem now is dat iam not getting younger and iam skeptical about bringing out huge money to take ahouse with these shifting of the wedding,cos I don't knw if the wedding can take place or not.My guy does not want to argue with his parents so that they don't think iam rushing him.while my ppl feel he is deceiving me by shifting the wedding dates.I need advice on weither or not to spend my money and take the house now,and wait for him till that time to marry or I shud jst quit and start another relationship.thou I love him very much.but he promised me that if by the two yrs his parents still decide to shift it he will tell them about the court wedding and get me pregnant cos I will be 35 yrs by then.pls I need advice.What do I do?
what manner of man is this?
I just think you are being taken for a ride both by father and son.....
There are no definite signs that this boyfriend is going to marry you even in two years. Sounds like he is neither ready nor interested and how long are you going to keep being responsible for him?
Is he ever going to be responsible for you?

3 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by OnyeEgo1(m): 10:50pm On Sep 19, 2014
Rosisi dear, here is my advice, do not live 'IN TIME', are u a christian if yes? Den u are save forget abt biological clock ticking away... Seek God's word on this and get direction from his spirit.... Lastly sit down and think what do u really want? If u want this guy, den try to stay close to his family please dem, be honest cos mothers can detect falsehood, impress most expecially his MOM+man greatest weak point+...

Relax don't be in a fuss yet for parents are lamp in the feet of everyone don't mind all dis nlanders dat says he shud ignore his parent.. Remember no be dem dey live ur life after all..

Sweet decision at d end sweerie

1 Like

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Splendblex(f): 10:21am On Sep 20, 2014
Rosisi, shine ya eyes wella, your family are against the union and you are beginning to have doubts.The guy no serious at all, gaskiya kenan.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by sheniqua: 11:20pm On Sep 20, 2014
rosisi: [/color][color=#000099]I am from the Northern part of nigeria while my boyfriend is from the southern part.We met in 2011 during youth service in Abuja.I had been staying with my sis and he comes to visit me.But after sometime I noticed my sis and my family members did not like him,they said he will not be able to marry me cos he does not have a job and I do not knw when he will be able to have a job.I finished my youth service some months before him and I got a job with a company after 3 months of concluding my NYSC. Iam 32 years old now,while my guy is 27.My sis and I fell out of relationship and she asked me to leave her house because she did not want my relationship with my guy.so I decided to park out and went in to stay with my guy,at this time he had finishd his NYSC and we joined hands to take a house in one of the villages in the FCT.we kept supporting each other,although I did much of the spending cos I was the one working.we later got jobs by 2012 though my salary was 4 times more than his own.he told his parents about me.we decided to go to theregistry since we were staying together so that we can be more committed.only our close friends knew about the wedding.He decided to see my mom in the village and he was accepted.after 8 months he went to his parents to tell them that he is planning to marry me,and they objected and said we are not strong yet,that we shud wait for another year,but he shud bring me to them first.so in about 4 months to the time we were planning he took me to his parents and they wellcomed me well.But this time around his dad told me that he still wants us to be strong again and wait for the next 2 years before we do the wedding.his parents were aware that I have been supporting him financially,he is currently doing his MSc and I even bought a car in his name,but hi parents thought he got it on his own.The location of my job is in the core north,but most of the time I come to stay with him.we had decided to take a better house if we were getting married by december as we scheduled but the money was going to come from me since I earn more,cos he doesn't really have savings cos of his MSc, his car and he sends money for his parents when they demand from him to make them feel that he is strong enough to marry even when it doesn't feel comfortable.my problem now is dat iam not getting younger and iam skeptical about bringing out huge money to take ahouse with these shifting of the wedding,cos I don't knw if the wedding can take place or not.My guy does not want to argue with his parents so that they don't think iam rushing him.while my ppl feel he is deceiving me by shifting the wedding dates.I need advice on weither or not to spend my money and take the house now,and wait for him till that time to marry or I shud jst quit and start another relationship.thou I love him very much.but he promised me that if by the two yrs his parents still decide to shift it he will tell them about the court wedding and get me pregnant cos I will be 35 yrs by then.pls I need advice.What do I do?

