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A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men - Islam for Muslims - Nairaland

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A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by maclatunji: 12:52am On Sep 24, 2014
I received a request to create this thread from a Muslima that emailed me. She wanted this thread to be created in order to "talk about our muslim sisters dating non muslims, marrying them and raising children in this conflicting situation.What are the implications for the muslim ummah and how we can address the situation?"

The floor is open for Muslim responses to this issue.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by greetings(f): 1:07am On Sep 24, 2014
This is going to be a very interesting topic.

for me, way forward is simple, avoid marrying a non muslim. Problem solved.

will elaborate insha Allah.

Modified .......

Being a muslim woman means submitting to Allahs will first. His love should come first in your heart, by so doing you choose a spouse that you know deep in your heart Allah is pleased with.

Apart from this,i believe that if you are a true and practicing muslimah, you would find it hard to date, not to talk of marrying a non muslim. And do not enter into such relationships with something like "i can change him". Its a trap from shaytan.

If you do marry a non muslim, what it means is that ;

One, you gradually lose your spirituality and closeness to Allah. For Gods sake, the man that is supposed to wake u up for fajr is snoozing it away. The man that is meant to take you to usrah is on his way to church service. The man that is supposed to stop you from doing haram things doesn't even know what that means to begin with.

Two, you have conflicting interest, he doesn't understand your islam like you do. For instant, you wake up in the morning and he says its action time, meanwhile its fajr time. He cannot understand why you would choose some morning exercise over him. It can gradually cause a rift.

Three, you just might eventually have to drop your islam for him. Trust me, he will tell you, you can practice your deen, marry you and when you drop baby number one, he or his family members will tell you, you have to change or......... you can guess the remaining. Atlast, you either lose your marriage or your deen.

Lastly and most dangerously, your children and generations become confused beings, is it mummy or daddys religion? Sometimes they become so confused they choose to become atheists. Cause they cant understand; if both your religion is better why did you marry each other. Trust me they will ridicule the both religion in the long run.

My question with all these points is, so whats the point?


I hope from all my implicating points above, i have been able to convince and not confuse you that the only solution is to avoid at all cost marrying a non muslim.

Thank you.

8 Likes

Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by naturally: 2:11am On Sep 24, 2014
Nowadays love is blind
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Nobody: 2:39am On Sep 24, 2014
My wife was a Christian when we first started, in fact she was a SU, don't know if you guys understand the term and that was about two dozen years ago but Alihamdullilahi she is a practising Muslima now.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Empiree: 3:05am On Sep 24, 2014
In this video, Dr. Bilal Philips explains dilemma of Muslim men in western hemisphere, cons . He touches Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men as well. Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7boA3baF2dg&index=66&list=WL
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Empiree: 3:07am On Sep 24, 2014
bobasuo1: My wife was a Christian when we first started, in fact she was a SU, don't know if you guys understand the term and that was about two dozen years ago but Alihamdullilahi she is a practicing Muslima now.
Masha'llah!!! was it is hard to go through the ordeal?
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Nobody: 8:35am On Sep 24, 2014
Empiree: Masha'llah!!! was it is hard to go through the ordeal?
it was like hell, I can never advice anyone to go through it, though with love and prayer, one could scale through just like I did but don't even think about it
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by maclatunji: 8:45am On Sep 24, 2014
bobasuo1: My wife was a Christian when we first started, in fact she was a SU, don't know if you guys understand the term and that was about two dozen years ago but Alihamdullilahi she is a practising Muslima now.

