Toby77:
Like I have said above, the issue isn't a problem with me since the parents are cool with it. It's most likely an arranged marriage situation that her parents approve off, so that's not the issue.
she's not an adult, she's still naive and inexperienced. Why would a parent put his own child in a position where she's indebted to any man? she hasn't even gone to Uni sef...If the girl had graduated from University then made the decision on her own that's a different case. The parents hold more responsibity here for outsourcing and putting their child at the mercy of this helper/Sponsor.

~ What's the legal age for voting in Nigeria?

~ At what point does a person whose committed a crime in Nigeria, become eligible to be tried in court for it as an adult?

~ At what age in Nigeria is an individual allowed to open and run a sole account in their name?

~ Or become eligible to officially own a car and hold a valid driver's license?

Are the above listed not achieveable at age 19? So why should the decision to travel and work abroad be any different?

If you're that concerned about her moral integrity, I think you'll find that her parents gave up that right from the moment they saw fit that this man should take over their parental obligations - which he seems to be doing just fine.

He is older, wiser, seen and experienced life, is financially comfortable and runs his own business. If he now needs a wife to complete the picture, then what's wrong with that.

Do you not think he is better placed to look after her emotionally and financially than your average twenty-something year old male, still wet behind the ears?

Let's not forget that her life had more or less come to a standstill whilst living with her parents. Ideally, at 19, she ought to be in her third year at Uni, and not sitting at home bone idle, waiting for Manna to snow down from the heavens.

Geez!
U guys can lie o!
That gal is a gonna

Bros, she is gone and gone for good
Get over her if u r lusting after her
And yep,she is still a kid.
In naija context,she is. Can't be able to make a good decision herself cos money is speaking(from rags to riches all of a sudden always has a drastic effect. Check out our elites)

And yep again, that guy didn't tell them his agenda.
U can hardly see a man doing good to a young lady w'out nursing something at d back of his mind. It all depends on his approach. We all know that. Even if he didn't openly declare his intention, u will know he is after something.

But in this case, I forsee a biz arrangement(prostitution).

*sighs*
Non of my biz anyway!

- she could be into prostitution
-she could be sleeping with him
-she could be helping him do illegal activities


Im not saying this simply because the guy is Nigerian, but i have seen many foreigners who come from less privileged homes being used this way.

But u can never know, maybe he genuinely loves her as much as he would love his own daughter, that he would do anything for her.

EfemenaXY:

~ What's the legal age for voting in Nigeria?

~ At what point does a person whose committed a crime in Nigeria, become eligible to be tried in court for it as an adult?

~ At what age in Nigeria is an individual allowed to open and run a sole account in their name?

~ Or become eligible to officially own a car and hold a valid driver's license?

Are the above listed not achieveable at age 19? So why should the decision to travel and work abroad be any different?

If you're that concerned about her moral integrity, I think you'll find that her parents gave up that right from the moment they saw fit that this man should take over their parental obligations - which he seems to be doing just fine.

He is older, wiser, seen and experienced life, is financially comfortable and runs his own business. If he now needs a wife to complete the picture, then what's wrong with that.

Do you not think he is better placed to look after her emotionally and financially than your average twenty-something year old male, still wet behind the ears?

Let's not forget that her life had more or less come to a standstill whilst living with her parents. Ideally, at 19, she ought to be in her third year at Uni, and not sitting at home bone idle, waiting for Manna to snow down from the heavens.

then why not just come and marry her straight instead of the merry go round of trying to help

Toby77:

I mean she's not yet properly mature to make this kind of life decisions on her own. It's the parents that should be blamed for placing her in a situation where she owes her life to a 'so called wealthy business owner'. the best possible outcome is if the man is a genuinely upright man and fears the Lord truly, otherwise it's not the best. This is what poverty causes, why place the training of your kids on another man because he has the money, thereby mortgaging the young girl as an investment hoping it all turns right.

Were you secretly planning on marrying her?

If yes, then I can understand where all this angst is coming from.

Thank u my dear mondisweet
South africa of all places
After italy for naija gals, na dia!
There is nothing legal about what she has gone to do.

I knew of this kind of arrangement way back in school.
And yep they always employ d service of minors(age btw 19 and 23).
They can't go for 18 and below cos of the law catching up with them else they will take from that age bracket.

Naija film don even act am. Can't remember d name again.

