Welcome to class. At the end of today’s class, we would have succeeded in making you a proper Lagosian in *EIGHT* easy steps. Pay attention to every detail and start implementing the lesson once you are done reading. Class begins now!

You want to be a Lagosian? It is very easy. Here is how…

YOU MUST LOVE OWAMBE

Proper Lagosians love Owambe; that is partying in queen’s language. For you to become one of us, you must love to party every other Saturday.
Partying in Lagos comes with special dress code. We call it Aso Ebi. For you to enjoy all the freebies that come with Owambe, you must wear the
recommended Aso ebi; otherwise, you will watch food and drinks exchange hands over your head.

YOU MUST BE LOUD ENOUGH

No man receives Lagos baptism and remains the same. Lie! Lie! (That’s what we scream in Lagos when we doubt something). By the time you are
through with the madness on Lagos roads, the garages, bus stops and markets (whether roadside or major ones); you would have lost your cool.
So get ready to become loud; it is one of the prerequisites to becoming a Lagosian.

YOU MUST BE GOOD AT TELLING STORIES ABOUT TRAFFIC

Every lie sorry excuse you will have to give in Lagos must be built around traffic. That way, you are easily forgiven or at least excused for turning up late. Remember to learn plenty other stories you can tell about traffic in Lagos. Any other reasons for running late to meeting and work are not tenable; they must be built around traffic. Get creative.

YOU MUST RESPECT/REGARD NOBODY EXCEPT YOUR EMPLOYER AND PASTOR/IMAM

Lagosians are no respecter of persons; well, except for their employers and Pastors/Imams. Or haven’t you heard “after all no be you dey feed
me” before? Yes, that’s the message we try to pass across to you; after all, if you don’t contribute to the wellbeing of my stomach and soul, why should I respect you?

YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE EKO O NIBAJE

Say after me, Eko O nibaje, again?! Learn how to pronounce that phrase like a typical Lagosian would. You can enlist the help of your neighbour in learning that phrase. However, make sure your neighbour is Yoruba preferably the Ibadan stock. They can twist their tongue to bring out the beauty in that phrase.

YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO MIND YOUR BUSINESS

In Lagos, it is not strange not to know the name of your neighbour or what he does for a living. It is called Minding your Business. The State government tried to break this age long tradition by introducing Know your Neighbour Project. How far the project has gone is a matter of
conjecture. To be a proper Lagosian, you may need to join other Lagosians in the business of Minding your Business.

YOU MUST BE VERY COMFORTABLE WITH EATING AT MAMA PUT

When you see people eating at every corner of the streets in Lagos, don’t call it an eyesore. It is called having fun. You have to learn how to eat in those places. Otherwise you are not qualified to be called a proper Lagosian

GET READY TO FIGHT OR AT LEAST SPEAK GRAMMAR IN TRAFFIC

A typical Lagosian fights or at least exchanges hot words in traffic once in a while. It is a common sight. Get ready, speaking grammar or fighting is a trait you will acquire nilly-willy.

LOL... So True Though.
My Diction Has Improved Dramatically With Just 72 Hours In Ikeja Traffic.

♈όϋ are so on point OP!
Getting ready to fight or speak big big grammar got me laughing! If ♈όϋ want to learn grammar ? Lagos is Ūя̲̅ one stop-place!
....no gentle man for Lagos, unless ♈όϋ want make them use ♈όϋ play table tennis..
....in fela's voice***i no be gentleman at all, I be Africa man original!
....eko oni baje Oº°˚˚°ºo. , o baje ti!