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What To Do When Kids Talk Back by adonbilivit: 7:08am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Smart-alecky comments, sass, and disrespectful gestures, such as eye rolls and lip smacks, seem to be the norm when children talk back to you nowadays. Try these tips to nip your child's bold and brash behavior in the bud. KEEP YOUR COMPOSURE You don't have to put up with your child talking back, but be careful about how you react, because your response can either improve or weaken your relationship with your child. Be too lenient, and the cheekiness could lead to more worrisome behavior. Be too strict, and your child could feel that he cant express himself, which will lead to a communication shutdown. Your child is probably feeling some intense emotions already, so if you don't keep your reaction as mild as possible, a nasty power struggle might ensue. Yelling, making threats, or screaming "How dare you? I'm your mother!" will only escalate the situation. It's best to hold your tongue, take some deep breaths, count to 10 (or 20), and ask yourself if what you're about to say will help or hurt the situation. If you still feel yourself losing control, or if your child has already lost control, keep calm and say that you will continue the conversation later when both of you have cooled down. Then walk away to another area of the house. If the two of you are in public, don't engage in a war or words. Instead, tell her that the conversation is on pause until you get in the car or make it home FIND THE ROOT CAUSE Back talk isn't always a true expression of your child's feelings, and the reason might be rooted in something unrelated to you. Maybe your son is having problems with a friend in school and taking it out on you because he feels you're a safe target. Or perhaps he's stressed about homework and screaming at you to get out of his room. If this happens, remain calm and collected, and ask questions to get to the root of the problem. ("Did something happen today at school?" or "Did you say that because you need some time alone?" Figuring out the reason behind the snappy comeback can make it easier to understand and resolve the issue. EXPLAIN WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE When your usually docile child says ?Get off my back!? in response to a request, she might be repeating something she?s heard and not realize she's being rude. "Children sometimes hear their friends talking back, and they want to be like them, so they may imitate the language," says Hannah Chow-Johnson, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine. So be explicit about what is and isn't okay. Tell her it's fine to say that she's angry or tired, for instance, or that she doesn't feel like talking at the moment. But name-calling, yelling, or telling you to go away is unacceptable. CARRY OUT CONSEQUENCES Once you discuss which behaviors and phrases are inappropriate, let your child know there will be consequences if he crosses the line. Determine what these consequences will be -- losing certain privileges (video-game sessions, TV time, etc.), getting additional chores, or going to bed earlier -- and let him know ahead of time so he won't be caught by surprise when he's punished. Most important, follow through. Being consistent and sticking to the rules is the only way to show you mean business MODEL YOUR EXPECTATIONS It's very important that you model the behavior you expect from your child. Children learn by imitating what they see, especially at home, says Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., a family psychologist in Houston. If your 5-year-old overhears you using a snarky tone when speaking to your spouse or your mother-in- law, she will learn it's okay to treat others (including you) in a similar manner. So make sure you speak and treat others (family, friends, neighbors, and strangers) respectfully, even when you think your kid isn't around (little ears often hear everything). In addition, examine your own interactions with her. "If you see a pattern of back talk developing with your child, sometimes the best thing to do is grab your phone and record audio," says Erik A. Fisher, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of The Art of Empowered Parenting: The Manual You Wish Your Kids Came With. You don't have to let your kid know -- simply glance at the phone when your kid's talking back and hit the record button. The recording gives you a chance to listen to your child's tone as well as your own. Many times when parents listen, they realize that they used the same sarcastic or disrespectful tone as their child, which is how the child learned it, says Dr. Fisher. PRAISE ATTENTION Pay extra attention when your child is exhibiting positive behaviors instead of negative ones. When your kid talks and expresses herself in a respectful manner, show your approval. Tell her, "I really like the way you waited your turn to speak" or "You did a really good job explaining yourself without raising your voice." This will make her feel good and help her realize that Mom and Dad also notice good things. The best part: She'll talk back less often! source: http://www.parents.com/kids/problems/rebel/kids-talk-back/ |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by JeffreyJamez(m): 7:14am On Sep 25, 2014 |
All this one na long story.....one whip of my dad's four mouthed koboko will give you instant results!! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by Nobody: 7:27am On Sep 25, 2014 |
JeffreyJamez: All this one na long story.....one whip of my dad's four mouthed koboko will give you instant results!!lol, he forgot to tell us the condition of the post. The post is not applicable to Africans. 2 Likes |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by eleojo23: 7:27am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Op, when kids talk back?You simply shout adonbilivit! then take whatever action you deem fit. On a more serious note, you can talk to the kid and try to sort things out. Let him understand that it's not appropriate to talk back at an older person. Then you try to find out and address what is making him do that. |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by JeffreyJamez(m): 7:30am On Sep 25, 2014 |
urhoboman: lol, he forgot to tell us the condition of the post. At all!! |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by Nobody: 7:48am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Sadly most people here don't have communication skills they prefer the easy way out beating and flogging the kids into silence. The kid also learns to bottle it up, look for someone he or she is stronger than and pour their own frustration on with more violence. The circle continues. A kid talks back,what is he saying? Why is he or she saying it? Is something frustrating him or is he or she just being rude. Listen to what the kid has to say and if it is said rudely punish the child and explain that though he has a message you hear the manner of approach was rude and disrespectful. In this age we should learn to be creative, stop the bullying and be more creative in parenting. Teach kids good communication skills use their head to settle conflicts not their fists |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by adonbilivit: 8:09am On Sep 25, 2014 |
urhoboman: lol, he forgot to tell us the condition of the post.it is. the rod isnt enough |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by adonbilivit: 8:12am On Sep 25, 2014 |
aisha2: Sadly most people here don't have communication skills they prefer the easy way out beating and flogging the kids into silence.true |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by ifyalways(f): 10:57am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Kids talking back at parents rudely? That's the height of failed parenting IMO. I guess smoking a joint would help, lol, as most parents that get to that levels with their kids are junkies anyways. Not my levels oo. |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by Nobody: 11:55am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Land the pikin beta slap! |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by bebe2(f): 12:09pm On Sep 25, 2014 |
ifyalways: Kids talking back at parents rudely? That's the height of failed parenting IMO. No be sooo oh Kids like to express themselves. Parents aint always right. My 8yr is one of those kids that wont let issues die until they are resolved. I used to think he was rude but now am used to his personality. So I often say, u will have ur turn, just let me finish. And dat helps but it takes time to deal with little incidents dat a quick slap wud have sorted but his happier dat way. |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by crackhaus: 12:14pm On Sep 25, 2014 |
Some people are of the opinion that 'It is better to be feared than respected/loved'. That this saying should be extended to children is left up to the parent and his/her style of parenting. There are situations however where fear also brings out some respect in the sense that; If for example a parent tells a child not to play with the TV remote, the child fearing a repeat of what happened the last time he/she played with it, automatically respects that warning and stays away from the remote. |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by ifyalways(f): 12:23pm On Sep 25, 2014 |
bebe2:I might not get you very well but there is a huge difference between expressing oneself and talking back rudely. Anyways, to each his/her own, it's all good. |
Re: What To Do When Kids Talk Back by bebe2(f): 12:42pm On Sep 25, 2014 |
ifyalways: Yeah , u r right. But trying to express or explain ones self cud be misconstrued as talk back. Like wen I was younger, my elder btother will say its discipline. He wants to beat me and am trying to explain why I did wat I did but all he will keep saying "just shut up and give me ur hand . Ohhh u r arguing with me? Are we mates? Bla Bla bla bla " |
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