I have been reading works on Nairaland and thought it was high time to submit mine. Thanks to TiffanyJ for the unknown motivation. Your books ' A man to call her own.' and 'the reluctant bride' really caught me spellbound.

Chapter One.
'Are you sure you are not forgetting anything Jessy dear?'. Helen said as she watched her husband pack the last boxes into the family SUV. ' Yes Aunt I double checked everything' a girl answered from the car. She had fair skin with long black hair and deep blue eyes. Her name was Jessica and she was an orphan who lived with her Aunt's family after the death of her parents.
Her Aunt's husband disliked her greatly and was now sending her to a Boarding school in Lagos to get rid of her.
She was trying to sound sad so as not to hurt her Aunt's feelings but she was inwardly bursting with happiness and excitement to be finally leaving the house and her Uncle's trouble behind her. Even if it was just for 3 months it was a great relief. But the horror was that she was going to spend the 5 hour drive to Lagos in the car alone with her Uncle. She took one last long look at the house and her waving Aunt before her Uncle zoomed the car out the driveway. They drove on in silence until her Uncle cleared his throat and Jessica surprised jolted. 'You are going to a new school which is very far away and you will be without the supervision of me or your Aunt. Your bad behaviors recently have prompted me to

Continuation:
Send you away so that you will not corrupt the other children. I just hope we will not receive a call from your Principal in the next few days...' Jessica wished the ground would open up and swallow her. He went on and on until they reached her school gates. Sue didn't wait for the car to stop before she jumped down and started removing her stuff. He followed her in to sign some papers and then left. She heaved a sigh as she climbed the steps leading to her room. She pushed the door of room 112 open and looked around. There were two beds she took the one close to the Window and lay down. It didn't take her two minutes to fall asleep.

Pls if I hav made any mistakes Pls correct me I was lov to improve.

Interesting story following

Crowny1: I have been reading works on Nairaland and thought it was high time to submit mine. Thanks to TiffanyJ for the unknown motivation. Your books ' A man to call her own.' and 'the reluctant bride' really caught me spellbound.

thank you very much dearie. Your words put a smile on my face and made my day.
I will definately follow this work to the end. It won't be easy my dear, but determination today leads to success tomorrow.

Crowny1: Pls if I hav made any mistakes Pls correct me I was lov to improve.

you need to modify this sentence, grammatically. Thanks

'Jessica! Jessica! Wake up'. Jessica woke up to find someone shaking her. Her eyes instinctively went to the clock on the wall. It said 3:18 pm she had slept for almost 4 hrs. She turned to look at the person who was shaking her and exclaimed. 'Suzy!' the girl laughed. Suzy was her neighbor but she had been attending Augustine Boarding school since Jss1 and was the reason why her Uncle had sent her here. She was the most well behaved girl on their street. To the adults at least.
'You have been sleeping for the past 4 hrs.' Suzy said still laughing. ' After Gabriel's drilling who wouldn't? I don't even know what Helen saw in him. She's too good for someone like him.' Jessica said rolling her eyes in anger. 'But you can't deny the fact that he is super cute'. Suzy said smiling. Jessica just looked at her and shook her head
Suzy was dark skinned with brown eyes and short black hair she had a wonderful body and when in the right clothes and make up, she couldn't enter a place without heads turning. She and Jessica chatted about a lot of things before walking around and finally retiring to bed.

Komzzy1: Interesting story following

. Thanks

TiffanyJ:
you need to modify this sentence, grammatically. Thanks

I will thanks

Chapter Two:

'This is our swimming pool. That is the Basketball court. Over there is the lawn tennis court.' Suzy said as she showed Jessica the leisure area. It was Sunday and they were coming back from the fellowship. A boy walked over to them. Jessica recognized him as the boy who sat behind her and Suzy during class.
'David how Sunday? '. Suzy said giving him her best smile. 'Fine. You guys look good.' He said admiring them. Jessica noticed he was staring her and turned away. She was wearing a blue gown that went a little below her knees and a silver shoe and clutch. She let her hair fall back. She looked dazzling and she knew it.
Suzy sensed the tension so she said a quick goodbye and dragged Jessica away with her. 'You could have been a bit nicer you know. He just wanted to talk to you.' she later said as she and Jessica walked around the Basketball court. Jessica was staring at the boys who were playing. The Red team against the Blue team. One on the boys on the red team caught her eye.
He was tall and also light in complexion, his jersey exposed his muscles and he had shiny black hair. He jumped and threw the ball into the basket as his feet hit the flour and he turned around, their eyes met and Jessica suddenly self conscious turned away. Suzy looked at her in surprise. 'You were staring at Henry weren't you?' she said accusingly. ' What! No! Wait is that his name' Jessica said turning to look at Suzy who had burst out laughing.
'Hey what's so funny' Jessica said starting to get upset. ' Jessica don't even waste your time. He doesn't have time for girls.'Suzy said still laughing. ' Who told you I was staring at him.' Jessica said trying to avoid the urge to look at the Basketball court again. 'Come on. I promised Vera I would introduce you to the girls'. Suzy said pulling her away. Jessica stole one last look at the Basketball court before turning away. He was still there.