Your input is noted. However, this discussion is about the reverse of your case.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by baba11(m): 9:19am On Sep 24, 2014
..Firstly,we need to ask:Who is her friends?Who does she love to be associated to??Which associations does she associated toetc...if the above questions' answers are muslims,she is bounded to marry muslims otherwise she'll marry christians..to change this trends,we have to make them believe in US..also,they need to improve on their faith positively!!!..if they marry christians,who'll marry our muslims brothers...remember,a worst muslim is much better than a best kufr..
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by AbuuUthaymeen(m): 9:34am On Sep 24, 2014
This issue as it seem is something which is trending and some people who ended marrying each other regretted the outcome,this kind of relationship is one built on disobedience to the rule of Allah and the directives of his messenger pbuh and whatever action a Muslim gets involved in while disobeying the command of Allah the future of such action can be "predicted" because it is incumbent upon all muslims that he/she must make it a duty to put Allah first and seek his direction or guidance on it ,but a situation where the reverse is the case is something which is terrible it pains me in the heart whenever I see muslimahs dating non-muslims and claiming it is love they have for them a love which is not because of Allah!
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by MacCantStopMe: 10:19am On Sep 24, 2014
Thank you, usermane, for your insight. I will share my personal experience


I hope I am allowed to share my experience in this topic.



I am a non-muslim who was almost engaged to a muslim lady. There are many reasons why a muslim lady will go outside her religion to find a non-muslim partner



1) A perception of freedom
Some muslim men are a bit patriarchal and controllling because of their religion. My muslim partner is a fashion designer and she was discouraged by her fellow muslims (especially the males). With fashion, you have to be a bit edgy and also there are a lot of gays in her profession. She was good at it. I supported her even though I have zero interest in the runway.
My muslim girlfriend is a devout muslim. She prayed and fasted but people felt that she was not a "real muslim" because she worked with gays and scantily dressed women at times. She is not gay and she has never worn short sleeved dress or scanty dress since I have known her


2) Western/Secular influence
My muslim girlfriend is a women's right and human rights advocate. She believed in freedom of religion and association. She lived and worked in London with hindus, buddhists, sikhs and christians- why could she not be with any of them? Some have been her best friends since childhood. She also never believed that a muslim woman must wear hijab or burkha. She always wore long sleeved dresses. She dressed conservatively but never wore the hijab/burkha.



It is not that all muslim men are controlling. There are many good muslim men. It is just that when a woman unfortunately grows with some muslim men who try to suppress them, they look for love without suppression elsewhere

Also, some women are naturally inquisitive. I have had a muslima consistently question me about my atheism.




So, in summary, it is only a minority of muslim women that date outside their religion and so, please do not take it as if I am saying that muslim men generally need to be better. I am just talking about some small issue


Salaam
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Empiree: 11:42am On Sep 24, 2014
Allah wanted you together.
bobasuo1: it was like hell, I can never advice anyone to go through it, though with love and prayer, one could scale through just like I did but don't even think about it
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Empiree: 11:50am On Sep 24, 2014
Stop sweet-talking things. You are only seeking discord among muslims
MacCantStopMe: Thank you, usermane, for your insight. I will share my personal experience


I hope I am allowed to share my experience in this topic.



I am a non-muslim who was almost engaged to a muslim lady. There are many reasons why a muslim lady will go outside her religion to find a non-muslim partner



1) A perception of freedom
Some muslim men are a bit patriarchal and controllling because of their religion. My muslim partner is a fashion designer and she was discouraged by her fellow muslims (especially the males). With fashion, you have to be a bit edgy and also there are a lot of gays in her profession. She was good at it. I supported her even though I have zero interest in the runway.
My muslim girlfriend is a devout muslim. She prayed and fasted but people felt that she was not a "real muslim" because she worked with gays and scantily dressed women at times. She is not gay and she has never worn short sleeved dress or scanty dress since I have known her


2) Western/Secular influence
My muslim girlfriend is a women's right and human rights advocate. She believed in freedom of religion and association. She lived and worked in London with hindus, buddhists, sikhs and christians- why could she not be with any of them? Some have been her best friends since childhood. She also never believed that a muslim woman must wear hijab or burkha. She always wore long sleeved dresses. She dressed conservatively but never wore the hijab/burkha.



