These days, we’re bombarded with mixed messages about how to parent “the right way.” It’s easy to buy into advice from the media, relatives, and other parents and start to worry that we’re doing something wrong. Part of the reason this is happening is because adults, just like kids, are over-stimulated. We’re more wired and connected, which means we’re receiving more outside input than ever before. We have easy access to advice (good and bad) on the web, to information about how other parents are doing things, and to each other through social networking sites.

This means we’re also more actively comparing ourselves to others—and getting more judgment and criticism from others as a result. We’re on an informational and emotional overload, which is causing many, many parents to feel overwhelmed and confused.

One of the most important ways to clear through all the clutter of advice, guilt and comparisons to others is to understand what you are and aren't responsible for when it comes to raising your child.

What you are not responsible for:

Making sure your kids are always happy:
Don’t get this twisted—it’s good for your kids to be happy overall. But that means there will be plenty of times, especially when you’re parenting responsibly, that your kids will be furious with you when you set limits or give them a consequence. That’s part of your job description as the executive officer—not to make decisions based on what your kids will like, tolerate, or be okay with, but to make the decisions that are best for them and your family business, then follow through.


Getting the approval of others.
Rationally, you do not need other adults in your life to tell you that you are doing the right thing. Parenting is not a popularity contest in your family or in your community. Sure, it feels great when other adults, such as your child’s teachers, tell you your child is doing something well, but it’s not necessary in order for you to run your family business well.


Controlling your children.
Your children are not puppets and you are not a puppeteer. There is just no logical way that you can control every move your child makes or everything your child says, especially outside of your home. Children have their own free will and will act on their own accord—and often in self-interest. As James Lehman says, “You can lead a horse to water, and you can’t make them drink—but you can make them thirsty.”


Doing for your children what they are capable of doing for themselves.
Many, many times our children will ask us to do something for them that we know they are capable of doing on their own. Your child of say 8 years and above might not make his bed perfectly the first time, but practice (and doing it imperfectly several times) is what he needs in order to get to the point where he or she can do it on their own. I’m not saying to stop preparing breakfast for your child once she’s old enough to pour her own cereal, or to never do anything to help your kids out in a pinch. What I am saying is to let your kids struggle sometimes and try your best to balance the responsibility. Typing a child’s paper for him because you type faster and it’s getting close to bedtime is not striking a balance.

You do not have to be Superman, Wonder Woman, Mike Brady, or June Cleaver.
These are all fictional characters that seem to do it all and do it perfectly, right? You’re not one of them, nor should you strive to be. Rather than focusing on addressing every behavior issue or adhering to a perfect schedule each day, try to hit the important targets and realize that you might have to let some smaller things go each day. We call this picking your battles.

Above all else, remember that your child is unique and you know them better than anyone else on the planet. You will always get input, no matter how obvious or subtle, from the world around you as to how you should parent your child. You, however, are the expert on your child and get to make your own decisions about how to parent them in a way that teaches them to be independent and accountable while also being loving and respectful of your child and their needs.

Noted

noted...

Though we should be a leader not a boss in the family. I agree there are things parents should not compromised. Bringing up children is not an all sentimental affairs. Reality and objectivity should guide our actions.