Donxavier:

then why not just come and marry her straight instead of the merry go round of trying to help

Er...perhaps because he wants her to mature a bit more? And to decide when he does finally propose if that's what she really wants? (Freedom of choice). And in the meantime help her better her life?

carefreewannabe:

Are you ok with this classification?

Of cus yes.....

I can't wait for my daughter to turn 18 sef so I can ship her off to uni and throw her out of my house so I can walk around the house naked

r231:

Of cus yes.....

I can't wait for my daughter to turn 18 sef so I can ship her off to uni and throw her out of my house so I can walk around the house naked

If that's your concern, I recommend a boarding school at the age of 12.

Toby77:

I mean she's not yet properly mature to make this kind of life decisions on her own. It's the parents that should be blamed for placing her in a situation where she owes her life to a 'so called wealthy business owner'. the best possible outcome is if the man is a genuinely upright man and fears the Lord truly, otherwise it's not the best. This is what poverty causes, why place the training of your kids on another man because he has the money, thereby mortgaging the young girl as an investment hoping it all turns right.

The question is......how do you know he is not going this good deed genuinely?

carefreewannabe:

If that's your concern, I recommend a boarding school at the age of 12.

She is in boarding alrdy.....but I am still not free yet

I want total freedom

Donxavier:

Offcourse not, this just looks like a classic case of wife grooming

Prove it!

r231:

She is in boarding alrdy.....but I am still not free yet

I want total freedom

You can marry her off when she is 16.

EfemenaXY:

Er...perhaps because he wants her to mature a bit more? And to decide when he does finally propose if that's what she really wants? (Freedom of choice). And in the meantime help her better her life?

Oh...Pluzzzeeee
Freedom of what you say? after already ensuring she logically has no choice in the matter ...How can she possibly refuse any of his offers? He made her. I think that's one of the growse of the OP that why would the parents abdicate their responsibility because of an opportunity.

it's obvious the man wants a wife. He should have just come up straight about it he would have still got what he wanted afterall he's got the money and Money is Power

carefreewannabe:

You can marry her off when she is 16.

Sure....to a dead man

Me wanting her to learn about life without me doesn't mean I want her to go slaving for some man outside of the country

Donxavier:



Oh...Pluzzzeeee
Freedom of what you say? after already ensuring she logically has no choice in the matter ...How can she possibly refuse any of his offers? He made her. I think that's one of the growse of the OP that why would the parents abdicate their responsibility because of an opportunity.

it's obvious the man wants a wife. He should have just come up straight about it he would have still got what he wanted afterall he's got the money and Money is Power

Is she chained and held prisioner in his home? Why can't she refuse any of his offers if she isn't happy with the arrangement? Would she be the first to do so? Is it unheard of for a woman to say "No"?

I feel the OP has a crush on the girl and its difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that the poor girl is gone for good

r231:

Sure....to a dead man

Me wanting her to learn about life without me doesn't mean I want her to go slaving for some man outside of the country

I was joking.

I wouldn't want my daughter to leave with a man much older at 19 either but the family's decision is not my business. I see no reason to judge them.

EfemenaXY:

Is she chained and held prisioner in his home? Why can't she refuse any of his offers if she isn'thappy with the arrangement? Would she ne the first to do so? Is it unheard of for a woman to say "No"?

You are playing devil's advocate right .....I hear you. You must be the female Coogar

Would you allow your daughter such?

carefreewannabe:

I was joking.

I wouldn't want my daughter to leave with a man much older at 19 either but the family's decision is not my business. I see no reason to judge them.

See you getting me wrong.

Just because 18 is legal age doesn't mean at that age they can move to a mans house but then again it depends on the upbringing

Donxavier:

You are playing devil's advocate right .....I hear you. You must be the female Coogar

Would you allow your daughter such?

Each to their own.......

That's why I work day and night so no one can offer me bull crap like this

r231:

See you getting me wrong.

Just because 18 is legal age doesn't mean at that age they can move to a mans house but then again it depends on the upbringing

I agree with you but the girl's family made their own decision and this is their business.
The girl wasn't forced, was she?

carefreewannabe:

I agree with you but the girl's family made their own decision and this is their business.
The girl wasn't forced, was she?

Not forced o but I think the OP has hidden agenda for the chick and they shipped her off to SA

carefreewannabe:

I was joking.

I wouldn't want my daughter to leave with a man much older at 19 either but the family's decision is not my business. I see no reason to judge them.