It is not that all muslim men are controlling. There are many good muslim men. It is just that when a woman unfortunately grows with some muslim men who try to suppress them, they look for love without suppression elsewhere

Also, some women are naturally inquisitive. I have had a muslima consistently question me about my atheism.




So, in summary, it is only a minority of muslim women that date outside their religion and so, please do not take it as if I am saying that muslim men generally need to be better. I am just talking about some small issue


Salaam
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by greetings(f): 4:51pm On Sep 24, 2014
Empiree: Stop sweet-talking things. You are only seeking discord among muslims

I don't believe he is sweet talking, or seeking discord among muslims.
I believe he is simply stating his opinion based on his experience.

Meanwhile, i do believe that some muslimahs do it on purpose, to avoid some religious obligations or whatever their reasons are. I knew one that usually says she has to marry a non muslim o, cause she cant fast. So you can imagine how something so trivial can instigate this. These happens because of lack of understanding or in some cases lack of acceptance of the religion to begin with.

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Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Empiree: 5:12pm On Sep 24, 2014
trust me sister, I know. I just don't want to give him credit cus this is not his first time. I'm aware of what you said. onus on those ladies doing that.,
greetings:

I don't believe he is sweet talking, or seeking discord among muslims.
I believe he is simply stating his opinion based on his experience.

Meanwhile, i do believe that some muslimahs do it on purpose, to avoid some religious obligations or whatever their reasons are. I knew one that usually says she has to marry a non muslim o, cause she cant fast. So you can imagine how something so trivial can instigate this. These happens because of lack of understanding or in some cases lack of acceptance of the religion to begin with.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by MacCantStopMe: 5:30pm On Sep 24, 2014
greetings:

I don't believe he is sweet talking, or seeking discord among muslims.
I believe he is simply stating his opinion based on his experience.

Meanwhile, i do believe that some muslimahs do it on purpose, to avoid some religious obligations or whatever their reasons are. I knew one that usually says she has to marry a non muslim o, cause she cant fast. So you can imagine how something so trivial can instigate this. These happens because of lack of understanding or in some cases lack of acceptance of the religion to begin with.

Thank you, sister!


He probably shares some distrust towards non-muslims.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by MacCantStopMe: 5:31pm On Sep 24, 2014
baba11: ..Firstly,we need to ask:Who is her friends?Who does she love to be associated to??Which associations does she associated toetc...if the above questions' answers are muslims,she is bounded to marry muslims otherwise she'll marry christians..to change this trends,we have to make them believe in US..also,they need to improve on their faith positively!!!..if they marry christians,who'll marry our muslims brothers...[size=14pt]remember,a worst muslim is much better than a best kufr..[/size]

undecided undecided
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by ayinba1(f): 6:20pm On Sep 24, 2014
baba11: ..Firstly,we need to ask:Who is her friends?Who does she love to be associated to??Which associations does she associated toetc...if the above questions' answers are muslims,she is bounded to marry muslims otherwise she'll marry christians..to change this trends,we have to make them believe in US..also,they need to improve on their faith positively!!!..if they marry christians,who'll marry our muslims brothers...remember,a worst muslim is much better than a best kufr..

A worst muslim is reaalllllyyyyy bad. In fact, he or she is "depressingly bad" Because the muslim should know better. It is not enough to marry a muslim. I have seen way too many muslim couples stray far away from Islam because neither had an understanding of why they were muslims.

Having said that, it is advisable to not marry a non- muslim, be you a male/female. You do not need anyone to tell you this if you understand why you are a muslim. The journey thus begins with self discovery.

When I was younger in the deen, I would have said differently but now........ oju ti ri!