Pls don't just view. Leave a comment. I seriously need criticism

Vera's room was pink and classy. There were about nine girls seated. Jessica gasped when she saw them. She didn't need anyone to tell her that she was pretty but these girls looked more than dazzling in the clothes they were wearing.
She knew she would look more beautiful if she had the clothes but Gabriel would never let her shop for clothes. He always said that the clothes she had were enough and he would quarrel with Helen anytime she bought her new clothes. She remembered the times she had with her parents and it brought tears to her eyes. She always blamed herself for their death since it was because of her that they both went out that night.
Suzy tapped her lightly when Vera walked in and Jessica was brought back to reality. Jessica was dumbfounded. If she thought the other girls were pretty then she was wrong. Vera was indeed a sight to behold. She shook hands with her and introduced the other girls. Margaret, Sophie, Hannah, Nancy, Jane, Karen, Martina, Gina, Fiona and Suzy who she already knew.
They were a troublesome gang known throughout the school as 'The Starlets'.

am kinda busy now.... I'll read your wonderful story later. Just knw that I am following•°

nyc story i must confess

D9ty7: am kinda busy now.... I'll read your wonderful story later. Just knw that I am following•°

. Thanks a lot

Cherylll: nyc story i must confess

.
Thanks.

Jessica walked absentmindedly into the class. She had forgotten that Suzy was ill and she didn't look twice at who was seating in her place as she walked over to the desk she usually shared with Suzy and sat down.
She brought out her textbooks and notes and had already started jotting down the teachers words when she decided to tell Suzy about what Vera had offered her. She turned and was shocked.
'Hi, I'm Henry and you must be Jessica ' He said extending his hand. She opened her mouth to talk but no words came out.
She just turned to the board and continued to write while Henry looked at her in amazement. His friends had told him she was pretty hut he didn't think she was this pretty up close.
He had seen her during Basketball practice when she and her Suzy were walking around and had asked his friends about her.

Nice one dear. Kipitup

My dear, I love your story but i have some observations to make.
The first is the fact that, Jessica's school seemed to be for the rich and influencial.
The second is that, you are not doing justice to boarding school. I attended one throughout my high school and I can assure you that a boarding school work with time. From the time you wake up to lightouts. Your days are being programmed. You will hardly have time to play around.
Thirdly, i believe boarding schools have uniforms. Students just don't dress anyhow they want.
Lastly, are you more interested in these students academic work or leisure? Or maybe both?

TiffanyJ: My dear, I love your story but i have some observations to make.
The first is the fact that, Jessica's school seemed to be for the rich and influencial.
The second is that, you are not doing justice to boarding school. I attended one throughout my high school and I can assure you that a boarding school work with time. From the time you wake up to lightouts. Your days are being programmed. You will hardly have time to play around.
Thirdly, i believe boarding schools have uniforms. Students just don't dress anyhow they want.
Lastly, are you more interested in these students academic work or leisure? Or maybe both?

You are becoming just like ur ABU lecturers. Good morning

hassan85: You are becoming just like ur ABU lecturers. Good morning

morning to you too. Lolz, i talk my own, talk your own na. How have you been anyway?

TiffanyJ:
morning to you too. Lolz, i talk my own, talk your own na. How have you been anyway?

I don't talk where my guardians are! am OK.. How's d adaptation process going over dia

hassan85: I don't talk where my guardians are! am OK.. How's d adaptation process going over dia

my dear, accomodation na wahala o. Na sote, come today, come tomorrow these soldiers dy tel me. Might get one tomorrow

TiffanyJ:
my dear, accomodation na wahala o. Na sote, come today, come tomorrow these soldiers dy tel me. Might get one tomorrow

it is well o.. success

.

TiffanyJ: My dear, I love your story but i have some observations to make.
The first is the fact that, Jessica's school seemed to be for the rich and influencial.
The second is that, you are not doing justice to boarding school. I attended one throughout my high school and I can assure you that a boarding school work with time. From the time you wake up to lightouts. Your days are being programmed. You will hardly have time to play around.
Thirdly, i believe boarding schools have uniforms. Students just don't dress anyhow they want.
Lastly, are you more interested in these students academic work or leisure? Or maybe both?