This is the attitude that allows and fosters an atmosphere of impunity in this country, and am not just talking about this incident but in the pscyche of African countries were there is no openness,forthrightness and lack of accountability.

Nobody is judging anybody, A decision has be made, my rants here won't change anything. I don't even want to change anything. the Lady has already chosen her course and is probably enjoying life in SA

but this doesn't mean we can't debate the merits or demerits of such case. This is an online forum for godsakes and it's to seek perspective on Life issues. Reading thru people's comments I have been able to expand my horizon, see how other people think and I am better off for it.

It's not my business to try and change other people, but it's my own business to learn from life situation's and be better for it.

This experience has taught me that If I have kids I can never forgo my parental obligation to bring my own children up in the way I see fit regardless of my status

Donxavier:

You are playing devil's advocate right .....I hear you. You must be the female Coogar

Would you allow your daughter such?

I've been expecting that question from you.

No, I wouldn't allow that happen to my daughter, because at nineteen, she would still be in full time education paid fully by her parents. Her life would very much be on course. The dynamics will be so different to the scenario painted by @op.

Let's face facts here. This girl's family had reached the end of the road as far as their daughter is concerned, hence them welcoming a third party to take up the reins of parental responsibility from them.

r231:

Each to their own.......

That's why I work day and night so no one can offer me bull crap like this

Exactly my point bros na poverty dey cause this kind thing I swear...

r231:

Not forced o but I think the OP has hidden agenda for the chick and they shipped her off to SA

Even if he has an hidden agenda, can't you think of the girl in question. Nigerian's and always diverting from the real issues lol. It's irrelevant the OPs feelings, was it an appropriate decision?

EfemenaXY:

I've been expecting that question from you.

No, I wouldn't allow that happen to my daughter, because at nineteen, she would still be in full time education paid fully by her parents. Her life would very much be on course. The dynamics will be so different to the scenario painted by @op.

Let's face facts here. This girl's family had reached the end of the road as far as their daughter is concerned, hence them welcoming a third party to take up the reins of parental responsibility from them.

So you are a pragmatist ....you favour expediency over the right course of action to take. Are they the first family to be poor..... So if this opportunity didn't come, God cannot open another way

EfemenaXY:

I've been expecting that question from you.

No, I wouldn't allow that happen to my daughter, because at nineteen, she would still be in full time education paid fully by her parents. Her life would very much be on course. The dynamics will be so different to the scenario painted by @op.

Let's face facts here. This girl's family had reached the end of the road as far as their daughter is concerned, hence them welcoming a third party to take up the reins of parental responsibility from them.

Good morning to you too,you are yet to reply in the kitchen.

Oh please!

Who gets anyone a 5 years visa for pros.ti.tu.tion runs? Where in this present world does pros.ti.tu.tion pay that much anyways now? Why do Nigerians always ASSUME the worst in every situation?

So what if the man is grooming her as his wife? if she's from a poor family as the OP claimed, what chances are there she won't marry just for money later in life? Or even go into local pro.sti.tution just so she can help herself?

Tufiakwa!

BTW, OP, are you stalking her and why?

And yes for a 19 years old first time traveller to have gotten a straight 5 years visa, it must have been a legal schooling or working arrangement. Unless she's a special pro.sti.tute for SA's president.

Toby77:
This is the attitude that allows and fosters an atmosphere of impunity in this country, and am not just talking about this incident but in the pscyche of African countries were there is no openness,forthrightness and lack of accountability.
Nobody is judging anybody, A decision has be made, my rants here won't change anything. I don't even want to change anything. the Lady has already chosen her course and is probably enjoying life in SA
but this doesn't mean we can't debate the merits or demerits of such case. This is an online forum for godsakes and it's to seek perspective on Life issues. Reading thru people's comments I have been able to expand my horizon, see how other people think and I am better off for it.
It's not my business to try and change other people, but it's my own business to learn from life situation's and be better for it.
This experience has taught me that If I have kids I can never forgo my parental obligation to bring my own children up in the way I see fit regardless of my status

I don't think it's carefreewannabe's attitude that allows and fosters an atmosphere of impunity in the country. You should be taking this up with the Nigerian government.

If the thieving rulers fail at providing the basics which should include free / affordable education, and jobs for it's citizens to be able to look after themselves with some level of dignity, then it should come as no surprise when some parents decide to make certain choices as demonstrated in this case you've given.

When bad decisions are made at the top, the masses always suffer.