2 Likes

Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by bintalabi(f): 6:49pm On Sep 24, 2014
Male muslims are allowed to marry female xtian if she agree to accept islam but it's a no go area for female muslims to attempt.

coming back with proof inshaAllah
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by zemaye: 6:51pm On Sep 24, 2014
First and fore most no muslimah that understanding this deen will subscriber to this.
That said I think its ignorance on the part of the lady that can lead to is kind of relationship that is totally forbidden in all forms by Allah.
The case am familiar with during my university days was of a lady,her parents told her 'koro koro' instead of her to bring a Muslim man not from their tribe she should bring other religious believer from the said tribe.......
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by Empiree: 6:55pm On Sep 24, 2014
MacCantStopMe:

Thank you, sister!


He probably shares some distrust towards non-muslims.
nope but some
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by ayinba1(f): 7:06pm On Sep 24, 2014
bintalabi: Male muslims are allowed to marry female xtian if she agree to accept islam but it's a no go area for female muslims to attempt.

coming back with proof inshaAllah

I am waiting for your proof however the Quran verse(s) that prohibits marrying non believers holds true for males and females muslims. The one that allows muslim males to marry Christians and or Jews is silent on the matter for muslimahs. But it does not expressly prohibit muslim women from marrying believers from among the people of the book.

Even with this, did you run out of muslim women/men? If yes, then it's better to marry a believer (people of the book) than to fornicate or be celibate.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by ayinba1(f): 7:08pm On Sep 24, 2014
Done!
You too smiley
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by sallee(f): 7:30pm On Sep 24, 2014
Salam Alaykum, first of all before you think marriage, religion comes first for the sake of the unborn kids, its logical that they eventually get confused on the part to choose. Secondly, we're suppose to marry someone that would increase our Iman. Its easier when the man is a Muslim and not vice versa because the woman can't impose her religion on her husband in marriage or she'll be seen as the one controlling him...its easier for her to influence the kids.I don't buy the idea of inter-religious dating. LOVE is what u create in your mind, its you finding something special about the opposite s.ex.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by zemaye: 7:36pm On Sep 24, 2014
ayinba1:

.
You can as well take down the quote as I have modified the post so this topic does not get reduced to state and tribal 'ish'.
Jazakillah.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by ayinba1(f): 8:13pm On Sep 24, 2014
sallee: Salam Alaykum, first of all before you think marriage, religion comes first for the sake of the unborn kids, its logical that they eventually get confused on the part to choose. Secondly, we're suppose to marry someone that would increase our Iman. Its easier when the man is a Muslim and not vice versa because the woman can't impose her religion on her husband in marriage or she'll be seen as the one controlling him...its easier for her to influence the kids.I don't buy the idea of inter-religious dating. LOVE is what u create in your mind, its you finding something special about the opposite s.ex.

I apologize if I digress. It is NOT easy even if the man is the muslim and the woman non muslim. We have seen way too many of these cases. The mother is the closest influence to the children. The earlier part of your post is stronger though, religion coming first.

Do you know how these non muslims strategize to bring you, the muslim, into their fold? Be it a friend, classmate or spouse? I think the Quran lays it out.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by tpia1: 8:24pm On Sep 24, 2014
zemaye: First and fore most no muslimah that understanding this deen will subscriber to this.
That said I think its ignorance on the part of the lady that can lead to is kind of relationship that is totally forbidden in all forms by Allah.
The case am familiar with during my university days was of a lady,her parents told her 'koro koro' instead of her to bring a Muslim man not from their tribe she should bring other religious believer from the said tribe.......


Its usually other tribes who do this.
Re: A Discussion On Muslim Women Marrying Non-muslim Men by baba11(m): 10:25pm On Sep 24, 2014
ayinba1:

A worst muslim is reaalllllyyyyy bad. In fact, he or she is "depressingly bad" Because the muslim should know better. It is not enough to marry a muslim. I have seen way too many muslim couples stray far away from Islam because neither had an understanding of why they were muslims.

Having said that, it is advisable to not marry a non- muslim, be you a male/female. You do not need anyone to tell you this if you understand why you are a muslim. The journey thus begins with self discovery.

When I was younger in the deen, I would have said differently but now........ oju ti ri!
..share your experience,let's learn...

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