.
I'll take note. In our boarding school we normally have Sundays free after fellowship

Ds yan go make sence,bt wetin tiffany obs na true#

Crowny1: ..
I'll take note. In our boarding school we normally have Sundays free after fellowship

okay then.

The story's not detailed enough. I don't really know how to explain it, but it's lacking a lot. We have no idea how the school is, not even it's name. A description of the school would have been nice. Since your room is probably gonna feature a lot in the story, it would be nice to have a detailed description of it.

You described Vera's room, but it's kinda vague. Pink and classy? Is it a large or small room? Is it classy in the sense that it's got probably a queen size bed, different posters of celebs, electronic gadgets...?

And lastly, you've got to work on your scenes. It's like you just jump from one scene to the other. We're barely absorbing the current scene when you go to the next.

All in all, it's a story people will read only because of its storyline and not really because you're writing it in an appealing manner.

I haven't read any stories from your listed motivators mostly because I'm not into romance, but if you check out someone like royver, you could borrow a thing or too from him.

In summary: try to bring the story alive.

wreckingball: The story's not detailed enough. I don't really know how to explain it, but it's lacking a lot. We have no idea how the school is, not even it's name. A description of the school would have been nice. Since your room is probably gonna feature a lot in the story, it would be nice to have a detailed description of it.

You described Vera's room, but it's kinda vague. Pink and classy? Is it a large or small room? Is it classy in the sense that it's got probably a queen size bed, different posters of celebs, electronic gadgets...?

And lastly, you've got to work on your scenes. It's like you just jump from one scene to the other. We're barely absorbing the current scene when you go to the next.

All in all, it's a story people will read only because of its storyline and not really because you're writing it in an appealing manner.

I haven't read any stories from your listed motivators mostly because I'm not into romance, but if you check out someone like royver, you could borrow a thing or too from him.

In summary: try to bring the story alive.

.
Got it

Jessica practically raced into her room after Td class. She jumped into her bed and looked at her watch. 8:43am. 7 mins till Literature class. She looked around. Suzy's bed was empty. The room was painted yellow and there was one window. There were two beds and Jessica's was the one close to the window while Suzy's faced the wall. There was a wardrobe just a bit behind the door and the floor was tiled.
She looked at her watch again. 8:45am. Suzanne walked in and sat beside her. 'I thought you were sick' Jessica said looking at her in amazement. Earlier she had been vomiting and complaining of body pains. 'We were having TD as first subject and I haven't even started my construction. So you expect me to go to class so that he will use me as scapegoat abi? Thank you.' Suzy said rolling her eyes. 'So you mean all that drama was fake?'. Jessica said unable to believe what she had just heard.
'Yep.' Suzy said and got up. Jessica got up to and put her Literature books together. 'Wait is it true what Vera told me.' Suzy said suddenly smiling mischievously. 'What did Vera tell you?' Jessica asked immediately. 'She told me that you sat down with Henry and you just ignored him throughout lecture.' Suzy said putting her own books together. 'Yes.' Jessica said trying to hold back the blush that was threatening to come to her cheeks.
'Are you crazy?' Suzy exclaimed as they walked out and she shut the door behind them. 'No I'm not. I'm just not into guys. Besides weren't you the one that told me not to waste my time on him'. Jessica said staring at her accusingly.
Suzy just sighed and shook her head. The Pink top and Navy blue skirt that was the girls uniform fit them perfectly. Jessica looked at her watch again. 8:48am. Just 2 mins till Literature. She began a marathon with Suzy at her heels.

Just as they got close to the class, She recognized the person at the door. She stopped just in time and held onto the two sides of the door to steady herself. But then Suzy who had been following her closely didn't have the time to stop and she bumped into her pushing her towards him. She nearly fell but he caught her. Their eyes met for a few seconds before she turned her face away muttering something that sounded like an apology while glaring at a giggling Suzy.
She stood up, dusted her skirt and gave Suzy one last glare before she moved to an empty seat and sat down. Suzy sat down beside her and said with a mischievous smile. 'Don't glare at me like that Jessy. I saw the look in both of your eyes when he caught you. So you have to stop denying that you don't like him.'
It turned out the English teacher was sick and so could not make it for lessons. 'So much for all the trouble' Jessica muttered and walked out of the class slowly lest she bump into him again.
' Henry take am easy oh' his friends teased as they changed into their Basketball jerseys to practice a little before the game. 'Who be the chick now?' his friend Kevin asked as they passed the ball around. ' Na one Jessica of a girl. But sha the girl make sense die.' Henry said as they burst into laughter.