Reading this made me so sad
Sad because I can see from your post here that you truly love this man
And I commend you for marrying him legally rather than live in sin
I can also understand why you would want to make this official to everyone so you can start having kids and stop the hiding.
I think he should go home to his parents and tell me the truth That you are already officially married and living as man and wife
Let him apologize for not letting them in on it
Go home and tell your folks the same thing and the reason why you hid it.
Don't spend any more time living a lie and torturing yourselves just to please your parents
You may be surprised that they won't take it as badly as you envisaged
I also advise that you contact some close relatives of yours on both sides whom you think may advocate for you and tell them this.

You are not children anymore

Take that bold step and tell your parents this immediately , the sky won't fall down
But if your man refuses to make this move,then you know you are probably not on the same frequency

And on your question I highlighted,do not spend any money on any house.
His response and actions after you have stated what I advised,would guide your next move

3 Likes

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by phabulous88(m): 7:44am On Sep 21, 2014
breathless: OP. If you've gone to the registry, then consider yourself already married. There's a marriage contract between you both.
The wedding is only ceremonial.
Happy married life.

My thoughts exactly. My dear, in the eye of God and of the law, you are his wife and he's your husband. I advise the both of you to open up to your parents about the court wedding. They will be very disappointed and may think you cajoled him into it but the deed is done and there's little they can do about it. But be prepared for challenges (financial and otherwise) cos I see a whole lotta them in the future. Irrespective of how much you earn and the age gap between you, he is still your head - be submissive to him. Both of you should plan on how you would handle your finances cos its a major factor in marriage. One last thing - let your age gap and the amount you earn be a secret between the both of you; don't even let your shadow know. I wish you the best. I'm off for Sunday Mass.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by bellong: 8:22am On Sep 21, 2014
Contrary to the opinions of many, a secret wedding is no wedding in the real sense of it.

When none of the parents is aware, it means nothing but a facade. The parents must be in the know for you to call anything marriage especially the bride's father or his representative.

1 Like

Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by 5minsmadness: 8:28am On Sep 21, 2014
sheniqua:

Reading this made me so sad
Sad because I can see from your post here that you truly love this man
And I commend you for marrying him legally rather than live in sin
I can also understand why you would want to make this official to everyone so you can start having kids and stop the hiding.
I think he should go home to his parents and tell me the truth That you are already officially married and living as man and wife
Let him apologize for not letting them in on it
Go home and tell your folks the same thing and the reason why you hid it.
Don't spend any more time living a lie and torturing yourselves just to please your parents
You may be surprised that they won't take it as badly as you envisaged
I also advise that you contact some close relatives of yours on both sides whom you think may advocate for you and tell them this.

You are not children anymore

Take that bold step and tell your parents this immediately , the sky won't fall down
But if your man refuses to make this move,then you know you are probably not on the same frequency

And on your question I highlighted,do not spend any money on any house.
His response and actions after you have stated what I advised,would guide your next move
Best advice IMO
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 9:26am On Sep 21, 2014
kreamidiva: What do they mean by "strong"?
A word used in deceiving the lady and thinking all is well and giving her high hopes. grin

At this moment,I just pity the lady because the chances of her finally settlling with the dude is very slim. I am more bothered about her age cos she's not getting any younger.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Nobody: 11:28am On Sep 21, 2014
breathless: OP. If you've gone to the registry, then consider yourself already married. There's a marriage contract between you both.
The wedding is only ceremonial.
Happy married life.


Hmm u'r comment makess a lot of sense.
Re: Pls. Nairalanders I Need Advice by Splendblex(f): 12:01pm On Sep 21, 2014
rosisi:

Hmm u'r comment makess a lot of sense.
Makes a lot of sense abi? His parents doesn't know, your parents do not know about it.Yes you are legally married to that guy but if everything is okay you wouldn't be here asking for advice. Read sheniqua's post very well.All the best dear.

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